Julius Robotnik! Emptiness In My Core - Blog Posts

Jeanette Winterson, Gut Symmetries

fyi i do not “crush” i experience violent, all-consuming devotion and yearning that leaves me physically ill

Cathy Linh Che, from Go Forget your father//Friedrich Nietzsche// Richey Edwards// // Moss Angel, Girldirt Angelfog// Rainer Maria Rilke, Fragment of an Elegy,// Leila Miccolis, till death do us part.

jaw threatened to flex and twist in the irritation rising from being asked. shame and pride broiled in his chest. through it all julius keeps that smile up, because that's all he's ever known. smile through the agony, the negatives - your feelings and needs and wants don't matter.

"no. everything's fine." what good would telling roman do anyway? as if roman could fix things.

@blckfckinmsk [!!]

· 𓂃 ࣪˖🔪 ˖ ࣪𓂂 . "Why punish someone without reason?"

it was a terribly naive and oddly sentimental statement. one that julius could scarcely comprehend - let alone agree with. he has to bite back the scoff that catches behind teeth. instead, julius flashes a practiced & eased smile.

"if only the world agreed with you, roro. we might be in a better off place." as it stood - being fired from his job, pending acceptance into G.U.N - julius felt a tad, bitter. maybe that was why he had brought up the topic to begin with. of course roman knew none of this: julius saw no point in sharing such developments with roman.

@blckfckinmsk [!!]

· 𓂃 ࣪˖🔪 ˖ ࣪𓂂 . "Why punish someone without reason?"

it was a terribly naive and oddly sentimental statement. one that julius could scarcely comprehend - let alone agree with. he has to bite back the scoff that catches behind teeth. instead, julius flashes a practiced & eased smile.

"if only the world agreed with you, roro. we might be in a better off place." as it stood - being fired from his job, pending acceptance into G.U.N - julius felt a tad, bitter. maybe that was why he had brought up the topic to begin with. of course roman knew none of this: julius saw no point in sharing such developments with roman.

how to get rid of horrible and traumatic mental imagery and memories without literally turning to lethal levels of substance abuse

"unrepentant" is one of my favorite things to be. "don't you feel bad about what you did" no lol

MUN VS. MUSE. How to Play: Compare yourself to your muse. Then tag your mutuals to do the same.

LOW: ○○○○○ | HIGH: ●●●●● Repost, don’t reblog!

NAME. Mun: Wilhelm Muse: Julius

AGE. Mun: 34 Muse: technically immortal/ageless, appears 31ish.

PRONOUNS. Mun: He/They Muse: He/Him

HEIGHT. Mun: 5'2" Muse: 6'3"

RESPONSIBILITY. Mun: ●●●○○ Muse: ○○○○○

SOCIABILITY. Mun: ●○○○○ Muse: ○○○○○

SENSITIVITY. Mun: ●●●●○ Muse: ●●●●●

GENEROSITY. Mun: ●●●○○ Muse: ○○○○○

MODESTY. Mun: ●●●○○ Muse: ○○○○○

KINDNESS. Mun: ●●●○○ Muse: ○○○○○

PHYSICAL STRENGTH. Mun: ○○○○○ Muse: ●●●●●

CARING. Mun: ●●○○○ Muse: ○○○○○

CURIOSITY. Mun: ●●○○○ Muse: ●●●●●

IRRITABILITY. Mun: ●●●●● Muse: ●●●●●

TOUCHINESS. Mun: ●○○○○ Muse: ●●●●○

LAZINESS. Mun: ●●●●● Muse: ●●○○○

ANXIETY. Mun: ●●●●○ Muse: ●●●●●

SELF-DISCIPLINE. Mun: ●●○○○ Muse: ●●●●●

TAGGED BY: @maaskuline !! TAGGING: whoever wants to.

"as can i," he motions with a slight grand sweep of his arm, "& yet here we are."

quiets as he lets the echidna stew on his former question. honestly julius doesn't expect an actual response. at most he figures the echidna will dismiss him or laugh outright in his face. tell him it's none of his business. julius knows it's what he would have done.

colour him surprised when the warrior actually opts for honesty, vulnerability. hmph. he respects that. enough not to mock him. it'd be easy to do, but julius refrains.

