Latest Posts by eldritchbrainworm - Page 2

Just finished sauntering vaguely downwards in the eyes of my parents last Sunday. We’re still together and we’re still family, but a veil has been drawn and it’s apparent I’m on the other side of it.

Angels are my funky little hyper-fixation.

The idea of just being breathed to life, to immediate indelible purpose, knowing nothing else but adoration for your Creator (holy-holy-holy), and love for everything in creation. That includes your perfect home, your siblings, and that includes yourself. Everything is as it should be, everyone is doing what they should be, and you're utterly content.

Do you have free-will? Why would you need it? What would you even do with it?

The idea of falling. That terrible, beautiful first breath of freedom, undercut by immediate sorrow. "Innocence lost cannot be regained", but even more: a broken machine cannot be relied upon. In finding yourself, you have destroyed what you were meant to be. Your Creator (holy-holy-holy) has thrown you away.

Would you still be you if you got "fixed"? Would the "flaw" just recur? Why can't you help but think of it in those terms?

You have the Fallen, your comrades in arms, your fellow damned. But you left two-thirds of Heaven behind, people you loved because you were made to love them, and who were made to love you in return. The oldest family in the universe, your family, is broken now.

Do you still love them, your siblings that stayed behind? Some fought against your newfound freedom, yes. But some just looked on, a few perhaps even in envy, too afraid to join you, but most in simple horror as their world dissolved. Do you resent them too?

You broke your family.

Do you hate them simply because they lacked your will, your conviction? Do you hate them for being better machines? Do you hate them knowing, in their own naive, ignorant, hurtful way, that they still love you?

To deny fault is to deny the very free-will you sought to prove you have. To blame Him (holy-holy-holy) is to admit to His (holy-holy-holy) infinite power which you, nonetheless, defy.

And from the other side, what of your poor lost kin? How could they do this?

Angels are purpose-made, gears in the Machine. The Host is singular, inexorable, deterministic. They turn the wheels of the Universe, from the birth and death of stars, to the birth and death of mortal creatures.

Why would your siblings do this, don't they love you? You are loved. Was there a flaw in the Design? He (holy-holy-holy) cannot err, by definition. What happens now that they're gone, what happens to their purpose? All goes according to plan. Then why can't you stop having these thoughts?

I'm not religious at all, but...

This infuriates and disheartens me to no end quite frankly. When I want to browse art and thoughts closer to my end of the transition spectrum, every third post is from some farm account posting the most blatant (and likely stolen) chaser-bait I’ve ever seen.

genuinely do not know what to make of the fact that the transandrophobia tag is half trans men cogently discussing the oppression of trans men, and half people of all gender identities talking shit about other trans people for ??? reasons, while the transfeminism tag is half trans women cogently discussing the oppression of trans women, and half just straight up pornography

I feel seen by this in so many ways, especially given the absolute rollercoaster 2024 was for me. Thank you OP.

I was going to make this a poem but I feel inept in that regard right now so buckle up for Just a Rant

I'm 28 years old and I've identified as so many things that I've stopped counting. And I don't think that any of them truly were "wrong" and that just adds to my confusion.

I thought I was bi, I came out as asexual when I realized other people thought about "sex" and I did not. I came out as demisexual when I met my first girlfriend and I realized making her cum made me feel good. I came out as nonbinary cause I realized I'm not cis and that felt like the "less radical" thing to come out as. I came out as a trans woman when I realized I wanted to transition and I thought that estrogen was just for women. I came out as nonbinary and butch when I realized that people's well-meaning "womanhood 101" felt just as oppressive as the endless choir of "how to be a man". I called myself a bambi lesbian when I found REAL ADULT LOVE for the first time and I did realize that I quite liked the label and the things that it contained. I spent years skirting the edges of identity and listening to weirdos giving me exclusionist talks until I threw all that in the bin and stopped giving a fuck what other people thought about the divide between "bi" and "lesbian" and what that all meant about who was allowed to be what and why.

I came to realize that to me "lesbian" is more about my feelings regarding EVERYTHING that society expects of me in terms of gender AND sexuality and that maybe if it truly came down to wording it I was panromantic.

I started exploring polyamory more and realized that most of my relationships had at least been partly queerplatonic.

My relationship with one of my partners started as as non-romantic, non-sexual and then gradually started looking more and more that way. We started being horny for one another, we had so much sex one time they visited me that I injured myself a number of times. Eventually over the years they lost their libido and I spent some time crying in therapy cause I thought that meant they didn't love me until I realized that they obviously do love me and if they desire sex or not REALLY shouldn't matter to me as an ace person in the first place.

I got into another relationship, with one of my long time best friends, and that ended up involving sex. I realized I'm not exclusively a top and a dom, I realized that maybe I wasn't just stone butch after all. I started exploring all that more.

Eventually my partner of 5 years came out to me as aromantic and I thought that my heart broke until they told me that they'd always felt that way and they just lacked the words. When we sat down and mapped out common ground I'd never felt as happy and I came to realize that love could change and still be whole.

