Connor Murphy - Blog Posts

Work of Art

Request: hey there :0 recently found yr blog and i just wanna say yr writing is really good! i saw yr requests were “openish” so if this is an inconvenience then that’s ok and you don’t have to write anything :) but connor murphy w a male reader who likes to draw? and he draws them together in his free time? maybe babies connor a lot in private too? (^^*)if you decide to do this, ty! if not, that’s ok too! keep up the good work ♡🦑 Word Count: 498 Words Warnings: Connor being insecure Author’s Note: heyy...how yall doin... so sorry to the anon that requested this it took me a year and then some to finally write it and it’s bad... anyways... have a good day/night :) <3

You were sitting in the art room one day during study hall as usual when all of a sudden someone else came into the room

You were startled because usually, it’s just you and the art teacher this period.

A boy, probably another student judging by the style of his clothes, came in, nodded his head at your teacher as a greeting, signed in, and sat at a table on the other side of the room

He took out a sketchbook that looked very well loved with stickers all over the front and back covers

He could feel your eyes on him and looked over

You quickly put your head down and felt the tips of your ears grow warm in embarrassment

After that, the two of you drew in your respective sketchbooks silently

The period passed and you didn’t leave the room as you had actual art class next period but neither did the mystery boy

Once the rest of your classmates were settled into their seats, except for the mystery boy,  Ms.Anne stood up in front of the class, “Hello Everyone! I hope you’ve all had a good day so far. As you can see we have a new student with us. This is Connor Murphy, he just started here so please help him feel welcome. Connor, you can sit at the table back there with Y/N.”

You felt your eyes grow wide, no one has sat next to you for the whole year why did that have to change now?

He searched for a minute before his eyes found yours

He came and sat down next to you and you decided to introduce yourself to make him feel welcome or whatever Ms.Anne said.

Surprisingly he responded and you two talked through the rest of the period and the rest is history.

He quickly became your favorite thing to draw

At first, you kept the drawings hidden in fear of him being creeped out but as you grew closer you eventually showed him the drawings

He cried when he saw them because he never imagined someone seeing him in a positive way like you did

Soon after you showed him the drawings the two of you started dating

You loved that you were now able to give him all the affection he deserved (never in public though because he had a reputation to uphold)

And now you could make him pose for all the drawings you want

He drew you on occasion but was insecure about his art even though you constantly assured him it was incredible

For your one-year anniversary, you drew Connor’s favorite picture of the two of you

Once he opened it and saw what it was he practically jumped at you to kiss you and give you the biggest hug

You two stayed like that for a while

For all your anniversaries after that you drew his favorite picture of the two of you from the last year <3

Connor Murphy Helping Reader Through a Panic Attack

Request: Request for helping reader through a panic attack over family?- Anon

Word Count: 552

Warnings: Description of panic attack, mean parents, not proof read, and bad writing

Authors Note: omg it’s been less than a week and i’m already posting again whattt. anyways this is literally so bad but yolo also HAPPY FIRST DAY OF OCTOBER AKA THE BEST MONTH OF THE YEAR, thinking about writing a halloween themed fic but don’t hold me to that.  anyways hope you enjoy and have a great day/night <3 :) (any feedback is also greatly appreciated!)

you loved your family just like everyone else

but sometimes they could be overwhelming 

you had already had a bad day at school so when you got home you were ready to just go hide in your room 

that was until everyone needed something from you

now you had to do dishes, laundry, and help with homework before you could retreat to your room for the night 

you had managed to do what you were supposed to (barely) 

apparently your efforts were in vain though cause you got reprimanded for the ”poor” quality of your work

after the berating was done you knew you had to get out of the house just for a little bit 

your parents let you go on a walk so you went to the park and asked connor to meet you there 

while you were waiting all the feeling of the day hit you at once and suddenly you were crying and it was hard to breathe 

you don’t know how much time passed between then and when connor showed up, it could’ve been anywhere five minutes to five years and you wouldn’t have known 

connor already knew where you’d be thank god. the two of you were frequent visitors to this park and had designated a specific area as your own 

when he saw you, you were sobbing quietly on the ground

“hey what’s wrong?” asked connor approaching you like someone would a scared animal 

you looked up at him and started crying harder

“hey hey hey come here” he said opening his arms, your safe haven 

once you were securely in his arms connor started rubbing soothing circles on your back, whispering positive affirmations in your ear, taking deep breaths in the hope you would change your breathing to follow his and pressing the occasional kiss to the crown of your head 

the two of you stood like that for a while until your breathing returned back to normal and your cries stopped 

you were the first to pull back, “thank you,” you whispered voice hoarse from crying but also quiet from embarrassment 

“of course my love anything for you,” he said with a love sick look in his eyes. “do you want to talk about it?” 

“I don't know it’s just everything got overwhelming i guess? i know that probably doesn’t make sense, I'm sorry.”

“no it makes perfect sense, i totally get it. next time you feel like that i want you to talk to me though, okay? i come to you when i need help so you have to come to me when you need help. you’re never bothering me i promise,” he said genuinely 

“okay,” you said yawning. you were suddenly very aware of how tired you were

“here let’s get you home.”

connor walked you home like the gentleman he is and when you reached your front steps he pressed a chaste kiss to your lips and hoped it communicated all the love he had for you. 

