Fyi I Do Not “crush” I Experience Violent, All-consuming Devotion And Yearning That Leaves Me Physically

julius had just discovered about his own experimentations; those memories ⸻ of being injected, killing the scientists after he'd lost control ⸻ he had shackled away and compartmentalized. locked and buried deep within, yet always a nagging. a ghost of dreams, thinking them only bad nightmares, horrible intrusive thoughts that couldn't possibly⸻ but they were real. they were memories, and julius was not a human. hadn't been in decades, not since he'd been a young boy.

the rage he'd felt was indescribable. he couldn't stay with G.U.N any longer, knowing now what he did. & so julius sought to leave the base, but not before exacting some revenge. this organization had done nothing but take, take, take from julius. time he returned that favour.

before this though, he sought out agent stone. stone, julius had decided, was not part of the plan. stone was one julius couldn't bring harm to, no matter how annoyed and irritated he may be feeling. so, julius had told stone that they'd be parting ways, and stone was to leave the base. julius made up some small lie about stone being relocated to a different G.U.N base without him. convincing enough, julius decided. that done, he left, headed back to his own quarters.

& didn't exit from his 'room' for the next few days, planning.

of course, missing his duties meant that eventually the G.U.N base supervisor and some of his men were obligated to check in on robotnik. he could hear them now, knocking on the door and demanding that robotnik open the door, before they broke it down. he stood there, memories of those agonies ghosting along his ear.

he could feel it now, so easily: that power swelling within his chest, swirling and building, arcing down his arms and kissing his fingertips with warmth. he gathered that chaos energy into his palms, noting that bright red energy that gathered like a mist initially before transforming into a brighter plasma, a low bubbled laugh rolling out of julius' mouth at the sight. a grin split along his expression ⸻ HE WAS GOING TO ENJOY THIS ⸻, and he moved, hurling that sphere of chaos energy at the door the moment they breached; which caused an explosion to billow outward, engulfing the supervisor and the men behind him, causing the others to be blown off their feet.

alarms began to blare, explosions in another part of the base caused the lights to cut and for the emergency lights to kick in. washing the floor and the walls in a darker red. julius stepped out, over those bodies, barely paying them any mind. until his gaze landed on an unmoving person laying just a bit away from the main group.

stone.

julius stalled, staring. what⸻ he moved, scrambled, dropped to his knees and scooped that limp corpse body into his arms, eyes scanning and roaming stone's face for any signs of life. no, no- "y-you were supposed to leave," the words are hurried, hushed. julius had killed him⸻ NO, NO JULIUS COULDN'T HAVE⸻ NOT HIM

his shoulders twitched, hunching over stone's body, as though protecting him. useless. stupid. worthless. his breathing was quickened, as though gasping for air he couldn't suck in fast enough. he hadn't meant to- he couldn't- please, come back. "i'm sorry, i'm sorry!," the words were barely there, whispered, voice breaking, a choked catch of the last syllables. if he'd felt that energy building before, it was skyrocketing now. his entire body tensed up, a screamed wail of a noise that heightened into a louder angered sound: shrill and echoing and seemingly never-ending.

that energy burst outward, not in an explosion but a burning of fire, that energy arcing around julius' body. through tear-stained face, he watched as stone's body burned away in his arms. ash, slipping through his fingers, scattering along the floor only to blow away from that output of pressure. he had thought he'd lost everything before⸻ didn't realize until it was too late just how much more he had left yet to lose⸻

@blckfckinmsk [!!]

· 𓂃 ࣪˖🔪 ˖ ࣪𓂂 . "Why punish someone without reason?"

it was a terribly naive and oddly sentimental statement. one that julius could scarcely comprehend - let alone agree with. he has to bite back the scoff that catches behind teeth. instead, julius flashes a practiced & eased smile.

"if only the world agreed with you, roro. we might be in a better off place." as it stood - being fired from his job, pending acceptance into G.U.N - julius felt a tad, bitter. maybe that was why he had brought up the topic to begin with. of course roman knew none of this: julius saw no point in sharing such developments with roman.

"yes, you. I have a question."

not chaos energy, exactly, but not dissimilar in sensation. he couldn't tap into it though as easily as he could've with chaos energy. not that julius was going to try, currently, too spent from that dimensional hop to bother trying. so he'd been wandering around, not really caring how suspicious it may look that a total stranger was wandering about, peering in through windows as though looking for something.

honestly he was trying to gather an understanding of this universe. & sometimes that meant peeping through windows to look into businesses or homes to check things like decor, technological advances or lack thereof.

so of course someone ratted julius out and called the authorities. lovely. it seemed no matter what universe he found himself in, he'd need to deal with these uppity pricks. his gaze narrowed a fraction behind those sunglasses at this uniformed person's appearance: fishlike in all but how he stood. made julius think of mobians but if they were even more humanoid. hm.

where in hells name had he ended up.

