eldritchbrainworm

Latest Posts by eldritchbrainworm

For years, the TV in my parents’ house had a greyscale Fox News logo burned into the bottom-left corner of the screen due to how often that channel was on.

I used to think it was funny back before I started questioning myself. Now I’m just glad I don’t have to look at it anymore.

This isn’t really meant to be a comic trashing my dad.

I do truly appreciate his commitment to education.  I do truly have a soft spot for his style of humor, which certainly influenced the development of my own.  I appreciate how he had this VHS-C camera that he was always bringing out and would let me use, sparking my love for movies and starting me on a path that led to me going to film school.

All those good things about him were real.

But so was the colossal amount of damage he caused.

If you happen to be a parent and are reading this right now, I’m going to ask that you consider this suggestion from a childless thirty-six year old:

You need to consider how you communicate with your child, and how communication doesn’t just mean the words that you use.

You’re telling your kids something with the foods you eat, the activities you engage in, etc…

…you communicate to your children with the media you consume.

The rhetoric against the trans community wasn’t as much in the spotlight when I was growing up, but every time my dad turned on the radio, he’d have my sister and I listen to the likes of Rush Limbaugh, or Sean Hannity, Mark Levin, etc…  One of the topics that’d come up frequently was queer people. 

Issues about Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, gay marriage, gay boy scouts…

The “gays” were an issue.  More than an issue really, they were a problem.  If someone was queer, these radio hosts were quick to villainize; “this teacher is going to turn their students gay,” “this troop leader is going to abuse his scouts,” you don’t want your kid to end up like that, do you?”

My dad would listen to these folks non-stop and nod along in agreement, all the while his extremely queer and aware of it child was sitting right behind him, listening to how she was some kind of monster.

So I hid. 

There could be no sharing about aspects of myself.  My parents would be listening to 770am or Fox News all the time.  If I share that I was queer, I’d be finished.  How couldn’t that be the case?  Every day they chose to listen to people that hate me, so they hate people like me. 

So I can’t let them know me.  I won’t let them know me.

Even though they never said that they hated queer people with their own words, they told me that they hated queer people every day with the media they chose, and in turn forced me to consume.

So again, if there are any parents reading this right now, consider my words.  Hate is a choice you make, and hate can be communicated with more than just words.

If for no other reason, you never know if that kid in the back seat is listening, listening to how you hate them.

When I finally managed to force my pre-transition self to attend a trans meeting at my local queer center, the discussion was lead by a older trans woman in her mid-to-late 60s who worked as a mechanic.

Listening to her helped me realize that I could have a future as a trans person past my 30s, which is something that I desperately needed to hear at the time.

For me the indicator of a safe queer space is actually a confident, knowledgeable trans woman who's well liked by the people there and trusted to give advice to people who are new to the space.

Because queer spaces occasionally get the occasional dissociating "cishet men" who can't figure out why they want to be in the queer space so much, feel a conflicted sense of belonging and connection that they also feel they shouldn't have, and end sitting in the corner only interacting when explicitly included.

Now, if you don't have the confident trans woman around, what'll happen is that the "cishet man" eventually stops showing up, because yeah it's nice to go, but it's also really hard for some reason, and maybe another modded Fallout New Vegas run is easier, actually. Maybe the MMO where everyone calls her the name of her girl avatar is easier. She just can't figure out why.

My comrades and I got threatened by a pack of neo-nazis at a benefits show we were hosting for our new local Food-not-Bombs chapter in SC last night.

Nobody got hurt and the show was a huge success after we got them to fuck off, but it really put things into perspective for me regarding my transitioning body and physical wellness/performance. I work a physically demanding warehouse job, but the workload is just inconsistent enough where unfortunately I’m not getting much out of it unless we’re super busy. Currently I’m just a wiry bundle of sticks with A-cups and mediocre upper-body strength (on a good day 😅).

I think it’s high-time I properly break the glass on my Vi/Gideon Nav/Scorpia/Zarya transition goals. Gonna look up how to min-max my vegetarian diet and find a queer-friendly workout center in my area.