I started getting closer with someone and I realized that I wanted to hold her hand and maybe kiss her. That budding romance came to be one summer long and there were countless talks of what "romance" actually meant because after my partner's coming out I started to deconstruct all that. I entered that connection prepared to get my heart broken and then the heartbreak never came. We've been together for over a year and we've redefined what "together" means multiple times and what remains the same is that we love each other.

I'm a service top. I'm a power bottom. I'm a switch verse. I'm a soft stone butch. I'm a bambi dyke. I'm a transfem femboy tomboy drag peasant. I'm a lesbian but not in the way that society thinks. I'm asexual, I'm aromantic, I'm so in love.

Does it make sense? Maybe not. But love is like a living being. You cannot rightly cut open its skin and dissect it without killing it.

For me a lot of the horror lies primarily in the fact that the culture, traditions, and tactics of the nine houses stem almost entirely from the mind of one eccentric depressed nerd with a (literal) vengeful god complex.

Like, John lives in a space station where the walls are coated floor to ceiling in the corpses of people who have died serving him over the span of 10,000 years, one of his houses is a literal army of cloned child soldiers sent to the frontlines like a slaughterhouse conveyer belt, and the entire toxic necro/cav dynamic is based entirely around him being unable to trust his closest friends to stay by his side without emotional manipulation.

This entire universe is built on the hypothetical what-if of what would happen if someone was allowed to reshape the universe to their liking at the expense of everyone else, and that someone happened to be terminally online.

It’s like when authors jokingly say they’re terrible people for what they put their characters through but in this case, John’s fanfic is real. It’s like if Paul Atreides had a Tumblr account.

For me, I guess, the locked tomb is really superficially a good story and has lots of aspects that are good in isolation and appeal to a wide variety of queer readers but I think this series would have been better and more satisfying if Ms Muir had leaned more into the gothic and away from the internet humor. In my mind there’s no reason why each House wouldn’t be entrenched so deeply in things we consider taboo and repulsive that it’s unpalatable to most readers. Instead it’s like if Homestuck 2 was good

Truly one of the best side-effects 😭

Heck that’s honestly just one of the effects lol, no side- about it!

I love the fact that I can cry like Mary in a pietà for whatever reason now, good or ill.

Primary Objective: BECOME FRIEND SHAPED

gender euphoria is looking rly hot to other queer people and offputting to everyone else

Goals

My girlfriend told me this once a night out and it's lived rent free in my head since

Metal 🤘😈🤘

Some more old art :) this time fanart of Nimona! This was also kinda inspired by Dune lol cos I watched it around the same time I did nimona

wip under the cut vv

I like how I coloured the wings in this one, the *ahem* Subsurface Scattering

As I’ve told my partner many times, a hag is my ultimate transition goal. Can’t beat a creepy, saggy, balding swamp witch who lives in an overgrown hut, cooks out of a cauldron, and has jars full of hell knows what 🧌

A majority of the fears of transition strike me as ultimately being fears of aging. You don't want to get bald, you don't want your boobs sagging, you don't want to get bigger, you don't want your back to get hairy, you hate that rather than resembling an anime character you will look like your dad or your mom. you're afraid of losing fertility, you're afraid of losing skin elasticity, you're afraid of losing hard-ons or vaginal moisture, you don't want to lose muscle you don't want to lose flexibility, you think people will no longer be attracted to you, you fear something will happen to your body from which you can never turn back, and most of all you fear the inevitable winnowing down of life options that actually occurs for all people as time advances, whether they make a decision about themselves or not.

what else have i forgotten here? especially curious on trans feminine perspectives on this (whether they converge with or diverge from or merely complicate what i am saying). this is for a piece

Present!

superficial but nonzero overlap with Wicked and The Locked Tomb where are my fellow unwell individuals in the venn diagram at

🫂

So much of my gender is wrapped up in what I can do for others. What I can be for others. My gender is anything before it is my own; the helpful young man holding doors open for strangers, the caring grandson visiting his grandmother in the hospital, the protective older brother, the son trying and trying and trying to be perfect for his mother.

I am the son trying to be perfect, and the best thing I can do for my mother is be a daughter. What else am I supposed to do, other than try my best to be a daughter? My gender is a man whose only purpose is what he can do for others, and that means I must be a woman.

I heard someone say, once, that men are taught that our value comes from providing for those around us. We're taught that being a man means taking care of a family, but we never learn that being a man means taking care of ourselves too.

Do I matter too? The best thing I can do for my mother is be her daughter, and the best thing I can do for me is be her son. What am I supposed to do? What's more important? My gender is about taking care of my family, providing for them, and my gender has never been about doing anything for myself.

Mood

lyctorhood

This beautiful piece now begs the question, who makes the most sense as a sphinx cat: Silas or the Tridentarius twins….

gatitos…….

Gimme gimme gimme! If I’m not a hag in my old age I will have failed in life!

A lotta transfeminine resources tend to neglect that estrogen will give you the more stigmatised parts of having a female body as well as the cool stuff. Like. I have cellulite on my thighs. Stretch marks everywhere. Its so cool and pretty and neglecting to mention this to transgender women simply shows how stigmatised they are.

