I Don’t Remember If I Requested This Already But May I Request An Nsfw Scenario Where Cisfem Reader

Crack Scenario: The Trix seeing Palladium's pre-evolution form

I know the true nature of his 'evolution' is unclear in canon, so for this little scenario, I'm going off of the HC that it's a spell

So imagine this: The Trix are attacking some fairies in one of Palladium's outdoor classes. Of course, Palladium is fighting them off while his students get to safety. Then, something happens (maybe Darcy casts a certain spell) and Palladium's evolution spell breaks

The Trix, for a moment, are silent, in shock. Then they just start RIOTING

Like:

"OH MY WITCHES, LOOK AT HIM, HE'S A GODDAMN TWINK"

"HE LOOKS LIKE THE KIND OF GUY WE'D SHOVE INTO A LOCKER, I CAN'T"

"I JUST CAN'T TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY"

Then they either decide to finish beating his ass, or they just straight up leave, because they're not beating up this little shrimp of a man when there are goody-two-shoes fairies they can torment

can we get some slenderman x s/o cuddling/sleeping together headcanons! like how they cuddle each other in bed, how they manage to sleep together, whether slender sleeps stiff or flips and turns; anything like that ^^ - ☆

Not like there's an issue where they couldn't sleep together?? Obviously any non-humans have beds that are big enough to fit them~ Slender is over 7 feet tall, he's not sleeping on a normal human bed

That counts on IF you can even get him into bed. Slender is a certified workaholic and there are many nights where you go to bed alone and wake up alone. It's an unfortunate part of being in a relationship with him, but at least 4/7 nights in the week you'll probably be alone in your bed, depending on the time of year.

When he is in bed with you, Slender doesn't move. His body tends to be as exhausted as his mind, and whatever position he settles down in, he's going to wake up in. Slender tends to spoon you on most nights, whether you're snuggled into his chest or if he's wrapped around you, that's generally the default position. Slender doesn't ever let you spoon him because his back is a spot of weakness for him (power-wise), and if he wakes up like that he'll probably get pissy and shift away from you. His favorite position is just to have you in his arms, as holding onto you relaxes him.

His favorite thing in the morning when he wakes up is to just watch you for a bit. You look so cute to him when you're sleeping, so content, so happy, so peaceful, and he'll lay there lovingly gazing at you for a few minutes before he has to wake up officially for the day and start his job. The sight of your face is his absolute favorite thing to wake up to, and he likes to say that it's the best way for him to start the day.

Narrow what down? 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍☺️😌🥳😋😉😁😇👉🏻👈🏻

Hello again, Mycroft! How's life? 🕷️🥰😘😍❤️☺️😌😋😁😉🥺

Day 5: Staying with Severus

Pairing: Severus Snape x OC

Rating: 🥰

Prompt: Pillow

A/N: Part 2 to Snapetober day 3 'Haunt'. Again this one kind of ran away from me and turned out being a lot longer than I expected.

Warnings: casual drinking?

Word Count: 3314

Credits to the artist.

DAY 1

“Alright, let’s hear it.” I said, dropping my bags at my feet upon entry.

“Excuse me?” Severus looked at me inquisitively.

“You said you’d have stipulations for me staying with you, let’s hear them.”

“Very well.” He sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. “As there is no spare bedroom you will unfortunately have to sleep here on the couch. This means, you are to wait until nightfall to arrange your sheets accordingly. Similarly, I don’t want to see them in the morning, I would like them to be removed before I awake.”

“Not a problem, I’m just grateful to be able to escape that pesky poltergeist. Anything else?”

“I expect all the living areas to be kept clean and tidy.”

“Of course.” So far nothing too unreasonable.

“No excessive noise; this means no music or singing or anything else I might consider grating.”

“Not even in the shower?” Snape raised a single eyebrow at me. “I’m kidding. I’ll keep to myself I promise.”

“No wandering, I don’t want you messing with my things. And no guests whatsoever; I do not wish to stumble upon anything I do not wish to see.”

“You don’t have to worry about that.” I smirked. If only he knew.