I suppose a hefty DIY belt chain would do me some good too…. 😈 Stay safe out there y’all. It’s only gonna get worse before it gets better.

so like this will be rambly but oh well.

i’ve only been on hormones for almost 2 years and i have some Things to Say.

Transfems you need to eat and you should workout in general but especially strength training. You’re going through puberty so you need a ton of fuel, also the fat redistribution that will give you feminine features comes from incoming fat, don’t expect your existing fat to just migrate on its own.

as for working out, it will make you feel better i promise. It also is important to focus on functional fitness so when youre old you can squat to pick things up with ease, or farmer-carry the heavy groceries, or help lift friends off the ground when theyre injured. Working out is your way to say “fuck you world, i’m trans and i will survive and even when i’m old i won’t go down easy”

I know the dolls are underrepresented in fitness spaces, so it can be intimidating, but fitness is for everyone and you may able to be positive exposure to trans people for those who otherwise might not see people like us day to day, and that makes them think of you as part of their community.

I also want to point out that I worked out before transitioning, i wasnt super strong or anything but i lost nearly all of my upper body strength after my T dropped, I STILL cannot reach some of my old PRs for certain movements. I’m not trying to paint women and AFAB people as inherently weak (there were tons of cis women way stronger than me even when i wasnt on E), but when your body shifts from relying on testosterone to estrogen you lose a ton of energy and a ton of strength. Working on building and maintaining strength is nothing but beneficial in every facet of your life.

(this may be a good time to point out if youre scared of being bulky and muscly: dont be. its very difficult to get that physique and you have to be actively working or planning for it 24/7)

All this to say that I’ve seen so many scrawny transfems wondering why they dont see many physical effects from their transition while they under eat and dont train. Fuel, Fat, and Muscle will give you the results, the hormones are just blueprints to tell your body what to do with those things (among other things).

Another thing for the American transfems, with the next minimum 4 years looking very bleak: a strong doll can fight back.

🖤

Memories of Canaan House

Alternatively, the Warp from Warhammer 40K. Heavy metal space-hell infested with demons and madness. If your ship isn’t shielded properly you get invaded and and driven insane. Fun stuff! John would have loved it.

The River is essentially just the Warp combined with the aesthetic of Hades’ soul whirlpool at the end of Disney’s Hercules.

the argument between john and mercymorn over what metaphors to use to describe river travel to the baby lyctors is so funny to me as i’m rereading slightly behind my best friend reading the series for the first time.

bcuz when they told me they were still kind of confused by it, i first went ok did you ever read a wrinkle in time? it’s similar in concept to the way they travel in the book

no? ok wait it’s actually like minecraft. which i now think is the best metaphor. you go into the nether, have to deal with difficult terrain and a bunch more shit that can kill you, but you travel a short distance in the nether and end up much farther in the overworld

A frail, bloodstained nun dragging a greatsword behind her attuned to the Aspect of Kiriona stumbles towards a boon symbolized by a pair of golden sunglasses…

“Griddle?!?? No, it can’t be… in the name of Drearburh and its tombs I beseech you!”

*da-dong/bla-blang*

“Sup Night Boss! Quite the blade you got there… you’ve been sharpening it right? Right?? Harrow??? Look, we’ll fight about it once your spindly ass is out of this nightmare but at least take one of these before you pass out okay…”

One Flesh, One End. Bitch (Legendary): Your bone shards now regenerate over time instead of your call.

First Flower of Your House: Critical melee hits against unarmored enemies now apply ~slow~ for 3s.

Ortus, Ortus, Ortus (duo): Boons that modify ~litany~ damage now apply to your greatsword attacks as well. Health regeneration is disabled.

after all this is over i want supergiant to make a video game of the locked tomb. they can call it Hades 3

While I love and personally feel very seen by the allegorical* butch transfem/gnc/non-passing rep we get from Pyrrha, the circumstances that lead to her current gender situation somewhat muddy the waters on this imho….