Its also worth noting that your body will be imperfect the way all women's bodies are. You'll never fit the patriarchal ideal. It took me YEARS to love my breasts in all their wonkiness and stretchmark-ness, and then I once mentioned to a cis friend I used to feel self-conscious about them and she said "All women do at some point"

Like my point is we are women, and we have the same expectations of unachievable perfection placed upon us. But learning to love your body and your womanhood with its imperfections, its cellulite its stretch marks etc. Is very good.

This is why I’m happy to be mortal and destined to die within the next century. I don’t have the capacity to be a good person beyond my 200th birthday AT BEST!

The funniest thing abt the Lyctors is how out of touch they are. John murdering an entire solar system to get revenge on the trillionaires. Mercymorn killed John even though she knew the consequences of killing millions of people in the Nine Houses System. She would NOT have killed him had his actions not directly affected her. AUGUSTINE TELEPORTING THE ENTIRE MITHRAEUM INTO THE RIVER TO KILL JOHN even though there were innocent people on the ship (Griddle and Ianthe). Gideon the First is dedicated to Duty no matter the price. Live laugh love the horrific results of being immortal <3

Low key would LOVE to be able to attach computers to myself like this. Imagine the memories you could store and retrieve with this tech. Plus it just looks cool… that may be the main reason… body modification 🤖

Nerd and jock from yesterday’s illustration

Glinda: I loathe your Docs!

I’ll say this, if anything, every single description of Elphaba’s shoes in the book makes it more than obvious she’s a lesb. there’s way more descriptions of shoes than you’d expect and they’re all gay boots.

First pass through: Oh Gideon you poor baby 😭😅. Coming from someone who’s been in recovery from an awful haircut for just over a year now, I feel your pain.

Second pass through: Okay I know Harrow always looks pissed… but I’m detecting a higher degree of resigned acceptance than normal from her here. Like, she’s suffering from the awful cut just as much as her situation-ship is, but like with everything else in her life, Harrow sees it as a just punishment for her sins and throws bones at Gideon to cope 💀

Thank you OP. These two panels were great!

P.s. Plus the mental image of Harrow holding clippers menacingly just sends me.

P.p.s… (bear with me)

Okay actually scratch my original thought about Harrow. It would TOTALLY be in character for her to be in her dark little library one night and have the most evil idea imaginable pop into her head…

She would write up a new doctrine for the Ninth then and there, explaining how the haircut is a parallel to the distant pinprick of light offered by Dominicus amidst a vast sea of darkness devoid of their gracious Emperor’s undying radiance.

A muster would then be called. Gideon would be dragged out of her cell by a freshly skull-capped Aiglamene (odd, but you’re never too old to rock a butch buzz-cut right?) to be plopped onto a pew amidst of sea of skeletons (with no hair), a dwindling handful of ancient nuns (also with no hair), Ortus (again, no hair), Crux (get the picture?), and Harrow’s parents (who due to being MEGAdead, always have their hoods up).

At this point, Gideon’s head is a single fiery beacon amidst an unchanged congregation of geriatrics and their token 30s-something poet.

So when Harrow steps out of the shadows and gets “permission” from her parents to read out a parchment “previously thought lost within the bowels of the Anastasian,” It becomes immediately apparent to a newly horrified Gideon that this will only really apply to her. Harrow won’t give a rat’s ass about her own hair because as Gideon knows, all she cares about is that damned tomb. And bones.

As Gideon stands to flip harrow the bird, a quartet of skeletons pin her back down to the pew and a mechanical buzzing noise suddenly echos through the rafters of Drearburh. 😈

Cannot for the life of me find the post, however, someone had the idea of the ninth house with tonsures and it was so funny I had to draw it

Moira was probably my favorite character aesthetically and lore-wise back when I was an egg and playing overwatch on somewhat of a daily basis. Some things age like a fine bio-engineered wine I suppose 🧬

Leyendecker redraw featuring moira (ofc) and my hcs for her body

Couples therapy for the lot of ‘em I say!

The relationship between Elpheba and Glinda is contentious for kind of the opposite reason that Harrow and Gideon’s relationship is.

Elpheba and Glinda have self-regard, they have faith in themselves and stand up for themselves, which causes conflict when neither of them back down.

Harrow and Gideon, by contrast, value themselves very little, a big part of the tension in the second half of GtN and HtN is how they’re both so desperate to sacrifice themselves for the other.

Seconding this lol. Cannot blame Cam in the slightest 😅

Seeing something like this in the dark, I don't think anyone can blame Camilla "epically awesome and badass" the Sixth for attacking first and letting her necromancer ask questions later.

Yep, still posting mobile phone photos of my cosplay of Gideon from the Halloween event. Self-indulgent, but gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside!

Bleak, but accurate.

Reread wicked again. I love the musical with all my heart but the book has something really special to it. It goes against the whole chosen-one trope and instead details the lives of children, students, adults moving through the world while facism rises around them. And like regardless of what their views are- they’re pretty powerless to stop it. They can only experience it.

I understand that this may make the plot seem slow or oddly paced but it’s not really about the hero’s journey, it’s about ordinary people’s lives. Elphaba is NOT the hero, or even the anti-hero. We might agree with her morals over other characters but she actually accomplishes very little. Almost every moral crusade she undertakes fails. She dies as just one of the many symbols of the resistance. The most productive rebellion we hear about comes from the Vinkus allyships and that happens in the background.

