Why Do I Feel Like This - Blog Posts

there is no reason for me to feel no better than a man right now

WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT DRAWING CARTOON CAT AS SALLY AND THE CORPSE BRIDEEE 😭😭😭😭😭

I feel like I’m a bit fucked in the head sometimes, but then again, I’m sure most people do. I love how I can read about a really gory crime scene and just be like “huh, ok.” But I’m afraid of touching content where people have to actually process their emotions and deal with consequences. I fear it while also hate when people in fiction don’t get affected after watching their families die.

Then there’s a piece of fanfiction that’s like, “this guy got skinned and had his organs removed while he was alive! The killer made his skin look like wings! The killer is also a religious cannibal with more than 26 murders in 6 months! His eldest son is a killer and cannibal that likes to decapitate his victims, who believes that bloodshed is honour. He’s also the protagonist’s coworker, they work for the FBI. The youngest son killed and ate his best friend’s stomach, because he believed the world wasn’t worthy of said best friends. He also force fed the protagonist his best friend’s lungs.” And I’m just like “oh lol ok”

Or sometimes when a I read gross out horror like body horror, I end up just appreciating it like an art piece in an art gallery. Which makes sense cuz I do enjoy body horror sculptures that could be found in art museums or smt. Like the one grease manga comic, the one where a family of people are obsessed with grease or whatever? I’m not sure if it’s the dialogue that’s scary because I read a version in a foreign language. But like, the images aren’t really bad, kinda just the type of stuff that makes you wanna go “ok, that’s was something. Anyways-“

It’s only ever like this when it’s gore in a podcast, book/articles/written work, or just things that don’t force you to look at the real thing or an attempt at making it look real. Or gross out in comic, manga, art work, written work, sculpture and, actually most gross out stuff is fine as long as it’s not the actual thing in front if me, (like if it’s body horror then I get grossed out when someone actually starts growing wings and antlers)

But the second a character feels guilty for killing their friend while either dissociating or sleep walking, I become too uncomfortable to keep reading it. People feel emotions, I feel emotions, I shouldn’t have such a problem with people feel negative emotions. Why do I feel like this?