“thank you again con. you’re the greatest,” you say hugging him

“it was really no problem babe. i want to be there for you.”

“i love you”

“i love you too”

and with that you waved goodbye and walked into your house feeling a lot better than you have in a long time

My Whole World- Connor Murphy X Reader

Request:  I am in desperate need of a fic where Connor finds that the reader struggles with self harm and where he helps them though such thoughts and just ends with some fluffy cuddles. Anything is better than what’s going on rn - Anon

Word Count: 1009

Warnings: Implied Self harm (cutting), Self-loathing, Self-hatred, Feeling like a burden

Authors Note: Hello! I know I’m literally the worst ever but honestly existing this past year has been really hard which makes doing the things I enjoy, like writing, really hard to do. BUT I do finally think I’m reaching a better place, (I know I say this like every authors note but I really think I am this time). Also saw the DEH movie last night and ended up sobbing over Connor I love him so much :((. Lastly and most importantly: if you ever feel like self harming there are alternatives! If you need resources about this feel free to message me or send me an ask! I’m more than happy to help <3 Thats it. As all ways thank you for reading and have a lovely day/night! :) <3

You were having an awful day, an awful week even. It seemed everything that could go wrong did. It just seemed the world was against you and you were tired of it. You were approaching your breaking point and fast. You could see this but you didn’t know what to do about it. You could reach out to your boyfriend Connor. But no he was doing so well recently and you didn’t want to burden him or bring him down with your negative thoughts. So you decided to do what you always did which was just distract yourself from your emotions because if you didn’t think about them they weren’t there. You put your earbuds in and put on one of the playlists Connor had made for you, once you got home and went up to your room without saying a word to anyone and plopped face down into your bed. For a couple minutes you were able to ignore all the thoughts racing through your mind but eventually the music stopped working and you were left alone with your thoughts. 

You’re pathetic and a burden to everyone. Why would anyone want to deal with you, especially Connor? You’re probably the most annoying person on the planet right? With your constant pestering and need for reassurance every two seconds it’s truly a wonder that you haven’t been abandoned by everyone in your life. 

You were angry at yourself. How could you possibly let yourself be this awful of a person? You wanted to do something horrible to yourself as a punishment, to force yourself to feel the pain you bring to everyone in your life. 

The next time you had a coherent thought was at least a half hour later. You felt a stinging sensation coming from your wrists and started crying as you fully processed what you had done. Without realizing it you texted Connor asking him to come over. You just sat waiting staring at nothing until Connor knocked on the door to your room. You were broken out of your trance and weakly said “It’s open” so he knew he could come in. 

Once Connor opened the door he knew something was up. The energy in the room just felt wrong. Then he saw your hunched figure on the bed and could tell something was up just by how you were sitting and approached the bed slowly so as to not startle you. Once he came into your field of vision you broke down even more feeling so pathetic in this moment. “Oh sweetheart,” he says softly. He sat down in front of you and took one of your arma in his hand and inspected the damage gently. He did the same with the other and once he was done he opened his arms and you crashed into his chest, violently crying at this point. He held you tight and pressed soft kisses into your head. He just let you cry it out rubbing soft circles into your back but while he was he couldn’t help but think how could the light of his life ever feel so bad that you felt you had to do this to yourself? 

Once your cries had calmed down to soft sniffles every once in a while he said “Let’s get you cleaned up then we can cuddle. Sound good?” You nodded tiredly. “Okay let’s go to the bathroom,” he said, grabbing your hands to pull you up and guide you to the bathroom. Once you got there you sat on the counter and Connor got to work. He carefully applied antibiotic ointment and bandages to the affected areas and when he was done pressed gentle kisses to all of the bandages.  After that he cleaned up his ‘workspace’ and led you back to your bedroom. The two got ready and had settled into your bed when he broke the comfortable silence that had settled between you two. “You know we have to talk about this right?” You nodded timidly. “Why?” he said simply. You explained how terrible this week had been for you and how it all got to be too much. The whole time Connor listened with his undivided attention on you, holding your hand and rubbing soothing circles with his thumb. At some point while you were explaining you had started crying, He sat up causing you to sit up as well. He grabbed your face, wiped your tears and stared deeply into your eyes. It felt like he was staring into your soul but you didn’t look away. After what feels like an eternity he finally spoke up and said “I don’t know how you could think all those awful things about yourself. You’re the most wonderful person I’ve ever met. Your kind, smart, compassionate, not to mention most beautiful person I’ve ever met. You’re not a burden to those around you, especially not me ever. Next time you feel like this, I want you to talk to me okay? I’m here to help you. I know you would do the same for me in a heartbeat so let me help you. I love you so much and I don’t want to lose you, you’re my whole world.” You were crying again but for the first time today they were happy tears. 

“Thank you for always reminding me how loved I am. I love you so much Con,” you said smiling through the tears. 

“I love you more Y/N/N,” he said, smiling sweetly at you. He gave you a tender kiss on the forehead and then said “You’ve had a long day we should get some sleep.”

