Cep-thoughts - Blog Posts

As a European, this morning has got my heart broken and worried. Worried for my kin in the US, and for the repercussions on the rest of the world.

I actually had hope. Hope that when given the option between harm reduction and straight up poison, few people would choose the poison.

To all of you in the US, I'm so sorry. Please stay safe, and stay alive. Remember, you living is a beautiful act of rebellion.

To all of those who chose the poison, I sincerely hope you choke on it.

💀 So, I tried Aethy today... 🤔

At first glance, it's quite a nice site, bit of a mix between Tumblr ^ Twitter, nice layout, quite intuitive, and the community seems nice enough.

However, there are two(ish) things that stood out to me and made me decide to not stick with it and not recommend it.

First, they allow AI art, and though it has to be labelled, there is so much that it floods the timeline. Fun fact, I don't see much AI on Tumblr apart from the bot invasions of certain tags from time to time. on the few hours I spent on Aethy, one post out of three was AI generated. That is just too much, it means a lot of users are using AI and posting that there, and as an artist that makes me feel quite unwelcomed.

Second, while I appreciate how the content warnings are implemented, something gave me pause: alterhumanity was considered a sensitive topic. Mind you, religion was too, but no other identity was. And that felt... off. Religion and beliefs can be sensitive subjects because of trauma yes, but censoring an identity that isn't spiritual in nature feels off. Then there's also the whole "all kinks, even the weirdest ones" while banning pro-para, like... Kinks are paraphilias? That makes no sense.

And I think I might have an idea why.

I wanted some opinions, so i looked it up online.

And I discovered that Aethy's mod team was deleting criticism and banning people who posted it, and answered quesries about it very rudely and with more banning. Then I discovered that mods are saying that pro-para is a label used by abusers, so everyone who uses that label must be an abuser. That makes no sense, and sounds like people who campain for censorship online saying that predators use profiction communities so the whole community grooms children.

In conclusions, the mods' rules are vague to let them moderate by personal liking rather than abiding by "safe community for adults who enjoy kink".

So yea, would not recommend it.

🐻 Bear & Breakfast 🥞

I finished playing Bear & Breakfast yesterday!

I loved the game!

Nice mix between management, decoration and adventuring! The tutorials are quite well done, the menus are intuitive, and the quests are easy to follow.

The art style is super super cute and lovely, and the options for decor are awesome!

The management aspect is really easy to understand while style being interesting.

Overall, the game isn't very difficult, but it's very relaxing and satisfying to go through!

The characters are so loveable and colorful, absolute banger!

Highly recommend it!

Trying so hard to remember that productivity isn't limited to high-spoon activities like writing or researching, but also includes self-care, more chill hobbies like gaming or coloring, things like regression, anything that makes you feel good, including resting and napping!

What is a para? I have seen the term a lot in madd circles and suspect is has to do with paracosms yet people use the term to refer to what seem to be like character/ ocs like an entity? What does it mean. Could u break down the common used terms in the madd community and perhaps some other kin things or give links or find where I might find information? -from someone who also has madd

Sure, with pleasure!

In short, a para is a character in your daydream. If I recall correctly, the term was created because "oc" didn't feel fitting, as madders often spend a lot of time daydreaming, and therefore most have a special bond with their characters.

As for some other madd terms, well! (in very simple terms once again)

A paracosm is a world/storyline you daydream about!

You might also find the terms immersive daydreamer and neuronarrator around. Those are terms for vivid daydreamers who's daydreams aren't maladaptive.

A parame is the "main character" of your daydream, the one you "fol.low" during.

A paraself is a version of you in your daydream.

For more about all this (more terms, resources,...), i'd like to redirect you to @acircusfullofdemons 's Ultimate Daydreamer's Guide , it's a great resource!

For kin vocab, it's quite large but I can give a few words of info ^^

Fictionkin, fictionfolk and isofic are terms for people who kin a character or pop culture creature.

Objectkin is similarly built: it is a term for people who kin objects.

Conceptkin follows the same pattern: term for people who kin concepts (like chaos, life, death, fear,...)

Otherkin is a word for the comm unity, a bit like alterhuman. It's an umbrella term.

Therians typically refers to people who kin animals existing on this Earth.

Kinsidering is a term reffering to discovering a new kin, thinking about it.

A mental shift refers to when you have a period of time during which you think like your kintype (more so than usual)

A phantom shift refers to a period of time during which you feel your phantom limbs, aka the limbs and body parts your kintype has, but your current form doesn't.

Joker 2: Folie a Deux was a good movie

Here's the unpopular opinion I talked about earlier- 'cause apparently people think this movie sucked? And I don't agree - same thing happened with the first movie.

Like, the first movie was described a lot as "an edgy movie for incels" and like...

As a person with disabilities, including mental illnesses, the first movie made me angry on Arthur's behalf. it made me hurt, and it felt great yet sad when he snapped.

Great because he was finally fighting back. Sade because well... He shouldn't have to, it should never have come to this.

The second movie, according to most, seems to be "a mockery of the people who liked the first one".

And frankly, I don't care if it was intended as such, because that's not what I saw.