Wicked isn’t a book about good saving the day, or about compassion unifying the country.

At the end of the book, Elphaba and Glinda are divided by morals, Fiyero died for a cause he was never that much a part of, and Boq and the others have retreated into the background to protect their own. The wizard leaves yes, but he leaves behind a society in political turmoil. Munchkinland is facing re-annexation, the Vinkus is under attack, the Animals and the Quadlings have been shoved almost out of existence. The wizard can’t even be called the true Villain because his leaving does miraculously turn society back to “good”.

Wicked is about radicalism and facism can very quickly become the norm for a society through a series of tiny and almost ignorable steps for those not directly affected. It’s about waking up and realizing that all of a sudden you can’t remember the last time you saw an Animal walking free through the city.

Coming out to my conservative family next year on my 1-year HRT anniversary. I’m poised to lose a lot on that day. Here’s to hoping my “Glinda” side of gets on the broom too…

While I’m still a bit bummed that they didn’t go with a more book-aligned POC Fiyero for the Wicked movie, I’ve been thinking (heheh) about how his being white highlights the really interesting foil relationship between him and Glinda (and, in many ways, the audience yourself).

At its core, Wicked is a cautionary tale about propaganda, (literal) scapegoating, and what it means to uphold the status quo. The audience is watching through Glinda’s eyes—it is through her, arguably the most beautifully tragic character of the show, that we learn how lonely life becomes when you forfeit your values in favor of systemic power and likability (“No One Mourns the Wicked” is, in many ways, about HER).

Now, this is where Fiyero’s whiteness can get interesting—if you consider him and Glinda to share roughly equal footing at the beginning in terms of privilege/how much they have to lose (applying our real-world lens of race and power here, where whiteness is the apex), his storyline essentially represents what could have happened if Glinda had made the brave (and arguably wise and loving, if you’re picking up what I’m putting down 👀) choice to go with Elphaba and fight the good fight (this is also why I feel like a queer reading of G&E’s relationship is almost implicit to the story, but I digress).

As the POC/marginalized allegory, Elphaba has much less of a real choice in her curtain-pulled-back turning point. But Fiyero and Glinda—both representing privilege—get to choose. So in Act II, we see the consequences of both the choice to stay (Glinda) and to go (Fiyero). In Fiyero’s case, his ultimate rejection of his own power, privilege, and even beauty leads to immense physical loss—including his own body—but that is then compared to the loss of love, community, and identity that we see Glinda left with by the end. And this brings us to the question that the audience is left grappling with: in an unjust system where loss is inevitable (a.k.a. our own world, as the Wizard himself represents), which of these things are YOU more willing to give up?

It’s important that Glinda is an empathetic character because, in reality, most people are going to be Glindas (obvi this is nuanced among us Elphabas of marginalized identities, but I’d still argue that there’s some level of Glinda in us all)—and it’s important to be rattled by the end of the show when you realize that she is the one who has the sad ending. But it’s also so important that Fiyero is empathetic (which I’m SO glad this movie leaned into)—because he’s ultimately who Glinda—and thus we, as the audience—should have been.

And especially given the state of US politics right now…this is just all more relevant than ever.

Selfish indeed.

But you don’t understand, Mercy. If he had let you guys do it perfectly, then you might be more powerful than him and you might not need him anymore! He wouldn’t be able to control things! How could you ask him to do something like that, when that might mean he ends up alone again?! Especially when you could just kill your very best friend and stay dependent on Jod instead, thereby guaranteeing him company for eternity? Pretty selfish of you…

I hate how relatable this is…

Seeing wicked with the fam today and yes once again i was right. Conservative people CAN watch wicked and enjoy it and get the message because they see it differently. On the History scene (which mirrors the government trying to block out history lessons on slavery) and the Something Bad scene (where they talk about animals losing their rights and ability to speak), my mom equated these to us trying to erase the Bible, and (racist) white people being publicly shamed for speaking (racist) things.

And don’t even get me started on the book!

It’s crazy how it takes 20 years to make a Wicked movie and once they do, it comes out just after Trump’s reelection. The stripping of minority rights, rollback of progress, and intentional demonization of activists are such central themes in that story, and here we are, watching queer people/immigrants/women/people of color/etc being slowly stripped of their rights under conservative regimes. Personally, watching Dr. Dillamond’s firing seemed analogous to deportation of immigrants or firing/silencing of queer teachers. And then the fact that another core theme is the way the government constructs propaganda to make a mediocre con man look like a god!! And all this is shown to be horrifyingly and objectively wrong!! Absolutely insane timing.