"for whatever it is worth to you, i am sorry for your losses. losing a family is one thing, but an entire tribe? i can't begin to fathom that. so while i can't say i completely understand your," he motions to the broken pipe, "peculiar way of dealing with problems. i won't chastise you for it, from this point onward. unless you piss me off."

@drrobctnik xxx

a sputtered clipped laugh punches out of him immediately at the echidna's confession about the 'fixed' phone. ah yes, of course. how stupid of julius to think elsewise.

"you do realize you can stop and think before resorting to brute strength, yes?" how hypocritical of julius to say. especially considering whenever he did lose his composure and his calm, julius would be the first to resort to and praise violent or physical methods. that being said, julius drew the line at trying to 'fix' menial tasks using sheer strength alone. even he wasn't that desperate to resort to such violence. he wasn't some mindless barbarian. "i know you are not that daft, echidna. what is the real reason you want to constantly 'fix' things using only your fists alone? what is it, some nonsense about fear of not being acceptable enough or worthy enough if you're not the strongest of the bunch?"

He fails to see what's funny about malfunctioning devices, particularly those that are the creations of humans- a tribe which the man hails from. Perhaps this is a case of laughing at oneself? Humility doesn't suite the other well. Not even the slightest.

The suggestion is met with a short puff that seems to fuel the trajectory of his gaze as it rolls. Advice. Like he asked for it! "I can think...of better ways to spend the time."

He's adjusting the cuffs of his boxing gloves when his critic based company continues to pry into nothing more than an instinct on his part, but he's annoyed enough by the fact the man probably thinks that's all it boils down to even though he'd blindly agree with his short fused patience. Glove creaking as he squeezes the tension out of one, he shakes his head with the intent of knocking the dreaded quills falling cross his gaze back. "It is all I had. Relied on. Since I lost everything."

A response like rumbling thunder despite how plain of an answer it is. There is nothing more to say about something so clear cut. So he does not.

I didn’t miss that social cue I just thought it was stupid 

they hate me for finding romance in the violent & violence in the romantic. also for the killing

a sputtered clipped laugh punches out of him immediately at the echidna's confession about the 'fixed' phone. ah yes, of course. how stupid of julius to think elsewise.

"you do realize you can stop and think before resorting to brute strength, yes?" how hypocritical of julius to say. especially considering whenever he did lose his composure and his calm, julius would be the first to resort to and praise violent or physical methods.

that being said, julius drew the line at trying to 'fix' menial tasks using sheer strength alone. even he wasn't that desperate to resort to such violence. he wasn't some mindless barbarian.

"i know you are not that daft, echidna. what is the real reason you want to constantly 'fix' things using only your fists alone? what is it, some nonsense about fear of not being acceptable enough or worthy enough if you're not the strongest of the bunch?"

"My actions speak for themselves." What they say is a series of clunking hisses from where he's punched through a steam pipe in order to 'fix' a leak.

he's wordlessly staring at the destroyed pipe. eyebrows pinch together and his gaze narrowed behind sunglasses. seems to be weighing his options on whether he wants to deal with whatever moronic conversation will stem from this.

a heavy weighted sigh that bleeds into his words, sounding deadpanned and tired, "do i want to know what the fuck inspired you to try and fix this instead of calling an actual service."

"My actions speak for themselves." What they say is a series of clunking hisses from where he's punched through a steam pipe in order to 'fix' a leak.

he's wordlessly staring at the destroyed pipe. eyebrows pinch together and his gaze narrowed behind sunglasses. seems to be weighing his options on whether he wants to deal with whatever moronic conversation will stem from this.

a heavy weighted sigh that bleeds into his words, sounding deadpanned and tired, "do i want to know what the fuck inspired you to try and fix this instead of calling an actual service."

"could you at least tell me your name?" (from amy!)

he had never meant to save her, to help her. if anything, his life would be so much easier if he had just left her to perish. he knew of her, by proxy, through sonic and sonic's constant blabbering about his little gaggle of mobian pals. something about an 'amy rose' & it was easy enough to know of her because of that signature hammer that sonic had mentioned too.

so when he'd noted the danger she was in, fatal no doubt, and he moved in order to protect her and shield her from that debris that would've no doubt crushed her? he couldn't answer as to why he'd done so. it had been instinctive, moving without conscious thought. he glanced down at her through those obscuring sunglasses: judging by the dumbfounded look on her face, she had no clue as to who he was. nor the fact that his errant destruction of nearby buildings during his previous battle with sonic, had caused the debris that would've been her death had julius not intervened. sonic was probably still rousing from the beating he'd taken, which is what gave julius time idle enough to just, observe her.

he turned away, about to leave, but she spoke which gave him pause.