“I have some marking to do in my office tonight, so that will let you get settled in peace.”

“No worries, I’m just excited to take a long shower in a bathroom that’s actually clean for once. I’ll probably spend the night reading on the couch by the fire, if that’s alright with you. I haven’t had peace and quiet for so long.”

“I’ll be back around 10, until then you are free to do as you wish.”

Severus quickly made his way to the door, seemingly wanting to get out of my way as soon as humanly possible.

“Severus.” I called after him. “Thank you for this. I really do appreciate it.”

With a curt nod he way on his way.

It was a struggle to stay awake after my shower; the heat of the fire making my eyes droop almost instantly. It was the first time in weeks I was had complete silence and my body was starting to naturally shut itself down. Unable to wait until Severus returned to set up my bed, I fell asleep right there on the sofa, curled into myself to keep warm.  

DAY 2

I awoke the next morning in exactly the same with the exception of a fluffy blanket that had been gently placed over my body.

It seemed not only had Severus silently entered last night, but had also already left before I awoke this morning. There was practically no sign of any life having ever been in the small apartment that were his living quarters.

Knowing I didn’t have long until breakfast I quickly made my way about getting ready for the day, making sure to leave as little trace of myself as possible.

As I arrived in the Great Hall I flashed Severus a large smile he had no in intention of returning, his cold demeanour never having changed despite his uncharacteristically kind gesture.

“You’re looking awfully chipper this morning.” Minerva commented as I took my seat next to her.

“Let’s just say I’ve found a temporary living situation, completely devoid of poltergeists.”

“How did you manage to pull that off?”

“I took your advice.” I smiled, unable to help myself from glancing towards to the potions master.

“I see.” She grinned. “And how is it going so far?”

“Fine. I’ve pretty much had the place to myself.” I shrugged.

“You mean the two of you haven’t spent any time together yet?”

“Not really. And to be honest it doesn’t seem like he’s planning to at all.”

“Hmm.” She turned her attention to her mug of tea.

My peace didn’t last as long as I had initially hoped with Peeves showing up half way through breakfast, beginning once again to annoy the living daylights out of me. Despite his taunting getting worst a decent night’s sleep made all the difference and I was finally able to endure his taunting. My sudden disappearance from my chambers only seemed to spur the ghost on; seemingly pissed off that I had managed to find a loophole in his agreement.

From verbal taunts to disruptive actions; Peeves quickly changed tactics to more disturbing forms of chaos. He started with turning the heating off to my classroom, causing issues for not only myself but my pupils for the day. Then he took it as far as to tear up my students test sheets, using the remnants of parchment as confetti while he followed me around for the rest of the day. Yes, it was frustrating to say the least but nothing I couldn’t endure until the end of the week.

It didn’t come as a shock to me that Severus was not in his chambers when I returned later that evening. I almost felt guilty for spending more time in his quarters than he was; not fully expecting how inconvenient my staying here would be for him, but at the same time I wasn’t willing to spend any more time being tortured by Peeves than was absolutely necessary.

This time I managed to stay awake to see him return, hoping to ask him a question that had been on my mind all day.

“Hey.” I greeted him as he crept through the door.

Severus faltered at my words, clearly not expecting me to be awake.

“Good evening.” He said without stopping.

“Do you want to sit with me for a bit?” I offered, not wanting to chase him out of his own living room.

“I don’t think so, I’m not really in the mood to talk.”

“Oh okay, no worries.” The disappointment in my voice evident.

His eyes fluttered shut, a short sigh escaping his lips.

“If you’re still up for it tomorrow, we can talk then.” He compromised.

“Sounds great.”

He began to leave again.

“Wait, Severus, one more thing. Was this you?” I gripped onto the blanket I had taken the liberty of wrapping around myself again.

“You looked cold.” He said simply before disappearing into his bedroom.

DAY 3

“Hey.” I smiled, tucking my feet under myself as Snape returned from yet another night hidden away in his office.

Snape didn’t even bother to look in my direction, stalking over to his liquor cabinet on the opposite side of the room. Pouring himself a large glass of Firewhiskey, Severus raised the bottle in my direction, cocking a single eyebrow to silently offer me a drink.

