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Vincent Benitez - Blog Posts
Dear friends,,, colleagues, I have a confession to make; I think Cardinal Thomas Lawrence and Pope Innocent XIV (Vincent Benítez) should hold hands and be happy together.
Conclavers, just found out the Pope CAN infact adopt children (same goes for any priest). The only reason I know this is because my dad’s old friend, who was a Catholic priest, has an adopted daughter. Do with this information as you please.
VINCENT BENITEZ OBVIOUSLY
white cassock… save me…
Headcanon accepted
Vincent Benítez non-binary headcanons:
cw: Mentions of sexual violence, colonialism and sex.
He always felt a sort of disconnect with masculinity.
But also, being raised in a very patriarchal society, witnessing sexual violence and inequality targeted at women, he always felt a sort of duty to be a model man.
He was scared of his own sexual desires because he's seen sex used as a way to harm others.
He conformed with gender roles in order to ease his more progressive ideals amongst his parishioners.
He studied feminism and related those topics to his preachings.
He still had a hard time understanding sexual diversity, yet, he was a progressive priest when it came to LGBT+ rights.
When he learnt he was intersexual, he felt very confused and ashamed. It brought back that feeling of alienation with his role as a man.
It made him realize his own biases about gender identity and sexuality.
That only fuelled the feeling of inadequacy for the role he had been filling as a priest and man of god.
Before he was appointed to the clinic, he received a closeted trans penitent to his church.
He saw himself reflected on them and made the choice to be himself.
Afterwards he started doing more research about the difference between sex and gender.
He saw himself reflected on the people that were beyond women and men. Related to the detachment to one's assigned gender, and the desire to not be perceived and be limited by it.
Learning about the coloniality of gender brought him a lot of comfort and solidified his anti imperialist views.
Now that gender and sex wasn't as structured inside his mind and soul, the idea of sex didn't scare him as much-
Sex wasn't something he had to "take" or do to someone else. And he let himself indulge in fantasies and self pleasure.
He found his own gender identity very personal, something he had acknowledged with god only.
By the time he's in the papacy he's very comfortable with his identity.
He finds he enjoys challenging gender norms in his duties and his presentation. Leaving his hair long and wearing more feminine clothing under his cassock.
Pope Innocent never comes out publicly, but he makes sure the church becomes welcome of trans people.
Once again thinking about Vincent as pope…
Vincent hating the attention he’s given for doing simple things such as carrying his own bags, knowing the Swiss guards names, hugging children when they run up to him. Vincent despising how every human thing he does immediately becomes a headline: “Pope listening to music!” (He was wearing headphones and listening to some old favorites while hanging out with the turtles) “Innocent XIV goes shopping!” (He forgot to bring a book to the airport and just wanted to buy something to read on the plane) “The pope wears converse!” (He’d owned the same pair of shoes for three years, and he’d stitched them up himself after the fabric tore)
Vincent feeling more isolated than ever. Despite never being alone, there is not a single person who treats him as a person. He’s constantly watched, yet never invited into casual conversations, no one asks him to join them for coffee, no one rants about their boring work or tells him about their favorite books or talks about the weather.
Vincent waking up in a cold sweat most nights. Dreams of war haunting his sleep, the faces of the dead burned into his mind. He wakes up gasping for air, or screaming, or running to the bathroom to throw up.
Vincent sleeping on the floor more often than the bed. Vincent flinching at loud noises and always scanning the room for threats and ways to escape.
Vincent having flashbacks and panic attacks on the floor of his bathroom, not being able to call anyone for help because he’s the pope, he’s not allowed to fall apart or ask for help or take a break.
Vincent who cannot handle being snuck up on from behind, who can’t have meat that isn’t well done, Vincent who hides his shaking hands behind his back as he speaks about the saints who were stoned to death, because he knows what that looks like.
Vincent who once gets so startled by the bang of a bible being dropped onto the floor of St Peter’s cathedral while he’s holding mass that he instinctively ducks behind the altar, covering his head, sure that he’s back in the war. Vincent who has to continue his sermon with shaking hands and voice, with his normally so present and kind eyes suddenly showing a far-away look. And Vincent who has to read the headlines afterwards, despite Aldo doing his best to shield him.
I also think about Thomas.
Thomas who tries to joke with Vincent about how the masses have never seen a pope young enough to have the strength to carry his own bags, Thomas who reminds him that even though he is the pope, he’s still human.