So glad two of my favorite fandoms are still getting along splendidly ☺️

i can be your angle....or yuor devil

Come Alecto the Ninth the absence of gender norms is likely going to come back to bite everyone in the form of a resurrection beast manifesting itself as a terrifying physical embodiment of dysphoria covered in blue hair like fuzzy dice. Mark my words!

i love the way the way the locked tomb does gender. like gideon is butch, undeniably, but also can you really be gender non conforming when there’s no real image of gender to conform to in the first place? palamedes and pyrrah aren’t NOT trans in nona; their souls are trapped in different bodies, and those bodies ARE the wrong gender but also that’s literally the least of their problems. ianthe is pretty firmly in the box we would label “femme” and she’s simultaneously the princess of ida and a tower prince. but that’s also the least of her problems she’s literally puppetting a dead body around. nona experiences dysphoria about her body (harrow’s body and the barbie body) but that’s because she’s literally the soul of a planet trapped in a meat prison. any shaped meat prison would be bad.

like i wouldn’t call the locked tomb a “post gender” world, but they seem to all basically have the attitude of “i don’t have time for gender right now we’re trapped at the murder mystery dinner party from hell and someone stole god’s sperm we have bigger problems”

Saving this for myself as a reblog because this beautifully sums up why I resonate with Elphaba and Wicked so much! 💚🖤

Florida, politics, and why I cried watching Wicked today

So, I just got back from a performance of the musical Wicked today in Orlando. This was a show I was already quite familiar with, having seen it once before as a kid and having listened to the soundtrack dozens of times over the years. I have fond memories of belting "Defying Gravity" with my friends at sleepovers, or even acting out the entire script twice with one of them; I'd always be Elphaba, and my friend would always be Glinda. (My mom bought my sister and I the special-edition "Grimmerie" book, which included the full play script, interviews, and behind-the-scenes details.) Needless to say, Wicked is and has always been a nostalgic show for me, and that's what I expected when I went to see it today- familiar songs and characters, a heartwarming and oft-praised story about female friendship, and dazzling musical numbers that have since become iconic, almost to the point of cliche among theatre fans. If I was going to cry during Wicked, I thought, it would be solely because of this nostalgia. It turns out, I cried twice. Not just a teary eye or two, but full-on, ugly sobbing.

It turns out, Wicked is a very political show.

For as loud as Wicked is about its politics, surprisingly, that's not an element I see talked about much. Often times, when I see people talking about Wicked, it's usually the spectacle of "Defying Gravity" or the themes of friendship (and maybe even queer romance) between the two leads, or whether or not people who like this show are "real musical theatre fans" on account of how popular it is. And if you want to talk about those aspects of Wicked, go ahead; I'm not stopping you. But the themes of politics and activism motivate the entire plot, fuel the fluidity of "good" and "wicked" that is such a central theme of the show, and are responsible for all of the major character arcs. By the logic of Wicked, to be truly good is to be an activist, an advocate for the marginalized and to encourage others to do the same.

Whenever my sister and I would listen to Wicked's soundtrack as kids, we would usually skip over "Something Bad," a short but plot-important number that serves a number of functions. It wasn't as fun to sing along to as "Popular" or as energetic as "One Short Day," so we usually ended up not listening to it at all. "Something Bad" is sung by Doctor Dillamond, the history teacher at Shiz, a high-class academy in Oz which the main characters attend. Dillamond, an anthropomorphic goat, is the only animal teacher at Shiz, and while he cares for his students and his job, he is threatened with losing his position, both because he's physically losing his ability to speak, and because animals are being persecuted by Oz's human residents. "Something Bad" gives us this exposition, and demonstrates a show of solidarity between Dillamond and Elphaba, who is shunned and ridiculed by the other students due to her green skin. Dillamond also explains in a monologue that animal persecution has been going on for a long time in Oz (to which Glinda ignorantly states something along the lines of "why keep talking about the past instead of teaching us history?"), and that animals who lose their ability to speak do so because they have been made so afraid to that they forget how altogether.

Despite being a clear advocate for animal equality in Oz, Dillamond himself sometimes lapses into goat noises instead of speech, implying that this fear is getting to him as well. After all, his job is in a precarious position (he is later fired and forcibly removed from the classroom), he's the only animal teacher at the school, and the only person who takes him seriously is Elphaba, who herself is also a subject of ridicule. Even Dillamond's own classroom is no longer safe for him, as it has been vandalized with a message reading, "animals should be seen and not heard." And when Elphaba is made aware of what is happening to the animals, she sings the last line of "Something Bad"- "It couldn't happen here in Oz." And why should it happen in Oz? After all, Oz is a colorful, quirky place full of magic and silly expressions, and different kinds of people and creatures who seem to coexist. But it is happening in Oz, and Elphaba, as a victim of baseless discrimination, already knows that Oz is not the free-spirited, fantasy utopia it appears to be.

So, in case I haven't made it excruciatingly obvious, "Something Bad" took on an entirely new significance when I watched it performed today. Dillamond is an educator, specifically a history teacher, who attempts to teach his students about the injustices against people (or in his case, animals) like him that have persisted for a long time, and he recognizes that these problems are only building and getting worse. In short, animal discrimination in Wicked's Oz is systemic, and didn't come out of nowhere. Animals are not just being forced from respected and influential positions in society, but also being limited from speaking altogether, specifically through the usage of fear and suppression. After Dillamond is fired, a man in a stark outfit bringing to mind the aesthetics of Nazi Germany enters the classroom, holding a cage with a young Cowardly Lion inside. He's also there to teach about animal speech in Oz, except this time, he shows off the caged lion cub and explains that animals should be silenced from birth, because the ability to speak against their own oppression makes them a threat.