“No thanks.” I smiled, lifting up my half-drunk mug. “I’m good with tea.”

He grunted in response. Taking his sweet time to drain his glass, before pouring himself another, Snape slowly made his way over to the couch.

Patting the empty seat beside me I encouraged him to join me. Unsurprisingly, he opted for the solitary leather armchair.

“So…” I tried to break the awkwardness of the silence. “How was your day?”

“Perfectly adequate.”

“Oh.” I focused my stare into my lap. I knew Severus wasn’t the warmest of men, but we had known each other well over a decade now and yet he was speaking to me like he barely knew me. While we were never friends, and I knew Severus didn’t get along with James and Sirius, I wasn’t aware he felt the same hatred towards me.

Starting to regret my want to reconnect with him, I considered maybe it would be best to keep my distance. That was until he spoke again.

“Better than your day, anyway. I hear the poltergeist hasn’t let up.” He elaborated.

“Yeah, I think he’s pissed I’ve found a hack in his system. But I can put up with it for a few days if it means I get to come home to peace and quiet every night. I never fully appreciated how truly tranquil it is down here, I understand why you want to keep it that way.”

“I’m not entirely sure if it’s a natural quality of the place or just that the students stay clear of the halls at risk of running into me.”

“Oh, come on, you’re not that bad.” I giggled, though he seemed deadly serious.

He shot me a glaring look.  

“You forget I knew you before you were like this, Severus.”

“And what exactly is this.” He sneered, taking another large gulp of his whiskey.

“I don’t know…. Intimidating? Scary? Dark and brooding. Whatever persona you’re trying to portrait, you’ve not always been that way.”

“And you would know how I used to be?”

I bit my lip nervously.

“You’re clever.” I stated, deciding it would be better to prove how well I knew him rather than to try and explain myself.  “Probably the most intelligent person I’ve ever meet, to be honest. And you’re and mysterious, in a way that’s sort of intriguing. And you can be kind… when you want to be.”

“You’re an interesting woman, Y/N.”

I couldn’t help but blush at the sudden intensity of his stare.

“How’d you mean?”

“You’re so … likeable.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“It’s confusing.”

“I don’t understand.”

“How could a girl like you end up friends with those infernal boys. I’ve never understood it.”

“Oh. Well, I don’t really know how it happened, we were in the same house I guess it was inevitable. I would study with Remus after class and Sirius seemed to take a shine to me from day one. They we’re really the kind of people I would have chosen as friends, but c’est la vie.” I shrugged.

“Did you two ever….” Snape eyed me intently before taking another swig of whiskey.

“Me and Sirius?” I scoffed, “Don’t be ridiculous. He was never my type.”

“Hmm.” He hummed, seemingly satisfied.  

“It seemed to me that you and I would have been perfect friends, Severus. We always frequented the same secluded spots.”

“I liked to keep to myself.”

“I noticed. I was always just trying to find a moments peace from those boys, but I don’t imagine you ever saw me.”

“I did.”

“I just figured I was one of those people who were easily overlooked, I didn’t expect to be noticed by anyone.”

“I always noticed you.” His eyes met mine once more, daring me to be the first to look away.

Clearing his throat, he looked down at his once again empty class. I win.

“Well, I think I better turn in for the night.” The eery silence of the room threatened to swallow us whole.

“No worries.” I smiled, bashfully. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” He smirked.

DAY 4

The following night Severus returned from dinner and joined me by the fire without prompting.

He took his usual path to the back of the room; fumbling about with his glass decanter as he always had before speaking a word to me. Watching him I realised; he did this not because he was rude, as I had initially suspected, but that he was nervous and he needed a moment to himself to mentally prepare himself before joining me by the fire. The moment the tight muscles in his shoulders dropped, I knew he was ready to chat.

“Tea?” He called without looking back.

“Oh. Eh… yeah, go on then.” I said, caught off guard by his offer.

Falling back into silence I continued to watch as Severus busied himself making my drink.

