Duncan Vizla - Blog Posts

Another quick little ✨thing✨ Hannibal definitely made mac and cheese after and they all sat at the dinner table eating macaroni and cheese ✨✨✨

All I can think of rn is Adam having a complete meltdown and Nigel not knowing how to help so he calls Hannibal and Duncan to help and Hannibal tells him what to do and when that doesn't work Duncan just fucking comes to their place with a bunch of star stickers for Adam (I'm having artblock rn or else I'd draw it. Plus an extremely bad English day)

Great minds think alike pookie ✨✨

All I can think of rn is Adam having a complete meltdown and Nigel not knowing how to help so he calls Hannibal and Duncan to help and Hannibal tells him what to do and when that doesn't work Duncan just fucking comes to their place with a bunch of star stickers for Adam (I'm having artblock rn or else I'd draw it. Plus an extremely bad English day)

OMG stop

I imagine Duncan and Hannibal coming to the house I. IMMEDIATELY know Hannibal is already in action trying to help Adam trying to calm him down and Duncan is just over in the corner getting ready to walk over to Adam when he’s calming down and place a star sticker on his forehead or the breast pocket of his shirt being like 😌👍🏻

(Yk they all would try to help but Hannibal would tell them to shut up and go away)

All I can think of rn is Adam having a complete meltdown and Nigel not knowing how to help so he calls Hannibal and Duncan to help and Hannibal tells him what to do and when that doesn't work Duncan just fucking comes to their place with a bunch of star stickers for Adam (I'm having artblock rn or else I'd draw it. Plus an extremely bad English day)

I CANT WAIT FOR MORE OP 🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅💥💥💥

Title: DIE 4 YOU

Pairing: Adam Raki/Duncan Vizla

AO3: READ HERE

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Summary: After taking down the Damocles organization, Duncan spends the rest of his retirement in a quiet town in the Middle of Nowhere, Montana. There he meets the only other person who lives there: Adam.

Duncan and some hot coco🤤

https://archiveofourown.org/works/65369347/chapters/168209467

Here’s chapter one! I kept it pretty short and simple for the start. Hope y’all enjoy!

Hey guys!

I know this is probably terrible timing, but I did want to let y’all know I’ll be taking a small break

or at least I don’t anticipate it to be long. My mental health hasn’t been the best, and I’ve got a lot of medical stuff I gotta take care of rn. So sorry to let y’all down like this. I’m super grateful for you guys, and I’ll do my best to be back soon.

Note: Some good news is that I’ll still be continuing my AO3 story tho! Since I only really plan to posting once a week, I think it won’t be too much on me. I also haven’t posted the link for it on here yet ’cause I’m still working through some stuff in chapter one.

Anyway, love y’all and stay safe 🤍

Cool squirrel!

Glad to hear you're settling in Baltimore alright. What does Beth do for a living, if you don't mind me asking?

- 🧷

// ooc: I just watched Adam the movie the other day and I have so many feelings about it. Once again I applaud you on your amazingly canon-aligned depiction!!! Also p.s. my inbox at @safetypin-non is always open ^_^

Isn’t he just?

At first, I suspected he might have rabies because he was unusually receptive for a wild animal. But then I realized he was probably already used to being around people. I wished I had something to feed him, but unfortunately, I only had pastries with me which you should never give to squirrels or ducks, for that matter. A lot of people make the mistake of feeding bread to ducks, even though it can ultimately be harmful—even deadly—for them. If you really want to give them a treat, you should offer peas instead.

And Beth is a teacher.

///thank u sm sweetheart! means a lot considering I’ve never done anything quite like this before. definitely let me know what you thought of the movie :)

I haven’t had the chance to look for raccoons yet, but there are squirrels in a park nearby.

I don’t like the filter Beth put on this picture, but the squirrel was fascinating.

Best of luck with the move, and don't forget to breathe!! I know moving can be enervating, and it's tempting to just shut everything off. I make that mistake sometimes, so you're not alone. You have a great group of friends, and you're a wonderful person, Adam! I hope you have a really good rest of your day. :)

This message reminded me of someone I know..