“Yeah you’re right,” you said through a yawn. The two of you got cozy again, your head on Connor’s chest, his hands running through your hair. The sound of his heartbeat, the one he swore beat for only you, lulled you to sleep. The last thing you heard before you felt before you fell fully unconscious was a kiss being pressed to the top of your head.

What it’s like to date Connor Murphy:

Request: Headcanons what it’s like to date Connor?- Anon

Word Count: 430

Warning: cussing 

Authors Note: Hey yall its been a while. I have been struggling with my mental health alot for a bit but slowly but surely I've been working on making it better. No promises as to when i'll get to the other requests. Sorry about that. Here’s this short hc list that has been siting in my drafts for forever. Anyways hope you're all doing okay and have a good day/night! :) <3 

•Connor towering over you which led to him always resting his head on top of yours and wrapping his arms around your shoulders

•Him deciding to stop smoking as often because he feels like he doesn’t need to. (but if you’re down he’d totally love to smoke with you!)

•You constantly steal his shirts, sweaters and sweatshirts because they smelled like him.

•He’d also steal your clothes and actually pull them off really well

•You calling each other pet names such as babe, love, hun and many others but only over text and when you were alone because Connor didn’t want people to make fun of y’all

•Also Connor is touch starved (me too smh) so he is constantly touching you, holding your hand, arm around your shoulder, arm around your waist, literally whatever you can imagine he does. But when he does this in public he makes sure to look extra in intimidating so no one says anything about it

•He loves to kiss the top of your head/forehead

•Having cute pictures of each other as your phones lock screens but the same selfie from the night of your first date is both your homescreens

•Connor has a clear phone case and keeps a polaroid of you in it from a late night date in the orchard

•One of Connor’s favorite things is when you play with his hair and massage his scalp especially after a rough night. It always puts him right to sleep.

•Speaking of sleeping, when you and Connor cuddle it depends on your guys mood whos the big spoon and whos the little spoon, usually he's big spoon though

•After he’s had a particular bad day whether it was the assholes at school or he’s just having a bad mental day Connor loves to lay his head on your chest and listen to your heart beat because it grounds him and reminds him that he’s real and so are you

•He’s poetic as shit and has an amazing way with words. He always knows what to say to make you feel better no matter your mood.

•I imagine him being such a fucking romantic person. He always plans the best dates and gives/makes you the best gifts.

•All his gifts just have a lot of thought put into them. He has a beautiful reason for whatever he does.

•He listens to a lot of music so he makes 50 million playlists for you and they always fit the vibe he’s trying to create

•In conclusion Connor is a softie who deserves all the love.

“I like you too idiot.”- Connor Murphy X Reader

Request: can u do a connor x reader where reader is being pretty annoyed with Jared on the first day (like when he calls him a school shooter) and he steps in and defends her leading timo a nice friendship and a love confession from Connor at the end? I’m sending love, and if u can’t it is really ok, everyone’s mental health is important, pls don’t feel overwhelmed 💕✨🦋- Anon 

Word Count: 2,542

Warnings: A couple swears and Jared Klienman being a dick. (also Connor is probs written ooc but whatever)

Authors note: Hi everyone! First of all I just want to say thank you to everyone who requested something! I am trying to work on them but I recently fell into a really bad place mentally but I’m working on making it better. I hope to have the other requests out soon but please be patient with me. Also anon I used they/them pronouns for the reader as those are my pronouns and I want to make sure everyone can I enjoy my writing regardless of gender so I hope that okay.  As always thank you for reading and I hope you have a good day/night! :) <3 (Also any feedback is very appreciated. )

First day of senior year. To say you weren’t excited would be the understatement of the century. Sure you were excited to finally get out of your hometown but you had to get through the school year first and if the previous years were any indication of how this year was going to go, well lets just say it's going to be a long year. 

You pulled into the student parking lot in your shitty car and saw there were a couple extra minutes before you actually had to be in the building, With that in mind you decided to just put your head down  on the steering wheel for a few minutes to prepare yourself for the day ahead. 

That peace was short lived though because not even  30 seconds later did a dark truck pulled up next to you. Before the car could even come to a stop Zoe Murphy flew out of the passenger seat. She flipped off the driver, who you presumed was her brother Connor, and slammed the door before storming off into the school. “Jesus” you mutter  to yourself. Then another door slammed and Connor Murphy appeared in front of the truck, talking and gesturing wildly to himself. You could only make out bits and pieces of what the boy was saying before he went into the school like his sister. You heard him say something about his mom and his bitch sister and not even wanting to be there. Well at least you weren't alone in the feeling. Following the Murphy siblings you begrudgingly went into the building. The friendly secretary greated you and handed you your schedule which had your locker number on it. After searching for a few minutes you found it and just as you were starting to put things in your locker  you heard his voice, Jared Klienman. He was talking to Evan Hansen and you prayed to whatever higher being that could hear you that he would leave you alone. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case. 

“Well, well, well if it isn’t L/N.” You could practically hear the shit-eating grin he had on his stupid face. You were about to turn around and tell him to go away but before you could someone comes between the two of you blocking Jared from your view. 

“Fuck off Klienman” says the last person you expected, Connor Murphy. 

“Woah calm down Murphy, I’m just trying to have a conversation with Y/N here” Jared says starting to back up and putting his arms up as a way of showing his surrender.