Despite clearing room for him on the opposite side of the couch, he once again opted for his singular worn down arm chair.

“Coping any better with the haunting today?” He asked, still preoccupied with his drink.  

“Oh definitely. I think just knowing I don’t have to deal with him when I come back here has taken so much weight off my shoulders. I was struggling there for a while, but I don’t think there is anything he could do to me now that I can’t handle.”

“Good. That’s… good.”

The awkwardness in the air threatened to halt the conversation all together.

“Do you have any plans for the weekend?” I asked in a panic.

“No.” He answered a little too quickly. “I don’t tend to… socialise much.”

“I remember.” I chuckled, earning a stern glare from the professor. “If you want, we could go get a drink together. I’ve yet to take a wander into Hogsmeade, maybe you could remind me of the way? That is unless you’d prefer to be alone.”

“I usually do.” He hesitated. “Though there is a select few I can tolerate spending time with.”

“I don’t suppose I fall into that category.” I blushed, realising he was avoiding my question.

“You’re getting there.” He admitted. “It hasn’t been nearly as inconvenient having you stay here as I expected.”

“If you were dreading it so much, why did you say yes?” I was suddenly very conscious that I was imposing by staying here and that maybe I should have just stuck it out another week like everyone else had.

“Because you asked me to.” Severus spoke softly.

“But I was only joking, you didn’t really have to agree if it made you uncomfortable.”

“I wanted to.” He confirmed, his eyes telling me he meant it.

“Well, I know I’ve said it plenty of times, but I really do appreciate it.” I gulped, finding it hard to relax again.

“Stop stressing, Y/N, I’ll accompany you to Hogsmeade.” The tension I was holding in my body instantly eased at his words.

DAY 5

“What is this?” Snape questioned upon my entry, for once he hadn’t returned to his office after dinner. He held a weathered old book between his hands, his eyes scanning page after page.

“No idea.” I shrugged, barely looking away from my book.

“It belongs to you; a diary I believe.”

“What?” I paled. “Where did you get that?”

I had only kept a diary once in my life; I poured my heart and soul into it through my teen years at school. It contained every thought I had, every emotion I felt, and worst of all, my biggest secret I had tried so hard to hide. I kept the for the sentimental value but had otherwise forgotten it existed, buried it in a drawer somewhere in my chambers.

“It was pinned to the door… with this note.”

He held up a singular yellow post it baring the words; READ ME.

Peeves. That ghost had gone too far now.

“Give it back.” I demanded, jumping from my chair,

“Why? Is there something you don’t want me to see?” He raised an eyebrow challengingly.

“No.” I blushed.  “It’s just private.” I tried to snatch it from his grasp.

“Ah, I see. Wouldn’t want to reveal any hidden emotions or… artistic abilities.”

I blanched further.

“You’ve seen them.”

“I may have stumbled upon a few drawings, yes.”

“Oh God, please don’t tell me you’ve read it.”

“Afraid so.” He stated simply, but made no effort to stop the huge grin spreading across his face.

I hastily flicked through the pages, scanning as much as I could to gauge what he knew. The text was damning. Severus Snape knew that I was in love with him.

“You’ve read all this?”

“Yep.”

“So… you know?”

“Every. Last. Detail.”

“It’s really old; I was a hormonal teenager and I wrote down anything that popped into my head. It doesn’t mean anything, I promise.”

“I see. And the pictures?”

“They’re just sketches, I… thought you had an interesting face.”

“You never drew your friends?”

“I tried but they mostly annoyed me the whole time.”

“They’re impressive.” He noted simply, reaching for them again.

“Thank you.” I gulped.

We took to the couch again that night, Severus enjoying the embarrassment that showed on my face time he spared a glance at my sketches still spread over the coffee table.

DAY 6

“I’ve been thinking about your journal.” Severus brought up the following night.

“Hmm?” I hummed, pretending to preoccupy myself, despite the burning feeling starting to crawl up my neck once more.

“You said it was old, that your feelings for me ending during our time together at school.”

“Of course. It was just a teenage crush, nothing more.”

“So you say but upon leaving for breakfast this morning. I happened upon something else pinned to the door.”