"& what can i help you with, officer."

"unrepentant" is one of my favorite things to be. "don't you feel bad about what you did" no lol

his gaze narrows, slightly, before it lids at what stone mentions about being fascinated by their last encounter. & then mentioning doing horrible things together, if julius would give him a chance. his tongue moves behind closed lips, gliding the tip of his tongue along his upper teeth in some thought. his boot shifts against the ground again, exhaling through his nostrils.

"⸻what did you have in mind?" what stone had mentioned was terribly vague, but julius was, briefly intrigued by the notion. however fleetingly. it really depended on what stone himself defined as 'horrible'.

stone wasn't too surprised when the quill was snatched from his fingers, and it reminded him a little of when he had found one of sonic's quills to which the doctor had promptly taken and immediately examined. out of all the other robotniks he had met this one was the most like his doctor, though he knew better than to bring him up currently. this encounter was actually going pretty well, all things considered.

when the quill is tossed back he quickly catches it, tucking it away back into his breast pocket before clearing his throat. "believe me, I would have, but the chaos emeralds are guarded by sonic and his little friends. I'd have no luck obtaining them, and as it stands the only means of chaos energy I currently possess is that which is stored in the quill."

he tilts his head then as he sees the little pose the man had hit, and he had to stifle a laugh at how utterly silly it looked. he pauses a moment then continues, planning on answering his next question.

"like I said... I came here for you. I was fascinated by our last encounter, and feel we could do something wonderfully horrible together... if you'll give me a chance."

"julius, look at me." / "can you try taking some deep breaths for me?"

his gaze flicked up, dulled irises and lidded eyes staring across at stone-not-stone. no. that was just him being rude. stone was stone.

("you're not my....") that bitter, lost, confused little smile. his expression skewed very briefly. looking as though he wanted to cry, but there were no tears. he couldn't. hadn't physically been able to cry in years due to that chaos energy in his system.

his lips parted, and julius inhaled slowly, unevenly, then exhaled unsteadily. his gaze closed, lips trembling. hands clenched at his sides, but he inhaled unevenly, slowly, deeply, then exhaled another shaking breath.

he watches as julius literally slams his hand against the side of his head, and the sound actually made stone wince at just how hard it was. surely that had to have hurt, but perhaps that was the point? despite his apology however he had been written off yet again, and the man dared to take a few steps forward until he was only a few inches away from him though he still refrains from touching him.

julius could always just shove him if he wanted, or dismiss him yet again so why not try to help, even if it was just a little?

"can you try taking some deep breaths for me? it may help you to alleviate what you are currently experiencing, and help you ground yourself."

how rude. he stares across at her, but doesn't have it in him to be snide. much as her comment stings. julius never could be mean, not to her. least of all because of what she represented, in his mind. "i'll take that as a compliment," & with an overexaggerated flourish of his left hand, julius bows, smirking somewhat.

"it seems like no matter the name he goes by- my cousin is always odd."

im yearning about you and there is nothing you can do about it (threat)

can feel the tensing of his muscles, the way stone's body goes rigid from the close proximity. equal parts irritation and confusion broil up inside of julius' chest. can feel the way that stone inhales deeply. hug back. hug back WHY AREN'T YOU HUGGING BACK⸻

"please. i am not used to this at all..."

his gaze opened, though only halfway. eyes lidded, very briefly, before he clears his throat with a small grunt and steps away from stone. stares down at him, then frowns. "well ⸻ what the hell are you doing here." is he irritated at stone for not hugging back? of course, julius doesn't give stone a chance to respond. is he afraid of the reply, or had that question been rhetorical?

a click of his tongue. "i take it you're from another universe." he says this as though bothered by the very concept, an exhale, he moves a gloved hand to run through his hair, eyebrows pinching together somewhat, "i can send you back. you merely need to think of the place and i can teleport you there."

of all the things he had expected from this first encounter being hugged was not one of them, and stone froze up immediately upon feeling the man's arms wrap around him. he stands there for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts as he found his brain almost short-circuit at the unexpected act of affection. his doctor would never do this, and it only further solidified how different this version of robotnik was.

stone takes a deep breath, feeling how tightly the man's fingers were digging into his back, and how they seemed to be shaking. did this alternate lose his stone?

yes, that had to be it.

it was the only logical explanation the man could currently come up with, but despite it a sense of unease began to fill him as the hug carried on for far longer than stone was comfortable with.

"please. I am not used to this at all..." his voice came out almost strained, as if he were fighting with himself as to whether he should just endure or physically remove the man from his personal space.

Jeanette Winterson, Gut Symmetries