“Well they obviously don’t want to talk to you. Now get out of here before I punch that stupid smirk off your dumb face,” Connor says squaring off his shoulders in an attempt to look even more intimidating than usual. It worked quite well because Jared was practically running off but not before making a dig at Connor.

“Yeah whatever you fucking freak.”

You saw Connor’s shoulders tense and his hands clenched into fists. You didn’t know what to do but figured it would be best to leave the boy alone, so you just fidgeted with your hands. He took a deep breath then turned to face you. 

“Uhm thanks for that. You really didn’t have to,” you say avoiding eye contact with him, which was quite easy considering how tall he was compared to you. 

“No problem, I know how much of a dick Klienman can be.” 

“Yeah he’s the worst,” you say scoffing lightly. Then the bell signaling you were supposed to be in homeroom rang.“See you around Connor. Thanks again,” you say before turning to shut your locker and rush to class. 

“Yeah see you around,” Connor says to no one because you were already down the hall.

The rest of the day wasn’t much better, nothing happened in particular but it just still wasn’t the best. After what felt like an eternity it was finally the last bell of the day, creative writing. You weren’t particularly interested in writing but you had a bell to fill so you figured why not. When you walked in you did a scan of the room and saw Connor, he had an empty seat next to him at the back of the room so you decided to sit it in. “Hey,” you say, startling the boy who was previously staring into space. 

“Oh hey.”

“Thanks again for this morning, I really appreciate it dude,” you say making eye contact with Connor so he would know you actually meant what you were saying.

“Oh yeah, it was nothing. Don’t worry about it,” he says, giving you a small smile. You smiled back just as your teacher walked in which caused the conversation to end. 

“Good afternoon class! I hope all of your days have been tolerable,” says your teacher Mr. Davidson. He was a younger man in his early 30’s which meant everyone liked him including you.  “Instead of doing an ice breaker where you all lie about how interesting your summers were I want you to get to actually get to know someone in this class a little better,” he says from behind his podium at the front of the class. You were starting to panic a little, who were you going to partner up with? None of your kind of friends were in this class!  Then Connor cleared his throat grabbing your attention.

“Hey Y/N, wanna be partners?” The nervous energy was practically radiating off the boy. You breathed a sigh of relief.

“Sure Connor.” The two of you then got up and turned your desks to face each other like the other pairs were doing. “So Murphy what’s your deepest darkest secret?” you say, smirking.

“Woah L/N, not even going to ask me my favorite color or anything?” he says chuckling.

“Okay, okay, fine,” you say playfully rolling your eyes. “What’s your favorite color Connor?” 

“Dark green. What about you L/N? What's your favorite color?”

“Y/F/C,” you say. “It’s been my favorite since I was younger,” you say shrugging.

“I respect that. It’s a good color.” 

“Yeah whatever, now can I hear your deepest secret?”, you say almost like a child.

“Wow you’re still on this?”, he says with amusement evident in his tone. 

“Yeah I am!” you say in a mock seriousness. “Mr. Davidson says we are supposed to actually get to know each other and that’s what I’m trying to do Murphy!” 

“You’re absolutely right Y/N,” he says suddenly very serious.

“Okay fine I’ll tell you but you have to swear you won’t tell anyone. 

“Not a soul,” you say staring at him intently and sitting at the edge of your seat. 

“Well, here goes nothing.” He made eye contact and it felt as if he was staring into your soul. “I’m pregnant.”

You maintained eye contact until you actually processed what he said, then the two of you started laughing which caused the rest of the class to turn and look at you but for once you didn’t even care because you were actually happy for the first time in what felt like forever. 

The rest of the class went by faster than you or Connor wanted it to, but the two of you walked out to the student parking lot together and paused when you reached your cars. “Uh see you tomorrow I guess,” you say but it comes out as more of a question. 

“Yeah see you tomorrow Y/N”, Connor says very confidently which surprised you both. You waved as a final goodbye and got into your cars. As you were driving home you thought about all the awful things you heard about Connor in the past and how untrue they were. Sure he was intimidating at first glance but he’s six feet tall for goodness sake who wouldn’t be intimidated by that. You could tell from the short  class period you spent getting to know him that he was simply misunderstood.  Suddenly you were glad you never listened to what all the popular kids said about Connor. 

As the school year went on you and Connor developed a sort of unspoken ritual, you would wait for Connor to get to school then you two would walk to homeroom together and then walk to your cars when the school day was over. The two of you became good friends and you found yourself actually looking forward to waking up in the morning so you could see him. The pair of you  had hung out outside of school a few times and you had actually met Connor’s mom, granted it was an accident but it still happened. 

You and Connor decided to hang out at his house because his family wasn’t home that afternoon, the two of you were lounging on the couch watching some weird movie when you heard the front door open. “Connor dear? Is that you in there?” Suddenly an middle aged woman with red hair appeared with reusable grocery bags in her hands. 

“Mom?!” Connor jumped up from the couch in a panic. “I thought you had yoga today?!”

“Class was canceled because Cindy wasn’t feeling well. Oh I stopped by the store and  got those  snacks you asked for!” she said coming into the living room box in hand. “Oh? Connor, who's your friend?” she said with a small smile appearing on her lips. 