“Really, what?” I sipped my tea, trying hard not to sound invested.

All sense of composure left my body the minute he lay a further pile of parchment on the coffee table.

“Oh.” My stomach dropped at the sight.

Another set of drawings of the potions master stared back at me; this time more recent depictions of the man.

Despite the previous sketches having taken place over a number of years the second pile was just as large.

“Care to explain?” His words were curt but his tone had a hint of amusement to it.

There was no hiding the scarlet hue of my face nor the fact I obviously continued to draw Snape in my free periods since I started at Hogwarts.

“They’re from memory.” I blurted. “It’s not like I’m sitting watching you or anything. I… I just like to draw your face.”

“Is there a reason you like my face in particular?”

“I already told you; I find it interesting.”

“Anything else?”

“No. I…”

“Y/N.” He cut me off.

“Yes?” I squeaked.

“Are you still in love with me?”

I bit my lip nervously, having to force myself from spilling my life long secret.

Snape stared me down.

I nodded before I had a chance to think too much about it. Instantly my mind went into overdrive.

“I’m sorry. I know it’s inappropriate of me to stay here when I feel this way. I just really needed help and you-“

My rambling was cut off by the crashing of his lips against mine.

“I feel the same way.” He admitted, mouth hungrily moving against mine.

“You do?” The air had almost completely left my body, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

Now it was his turn to nod.

“Why do you think I was so nervous to speak to you when you first arrived. I was always jealous of those boys for getting to spend time so much time with you when I liked you so much. All I wanted was you all to myself. I just never knew how to approach you.”

“I was worried you couldn’t even remember I existed.” I let out a breathless laugh.

“Believe me, I always remembered.” He pressed his lips against mine once more, this time deepening the kiss.

DAY 7

For the first time that week I didn’t wake up on that old green velvet couch, but instead on the chest of Severus Snape.

After our revelation last night we waited no longer than walk to the bedroom to finally let out our years long pent-up emotions for one another.

We immediately fell into his dark satin sheets; our bodies becoming a tangled mess of moans and gasps until we collapsed breathlessly against one another. Severus with his arm wrapped tightly around my waist, and me with my head using his body as a pillow.

The first thing I remember thinking when I opened my eyes was that I never wanted to go back to real pillows ever again.

~

“I guess I’m finally free to leave then.” I commented as we drank our morning coffee together, still snuggled under the sheets of his bed.  

My month long haunting had finally come to an end.

“That’s true.” Severus responded. “Or… you could stay.”

“What, here?” My eyes nearly burst out my head.

“For a while.” He shrugged. “Or just tonight?”

“How about we start with tonight.” I grinned, leaning into touch.

We had plenty of time to spend together from here on out.

You're not enjoying being alive very much, do you? 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍😭😳🥹🥺☺️😌😉😇👉🏻👈🏻

Hello again, Mycroft! How's life? 🕷️🥰😘😍❤️☺️😌😋😁😉🥺

These pinchers actually also have a use in mating, or better phrased, to attract females. The more well-formed the pinchers are and the more they align, the more beautiful the male is and the more attractive the male is to the female.

What Do Earwigs Do With Those Pincers Anyway? | Deep Look

Earwigs are equipped with some pretty imposing pincers on their rear, and they're not afraid to use them. But when it comes to these appendages, size isn't everything.

Poop, poor consulting detective... Want me to bite and poison the stairs for you, @consult-sherlockholmes? 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍😌😁😉☺️🥲😳😅😭✨👉🏻👈🏻

And thank you for taking care of Sherlock for me, @consult-johnhwatson! 🕷️❤️🥰😘😍😌😁😉☺️🥳🥺🥹💯✨😭👈🏻

In case anyone claims I fell down the stairs, no I did not fall down the stairs. There is no evidence for that. I am much too agile and have too fast reflexes to do such a simple mistake as slip on the stairs.