Functionally*, Pyrrha becomes a butch trans woman who works dig-sites to feed her found family. This is entirely due to G1deon dying to Varun and leaving her behind in his body though, so whether this is her preferred presentation can’t really be called here.

Before lyctoral consumption, Pyrrha was head of intelligence for the Cohort, and a cop long before that. She’s great with guns and swords, and falls for people capable of burning empires down single-handedly. Classic femme fatale shit historically, but slightly gender-fucky given the cavalier dynamic.

On the other hand again, she calls her family “daddy’s treasures” after coming home late one night, and leaves her/G1deon’s hair cropped. 🤷

So in short.. Pyrrha is a woman who died alongside her nerdy polycule in a nuclear apocalypse, got resurrected as the bodyguard of her best friend, got killed again and magically consumed by said best friend, spent the next 10,000 years give or take intermittently regaining consciousness in his body after having part of her soul eaten away, and now lives in his body full time while undercover in an active war-zone. Anyone got a niche gender label and pride flag for that?

….

*While I wouldn’t want someone in these books to just say “Hi! I’m trans and go by -/-” as this would clash with the subtler baked-in queerness of the post-resurrection world building, there are other ways to write explicitly trans characters that don’t require the plot hoops that Pyrrha had to be thrown through in order to be classified as representation.

my daily mental exercise is trying to determine where pyrrha falls on the butch-femme scale

Writing this down for later…. 🦴

hi!! I love the Harrow rosary you made - I want to do something similar for a cosplay I'm planning and wondered if you could share some tips/more detailed info on how you did it and what you used? How thick was your embroidery thread?

hi!! so for the ones i used oven bake clay (i did off brand sculpy), and took chunks that looked like the right size that i wanted and then rolled them into balls. after going ball mode i squished into the sides of the ball with my fingers to make it kind of square? but i didn’t make it even all around i let it be more indented near the middle (exhibit a)

here’s a top view (exhibit b)

and then i poked through it with an embroidery needle and baked it for the recommend time. after baking i painted them with watered down black brown and yellow acrylic paints, and i kinda just dabbed it on with my fingers and rubbed it in for the lightly weathered look.

for the thread i used 2 strands of standard dmc embroidery thread and i didnt tie knots between each bead bc thats hard. i used the same needle that i poked the holes with the thread them bc i knew it would fit!

if you have any more questions lmk! i also did a bone corset i don’t remember if i ever posted it tho 🫶🫶🫶

Nona the Ninth: The book in which half the cast dies and/or comes back wrong to the shock and horror of the rest 🤣😭

Paul - just Paul

Paul (HectSextusHextus) seems to have some sort of deal about insisting strongly that they are NOT Camilla or Palamades and do not necessarily maintain any of the emotions, opinions, or relationships of Cam or Pal. While I understand that, and it is totally fine if that's how it is for Paul going forward, I feel like they are a little insensitive with throwing it around while their friends (and their sweet little dying Nona baby) are in full crisis, and grieveing on top of that. Like they specifically say "Camilla and Palamades loved you" not "I love you" and "Cam remembered that", not I remember that. And they say this all so casually, and it just adds to the pain, because everyone is watching, hoping, thinking, let me see a moment of either one of them still being alive, please, please, please. And Paul is like NO I PAUL NOW. so so soooooo excited to see this character going forward and how they act, and how other people act around them. Because even as I read this back I realize it's completely unfair to be annoyed at Paul for not being Cam or Pal, but I feel it is one of the natural emotions to result from this scenario. and I want to see everyone react. but Nona is dead so- wow okay I'm sad now

🤯

Parents think it's a sin for their children to disobey them. Parents think it's okay to assault their children in order to instill the fear of God in them.

Those parents are prime examples of using the lord's name in vain. But they don't want their children to know that. So they instead invent some bullshit definition.

Best advice I’ve ever found on Tumblr. Thank you friend 🫡

Hey, look at me. Look at me. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: you need to condition yourself to being okay with being inconvenienced by things. The first time I spoke about this I meant it in a mental health way- it is good to go out to the store and see people versus just ordering alone at home- but there is another more pressing societal issue you should be more concerned about as well.