“Hi Mrs. Murphy. I’m Y/N,” you said nervously. 

“Oh call me Cynthia dear,” she said, shooting you a smile. 

After that Cynthia invited you to stay for dinner but you already had plans with your parents that night. She invited you a couple times after that as well. You never actually went cause Connor didn’t want you to but still it was nice to know she liked you enough to invite you to dinner. 

As fall came to a close the two of you  became attached at the hip, constantly talking to one another whether it was in person or through the phone. Once the holiday season rolled around you guys got each other gifts. You got Connor a signed book from his favorite author and he got you a vinyl you had been wanting for a while.

 Once the holiday break was over the end of the first semester came quickly and you couldn’t wait to finally be done with your half year courses and start the new ones. Unfortunately you had to take finals before you could be done. Although you only had two finals you were still extremely stressed out. Sure they were easy classes but the teachers were notorious for giving impossible finals. You spent the few days before the finals studying whenever there was a free moment. Connor knew you were stressed so he helped you the best he could. He offered to have study sessions even though none of his classes had finals, he went over quizlets on video calls, and he even brought you a drink with way too much caffeine on the mornings he knew you didn’t sleep. 

Once the day arrived he texted you good luck. You went into the first test and totally nailed it. Before the next testing time there was a break and when you checked your phone you saw Connor had texted you telling you how proud he was of you for studying so hard and reassuring you that you had these exams in the bag. You sent him a quick “thank you :))” and went into the testing room for the second time. This exam was a little harder than the last but you still thought you did decent. There were a couple times where Connor and his stupid mneumonic devices actually came in handy. Letting out a giant breath of relief as you stepped out of the testing room you couldn’t wait to tell Connor about how much he helped. When you reached your locker and got your phone out of it you saw Connor had asked if you wanted to hang out when you were done. Obviously you said yes and told him to pick you up at your house in 15. You drove home and changed out of your testing outfit which was just sweatpants and a hoodie and put on something a little more presentable. Sure you were just going to hang out with your best friend but he also is the boy you’ve been pining over for months. You’ve always found Connor attractive and when he put dickhead Klienman in his place that made him all the more hot. But then you really got to know him and you fell. Hard.  He was sweet, caring, smart, and funny. Sure he had his moments but so did everyone on the planet. He had actually opened up to you about his struggles with his mental health and you did everything you could to support him. You encouraged him to ask his parents for therapy, and always made sure he took his meds in the morning. You were there for him and he was always there for you.  

You were pulled out of your thoughts when you heard the horn of Connor’s truck outside your house. You rushed outside and got into the passenger seat, “So where to Murphy?”

“I was thinking we could get some food and just chill in a parking lot somewhere. Sound cool?”

“Definitely. I’ve missed hanging out with you. Stupid finals,” you say with a dramatic eye roll. 

“Yeah I’ve missed hanging out with you too dork,” he says reaching over the center console and ruffling your hair. 

“Connor Murphy! I just brushed my hair and here you go messing it up!” you say while trying to fix your now disbelieved hair. 

“Whatever L/N. It still looks fine to me.”  Although it was barely a compliment, heat still rushed to your cheeks. He pulled out of your driveway and the two of you were off. On the way to get food you guys caught up talking about everything you missed in the world of Connor because you were too focused on finals. He told you he finished a TV show you recommend and loved it.  You made it to the drive through and Connor ordered, already knowing what you wanted from your many midnight outings. Once you got your food you made your way to the plaza parking lot where the restaurant was located. For the first couple minutes the two of you sat in a comfortable silence listening to the playlist Connor had made for this type of occasion. After a few minutes Connor suddenly spoke, “Can I tell you something?”

“Connor dearest you know you can tell me anything,” you say with a french fry in your mouth, not even bothering to look at him. 

“I like you.” You choked on the fry you had in your mouth. 

“Pardon?” you say through a cough. 

“I said I like you,” he says, a little less sure of himself. When you looked over at Connor you saw he was staring straight ahead. 

“Hey Connor.” 

“Mhm,” he says, not daring to move. 

“Look at me.” He just barely turned his head towards you. “I like you too idiot.”

I get not wanting him to be so dependent. I personally also smoke and it’s a little frustrating seeing the best Connor writers not even mentioning something that’s a big part of his story, and when they do they like to demonise it.

i totally get that! it is incredibly frustrating when people do that because it is such a big part of his identity and there are plenty other things about the boy that are much worse than him smoking weed...

One question before I make a request for Connor, what do you think about him smoking weed? Do you think it’s not a good thing? Or are you cool with it?

hi anon! i’m definitely cool with it! i just wish he didn’t rely on it so heavily, but i get why he did. :/ also i might not be the most knowledgeable with this specific topic because i’ve only been high like half a time LMAO.

hi all! i want to write but i have no inspiration so i’ve decided to start taking requests! i’m only going to be writing for my boy connor murphy B) . so if you have requests please send em, but please no smut as i am a minor! also if you do send a request please be patient with me as i am still in highschool which means i have a lot of work to do and it is especially hard because most of it is online. also thank you for all the support on my previous fics it means the entire world to me!! anyways have a fantastic day/night! <3 :)

Chinchilla-on-the-Moon’s Masterlist

*- requested

All of my fics are gender neutral! 

