Vent Writing - Blog Posts

I can't fall in love with myself, it will only hurt and I can again do nothing about it...

I write all the things I don't have the courage to say out loud.

Readers: So do you sneak pieces of your personal experiences into your writing?

Authors: Whaaaaat? Pfft, nah definitely not me…. *Proceeds to incorporate their life stories into their work*

Idk. . .

Just needed comfort from a character cause I don't know who else to go to right now.

Be Held

"...Sorry babe." She mumbled

"Hm? For what, Alex?" Gi-Hun asked, sitting down next to her

"...I don't know. I've just felt so pressured and worthless... I hate this so much..." She hugged herself

"Oh, babe... it's gonna be okay... if you need a break from everything, we can just sit and have an us day..."

"...Really?.." She choked back a sob

"Whatever you go through, we go through." He squeezes her hand. "Those were in my vows, no?"

She sniffed and hugged him. "Dammit..."

"You're okay, princess... I'm right here. It's gonna be okay. You're so strong..."

"I really do love your hugs... I just..." she sighed shakily "I wanna be held... please?.."

"Could never keep my hands off you anyway, love." He kissed her head

"Thank you..." she whispered, nuzzling into his chest

"I love you..."

...

"I love you too..." she answered finally

I who stands by Love's edge (but never falls)

All my friends are...falling in love,

and they can't seem to get enough

or they lose everything else,

for their blind love

(you fall too fast, too hard, too soon, too blindly, and all you'd be left with is pieces,

And I am the bystander that can't help but help pick up the shards.)

Do I know what it means to be a woman? Do I know the difference between a man strutting out his weight across the road while a woman shies off to give way? Do I know what it means to be a woman in a world where several of us are raped, killed, used, exploited, discarded, murdered, ripped, scrunched up, unwound, run over, violated, pried into, scraped, annihilated? Do not teach me my genitals; I know full well that they betray me to a life of suffering. To be a woman is to be a sacrifice, something to settle for— nymph, virgin, innocent, beautiful, motherly, young all at the same time. It is not enough to be one, or several; we must be all. Anything less is unacceptable in front of a measly appendage. I am something to be given away, something to be pursued, something to be caught despite what I may have to say in such a manner. I am something bartered; something sold (hopefully in pristine condition for that is where my value is), a commodity, a trophy at best; vermin, sad, unagreeable, used up cunt at worst. Wicked fruit bears a wicked tree, bears a wicked fruit; but perhaps mine is a dried up, rotting thing. The apple does not fall far from the tree, but its branches are tired; it crumbles under its own weight, crumpled over like a weeping willow next to the cedars and oak trees.

I have found that safety is to be undesirable.

Bro i really wanna end my life righ now i can’t do with my braincell anymore. I can’t exporiment for Chemisrty, i can’t fix my math grades, i can’t lekarn Slovenian laguange properly. i wanna escape from a situation cuz is impossible for me to deal with. My mom and sister are not stoping guilttriping or bodyshaming me. The way i can’t memorize stuff in need to do. I can’t SIT still, or bihave or call my nerves. I don’t know what i’m doing. My mom forces to do what she wants. She won’t stop telling me that my sugar will not stand fizzy drink or how eating to much will make me look worse. Every weekend the same story. Every weekend. How i was young and smart and now I’m tourning into disaster. Same with my dad. He bivše me mixed relationship. Toxic father-daughter relationship. Sometimes he protactes me. Sometimes he admits what is my mom is saying to me when I disappointed him. IDK what my own mother is doing. I often feel tricked or pressured into doing things. Like the time my dad went with my sister and my fem cousin to see my grandma, she was sick and one of my family members came to see her. I was left with my mom, my brother and my newborn brother. I was talking to my dad one day and i was a bit jealous cuz he was spending time with his nieces and my mom figured it out. The next day i talked with my grandma and my mom helped me with what to ask her until she tricked me to insulting i don’t remember what i was saying but i know it was offensive. The next day my dad called me and yelled for my grandma cry and they i blamed my mom for this and stormed off. My mom and gram gram are not in good talking tho. 2 weeks ago my dad was sick and his legs hurted. Then the drama came. My mom and grandma argued like always blaming one another. Every day when i’m not at home, every evening and every weekend. Last week i told my school therapist what happend at the Sunday evening. My dad told me to bring him a sleeveless shirt. I thoat he was heading down stars to help his bakery. I broaght him a white shirt. Then he insulted me saying: i have no shame to help a sick human, i can’t do things right, that they should beat me and i didn’t derserve to be born to etc. I really wanna avoid my parents. They are just too much handle. I get insecure a lot. I’m still trying to figure what does ADHD mean or do i perhaps have it. Is it bad? When i wanna vent to my sister she agrees what my mom said. Got can i reast at least?

I swar if someone gives me advice i will throw a chair at them.

If tonight be our last and the skies fall and the universe splits in two

i would like to go with the imprint of your head leaning on my shoulder

the sound of your laugh filling my eardrums and blocking the impact

the shatter of everything falling as you sigh and make some remark that they really picked their timing, you just mopped the floor-

that would be the blueprint, my dear sweet friend, for the rest of our short short lives

and I would like that.