Any service you rely on for convenience can be weaponized against you the moment you begin to rely on it. Streaming used to be a cheap and convenient way to see movies at home. It is now exorbitantly expensive, you need multiple accounts just to get what you want, and any of those movies can be taken from you at any time. And unless you have gotten used to going through the “inconvenience” of owning physical media, you can do nothing about it. Same goes for buying things on Amazon. Same goes for any service like DoorDash etc. These companies WANT you to be reliant on them for convenience so they can do whatever they want to you because, well, what else are you gonna do?

Same thing goes for the uptick in AI. If you train yourself to become reliant on AI for doing basic things, you will be taken advantage of. It is only a matter of a couple years before there are no free AI services. Not only that, but in the usage of AI’s case, it is robbing you of valuable skills that you need to curate that you will be helpless without the moment the AI companies drive in the knife the way they have done with streaming. Delivery. Cable. Internet. Etc. It will happen to AI too. And if you are not practicing skills such as. Writing. You are not only going to be at the mercy of AI companies in the digital world, but you are going to be extremely easy to take advantage of in real life too.

I am begging you to let go of learned helplessness. I am begging you to stop letting these companies TEACH you helplessness. Do something like learn to pirate. It is way more inconvenient at the beginning, but once you know how, it is one less way companies can take advantage of you. Garden. Go to the thrift store (older clothes hold up better anyway). These things take more time and effort, yes, but using time and effort are muscles you need to stretch to keep yourself from being flattened under the weight of our capitalist hellscape.

Inconvenience yourself. Please. Start with only the ways you are able. Do a little bit at a time. But do something.

🤘😈🤘

Some more old art :) this time fanart of Nimona! This was also kinda inspired by Dune lol cos I watched it around the same time I did nimona

wip under the cut vv

I like how I coloured the wings in this one, the *ahem* Subsurface Scattering

Locked Tomb: Darkest Dungeon Edition

what if……. tlt as silly game….

This is exactly what runs through my head every time I hear that we “only make up 1% of the population” defense. Would 2% be too much for y’all?

It often feels like mainstream acceptance of queer people, particularly trans and nonbinary people, is contingent on there being few of us. When I was a kid witnessing arguments about gay marriage, statistics about LGBTQ people were so often presented in such a way as to reassure everyone else that we are not dangerous because we are rare. "It's not going to cause societal collapse ... because such a small percentage of people are gay."

And conservative rhetoric against queer people, particularly trans people, which explicitly refers to us as a "social contagion," really underscores that any perceived "increase" in sexual or gender diversity will be seen as a threat. If queer people are permitted to exist, we must be aberrant and isolated. If we are normal and natural and commonly occurring, it is because something has gone terribly wrong.

So. Forgive me if I bristle at the well-meaning argument that "these trans athlete bans are ridiculous, they're only going to affect a few dozen people!" I understand where they're coming from. But I think trans people should be free and abundant.

Oh hey Yahtzee!

😔

I still think this is my best comic.

The thought of Gideon developing into Kiriona early is… horrifying. This is somehow even worse for both her and Harrow than canon lol.

Harrow growing up on the 9th alone.

Kiriona growing up with the saints.

I am SO glad this isn’t how it happens, but it would make for a heartbreaking read….

Hey I know you haven't really done anything TLT in a hot minute but how do you think John changes as a character raising Gideon in your Heiress AU? Thx!!! :]

You sent this ask like 80 years ago, I’m so sorry. But to answer your question, I think he would love his child… But I’m afraid he’ll always be John.

What I wouldn’t give for an R-rated cut of Nimona that allowed her mouth and tastes in music to run free lol

Hi guys watch nimona pls

Quite well thank you!

Happy February. How's your woolies mammoths coming along ladies?

Webtoon | Insta | Bluesky

Support on Patreon!