Connor Murphy-

Just by looking

“Nice to meet you too”

Birthday Wishes

“I like you too idiot.” *

My Whole World*

Headcanons-

What it’s like to date Connor Murphy:*

Connor Murphy Helping Reader Through a Panic Attack*

Work of Art*

Birthday Wishes-Connor Murphy X Reader

Word Count: 1,962

A/N: Hey everyone! It was my birthday a while ago so thats where i got this inspiration for this lol. I just want to say I am in no way trying to take attention away from the Black Lives Matter movement I just thought this would be a nice way for people to take a break and unwind with everything going on in the world right now, but there’s a post on my blog with a link that has information on how you can help so please visit it! Thanks you for reading and I hope you have a wonderful day! :)

You and Connor Murphy had celebrated many birthdays together since your parents were best friends in high school and you and Connor were also best friends. You had been at each other's birthday parties since you were born. You had always given one another thoughtful gifts and wonderful cards with handwritten messages full of love. You would never tell Connor but, you kept all the cards he gave you in a box in the back of your closet. 

But this year was different as it was your first birthday when you and Connor were dating. He hadn’t said anything about it so you just assumed that it was going to be a low-key night as usual where the two of you just hung out and watched movies at someones house or something like that, what you didn’t know was that Connor was planning a romantic night for the two of you. Before you even started dating you always talked about wanting to go stargazing with your significant other when they finally came along, so he figured why not do it for your birthday. A couple of days before your birthday when you were busy staying after for some kind of club he went to the store and got fairy lights to hang on the back of his beat up truck and a bunch of your favorite snacks. That night he also made a playlist full of all your favorite songs and found the extra mattress his parents kept in the attic to put in the bed of his truck. As the day got closer and closer he took almost every single blanket and pillow from the Murphy household to make the perfect stargazing fort. 

Then the day finally arrived, you were on the phone when the clock struck midnight so he could be the first person to wish you a happy birthday, a few minutes after you hung up and went to bed as you were tired and wanted to be well rested because unfortunately you had to go to school, but luckily it was Friday. After you went to sleep Connor wrote you a long birthday message for you to read once you woke up and then went to sleep himself. Connor got up extra early in order to get you your favorite drink from the local coffee shop before he picked you up, you were over the moon and thought that this would be the extent of the birthday celebration, but boy were you wrong. While you were walking in the halls a few people wished you a happy birthday and you  said thank you quietly while blushing. 

For lunch Connor took you off campus to your favorite fast food restaurant and gave you the first of many presents, this one was a stuffed animal from Build-A-Bear Workshop which he drenched in his cologne which you loved so much. He told you to press the paw and when you did a recording of Connor saying “I love you Y/N” played and you just about died. Connor swears he saw you start to cry but you fiercely denied it. Much to both your dismays your lunch period was almost over and you had to head back to school. The rest of the day went by fairly fast and you got a few more birthday wishes from your peers and even some teachers. At the end of the day Connor dropped you off home so you could have dinner and celebrate with your family. You wanted him to stay for the festivities but he insisted Cynthia needed him home, but he would see you later. 

Your family celebration finished at about 6:45 and Connor came and picked you up at 7:15. You went over to the Murphy residence, when you arrived Cynthia, Larry and Zoe were all sitting at the dinner table talking, they stopped their conversation and wished you a happy birthday. You said thank you while blushing madly, you then practically ran up to Connor’s room to get away from all the attention. Once you got into Connor’s room you plopped down on his bed and threw your arm over your eyes. You heard Connor shuffling around the room but then he stopped suddenly, you removed your arm from your eyes and saw Connor standing at the foot of his bed with a picture frame full of pictures of the two of you. “Oh my gosh Con,” you say while getting up and going over to him. “I love it, so much.” You gave him a gigantic hug and he pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head. The two of you stood like that for a moment, just enjoying one another’s presence. After you broke apart you took the frame into your hands and looked at all the pictures, there were some form when the two of you first met in middle school, then some from various dances which you dragged Connor to throughout the years, some from dates, and then some candid ones your friends snuck of you when everyone was hanging out together. Those were your favorites cause you could see how much you and Connor adored each other. After staring at the pictures for a few minutes you and Connor decided to just cuddle, what you didn’t know was that he was just waiting for it to get a bit darker before he took you out for the night's final activity. 

You were just about to fall asleep to the sound of Connor’s heartbeat when he pressed a kiss in your head and softly said, “Hey sleepyhead, time to get up.”

“Huh?” you said sitting up, head fogged with fatigue.

“Get up. We’re going somewhere,” he gently cooed. 

“Where are we going?” you asked, very confused. You figured the two of you were just going to spend the rest of the night cuddling or something like that.

“Guess you’ll just have to wait and find out,” he said booping your nose while getting out of bed. “Come on you slowpoke,” he said already halfway out his bedroom door. You had finally woken up all the way and were following Connor out the door. By the time you made it down stairs he was already waiting at the door with his shoes on. You hurried to put your shoes on because you didn’t want to keep him waiting any longer than you already had, because of this you lost your balance. “Woah slow down babe!”, Connor said while grabbing your arm to make sure you didn’t fall. 