"could you at least tell me your name?"

"....." his eyebrows furrowed, a slight frown etched along his facial muscles, how the action also narrowed his eyes. he shouldn't. really should not indulge her small talk. they would become enemies in time, this he knew: inevitable. julius and sonic fought so often, it would be no time at all before all the other mobian gaggle banded together in order to stop his 'evil'. well. he supposed it was evil to them. to himself, he saw death and murder as no great consequence. merely a byproduct, an inevitability born from julius' own disgust at himself. the world. his own cracking and fraying faith in goodness or the inherent kindness humanity strived to have. failed to, most days, from julius' own perspective. or maybe that was just his growing cynicism.

really shouldn't.

"julius robotnik." & without waiting for a response, maybe not being able to stomach her sincere thanks if she might give it, julius swiftly walks away from her. perhaps, in another life, if julius' path had been different, he and sonic and their little mobian gang could've been friends. on the same side.

....hmph.

what false hope.

at how the lankier man mentioned blood being appealing, julius hummed in agreement. "does it turn you on," he holds eye contact as he says it, voice dipping in that thinly veiled lust. "shall i spill more?" chaos energy kisses at his finger tips, sparks of red electricity arcing and dancing deftly across his left hand.

"i did, once." hadn't in years, but julius still remembers how much he had loved putting makeup on, only to have it defiled and smeared during his nights in the clubs. "been debating on whether i should again or not. a darker shade, you say? what colour do you suppose suits me?"

" that's a lot of blood. "

"indeed it is," his face and neck are covered in it. front of his shirt and bits of his jacket are drenched in that blood. "adore your makeup." particularly the lipstick, to say nothing of the accentuation around his eyes. "what brand do you use?"

" that's a lot of blood. "

"indeed it is," his face and neck are covered in it. front of his shirt and bits of his jacket are drenched in that blood. "adore your makeup." particularly the lipstick, to say nothing of the accentuation around his eyes. "what brand do you use?"

im yearning about you and there is nothing you can do about it (threat)

weakling. that word ALONE is enough to cause his irises to explode in a brilliant glow of red, visible even beyond those obscuring sunglasses like headlights on a dark lonely forest road. weakling weakling weakling WEAK-

breathes through it. can feel his composure threatening to fray and snap, but he stubbornly snags those fraying strands and tightens them together. good he keeps that composure because if he hadn't, perhaps the spindash towards him may have taken him out⸻

as it is, julius deftly leaps backwards, but instead of landing on the ground, he's flying. zipped up above the ground that the echidna goes dashing below him. only for julius to aim where the echidna is going to be, and firing a chaos sphere from his right palm, which will no doubt explode upon impact. either injuring the echidna or causing him to veer off course.

regardless, julius is swiftly teleporting next to the echidna and following up with a kick towards him, intent on sending knuckles into the ground.

@drrobctnik xxx

It was not his idea nor desire to tolerate one with a known tendency for betrayal, but the unfortunate aligning of temporary goals had led to an alliance just as temporary. Such is a concept he has a much harder time adhering to than his companions. But they aren't exactly around at the moment to share in his conflicted shift as a guard at the home of bases. Although, considering the agenda of tonight's activities thus far, this was more of a boon than actually unfortunate. Scraps weren't 'kosher' to some.

He's never considered the man a warrior. That 'work smarter not harder' attitude he exudes at times is one the echidna sees as an admittance to weakness if anything. After all, why not work harder if it makes one stronger in the end? Then the next task would be less hard, and less hard, and lesser still. Until every obstacle that dug in became little more than the weight of a dandelion seed stuck between the quills. It's why he's in such a punchy mood when this belief is belittled. He might not have the sharpest grasp on earth customs or most snide remarks made on his behalf, but he understands when he's being dishonored enough to retaliate. They'll explain to the fox and the hedgehog that they're having a training session. Any dispute could be seen as so - especially the minor ones.