I can't believe I'm actualy going to ask for this but, I wanna know Slender brothers reactions when one of the other creeps (or even the other brothers) tease him for his crush on the reader who happens to walks by at moment and hear everything? If you write for them and want to write this of course

Here you go! I hope you like it! Sooooooorrrry its taken so long ): 

~~~

Splenderman:

·         Splender cares not for ‘teasing’? Pft. What are you talking about! He’s a centuries old eldritch being who basically feeds off of the happiness around and inside him- you don’t think he’d have learnt not to be bothered by most words by now? (I say ‘most’, because words said by his brothers that ring with truth still, of course, hurt and push him to change and improve).

·         But, Slender is still irritating when he’s persistent. And Slender is always persistent. Stubborn bastard. Especially when he has a goal in mind- which is to get you and Splender out of his home because you’ve both been here for 3 months non-stop, beating around the bush with each other and not just coming out with your feelings and Slender is going to get you out of his house even if it means playing cupid *Disgust audible on ‘cupid’*.

·         Splender is aware of this ulterior motive to Slender trying to get him to confess… its just not enough. Splender never confesses feelings first to mortals, although he really wants to. He wants you to come to your own conclusions first because he doesn’t like the power imbalance involved in him taking the reins in a romantic relationship between you, a mortal, and him, an omnipotent immortal being. (Side note: He will absolutely never, ever, in a million years read your mind, either. Absolutely not)

·         They’re in one of the many hallways in the mansion and you’re walking through the kitchen on your way to the living room which will lead to this particular hallways, when everything goes to hell (Or heaven, depending on how you feel XD). “I can’t, Slender.”

·         Quickly, out loud and out right, Slender says. “You’ll never know how bleeding irritating your sense of morality is to me Splender.”

·         “Hm, what?” Splender hadn’t quite heard what he said because he had to quickly catch a book that had slipped off his pile, as he was busy carrying some books down the hallway (Towards the Livingroom doorway) to the archive room down the hall as his little brother badgered him.

·         “I said I hate your moral compass.”

·         “Ah, what’s new?”

·         Slender, for a moment, stops talking. Doesn’t have a quip ready yet then, Splender thinks. Must be thinking of a new angle to persuade me with.

·         Really he’s sensed your approach to the living room door, just as they are, and is waiting for the appropriate moment to be am evil little shit. “Ah, mind blip. What were we talking about again?”

·         Splender reads the cover of the book he saved from the floor absentmindedly. “My ‘Complete idiocy in staying in your home, that I helped to build in the first place, as I wait for lovely Y/N to confess to me so I can confess back and not force her into a relationship with our power imbalance, which is bothering you, King of The World Slenderman, for but a couple months of your immortal life’? I think that’s how you put it- I mean, I could have added some things but- “

·         “Oh, good afternoon Y/N. Finally. You’re here.” Slender greets you, standing now in the living room doorway as they stand, like, 2 feet from it. Definitely not far enough away that you didn’t hear all that. “You heard. That’s wonderful. Bye, then. I expect you both out by the morning- if I do see you then, you’re on your own for breakfast you squatters.”

·         Then Slender disappears and you and Splender are left standing shocked in the hallway.

·         “Umm… “Splender wonders what he could say, being cautious as he slowly lowers the books from his face. “Dear, we should talk.”

·         You grin. “Come on, hand me some of those books and we’ll talk while we put them away.”

Offenderman:

·         Look, Offender can handle teasing. All the Slender’s can (Except for Slender, haha), but Offender especially doesn’t mind it because he has total confidence in how, uh, disturbing he is and his ability to scare people off. Especially, he thought prior to this day, little scrawny oven fried teenagers.

·         But apparently, he had overestimated his capability with this particular pest.

·         Offender had come to Slender mansion today to rest up because no place is quite as uneventful and as such, good for rehabilitation as his brothers home (And also, you’re here so that’s obviously a factor) is, but Jeff had been catching him every time they were anywhere near each other with a quip or a chortle about his obvious feelings for you.