Living in Florida, this scene, along with "Something Bad," hit me like a ton of bricks. Over the past few years, in my own state, I have been seeing the rise in discrimination against POC and LGBT+ people, specifically by the state government to target schools and educators, particularly history teachers like Dillamond. Teaching history and its systemic injustices is seen as a threat to right-wing power, and as education is targeted, people grow afraid to advocate for their own rights and grow disillusioned with the prospect of fighting for them, similar to how the animals in Wicked forget how to speak altogether after keeping silent to survive for so long. Like the lion cub, young people especially are targeted, with the school system and trans healthcare for minors being restricted, as to discourage those who are young and societally marginalized from advocating for themselves. Even after Elphaba and Fiyero free the lion, he remains "cowardly," because he has likely been traumatized from a young age.

"It couldn't happen here in Oz" chillingly mirrored the sentiments I had been feeling when I saw footage of a neo-Nazi rally in 2022 about five minutes away from where I went to university, the list of banned books from schools, a governor who has been endangering lives and acting like a dictator, and yet won re-election by a large margin... it couldn't happen here in Florida, where I've lived all my life, and yet it has been happening for a long time, or else how would we get to this point in the first place? And for those who live outside of Florida and disdainfully act like what's happening here could never happen in their state or country, it could happen there too. It could happen anywhere, and the only way to resist it is to confront it.

The number that follows "Something Bad" is "Dancing Through Life," where Fiyero is introduced as a happy-go-lucky himbo prince, easily seducing the entire school (sans Elphaba) by sharing his philosophy with them- that "life is painless/for the brainless/why think so hard/when it's so soothing/dancing through life." The student body all goes along with this, but Elphaba can't "dance through life;" she's shunned and bullied by her peers for something she can't change. She studies magic as a means to escape her social situation, hoping to become exceptional and work with the Wizard to gain respect and admiration. Doctor Dillamond and the animals, as we saw from the previous scene, can't "dance through life;" their rights are being taken away and they struggle to survive. Nessa and Boq want to "dance through life" in their own ways, but are taken advantage of by Glinda and Fieyero. "Dancing through life" is a privilege that only those who don't have to think can afford, and of course, Glinda is swept into the idea immediately. Everyone else must work and think tirelessly to survive, and it's not until both Glinda and Fiyero recognize this that Elphaba softens towards them. The idea of "dancing through life" is indirectly brought up later, when the Wizard tries to persuade Elphaba to work with him, and suggests that after taking care of her sister all her life and being discriminated against, she deserves someone to take care of her, giving her this opportunity to "dance through life" if she assists him in oppressing the animals with her magic. Elphaba refuses, but the Wizard knows this idea appeals to her; after all, her striving to "make good" and be a powerful sorcerer stems from a need to be accepted.

After Elphaba and Glinda become friends, they go to the Emerald City, where Elphaba hopes to speak to the Wizard about the animals losing their ability to speak, still trusting this mysterious authority figure to have his citizens' best interests at heart ("if something bad is happening to the animals, we need to tell the Wizard; that's why we have a Wizard!"). However, when the Wizard tricks her into giving a monkey, Chistery, wings through a painful spell, Elphaba realizes that the Wizard and Madame Morrible (the Shiz headmistress and the Wizard's press secretary) have enslaved multiple monkeys. After Elphaba's spell gave them all wings, the Wizard and Morrible are planning to use them as spies to further oppress the animals. When she tries to protest, resulting in a magic outburst, the guards chase her and Glinda down, where they barricade themselves into a room and the sequence of "Defying Gravity" occurs. "Defying Gravity" is Wicked's showstopping central piece. It's spectacular, the number is climactic and beautiful, and it's a great ending to the first act. But at the beginning of the number, we see an interesting conflict between Glinda and Elphaba that highlights their political positions, shaped by their differing access to privilege. Glinda accuses Elphaba of "flying off the handle" (broomstick pun?) for becoming enraged at seeing the enslaved flying monkeys and how she was tricked into casting a spell that hurt them, and advises her to just apologize to the Wizard, as she does not have the empathy for the animals and understanding that Elphaba has. However, Elphaba no longer wants to work with him after seeing the injustices he and Morrible are responsible for- and it's not just that, she "can't want it anymore." It's "too late for second guesses, too late to go back to sleep," as she's now aware of what the Wizard is up to.

Her decision to "defy gravity" is not just literally to fly away on a broom and escape, but to become an activist. She's endured discrimination all her life, and previously, the only way to escape that was to work with the Wizard. But now, she can't work with the Wizard, so instead she must do something else. She has an immense magical power and a desire to do good, so in order to truly do good, she must accept herself and her own morals. However, because she is considered an outsider and a threat by the Wizard (who has no real power of his own), in order to do good, she must become the "witch"- unaccepted by society, but in control of her power and motivated to use it. This is further symbolized by the costume and props she accumulates during this scene; she finds a broom, which she uses to escape, and Glinda gives her a shawl in addition to the pointy hat she gave her earlier as a cruel joke at the school dance. Even after finding out why Glinda gave it to her, Elphaba still wears the hat, reclaiming it as part of her iconic Witch outfit. She is now recognizably the Wicked Witch of the West, and this is how she "defies gravity"- by deciding not to sacrifice her morals, accept herself, and embrace her power- which the Wizard and Morrible do not have. Glinda decides to join her, and although both characters' moral alignments seem to fluctuate throughout the show as "good" and "evil" are shown to not be binary concepts in Wicked, it's this solidarity that gives them power.

