May Be Triggering - Blog Posts

"Your worst demon... Is you"

Name - Nina 'lusion

Age - 10 Spirit years, Or 15 Human ones, but looks like she's 5

Species - Human

Magic Type - Familiar

Parents - Nancy Dia, Hizaga Grinstead

~~Trigger Warning for the Backstory, because of the Abuse and Sexual mentions~~

Backstory - Nina was born to a Rich Family, But Her mother was sold to the man she called father. He was waiting for Nina to become 5 to do to her what he does to her mother... He told het it was a game... she hated this "game"...After 5 years of that "game", her soul became cracked. Her Mother was sold because Of her Soul being able to do Magic, Spiritual Magic. Her Mother Had the ability to Summon an Eagle that looked as if made of Flowers and Stone. Her Mother Drew her power from Nature. Once she was 7 her mother saw that Nina's soul that the same magic as she did so she decided to teach her how to summon a familiar whenever Her "Father" wasn't home. Another year passed and She was 8. Nina learned how to draw power from the moonlight and summoned a Small Cat, but this Cat seemed to be made of the dark of night and stars. Another year of abuse and Maltreatment passed until Nancy decided it was enough. Nina, now 9 was wrapped in a blanket by her mother amd hidden. Once Hizaga was back and saw her "missing", he attempted to get her location from Nancy. But as he did that, Nancy's Familiar Got Nina out of there. Once she was safe the bird ended up bursting into flowers... which meant that the person holding the familiar together is no longer in this world, But that traumatic experience caused Nina's Mindset to stay of that of a 5 year old. She spent the rest of the week wandering around in a horrid part of town believing she was abandoned.

Dysphoria.

It's a hard thing to describe. You can't really explain it to people who don't experience gender dysphoria. And everyone is experiencing dysphoria in a different way. Some people can put in words how they feel, but I'm not sure if I can. Dysphoria is the worst kind of pain I've known. There are some days I don't feel so dysphoric about myself but the most time my dysphoria is really bad. Sometimes I break down because I can't handle the dysphoria attacks. It makes me want to rip my skin off. It makes me stay in bed all day because I just don't have enough energy to get up. It makes me feel like shit and that I never want to talk again because I can't handle my voice. It's the reason why I sometimes can't talk in class because I feel too dysphoric about my voice. It's the reason I sometimes can't wear what I want because I'm scared not to pass so I rather wear a baggy hoodie. On some days it makes me want to kill myself because it doesn't seem worth it. And there are people out there who think it's fun to be Transgender. They think it's all pride parades and adorable. But it's not. Being Trans is the reason why I can't do the things I wanted to do in the future. Being Trans is a pain in the ass and I have to struggle every day. Every day is a fight. And I don't need people to understand how I feel. I just need them to stop making fun of Trans people. Because it's already hard enough to be Trans. And I know I'm not the only one who has to struggle with all of this but sometimes I feel like I'm alone.