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Jason: The alphabet is somewhere between 25-27 letters.
Nick: Oh yeah, it used to be 28 but they got rid of some letters due to budget cuts.
Jason, counting on his fingers: No, yeah, it's 26.
Nick: THAT WASN'T A BIT?!?!?!?
Zain: Is 37 a prime number, Jason?
Jason, trying to help with his homework: Fuckin... I'm a marine!!!!
Salim: My body is a temple.
Jason: Open to anyone...?
Nick: Aw, no batteries :(
Eric: Aw, what were you gonna do?
Nick: Shine a really bright flashlight in your eyes...
Salim: Jason, what is your favourite book?
Jason: Favorite book? ...Do Kim Kardashian's tweets count?
Salim: ...No.
Rachel: Want to take a stab at being social?
Clarisse: I do like stabbing.
Nick: Jason, you're obviously on some sort of non-vampire related self-discovery journey right now, and as your friend, I'm going to pull out my best tools to help you.
Nick: *opens new tab and types "am I gay quiz" into the search bar*
Nick: C’mon, Jason. Why do you not like Eric?
Jason:
Jason: Have you ever met a man and it’s so obvious that no one in his life has ever told him to shut the fuck up?
Rachel:
Salim:
Nick, shrugging: Valid.
Jason: ARE YOU-
Rachel: Fucking.
Jason: KIDDING ME? YOU-
Rachel: Fucking.
Jason: IDIOT!
Nick: What was that?
Rachel: Salim bet Jason couldn't stop swearing for a week, so I’m helping him out.
Zain, reading a book Jason gave him: Baba, what's a brothel?
Salim, after a long pause: It's a place where they make soup.
Rachel: Is that a hickey?
Jason: No, It's a mosquito bite.
Salim, walks in: Hello, good morning.
Rachel: Hey, mosquito.
Salim: I'm going to take a shower, you want to join me?
Jason: I keep a gun in the drawer under my bunk. If I ever say no to that question I want you to shoot me with it
Jason: why do the vampires keep trying to kill us?
Salim: maybe they’re homophobic
Jason: we’re not gay, Salim
Salim: we're not???
Salim: you often use humor to deflect trauma
Jason: thank you!
Salim: that is not a good thing.
Jason: what i’m hearing is you think i’m funny
Nick: What's your favorite color?
Rachel: Stop asking stupid questions. Ask me something logical and mature.
Nick: How many moles of sodium bicarbonate are needed to neutralize 0.8ml of sulfuric acid at STP?
Rachel: My favorite color is blue.
Jason: sticks and stones may break my bones-
Salim, nodding solemnly: but chains and whips excite me.
Jason, wheezing: nO! WHAT THE FUCK?!
Jason: I don’t think Rachel is very happy with you
Eric: why do you think that?
Jason, reading Eric’s phone: “Dear Eric, I hope this message finds you before I do.”
Rachel: now, Eric, I know we don’t always see eye-to-eye on things, but i need you to be prof-
Eric: It’s because you’re short
Rachel:
Eric:
Eric, sweating: I take it back
Nick in the caves: I have to admit, I am not living la vida loca
Salim: no i’m not tired of being nice, yes i still just wanna go apeshit, these things can coexist, stop asking me
Jason: alright, listen up you little shits
Jason: not you, Salim, you’re an angel and i’m glad you’re here
Nick: *throws shade*
Rachel: pick it up. Now.
Rachel: Why are you smiling? Nick: What, can't I just be happy? Jason: Eric tripped and fell outside.
Nick: Why are you so mad at me? Is it because I slept with Eric?
Rachel: YOU WHAT?!
Nick: Fuck, it wasn't that.
Zain: I can’t find my phone
Jason: I can call it for you
Zain: wait no-
Phone ringing: you are my dad (your my dad) BOOGIE WOOGIE WOOGIE
Zain:
Jason:
Zain: I can explain-
Salim: you all would not have if did not do it first!
Jason: y’all’dn’t’ve’f’i’dn’t’ve
Salim:
Salim: what the hell is wrong with you
Jason: ow! son of a bi-
Salim pointing to Zain: Jason! children!
Jason: … isexual. son of a bisexual.
Jason: ow! son of a bi-
Salim pointing to Zain: Jason! children!
Jason: … iscuit. son of a biscuit.
Nick: nice save.
Jason: yeah. fucking nailed it.
Jason, watching Zain steal something: Man, what an idiot, where are his parents?
Jason:
Jason: Oh shit, I am the parent
Zain: *watching TV*
Jason: Ah, you're watching Sailor Moon? I love that anime. The way they just–
Jason: *clenches fist*
Jason: Sail all those fricking moons.