Not to mention that everyone from Dominicus seems to have surnames that match linguistically with the corresponding number of their houses. Jod literally named everyone 2-9 lol

I think often about the heavy irony of John laughing at Wake's name and mocking BOE's naming systems. BOE are trying to preserve lost Earth culture, but clueless of context, their fragmented merging of high and low culture comes across as silly to John (and us. But it's a noble attempt to preserve everything, even the stuff that wouldn't necessarily seem 'worth' saving. But what does John rename his friends? Pyrrha and Cassiopeia and Ulysses and Augustine. He also names almost everything after Earth culture, but it's literary/religious/historical 'high' culture. BOE is scrabbling to save everything possible, but John has the privilege of context and memory, and so he picks and chooses what's 'worthy' of being used or shared. Low culture is reserved for his little jokes with himself— though honestly, a lot of his references to earth culture full stop seem to be inside jokes at the expense of others. I doubt Cassiopeia knew she was named after the infamously vain ancient queen, for example. John also quotes things at people without explaining what he means, like when he quotes Shakespeare and Hans Christian Andersen at Harrow; he's not really sharing it, he's mostly using it to isolate the other person in the conversation, or make himself seem unknowable and superior. It's honestly very telling that when given the choice John will name most things biblically or classically. It does partially feel like he's desperately scraping to preserve something of his childhood and the home he destroyed (especially with the renaming of Gideon to the Māori translation Kiriona, but... well, he literally renamed her and made her into a walking corpse teenage soldier so :/), but when you look at how he deploys earth culture on the whole, it usually becomes weird and imperialistic and weaponised. He's not really preserving lost art, he's selectively using it for his own agenda, and he's often using the two biggest things that were ever co-opted by conservatives and imperialists, the classical world and biblical convention.

I’ve been noodling on a trans hexblood alchemist artificer D&D OC for almost a year now. So when this post crossed my feed it felt like my mind was being read. It’s great to know I’m not the only one who’s thought of how to get transed into a coven lol….

Ok, so idea time. In D&D it's firmly established that Hags are girls. They primarily reproduce asexually and through rituals, making near clones of themselves, keeping that up. If the DO reproduce sexually it can end up as anything, but only girls ascend to haghood. The others stay as hagspawn, basically changelings. Now interestingly, Crawford has stated that in his home games he's run hags as male or female or neither regardless of apparent sex, because they're fey. If you combine those two facts, you get fascinating options. 1- It's entirely based on your body. This could give you a hagspawn trying to magically HRT in a way that arcane law accepts. 2- Being practically clones means that the original simply passed her preferred pronouns as well. If they're cis it's mere happenstance of the first one in the chain being that way. It's only by adding some mortals into the mix that things can get complicated. This could result in a family ignoring thier child's fear, thinking them safe from the local hags...only to find out they were secretly trans, and now have a hag with a personal vendetta against them. 3- The Sinister Sisterhood isn't just what the network of hags calls itself, it's basically an ancient fey contract that created them, and only accepts women. This could result in a hagspawn waking up one day as a hag, happy for the power but realizing they apparently have some stuff to unpack. It could also result in a hag reverting to a hagspawn, because they got too introspective and decided gender was bullshit. Conclusion- write an adventure about a trans hagspawn trying to take down the sinister sisterhood. Not because of the general cruelty and dedication to evil, but because if she can't get in she'll bring it to ruin. Ending with a new hag cackling off into the world, ready to spread evil and misfortune as her true self.

Transition goals 😈

“It's one of patriarchy's perfect self-perpetuating cycles: the demonisation of older women ensures we do not wish to identify with or learn from them, so cannot gain any knowledge to prepare us for our own experience of ageing. Instead we turn away from our future selves.”

- Hags, Victoria Smith

So eerie and wholesome at the same time. 🥘🧌

Little Xallergh and her hags moms

😳

" W H E R E I S A N A S T A S I A O F T H E N I N T H ? "

Gideon is just as much a product of the 9th as Harrow is, just with different sets of traumas. Harrow bears the burden of her entire House’s expectations and future, whereas Gideon was never expected to amount to anything save for a set of bones to tend the snow leek fields.