“Sorry I just didn’t want to keep you waiting,” you said, cheeks turning bright red while you finished putting in your second shoe. 

“You ready to go, Lovely?” he asked, holding out his hand for you to grab. 

“Yes,” you said, happily accepting his hand. 

Once you got out to his truck he opened your door and you thanked him with a kiss on the cheek. Once you both got settled in Connor handed you the AUX cord and you put on the playlist the two of you made together for car rides, it was filled with your guys favorite songs and songs that reminded one of you of the other person. There wasn’t much talking during the ride as you were trying to figure out where the heck Connor was taking you but the two of you did hold hands over the center console and he was rubbing small circles on the back of your hand with his thumb. After about 15 minutes of driving you finally arrived at your destination, the old abandoned orchard on the edge of town.  

You were very confused as to why Connor took you here. “What are we doing here Murphy?”

“Well you always mentioned how you wanted to go stargazing with your special someone, so I figured I would do it for you on your birthday, I just hope I'm special enough for ya,” he says looking down and blushing when he says that last part. He points to the back of the truck that's all decked out with blankets, pillows and even fairy lights, still not meeting your eyes.

“Connor, honey, look at me,” you say, grabbing his hands in yours to make him look at you. At some point you started to tear up because you're amazed he remembered when you said you wanted to go stargazing and amazed that he cared this much about you to set this all up. “I love this very much just like I love you very much. You are more than special to me Connor Murphy.” Once you were done talking you gave him a kiss on the tip of his nose and then hugged him. He rested his head on top of yours and the two of you just stood there for a little while.

Once you finally pulled apart you went and hopped into the back of his truck and snuggled into all of the blankets. Connor pulled his phone out and took a photo of you, “Oh yeah this is definitely my new lockscreen,” he said with a smirk. 

“Hey you asshole! It's still my birthday you can't be mean to me!” You said with a pout like a small child. 

“Its cute i swear babe,” he said, still with that stupid smirk on his face. 

“Come get in here with me you dummy,” you said reaching out for him with your hands. 

“Give me two seconds you big baby,” he said while over dramatically rolling his eyes and scoffing. He went into the front of his truck and plugged his phone into the aux and started playing the playlist he made for the night and getting your final gift of the night.

 After what seemed like an eternity Connor came and settled into the truck with you. You laid your head on top of his chest and tangled his legs with yours, two of you just stayed like that for a while and enjoyed the stars along with each other's presence. After a while the two of you sat up and started eating the snacks Connor brought and were just talking. He eventually said “I actually have one more present for you.” He dug around in his pocket for a minute before pulling out a small jewelry box. He handed it over to you and when you opened it up there was a small heart shaped necklace with his initials engraved onto it. “It's a locket so open it, there's something inside,” he said watching your face intently while you looked at the necklace. WIth some struggle you opened the necklace and inside was your favorite picture of Connor and another engraving that said “My love forever and always” and your anniversary date. You fully started to bawl now because this was the best gift someone could ever get you. 

“Hey, hey, hey what's wrong lovely?” he asked voice full of genuine concern and internally freaking out because he thought he did something wrong. 

“Nothing, it's just… this night is so perfect no ones ever done anything like this for me ever. And I love this necklace so much Con,” you said while wiping at your face. 

“Come here baby,” Connor said, opening his arms for you to go in between them. You just cried for a little bit because you felt so loved and whispered thank yous into Connors chest. 

Once you calmed down  Connor helped you put your locket on and once he finished you settled into his chest and  looked back up at the sky and saw a shooting star. “Hey look,” Connor gently whispered, “Make a wish”. You didn’t make a wish though because you already had everything you needed right there

“Nice To Meet You Too”-Connor Murphy X Reader (Soulmate AU)

Word Count: 4,164

A/N: Hey everyone! It’s been a hot minute but here’s my second fic, I made the reader gender neutral so more people could enjoy it! Thank you to everyone who reads this and everyone who read my last fic, it is very much appreciated! Hope you have an amazing day! :) 

Everyone was born with a tattoo on their inner left wrist with the first words their soulmate would ever say to them. These tattoos would disappear after the words had been said. Some people just had a simple “Hello!”s or “Excuse me!”s and nothing else, others had things such as totals from various purchases and what not but you were lucky, yours included your soulmate’s name. It read, “Uh, I’m Connor, nice to meet you too.” Connor. It was a lovely name but there were also a lot of people named Connor which led to you constantly getting your hopes up.  You always went out of your way to introduce yourself to people named Connor and probably looked a little insane while doing so.  A few of your friends had met their soulmates in elementary school but as high school went on more and more people were meeting their partners for life while you were still alone. You became a little discouraged but knew that yours was out there and you were going to meet them eventually. Then came some of the best and worst news of your life. You were moving out of state at the end of junior year a couple of weeks after school got out. You were partially overjoyed because you had already interacted with every single Connor in your area but it also meant you were leaving your home of almost eighteen years. Your junior year went by faster than you would have liked and the time came to say goodbye to your childhood best friend Quinn. They came over to help your family pack as they were like the second child your parents never had and once the last box was put into the U-HAUL truck the two of you broke down crying and gave one another the biggest hug.