Although it’s not groundbreaking, you’re right—breathing is something I have to do more intentionally. Thank you for your words. I feel a lot warmer around my heart now, in the metaphorical sense.

I hope you have a nice day or night!, depending on where you live.

Hey Adam! Congrats on the new job and move to Baltimore. I think a change of scenery from the noise and excitement of NYC will be a bit less chaotic.

As a reminder, I'm here for ya. I know I'm not involved, not trying to be, but I'm here. People shouldn't pity you. But they also shouldn't walk all over you. I'm proud of you for setting those boundaries.

Never compromise your wellbeing, ever.

- 🧷

Hello,

Thank you for your message.I mean that sincerely. I think you’re right about the noise. New York has been too much for me ever since my Dad died, though I got used to the overstimulation. Or I thought I did.

Baltimore will be different. Not necessarily quieter, but..slower, maybe. Which might be good for me.

I appreciate the sentiment. I understand your concern. But sometimes things appear different from the outside. I’m doing what feels manageable for me at the moment. And that has to be enough, doesn’t it?

Still—thank you, again.

Hey Adam! How are you doing today?

Hello,

I did not manage to answer you in time. I do not remember how I felt on May 2nd.

But if I apply your question to today, I’d say I feel desolation and a sense of culpability regarding my emotional state.As for what I’m doing; I’m packing boxes.

I’ve been trying to organize them methodically, much to Beth’s frustration. We argued about it yesterday. It makes my skin itch to watch her throw everything together without care.

Tonight, I’m going to the park to watch the raccoons. I hope it’ll settle my thoughts. I know it won’t, there’s no magic in distraction. But maybe if I keep myself occupied long enough, I can crowd out what’s pressing on me.

After all i understand that my routines aren’t efficient for moving. So, I’ll dissociate as much as I can.

You do not understand me. You pity me.

I took the job offer in Baltimore.

I will be working as a guide at the Davis Planetarium. I’m very happy it worked out. The planetarium has such a rich archive and so many exhibits in rotation! I’ll have a lot to learn and organize, and even more to share. I am already experiencing a lot of excitement about that.

That means Beth and I will be moving to Maryland soon, leaving New York behind. I will miss New York. But I’m looking forward to seeing some people in Baltimore. And it’ll make getting to Dr. Lecter’s appointments easier, once he returns from his retreat.

What made you decide to get back with Beth? I thought you were doing pretty well, especially with Nigel. I think we all just want to make sure you're truly happy with this decision.

I don’t know. I think I want to be left alone. I don’t want to answer any more questions about this…

Good luck with talking to Beth 🤞

If it goes south, just make sure you take care of yourself first.

- 🧷 (safetypin-non)

Thank you. It went well.

Beth and I are together again.

My head hurts and my hands are trembling.

Were not the bliss too often crost

By that unhappy vile distrust,That gnawing doubt, and anxious fear, that dangerous malady,

That terrible tormenting rage, that madness, jealousy.

It is love that tortures you, isn’t it?

You don’t speak of it but I know and so do you.

I did not like that.

I cannot keep going like this. I will drive over to Beth and her family.

One advantage of communicating online instead of in person is that if something somebody says flusters or overwhelms you, you can just choose not to respond.

You can pretend you didn’t see it at all. I think that’s handy.

I can’t say that I understand the current obsession with Elon Musk.

If you strip away the marketing, most of what he’s done in space science is either derivative, outsourced, or bloated beyond reason. He didn’t invent rockets. He didn’t pioneer space travel. He just made it more profitable to pretend he did.

There are people like Tiera Guinn Fletcher, who was designing launch vehicles for NASA at 22. People like Swati Mohan, who helped land Perseverance on Mars. People like Natalie Panek, who works on building robotics for future Mars missions.

But instead we elevate Musk who slaps his name on decades of actual scientific progress. There are real pioneers in this field out there. Just not the ones selling flamethrowers and rebranding physics as marketing strategy.

I also have a purely personal dislike against him. He annoys me.

