Incorrect House Of Ashes - Blog Posts

Salim, out of the blue: I would be far more comfortable if I had fewer bones.

Jason: ?????

Jason: GOOGLE SHABOOZEY RIGHT NOW.

Nick: I know who Shaboozey is.

Jason: GO TO GOOGLE.COM AND GOOGLE SHABOOZEY RIGHT NOW.

Salim: Who is Shaboozey?? Okay I'll Google him. OH!!

Jason: I DISCOVERED THIS WHEN I DECIDED TO GOOGLE SHABOOZEY ONCE.

Salim: Are you sure I can't hold the umbrella for you..?

Jason: I'm doing something nice for you because I love you!!!

Salim: Alright, thank you :')

salim's neck has become non-existent after this point RIP this man and his height over his boyfriend 😔

Jason: No, don't-!

Nick: JASON LISTENS TO WHITE GIRL MUSIC!!

Rachel: What?

Joey: Lmao why??

Jason: BRITNEY SPEARS DIED FOR OUR SINS, OKAY??

Jason: StOp crossing the road like that, do you have no anxiety??

Salim: Oh, I have anxiety, but my anxiety is more like I'm confident the cars won't hit me but I'm worried the drivers don't like me.

Nick: You tried to join the freemasons???

Eric: No, I just looked into it!

Jason, hatching a plot: Let's do it.

Joey: I'm in.

Nick: guys, isn't that against the rules? What if we get caught?

Jason: Nick Kay, I cannot wait for you to lose your virginity.

Rachel, handing Jason a gun: Hold this. Do Not drop my baby.

Nick: Awww, he's holding your baby and carrying Salim's!

Jason: Shut. The Fuck. Up.

Nick, out of the blue on a random tuesday: Cats and cows love me.

Jason: How do you know this?

Nick: Vermont.

Jason: Elaborate?

Nick: No.

Eric: This is my wife, Rachel, and her boyfriend, Nick. Who is also my boyfriend.

Nick: Is it just me or has Jason gotten smarter since he started fucking Salim?

Rachel: No, no, you're right. Is it some kind of STI?

Nick: Sexually Transmitted Intelligence.

Jason: But Chernobyl's so silly!

Nick: You can't say that, you're Russian!!!

Jason, who has only seen Mary Poppins once and can't quite remember the plot: ??? So which is it????

Jason: You have that glint in your eye that either says 'I'm Mary Poppins' or 'I'm going to dump your body in that chasm river.'

Salim: We'll never know which it is!

Salim: Is this... normal for them?

Jason: Yeah, trust me, it's normal for everyone, hey Salim, do you wanna... get outta here?

Salim: And go where? Home? We just got here.

Jason: Right... wait did Merwin just come out-?

Merwin: Joey, I'm gonna pretend for a second that you're my wife and that we have children,

Jason, laughing:

Eric: Jason, this is my life.

Jason, still laughing: I know, it just sucks!

Merwin: Joey, I'm gonna pretend for a second that you're my wife and that we have children,

Eric: The Middle East is on the brink of war-

Salim: Brink???

Eric: Okay, give me a topic.

Jason: 9/11.

Nick: The olympics!

Joey: The 9/11 olympics!

Eric: Alright, so my choices are-

Merwin: They hit the THIRD tower, it's a world record!!

Jason: I just finished a 239 page book in like an hour, look at me go :)

Salim: It was a graphic novel.

Jason: Shush, I don't want to hear it from you, babe, you're sick!

Jason: Do any of us have good relationships with our dads?

Nick: Well-

Eric: I do! I love my dad.

Rachel: You're like a disney adult about specifically that guy.

Eric: My dad's the best :)

Jason: Fuck you Eric.

Eric:

Merwin: Yeah, Eric, fuck you!

Eric:

Joey: Eric, you suck.

Eric:

Clarisse, looking Eric up and down: You look like you shop at vineyard vines.

Eric, tearing up: That is the meanest thing anyone has ever said to me.

Jason: You know they kicked Robin Williams out of Juilliard?

Nick: Really? Oh, man, what'd he play?

Rachel: Why is it that men look so peaceful when they're asleep? Like they aren't actively ruining my life when they're awake?

Salim: Sleep is just death being shy, and no man can hate a woman when he's dead.

Rachel: What the fuck.

Jason: Hey, Rachel, have you seen Goncharov?

Rachel: No, what's Goncharov?

Nick: Oh, only my favorite Scorcese movie!

Joey: It's so good, ma'am.

Rachel: Alright, I'll put Goncharov on my list.

Jason: You do that, Rachel.

Rachel: How do you spell it?

Jason: You have that glint in your eye that either says 'I'm Mary Poppins' or 'I'm going to dump your body in that chasm river.'

Salim: We'll never know which it is!

Jason: Hey, Nick, quick question. How much is 256 multiplied by 24?

Nick: Do I look like a calculator to you?

Jason: 

Joey:

Merwin:

Nick, sighing: 6,144.

Nick: Are you gonna go talk to Eric?

Rachel: If he really wants to talk to me, he can come to my room. On his hands and knees.

(Zain slinking in after a night out)

Salim: What did you have?

Zain: Two glasses of lemonade and, like, five mints... :(

Salim: Go to bed.

Zain: Yes sir.

Jason: They should have a great American bake-off.

Salim: What would they bake, machine guns??

Rachel: We don't need to know about your asphyxiation kink.

Merwin: My tinctures?

Rachel: No, I said we don't need to know about your asphyxiation kink.

Merwin: Oh, I thought you said tinctures.

Rachel: Why the FUCK would I say tinctures???