The quickest exchange of blows merely leads to the shock of chaos energy meeting as magnetic fields opposite of each other does, knocking him back a ways with just the skin of his needled fists to slow the blow back, though the floorboards are irreparably shredded in the process. A growl garnered by stumbling back up onto twos leads the echidna's self serving power-bumps as his joined fists spark up bolts of molten amaranth around the exterior of his gloves.

I want to see what you can do.

How those words lived as long as the echidna tribe's long-carried legacy in his mind. His own father had spoken them to him not long in the days before he would fall in battle. The tribe was all too aware of the last born to their people and how a terrible power had been bestowed upon him before he'd even emerged from his egg as prophecy would demand he would bring the ultimate power back to the home of the echidnas. Even as a child he would make a formidable opponent to any adult, and yet...

The man's remark is met with a scoff, quilled dreads tossed one way and then another as the same shade of the chaos crawling through his knuckles slowly staining each pixel of a narrowed gaze. "You think you can say that to me? Weakling!"

He hadn't wanted to harm his father. Had refused. Held back. Maybe if he hadn't, then his 'time' to honor the tribe would have been during the battle in which they all perished. Maybe then, he wouldn't be the last of the echidnas- whether they survived the assault, or he did not.

"Show. Me. Your-" Each word excites more shocks of rosy electricity before the final exclamation of "POWER!" has him bolting a few clunky steps forward before he's seamlessly snapping into a ball of nuclear charged quills and bowling towards the pins of the other's legs.

"AU CONTRAIRE, my spandex wearing friend," the words are as tight and as mockery filled as he could make them. because julius believed not a word of what had been said to him just then. "it's entirely of my concern." he had made that choice. deliberately. which is to say nothing of why he had, wouldn't divulge that.

at the threatened quieter words, julius scoffs. "what you want and what you need are entirely separate things. you need air to breathe, so you take in air. why strangle yourself from what you need by tamping it down. to whose benefit."

@drrobctnik asked; "There's nothing wrong with what you are. It's in your bones. Don't you want to make them suffer?"

embracing the monster prompts

Experience concludes that the other's words were deliberately incendiary, were intended to breach the unreadable armour he habitually wore as naturally as his own skin. A carefully placed strike, calculated to find the fractures beneath his restraint, that should be--

Dismissed. As was his go-to response, reached for whenever he heard rehashes of the same arguments, broached by those who believed taking aim at his very nature, and what he stood for, to be a good idea. Fully expectant that he was steps removed from sliding towards darker notions, that better aligned with the monster that some of his enemies perceived him to be.

What a farce.

Thoroughly unamused by this ploy, Miguel's jaw locked beneath the navy-blue cover of his mask in response. With patience tested, he made an effort to keep his tall posture carefully composed, disallowing so much as a flick of emotion to assert itself. Or betray the thoughts curling at the edges of his mind, following such an opening shot aimed at his very character. What exactly resided in his mutated bones?

Something not previously known to science, for a start, but that was only the tip of a very long list of findings that he had spent years compiling about himself, experiencing compulsions, emotions, even wants, in ways that the stranger before him could only theorise about. The strength, the hunger, the violent instinct, buried under careful control; Miguel knew exactly what he was capable of, was all too aware of how easy it would be to tear through the ones deserving of his wrath.

But easy wasn't the same as right.

Irked by the notions proposed, his fingers twitched once by his side, before stilling. "What I am," comes his announcement, delivered in an even tone, devoid of any material that could be hijacked and twisted into a sign of agreement, "is none of your concern." There's a need to add more, adamant to make clear his stance before more attempts are made to demonise himself. It takes a beat, as well as a slow inhale, before he allows the tension perpetuated a chance to settle, voice shifting gears to acquire a quieter level, wreathed with threat; "And neither is what I want."

"I want to see what you can do."

not sure how they ended up in this little.... situation. aside sonic, julius had never truly FOUGHT with anyone before that didn't feel like it should end in life or death. yet here the mobian echidna was, not only indulging julius in his baser need to fight: that SHEER DESIRE FOR BLOODSHED, PAIN, that coursed through his veins. like it screamed at him. pumped so harshly through his blood that it felt like a heat pounding between his eyes with no ceiling, no zenith.