Gideon’s whole persona is a reaction to “nobody” seeing her as valuable or worthy of attention. So she makes herself as annoying and loud as possible in order to get the people in her life to notice her.

It’s why she caves to anyone who gives her a scrap of recognition or appreciation, well intentioned or not 💀

thinking about the fact that Gideon grew up in the same exact place and with the same exact background as Harrow, yet there isn't one religious bone in her whole body and she just seems to not care at all about the Emperor or praying or religion as a whole.

thinking about the fact that she doesn't necessarily mock the Ninth for believing, but it's clear she doesn't. yet, she has to have spent at least some years of her life believing in the same religion because it was the only thing she ever knew and she was raised to possibly become a nun, so someone had to teach her about it.

thinking about how I personally stopped believing after growing up catholic and imagining a six years old Gideon Nav hiding in a corner of the Ninth just like I used to do in my house, praying the Emperor for someone to come and claim her, for her father to save her from Crux, from Harrow, from her life. thinking of Gideon going to the same corner day after day, maybe near her mother's burial niche, because in her naive mind that has turned into the praying-spot where God can hear her more clearly, for some reason. he doesn't usually listen to her, but maybe if she prays there he will actually listen to her and help her. and she keeps praying, every day, for weeks, months, years.

thinking of eleven years old Gideon Nav that has prayed and prayed and prayed and ultimately has decided that there must be no God, because he never once listened to her. not even when she asked for something small, something that the Kind Undying should have no problem granting her, since everyone always talks about how powerful he is and how many great things he has done.

or maybe there is a God, but he clearly doesn't care about her, just like everybody else, so why should she care about him?

Be proud of your age sisters, you’ve made it this far!

I really think if you're an adult transfem you're gonna have a harder time if you only view yourself as a girl and refuse to view yourself as a woman

Aw crap I done goofed, time to start over with a flood/blacking out the solar system! 💀

As someone who has never been very beguiled by fiction that explore/criticize religion through the perspective that God either never existed or is evil/selfish/uncaring I really truly appreciate and love that The Locked Tomb went with the, to me, much more complex, intriguing and existentially terrifying idea that God is just some dude. A dude that has more power than anyone else in the universe yes. But still just some dude. Who does not really have answers or a great plan, and the plans he does have are just... plans. Maybe good, maybe great, maybe less than good, maybe bad, but entirely human in their conception.

And in the ways God is portrayed as a father he is not an abusive and/or neglectful one in the violent, domineering, authoritative or indifferent way. He's a dissapointing, absent father in the way that he's there but doesn't quite know what to do with you. He cares and he feels for you but he does nothing to help. He pats you on the head and says you've been through a lot and then goes back to drinking his tea.

And you can argue that he's trying his best and that he loves you but neither of it is good enough, actually a lot of it is deeply flawed and all the worries and anxieties that was comforted by putting your faith in him now comes rushing over you tenfold as you realise he is not omnipotent or all-knowing or has endless love and it's not certain at all that he is more qualified to do this than you are.

He is just some dude.

Some dude named John.

It’s collaboration like this that makes me love my community lol 🖤

Also L’s outfit works WAY too well for it not to have been pre-meditated and hidden in the back of her closet.

Light answers a tough question

Oh hey, Bingo!

butch as in, “here let me get that for you.”

butch as in, I help all my friends move.

butch as in, “of course I’ll be the DD.”

butch as in, I walk on the outside of the sidewalk.

butch as in, “thank you, baby.”

butch as in, I’m the advice friend.

butch as in, “do you need help?”

butch as in, I’m active in my community.

butch as in, “say that again, I dare you.”

butch as in, I’m a jack of all trades.

butch as in, “will you stay?”

butch as in, a shoulder to lean on.

butch as in, “I can fix that.”

butch as in, I’ll pump your gas and check your oil.

butch as in, “I’d love to make you dinner.”

inspired by @femmefruit :)