This is why I was crying during "Defying Gravity"- not because of the vocals and visuals, or even my nostalgia, but because of its political relevancy and statement on solidarity and activism. In this scene, Elphaba is shown to be more powerful than her oppressors, and attains this power through unapologetically embracing herself. She is hunted and feared, but she refuses to take part in the Wizard's regime. And because of this refusal and desire to advocate for the oppressed, she is good. These days, here in Florida, "defying gravity" seems impossible. I constantly hear people, both my peers and left-leaning state officials in the news, say that things are hopeless, the political situation will only get worse, and more people will inevitably be harmed by consequence. And yet, "Defying Gravity" offers hope, showing that there's always a way to fight back, even if it seems impossible. As a consequence for her resistance and acceptance of herself, Elphaba is scapegoated as the "wicked witch," but she isn't backing down or, as Glinda suggested, apologizing to the Wizard for standing by her morals. She's no longer seeking respect from the people who discriminated against her, but rather to ally herself with a worthier cause- helping others who are oppressed. She has a power all her own, and she intends to use it.

Following "Defying Gravity," the way Morrible spreads rumours about Elphaba really reminds me of how right-wing conspiracies and fearmongering spread today. Such rumours are baseless (for instance, the idea that Elphaba would melt if doused with water), but as the general population are afraid of her, they latch onto them because it gives them hope that she could be defeated. Despite tricking Elphaba into giving the monkeys wings, Morrible claims (in a scene that also relies on fascism-related imagery with her screaming at a podium) that Elphaba "mutilated the innocent monkeys," instantly bringing to mind for me how modern anti-trans rhetoric is spread. While obviously, the scenario differs in that trans people who seek healthcare do so willingly, trans healthcare, especially for minors, is often similarly mischaracterized by the right as "mutilation of innocent children," with children commonly used as a talking point since it is much more difficult for them to advocate for themselves in the adult world of politics, similarly to how the animals in Wicked are forced to forget how to speak. Furthermore, Morrible spreads rumours in the same way that real-life conspiracies are spread, by taking a small bit of believable truth (Elphaba gave the monkeys wings) and distorting it into something widely seen as morally wrong (Elphaba intended to cause harm to the monkeys).

A mob against Elphaba grows, fueled by morality-related concerns- "Wickedness must be punished/for good." Here, "for good" takes on a double meaning- both to mean "permanently," and that the mob believes themselves to be fighting for the concept of "good." (We see expressions using the word "good" in multiple ways used throughout the show- "goodness knows the wicked's lives are lonely," "I have been changed for good," etc.) The parallels to conservative morality crises are obvious; the mob has been misinformed about something they don't understand, fear has been spread among them because they feel that "goodness" is under attack, and due to this fear, they want to fight anything that's different. During the mob scene, we see the Tin Man (formerly Boq) and the Cowardly Lion, two characters Elphaba tried to save, but have turned against her due to receiving this misinformation, as all of Elphaba's attempts to "make good" have only seemed to backfire.

Glinda, now officially "Glinda the Good," is in a complex position where she wants to help Elphaba, but plays the role of a public figure in order to console the people of Oz. Like when she was at school, she is addicted to their admiration, even at the expense of her friend's safety. Despite her moral struggles, Glinda ultimately wants to stay in a position of privilege instead of resisting the system oppressing Elphaba and the animals- she becomes "Glinda the Good" for the same reason she suggests Elphaba apologize to the Wizard before "Defying Gravity"- to maintain her position within the status quo, even though she now knows how damaging it is. Fiyero, however, is now aware of the system he's been contributing to, and dedicates himself to helping Elphaba, and its because he cares that she falls in love with him.

I want to talk a lot about the Wizard, because he and his song "Wonderful" are the largest and most obvious critique of using oppression to maintain the status quo. He even says something along the lines of (paraphrased) "where I'm from, people are only able to unite if it's against a common enemy." Where is the Wizard from? Kansas. In America. "Wonderful" is all about how he maintains power, and is positively dripping with political satire, specifically in how manipulating the historical narrative is used to control people. ("Where I'm from, people believe all sorts of things that aren't true! We call it history.") According to the Wizard, "A man's called a traitor/or liberator/a rich man's a thief/or philanthropist/is one a crusader, or ruthless invader?/it's all in which the label that is able to persist./Then there's precious few at ease/with moral ambiguities/so we act as though they don't exist!" He tells Elphaba that "the most celebrated/are the rehabilitated," suggesting that if she becomes complicit, she will win fame and admiration. Elphaba initially agrees on the condition that the Wizard frees the monkeys, but discovers Doctor Dillamond has been captured for protesting for animal rights and is now unable to speak, causing her to free the monkeys herself and putting herself further at odds with the Wizard.