"I want to see what you can do."

but goading him on? a laugh barks out of him at the realization: sudden, sharp, rolled from deep within his chest. a shuddered exhale punches out of him from that sheer euphoria at the battle, and they hadn't even truly started. a few hits, but julius had been holding back - always did, to some degree. only ever went all out with sonic, yet even then julius had to temper those desires. would lose himself otherwise, become beastial. can feel that shaking in his chest already from all that chaos energy bubbling and heating in his veins. fight, rip, tear, destroy, kill; DO IT, STOP HOLDING BACK, HE'S TELLING YOU NOT TO--

the words clatter out of him, as though he is trying to hold that building need at bay, "trust me, you do not want me to do that." not out of any sense of care for the echidna. more-so at the slight worry over how upset sonic would be knowing what julius might do to knuckles.

Anaïs Nin, from The Voice

MAKE YOUR MUSE AS A COCKTAIL.

i love taking things too far. best distance to take anything to be honest

there's a little gasp, he sounds and looks genuinely touched by the gesture. "oh you shouldn't have!" he's lifting the heart out of that box, not caring about the blood staining his gloves, "this brings back memories~," & just like last time, julius makes direct eye contact with imad and chomps into that heart, tearing into it and then chewing a tad before swallowing,

"even better than it was last time."

💌 watch it be a heart, again ;P

send 💌 for a valentine’s day gift from my muse to yours!

indeed it is, only this time the heart is in a decorative box with black wrapping paper and a red bow to complete it. he remembered very well how julius reacted last time to this sort of gift, and was a bit curious to see if that reaction would be the same or differ.

"for you, my sweet."

instantly, julius steps forward and clasps a hand onto colin's shoulders, both of them, in order to turn the shorter male's gaze up to look at him. & his voice is eclipsed by emotion, quivering in that held back rage - not at colin but at the moronic notion of what had just been told to julius. "if you are going to listen to me, once. if you are going to hear me clearly, then hear:

your mother's death WAS NOT your fault. do you understand. you were a baby for fuck's sake. you had zero control over what transpired that day."

there's a beat, as if julius needs a moment to compose himself. he releases colin's shoulders, takes a small step back from him. "you are worthy of much more than you give yourself credit for. your existence holds meaning. it always has." if to no one else, then at the very least, to me.

“I won’t judge you.”

My uncle said that too.

"I killed my mother. Just by existing. She died giving birth to me. No one has thought my life a worthwhile exchange for hers since."

The acceptance of his own dead mentor's doppleganger is a hot blade to the gut, over and over.

his gaze flicks off to the side. a little breath leaving him as his lips press together. before julius looks back toward roman, and then very swiftly and without warning SLAMS his fist across roman's face. only to grab his skull with his other hand and stop roman from going flying as he probably would've from the force of the impact. & then, still holding roman by said skull, julius floats off the ground, roman uselessly dangling. his grip on roman's hair is tightening, and his voice is still calm, a slight ice to the tone, "you needn't be so rude, roman. we're merely talking." at this height, if julius dropped him, roman would no doubt break a leg or an arm. maybe both.

· 𓂃 ࣪˖🔪 ˖ ࣪𓂂 . There's a clear shift in the room as he's approached. But it just makes Roman mimic standing a straighter back, even if he was shorter in comparison to Julius but that never intimidated him before. He's too stubborn after all.

Which is why when change to adjust response is given he just tilts head in a scoff. And he stares back into dark sunglasses that contrasted the pink tint of his own. "Why? You obviously heard me."

@blckfckinmsk [x]

if there were any mirth or any sense of peace in the air, it was gone now. julius stared silently at roman, shoulders shifting and standing to his full height with no slouching. he takes a collected, calm step towards roman. & even with those sunglasses obscuring his eyes, roman would no doubt feel the silent rage burning into roman's own eyes.

"would you like to try that again." his voice is a tad tight, yet still eerily calm. he's giving roman another chance to respond to him without getting so emotional.

what kind of tragedy are you?

self-inflicted.

you were given the choice to live, a thousand times over, and yet you never choose it. not intentionally, oh no, you didn’t know it was a grave you were digging. but with every turn, you were twisting the knife deeper. every decision doomed you more. had it been anyone else, they would have made it. but you? you are so perfectly you, there was no escaping it. the true tragedy of it all, is how preventable it was.

Julius has appeared! What to do?

Brush off Ask to leave Punish Leave them