What I saw, was the same man I'd come to grow attached to and care for in the first movie, dealing with the aftermath of his breakdown and struggling to keep a sliver of sanity and joy and hope in a world that never cared about him and never saw him as a person: only a monster, a freak, only things that excused abuse.

Well, except for the doctors, who saw him like a broken vase. Something fragile. But still not a person.

That last one shows a lot with the "Joker is an alter" theory they cling onto the whole time, when it's clear to the audience that it never was true. It's just Arthur, as he says in the end. it's just Arthur that couldn't take it anymore and did horrible things as a survival reflex. It shows with the way they expose Arthur in the courtroom: no regards to his dignity and privacy as a person.

The guards are only kind when you act as they see you: a criminal, under them.

The abuse depicted isn't graphic, at least it didn't seem graphic to me. But it still had an enormous impact.

The storyline with Lee I couldn't have been more happy with.

The moment she said "I wanna see the real you" while putting make up on Arthur, i knew how this was going to end. yet, I couldn't help but hope with Arthur. He seemed happy. But every time we saw lee outside of his daydreams, I couldn't be hopeful. Her demeanor screamed what was going to happen.

I loved how Arthur's daydreams portrayed this too. Not just in the obvious ways, like her shooting him. Music, in the first movie, was how you'd tell a delusion from a daydream. Arthur has music in his daydreams, he's an entertainer, he liked the scene. Lee, however liked the fame. That's the big difference I feel is subtly shown in Arthur's daydreams. He's singing because this is his world, he does whatever, and he likes singing. She's singing because she's performing, she's on a scene, sending a message.

As much as my soft heart wanted Arthur to have a happy ending, whether alone or not, I knew it wouldn't happen, and I don't dislike that.

He'd been on the brink of metaphorically dying when Ricky got killed, and he did when Lee abandoned him.

A happy ending was never an option, and at this point, I'm not sure what would've been more impactful: leaving him there, a shell of himself, or him dying for real - then again I don't think there's an objective answer to that.

I got surprised when he got stabbed. Not because it wasn't predictable: there'd been foreshadowing, it didn't come out of nowhere. No, i got surprised because, the thing with these movies, is that they suck me in.

Between the music, whether in the background or in a more musical fashion, the cinematography (lights, framing,...), along with how I relate to and feel for Arthur, it all has a mesmerizing quality that makes me travel far.

So, when Arthur got called for a visit, I got hopeful, genuinely. Because I didn't have my writer glasses on; that's not fun for a first watch. So I followed along, hoping he'd find a friend on the other side. Who? I had no idea, I just wanted him to be happy.

I was uneasy when he got stopped. I think that even if my conscious was too engrossed to realise the foreshadowing, my subconscious had gotten the message just fine. That's another reason why I felt the movie was well done.

The scene where he actually died, I think everything froze for me.

When I got out of the theater, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom for a few minutes. See, the thing with my group of friends, is that when we go see a movie, we discuss it immediately. I love that usually, but I was feeling... off. I still don't know what words I could put on what I was feeling. A sort of melancholic hopelessness, all the while knowing that it was just a story, that I wouldn't end up like this. I say this because, i think my first clear thought when i collected myself was "Is there no place for people like us?".

And obviously things aren't as bad as in fiction, but, well... i always make the joke that there's no need to read/watch dystopian stories anymore, because we're living in one. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate these stories. I just feel like we're living in one.

I'm not going to list off why, I'm sure you'll find many reasons yourself, many of which I probably wouldn't even have thought of. Isn't that sad?

I don't have a conclusion to this. There's more hope for most of us than for Arthur. But when you look at the fates of a lot of people like him -not the "power-tripping incels", as I've seen- people with disabilities, people in poverty, people who've or are being abused... Is there a world where we stop making victims?

Truth is, the real reason I wanted to put this out was to try to get rid of that feeling, the one that caught onto me as I left my cinema seat.

I thought putting it into words would help.

I don't think it did.

It still has a hold on me, although it's less overwhelming that that night, it's still there, a steady feeling for the last few days. I saw the movie last Thursday.

It's not that novel of a feeling. i remember feeling like this once, years ago. When I wasn't a kid anymore, and suddenly the world wasn't pretty.

Now I can see that the world is pretty. Humanity is wonderful. Still, it sticks to my throat like sticky honey, except it's bittersweet and it feels like rain and thunder and screams.

Have a good day/night, thank you for reading a lunatic's pointless rambles 💚

🦋 General Tags

#cep-posts : original posts

#cep-being : stuff about myself/my identity

#cep-thoughts : my thoughts on stuff (research, discourse, activism,…)

#cep-witches : my spirituality

#cep-journals : my journaling

#cep-art : my art

#cep-writes : my writing

#cep-fandoms : fandomy stuff

#cep-daydreams : my daydreams

#cep-loves : my selfshipping

#ceps-forever-world : my minecraft forever world

#cep-yaps : rambles and yapping

#cep-socialises : from answering asks to tag games

#cep-nsft : nsfw stuff; minors please block this tag, same for people that would prefer not to see this

Hi! Name's Kai, I'm 21, I use any pronouns, and this is my blog!