I recently read about Tardigrades, also called water bears, they are micro-animals that survive things most organisms wouldn’t even make it through halfway.

When conditions get extreme; dehydration, radiation, freezing, heat etc. they enter a state called cryptobiosis. That means they shut down almost all biological functions. No metabolism, no movement.

In this state, they’re called tuns. They can stay like that for years.

Then when water is added, they pick up where they left off like it’s nothing.

They’ve survived space exposure, temperatures from just above absolute zero to over 150°C, and pressure levels that would crush submarines.

They’re not strong in the usual way. They’re just built for their environment.

Thought you’d be interested in this, stea. You think Keats was talking about Polaris? Can’t say I’m well versed on the subject. https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44468/bright-star-would-i-were-stedfast-as-thou-art

— Nigel

Fomalhaut was the first star that came to mind. People call it the lonely one, and that feels closer to what Keats was describing—‘not in lone splendour hung aloft the night’—watching in silence like some sleepless, distant observer. Polaris is constant, sure, but Fomalhaut is solitary. It sits far apart from the other bright stars in the sky. Easy to notice. Easy to feel something about.

It makes sense to me, logistically too. Fomalhaut is visible from Earth without much effort. But more than that, it carries the weight of solitude, of being out there and unmistakably alone.

I don’t think he wanted to be the star. I think he recognized something of himself in it. When we admire things people, stars, it’s often because they mirror something we’re missing or trying to understand. Maybe he wasn’t longing for distance, but for connection. To feel less alone by seeing that loneliness reflected back.

And even if they’re separated by lifetimes of space, the star and the observer exist in that moment together. No one else might understand that connection, perhaps not even the two of them, but it’s there nonetheless.

Yes, I do have a comfort show.

It’s ‘Cosmos: A Personal Voyage’.

I think I might just re-watch it today, maybe it’ll temporarily help my brain calm down.

Nothing feels real anymore.

EVERBODY always lies to me and I am stuck feeling like an idiot because I care about honesty. Why does nobody ever mean what they say? What even is the point in saying anything then?.

Oh, Adam. Beth didn’t deserve you, not by a long shot. I hope you’re doing okay. You always have a place to stay at mine if you ever need it.

- Duncan.

Thank you, Duncan.

I appreciate that you always welcome me.

I think I want to be alone in my apartment for now. I miss familiarity.

Beth always hated the idea of this blog. She didn’t want me posting as much so I didn’t.

All this time I tried so hard to make her happy. I stopped interacting with people I like because it made her uncomfortable, I stopped talking as much because it made her uncomfortable, I stopped behaving like myself because it made her uncomfortable.

I hate her and I hate myself.

Beth lied to me.

She lied about her parents. About everything.

She knew what she was doing. She knew all along and she still let me believe it was all me. But she was the liar all along!.

I don’t even know what’s real anymore. I can’t think. I can’t breathe.

Everything hurts and I just want it to stop..

I hate her. I wish I never met her.

I don’t feel that way with you though.

I never have so far.

I have learned that people say they want me to be myself, but they rarely ever mean it.

They mean: be myself, but in a way that makes sense to them. Be myself, but not so much that they have to rethink anything. Be myself, but not in a way that makes them wonder if they even know me at all. In a way that won’t embarrass them. And now I’m the one hesitating, trying to figure out what I’m apparently not giving—something I wasn’t even aware was missing.

And I have to wonder if I’m the one getting it wrong.

Good morning, Adam. How are you? : )

-Duncan.

Hello Duncan, please excuse my late response.

I have been feeling stressed out for a while now and I have lots of doubts.

How are you? It seems like you are in a relationship now, am I interpreting that correctly?.

Hey Adam :D I just started my transition journey and I was wondering what your thoughts are on the trans/queer community 🫶

Of course I support them. I don’t see why I wouldn’t. Discriminating against people for existing has never made any logical sense to me. It’s not hurting anyone. It’s just reality.

I know what it’s like to be perceived as complicated for no reason. To feel like you have to explain yourself when there’s nothing to explain.

Wishing you all the best with your transition.