Thomas who, despite this, is unable to call him Vincent. Thomas who has always seen the papacy as closest to the God he has such a hard time reaching, and Thomas who no longer sees Vincent when he looks at the pope.
Thomas who tries to comfort Vincent, but keeps calling him Your Holiness, and watching as Vincent pulls away more and more.
Thomas who once entered Vincent’s room at night to leave him an urgent document, and found the pope curled up on the floor.
Thomas who always sees when Vincent’s hands start to shake, who can sense Vincent’s breathing quicken and his eyes start searching for escape routes. Thomas who can’t do anything to help, because the pope cannot be seen having to be escorted away because of anxiety.
Thomas who tries to learn what triggers Vincent, Thomas who takes notes on what makes the pope flinch or shake or hide away. Thomas who discreetly informs the rest of the staff closest to Vincent about how important it is to never sneak up on him from behind, or serve him anything resembling torn off flesh.
Thomas who finally sees how Vincent is actually doing once the incident at mass happens. Thomas who argues with everyone to try to allow Vincent to end mass early, but failing. Thomas who sends the altar boys and deacons away from the sacristy once mass is over and finally greets the pope by his original name.
Thomas who opens his arms and his heart as he sees the shaking man in front of him. “Oh my dear Vincent” he says, and his heart breaks as Vincent falls into his arms and sobs.
Thomas who holds him tightly, whispering apologies for letting this continue, who promises to be better. Thomas who helps Vincent change out of his sweat soaked vestments, and who lets Vincent explain the horrors he’s seen.
I also think about Aldo
Aldo who’s in the background of it all. Who sees how the new pope seems to be getting even thinner than he was. Aldo who tries his best to minimize Vincent’s amount of paperwork on the days where the pope arrives to breakfast at 5 am with bloodshot eyes and holding his mug of tea with trembling hands.
Aldo who more than once has held up Vincent’s hair as he throws up after stressful meetings with world leaders who are decimating entire populations. Aldo who sometimes pretends not to see invites from some of the dictators he knows Vincent hates the most.
Aldo who tries his best to keep the news away from Vincent whenever he’s in the headlines. Aldo who brings Vincent hot chocolate whenever he knows an article will have upset him.
Aldo who always remembers to make his steps louder or clear his throat if he’s walking up to the pope from behind. Who will always make sure there is a vegetarian option that won’t remind the pope of wounded and dead bodies.
Aldo who every so often sees the pope’s eyes flicker to the side, and knows it means Vincent is quietly suppressing the most horrible flashbacks, even with a smile on his face. And Aldo who always makes sure he has an excuse ready to get Vincent out of situations when it happens.
Aldo who tries his very very best to make Thomas realise that Vincent needs him.
Aldo who feels a weight leave his heart once he sees Thomas leading a shaking Vincent through the halls of the Santa Martha, and who smiles when they both enter the Homy Father’s room.
WIP - trying out some other brushes 🥸
Every conclave fic I read that has the Aldo and Vincent conversation where Aldo still isnt sure about the new pope/his role in the Curia after the late pope’s death and he says something like “I never voted for you, you know, I voted for Thomas til the very end” only for Vincent to reply “Oh Aldo, I know, and so did I.”
And they finally connect because if they have nothing else in common at least they both love Thomas with their whole hearts …
arghhh it makes me go feral
Sketches based on my latest chapter of Oh good God, let me give you my life (which you can find here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/65218507 )
No pope yet but there will be another chapter tonight 🙏🙏
https://archiveofourown.org/works/65218507
Vincent VIPs + Lawrence sketch I drew during class🥸
Aperol spritz,, conclave rewatch and writing chap 7 of Oh, good god, let me give you my life,,, can life get better?? (https://archiveofourown.org/works/65218507)
https://archiveofourown.org/works/65218507
If you like Vincent angst,, may I present my Vincent POV fic?
Focuses on how his time in war zones impacted him, with undiagnosed PTSD, food issues and general angst.
Also he’s in love with Thomas🙏
https://archiveofourown.org/works/65218507
"He didn’t feel like he fit in with the polished marble buildings, and despite not having access to a mirror, he could guess that his dirty clothes, bloodstained shoes and unwashed hair didn’t quite seem fitting of a cardinal."
or
Vincent arrives at the Vatican sleep deprived, hungry, and with a feeling of wrongness. He doesn't realise how used he has become to war.
Something something that one winter pope outfit👀
Also Lawrence POV
Al parecer hay un nuevo cardinal 🐢
Mini animación hecha en procreate y Harmony :3 (fueron 180 frames lol )