Latest Posts by jalakanyaka - Page 4
i love you, i do love you so much but I don't know what you want from me anymore. you consume my day I think about nothing but losing you and just that doesn't feel right. i defend you I argue for you I want to cry but I don't, I don't know anymore
i don't know what to do with myself anymore
June 20, 1944 source
my favorite pessimistic tortured artist
miyazaki hayao is my role model
miyazaki hayao is my role model
the worst kind of pain is when you realize you never got to give them the spotify playlist you made for them
im not smart enough to consume all the knowledge in this world but god knows ill try my hardest to even if i end up as the dumbest in the room
i went to the doctors today. they told me something was wrong with me but i think they are just afraid i will tell you what the milky way is saying
THE DYING. THE DEAD. AND THE UNDEAD SPACE JUNK.
Where Do Old Satellites Go When They Die? from spaceplace.nasa.gov // Zombie Satellites by Antony Johnston on Medium // Point Nemo: Meet Space Agencies’ Spacecraft Cemetery // Long Lost Military Satellite Found By Amateur Radio Operator by Joe Palca and Scott Nueman on NPR // Lincoln Experimental Satellite from Wikipedia Commons // Military Zombie Satellite From 1967 Discovered By Radio Operator Enthusiast by Fabieen Lang on Interesting Engineering // Where Do Old Satellites Go When They Die? from space place.nasa.gov // Long Lost Military Satellites Found By Amateur Radio Operator by Joe Palca and Scott Nueman on NPR // Football 17776: What Football Will Look Like In The Future by Jon Bois // Space Junk by Wang Chung
to love like a dog
ada limón, roadside attractions with the dogs of america // emily wilson, the odyssey // u.k // andrew kane, how to be a dog // mitski, i’m your man // u.k // u.k
oh and i hurt. i hurt everyday and every i ever said to you feels like a lie and a part of me dies because i feel like a fool for being vulnerable. i wish i never opened myself up and showed you how the blood in my body flowed
i love by sharing my entire life with you i'm sorry i didn't realize it was a burden to you
Im terrified of losing people and I cling hard because I know ill always be the one who will grieve more i will be the one who misses and yearns for years i will be the one who will never forget
i hope she misses me so much that a part of her dies
They joys of being a normie passing gay is that you can hear the conversations the straight people are having in your life absolutely uncensored. I feel like KGB spy strolling around in the US during the Red Scare
I want to eat love and spit out the root (the arteries hidden under your flesh) and I want to drink so much of your blood that it cannot be differentiated from mine until we become one; time and memory will unfold and entangle in an entirely new way and our changeless stardust will explore and melt the milky way after we burn
i think its hard for me to be alone. my english professor told us today that all relationships we are in and lose are failures and you lose and lose and lose until you find a person and you're with them forever. it made me realize that i want to find a girl that fits into my edges and cracks and fills me with soil and cement and stitches me up like im a used dog toy. i want a girl to hold my head in her arms and kiss my forehead as i tell her my nightmare. i want a girl to lay down beside me under the stars on a picnic blanket and tell me about her biggest dream as i fear for frogs. i want her to show me when a butterfly lands on her nose, or call my name to kiss me in the bath. i want a girl who holds me close when she sleeps, and i want to fall asleep listening to her heartbeat until i have it memorized and i'm so convinced it beats in tandem with mine. thats why its hard for me to be alone. i have all these dreams of a mystery girl that i want to give my love to, a love all mine that we can share, i have so much to give and so much to love, and i want to devote it to her. i just want her already
sometimes, i see myself as one with the ocean. i think it's foolish, i think it's selfish, i think it's outlandish for a human being to even think about comparing themselves to a celestial being as inexplicable as the sea. i think, i've spent too much time with myself tonight, how can i compare myself to the ocean when i don't understand myself? comparisons deserve explanations, they deserve examples, they should have a structure, but when has the ocean had any of this? you see, the ocean has zones. the sunlight zone, the twilight zone, the midnight zone, the abyssal zone, and the hadal zone. the deeper we dive, the less we see. in fact, we can't even dive that deep. even then, most creatures are not capable of surviving in water that deep as the water pressure is incomprehensible, so it's mostly empty. i think about this and i think, oh, that is me. the deeper you get, the harder it is to hold people in, the harder it is that i don't destroy them within milliseconds. the deeper it is, the more mystery there lies, when in reality, the mystery is just emptiness. it's that incomprehensible feeling of utter emptiness that surrounds your stomach and makes it ache in ways that cannot be shown to other people so you surround it with the pressure that can crush people and creatures that are see-through and weirdly surviving because trauma can be repressed but some part of it aches to to be remembered and perceived like some sort of fish that looks like a blob or a megalodon that is a folktale. it doesn't matter. the ocean doesn't want you to explore its depths, if it did, it wouldn't have made it impossible to survive down there if you're not its secret little creatures. the ocean wants you to stay out, i want you to stay out
we live in a dirt house. the inside is dirt, the ground is dirt, there are worms engorging on my insides, and tired insects are trapped and wandering. and i feel so full of everything and yet i'm starving, i find no direction to blossom. you're the ceiling and i'm trying to claw under the door, so i grow out the window and i feel ike a dirty woman. i feel like ivy
and i care so much and ill probably care always but i need to change and grow and care about everything else because it is too much to be alive and i need to bear my sorrows elsewhere. i care, i care too much, i care always and anyways because im a carer, but i need to care about myself more right now
i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i do care i do care i do care i do care i do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do care i do.
i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i don't care i do care i do care i do care i do care i do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do carei do care i do care i do care i do care i do.
Blue (2002)
ill find a new place to be from
sometimes i think about how hard it is for me to cry and how numb i feel about everything, i wish i was still a crybaby i miss who i was before i let the emptiness take me over
you ever think youre special to someone, but then you see them talking to someone else and youre just "oh"
what kind of man just destroys a girls life and moves on like . what am i supposed to do withthis emptiness inside me? it voided me entirely and now im just a sad thing inside something that was once human