·         I mean, of course they were obvious (To everyone but you, clearly). He flirts with you heavily, and yet has never made a proper, serious -unwarranted, - advance towards your person. He always saves a seat for you if he knows you’ll be around, and he’s been around the mansion far more often then he used to be. So, yeah, it was obvious. Offender wasn’t trying to hide it- in fact he wanted you to know. But somehow you hadn’t picked up on the hints?

·         Jeff had, though. And, also, everyone else who has visited the mansion at any time that you and Offender are there as well. But Jeff is the only one posing a problem at the moment.

·         He just thought it was so funny, that Offender had found a person he actually liked, and who caused him to hesitate about hurting (The first time he met you, and he intended to hurt you he hesitated. And that is how he realised he had a crush), and Jeff would just not let that slide.

·         Offender had brushed him off and snapped back at him in his casual, yet very very threatening style enough today.

·         So now Jeff had to be really dealt with.

·         “Look, ugly child, in my experience a boy only spends this much energy on someone if he likes them. So, unless you want to prove your worthiness to me in a more private setting- I’d give it a rest!”

·         And that moment, in which Offender has cornered a Jeff The Killer who is now reconsidering his actions today in the shadow of the Sexual Offenderman, is the one you walk into.

·         Jeff and Offender spot you at the same time and as Offender’s wondering how he can twist this into him not actually threatening to rape Jeff, Jeff’s panicked pea brain goes a completely different direction to what his cunning (Yes, I promise you, when he isn’t panicked because a Slender Brother is hovering over him, he can in fact be smart) ass would have done in another position, and points to Offender and exclaims- “He’s in love with you!”

·         Offender stops- Well, actually, thank you Jeff, that’s actually helpful. You might actually hear it, now. But he is still frustrated by the boy so he turns away from him and just growls, “You’re excused, thank you for your service Jeff.” *And in Jeff’s head: And wish on your lucky star that I don’t visit you when you’re sleeping tonight. You’ll learn it’s not so funny to badger an eldritch monster. *

·         (Don’t worry, he doesn’t plan to visit Jeff at all. His focus is on you now)

·         Jeff BOOKS IT, anyway. Cuz he doesn’t know that!  

·         Now that it’s just you two, and he has sufficiently scared Jeff shitless, Offender brightens again. “Y/N!~ I think it’s a good idea that we have a sit down together and talk about this, yeah?”

·         *Cue Offender manipulating you through acting like a nice, level headed guy who just wants ya’ll to have tea together, into sitting with him and so he can charm you, now that he knows you actually understand his feelings*

Trenderman:

·         Zalgo is bored. And when Zalgo is bored, the Slender brothers end up getting bothered. It’s usually Splender or Slender (Mostly Slender) and almost never Trender, but Zalgo is happy to work with this.

·         There are two reasons Zalgo never gets to annoy Trender. 1. Trender is usually very levelheaded, and as such, is the least fun to play with. Zalgo can ordinarily, never find a good angle. And reason 2 is a result of the first reason: Being that he never has anything going on that can be picked on.

·         But… now, Zalgo knows about a little crush that Trender has! And as such, he can finally finish his collection of annoying the Slender Brothers. So yay for Zalgo!

·         Not so yay for Trender.

·         “Zalgo, I’m really busy, so let’s get straight to the point. We’ve never had any sort of relationship, so, and take this with the most sensitivity- why are you here??”

·         “Ooh, so authoritive and formal. Just like Slender- tell me, Slender’s older brother, why haven’t we had a relationship?”  

·         “Can I pay you to leave?”

·         “Oh right! You would rather Y/N think you’re hot. I wouldn’t worry, I’m sure they do. Don’t worry, you have Slender’s formality, Offender’s shoulders and Splender’s approachability, “Chef kiss. “Perfection!”

·         Trender’s mouth rips open and he forces a natural growl out. He hates being compared to his brothers. He is not a cocktail of his brothers; he is nothing more and nothing less then himself.  “You deeply offend me. You’re whole being does.”

·         “That’s what I go for!”

·         “Anyway- “