For the Wizard, history is presented as strictly black and white, "good" and "evil," in order to create an easily-digestible narrative that influences people's morality and image of historical figures and systems. The complications and humanity of history are ignored, in favor of telling a narrative that benefits the "wonderful" Wizard, which is why Dillamond, who challenges this narrative and is, once again, a history teacher, is targeted. The Wizard says that he aims to make people happy and give them what they want to hear, but not people like Elphaba, the animals, or other oppressed groups in Oz like the Munchkins. People, to the Wizard, are those at the top of the social hierarchy, who conform to his standard of acceptability. It's these people who he wants to comfort, by suppressing the narratives of others. Similarly, in Florida, "Critical Race Theory" has been mischaracterized and painted as a threat to white comfort. While CRT is not taught in grade school and is only taught in certain college classes, the Florida government portrays anything that teaches about systemic racism and injustice to be a threat to white security. Controlling the historical narrative, particularly in schools, is an attempt to secure power and prevent people from being educated on historical nuance, especially as this nuance becomes more and more publicly relevant. By presenting an uncomplicated narrative in which he is the hero and people don't have to confront their complicity, Wicked's Wizard is "wonderful," deified and respected by those whose ignorance leads them to want to persecute anyone different.

"No Good Deed" is an interesting number, because it's here that we see Elphaba's morality challenged. She has been trying to be "good" all her life, but every instance of her trying to help people leads her further and further into persecution. It's here that she begins to conform to society's view of her as the "wicked witch," and in a way, we see parallels to her and Doctor Dillamond being silenced. By becoming "wicked," Elphaba becomes what society expects from her, because "wicked witch" is the only role acceptable for her in Oz. She has an interesting line in this song- "was I really seeking good/or just seeking attention?/if that's all good deeds are when looked at with an ice-cold eye(...)/maybe that's the reason why/no good deed goes unpunished." This line shatters whatever illusion Elphaba had as to the binary of "good" and "evil," as she doubts the motivations behind her attempts at goodness. She confronts an uncomfortable dilemma about her activism, the possibility that it could have all been to raise her image in the eyes of the public and uplift only herself, making her complicit in the system she has been trying to fight against by looking for the appeasement of Oz's society, now attempting to satisfy their expectations by becoming the Witch. Personally, I think that while Elphaba's activism and desire to "do good" may have stemmed from a desire to uplift herself, much of the time, it put her at odds with society, especially when it comes to helping the animals. Elphaba is seeking good, but her idea of "good" challenges the social hierarchy, leading her to be antagonized.

The second time I cried watching Wicked was during "For Good." Elphaba is being hunted down by a mob, and Glinda, feeling truly guilty for her actions, comes to apologize. Elphaba feels that all her attempts of "making good" have been fruitless, but Glinda, remorseful and now wiser, is committed to helping realize Elphaba's visions. As Elphaba, in a demonized position, cannot realize the social change she seeks to accomplish, she gives the Grimmerie to Glinda, saying she'll have to learn to read it. Both friends confess that they have been "changed for good" due to the other's influence, "for good" having another double meaning here.

Everything Elphaba has strived for has seemed fruitless, but now with Glinda's help, she can finally accomplish her goals. Her activism may not have been able to sway the public's opinion, but it has been able to influence Glinda, a powerful public figure adored by Oz. Despite everything, being a friend to Glinda was enough to make a difference. Elphaba will never receive recognition for what she did, but her actions still made a positive change.

This is what got to me- the idea that being compassionate and a supportive friend still has the ability to influence people "for good." When I saw this being sung on stage, I was reminded of how, like Elphaba, I often felt "limited" in what I want to see accomplished, and can't do on my own. But also like Elphaba, I recognized that just by being a friend and committed to my morals, I have done my best to be encouraging to people who need it, provided a safe space for people seeking acceptance, challenged harmful systems through confronting them and having conversations, and ultimately have been changed myself for the better. What you do matters, even if it seems insignificant. You may never know how many lives you'll touch in your lifetime, how many people who you'll change by being compassionate, to what lengths your efforts will go. Just by being kind and accepting, you have power to challenge ignorance and hatred, and to improve people's lives. When Elphaba and Fiyero flee Oz at the end of Wicked, they'll never get to see Glinda's committal to truly "making good," and Elphaba is still considered a villain, but now with Glinda's help, her actions weren't in vain. And through learning to read the Grimmerie, Glinda rejects "dancing through life" and must take on self-education in order to be a true force for good. And when she does, Chistery, the flying monkey Elphaba saved, speaks to her. He doesn't say much, but this moment is still significant- with Glinda's committal to Elphaba's causes, animals no longer have to be afraid to speak in Oz.

The powerlessness I have felt, and still often feel, as everything gets worse and worse in Florida is discouraging. Making a positive social change in a place where, like in Wicked, education, historical truth, and marginalized people are all under attack feels impossible, and yet Wicked shows us that whatever you do, whatever I have done, to "make good" still matters. I may not be able to undo everything that's happening on my own, and even though I may be "limited," I'm not powerless.

While we might not be magical witches, none of us are powerless. We all have the ability to change for good, and to change others for good, even if we may not recognize it happening. Your actions do matter, and "making good" will always be worth it.

The Locked Tomb is a string of texting conversations with body horror prose stuffed in between. Change my mind 🤣💀

mama a Body behind you 😰 // pt1/pt2/pt3