·         “Anyway,” Zalgo mimicks Trender here, getting a deep sigh from Trender in response. Chuckling, Zalgo, straightens himself and speaks again in his normal voice. “So you do like Y/N, right? I’m not way off?”

·         Trender, mid wiping down his face halts, then turns to look at Zalgo. “Wait- That was the point of this conversation!?”

·         “Yeah! Wasn’t that clear?”

·         “No!” Trender exclaims, outraged. He thought Zalgo was just mindlessly antagonising him- that sure is what it felt like!

·         “Well, haha, mate. You were way off, then!”

·         “Agh, YES! I like Y/N! Wouldja go, now?”

·         “Certainly!” And, with one last giggle, he does. Walking down the hall to Slender’s office. He sends finger guns and winks to someone hidden in one of the rooms he passes. “Oh hey Y/N, see ya later! I’m sure you have lots to talk with Trender about!”

·         “Uh… yeah… “ You, left standing in the doorway to your room as you were about to leave it and go get something to eat when Trender yelled at Zalgo that he liked you, turn down the hall to a very still, very surprised Trender. You raise your eyebrows.

·         “Oh… of course.” Trender drops his arms to his sides and zips his mouth shut again.

Slenderman:

·         “Toby… “Slender says the words slowly, nearly whining in frustration as he just wishes his proxy would leave him alone about you. Alas, Slender had made a mistake and given Toby the duties that revolve around being close to their boss all day, like a moron, and now he was stuck with him.

·         And it’s not like Toby is teasing his boss. No! He’s but… questioning him.

·         Interrogating him.

·         But in the friendliest way possible!... Which just so happens to annoy Slender even more.

·         “So, you don’t like them?? Yes? No? Maybe? ‘Its Complicated’? Do they scare you? Do you know anything about them? Have you told your brothers? I mean, I wouldn’t. You might though, they are you brothers and you trust them, right? RiGHt? Uh well… on second thoughts, maybe you don’t. You’re a lil bit of a locked shell you know boss? You should confide in someone more! You’d feel way more chill. I confide in Masky or Clocky! Masky only with gross things like this mole I have on my butt- He hates it. I also talk to Hoodie! But I feel like he tells everything to Masky, he’s a bit untrustworthy. A bit off, I dunno. Scares me- OH maybe that person that you can confide in, sir, can be Y/N!”  

·         “Toby!”

·         “Yes boss?!”

·         “Calm yourself!”

·         “Yes boss!!”

·         “I need to stop hiring rando’s off the street… “Slender mutters to himself, continuing down the hallways even grumpier than usual. “Next time I need to pick up an accountant or a lawyer or something… Absolutely no more waffle crazy arsonists. “

·         “What was that sir?”

·         “I was just pondering where I should bury you after I get your replacement trained.”

·         “Ah, right sir! I always liked that bit of earth down by the lake- not too cold, not too warm, no bears nearby… “

·         Slender groans, turning and entering into the living room and going for the kitchen. He needs a cup of tea desperately.

·         “Toby, new rule. No more talking about my ALLEGED feelings for Y/N, got it? Punishment is death.”

·         “I wont need to sir.”

·         Immediate suspicion fills Slender’s chest. Toby… wont… need to talk about it? Why? “Why is that, Toby?”

·         “She’s sitting on the couch, sir.”

·         Slender has never whipped around so fast. But once he has, he definitely feels the need to do it faster, again, and run off somewhere but he restrains himself.

·         There you are, bundled in a blanket on the couch like a caterpillar sitting up the remote and some of your fingers peaking out from the face hole (The struggle of turning on the TV when you’re bundled up in the blanket, aghh). Your eyes are wide, as anyone’s would be after hearing the Slenderman hint that he has feelings for you.

·         It’s a very awkward moment. You, a caterpillar, Slender, a mute, and Toby looking between the two of you expectantly waiting for something to happen.

·         … Before Slender teleports away without a word.

They look like they're having a lunch date! 🕷️❤️✨

omnomnomnomnom(devouring a flower together)

so maybe im just not british but nobody says “tickety boo” or “get a wiggle on” literally ever so consider Aziraphale just kind of,,, makes phrases up in his head and forgets that they’re not Things People Say.

like he’s bickering with crowley and accidentally slips some weird shit like “put your teeth on a leash right now” and crowley just is like “what the fuck, angel.”