 Once the breakdown was finished you gave each other one last tear-filled smile before you got into the front seat of your parents’ car and pulled out of the driveway of your childhood home. As you were sitting in the passenger seat with your earbuds in you though of Quinn and how you met. The two of you were in the same preschool, on the first day during playtime you were sitting alone and they came up and declared you two were going to be best friends for forever and the rest was history. You were indeed best friends and were almost never seen without the other. You soon became sad so decided to try and think of something else. You knew Quinn was going to be okay because they had recently met their soulmate so they weren’t going to be alone during this transition period for the two of you. You, on the other hand, were not so sure how you were going to cope. Sure facetime was a thing that existed but it definitely wasn’t the same as Quinn just busting into your house at random times and your parents just being okay with it. You slowly fell into a dreamless sleep for the majority of the rest of the trip.

 When you woke up again your mom informed you that you were just about two hours from your new home. You got out at the gas station you were currently stopped at and went to the bathroom and got a few snacks for you and your mom to share. You started to stare out the window and soon your thoughts went to your soulmate, Connor. You hoped that you were going to get to meet him soon as this was currently the only thing keeping you going. You finally arrived at your new house about an hour before sunset. You and your parents began to unload everything from the U-HAUL truck. It took a lot longer without Quinn and you ended up having to finish in the dark. While your dad was returning the truck you and your mom decided to unpack the necessities then leave the rest for tomorrow. When your dad came back the three of you decided to get something to eat and just drive around the town. 

You got food from Mcdonalds and took in the sights of your new home. It was a nice town, not too big or small, it looked like there were a lot of things to do and places to eat. The last stop on your sightseeing tour was the town’s high school. It looked a lot bigger than your previous school and you thought that building was hard to navigate so you could tell this was going to be a nightmare. On your way home you noticed a park right by your house. You could tell just by looking at it that it would be the perfect place to walk to at 3 AM when you couldn't fall asleep and just wanted to forget about all your troubles. Once you got home you found the box with your sleeping bag and pillow in it and found your new room. You set up your sleeping bag in your empty room, your furniture wasn’t supposed to arrive for a few days so you were stuck sleeping on the floor for the time being. You stared up at the textured ceiling and tried to fall asleep because you knew tomorrow was going to be filled with loads of unpacking but for some reason, you just couldn’t so you were going to call Quinn to just check in but decided against it since you remembered they were hanging out with their soulmate tonight. So you did what you always did when Quinn wasn’t available, imagine what your soulmate looked like. You really didn’t care what ‘Connor’ looked like it was just fun to try and put a face to a name. Slowly you fell into a dreamless sleep.

Your mother came into your room at about 8:30 so you could start unpacking. You finished the living room, kitchen, and bathroom before lunchtime.  You finished doing the rest of your house just before dinner time. You stood in your room, it was painted a nice light grey and you had hung up some of your posters and pictures and strung up your lights which made you feel more at home. Your dad called upstairs to tell you that he had picked up dinner on his way home from work. While the three of you were eating he talked about his new job, he was a lawyer and had gotten an amazing opportunity at a pretty well-known law firm, which is why you guys moved. He told you about his new office and some dick named Larry he worked with. Once dinner was finished the three of you talked for a couple of hours about how everyone was feeling about the move, as the conversation was winding down you felt yourself growing tired, you bid your parents goodnight went upstairs to bed. Thoughts of how you were going to arrange your room filled your head, the furniture was supposed to arrive the next afternoon and you couldn’t wait to finally finish setting up your room. That night you had a weird beauty and the beast-esque dream filled with talking furniture. 

The furniture truck arrived around 12:30 that afternoon and you finished setting up your room at about 3, you decided to facetime Quinn to show them your new room. They helped you decide where to put a couple small things then after that the two of you just caught up, they told you all about how amazing their soulmate was and you couldn’t help but feel a small pang of jealousy, they asked about ‘Connor’ and you told them you hadn’t found him yet. You lied and told them your mom was calling so you could stop talking about soulmates cause it was making you upset.  After you got off the phone you and your mom decided to get lunch at a locally owned diner which made you feel a lot better about not finding Connor yet, before you went home you stopped at the grocery store and picked up somethings so you could begin making food in your own kitchen. Once you got home you decided to take a nap until dinner was ready. You woke up around 5:15 and saw that Quinn had sent you a message so you responded and told them about your lunch, just as you hit send on your message you heard your dad come in and your mom called up to you to tell you dinner was ready. Dinner was good and your dad said work was good which made you feel like maybe this move was a good thing. 

The next morning your mom barged into your room and told you to get up and get ready to go tour your new school. You begrudgingly got up and dressed, you then went downstairs to meet your mom. The two of you headed out to her car and on the way put you grabbed some fruit so you wouldn’t be cranky during the tour. Once you arrived and found the main office you met your principal and she gave you your schedule and then introduced you to your tour guide, Alana Beck. She was very pretty and you could tell she was smart just by looking at her. Once your principal set you loose so the tour could actually begin Alana became much more talkative, not in a bad way, of course, it was nice to not have to worry about keeping the conversation going. As the tour progressed you felt your anxiety melting away, the building actually wasn’t that hard to navigate and your classes were easy enough to find. You and Alana found your way back to the principal’s office but before you went in Alana gave you her number that way if you had any questions about anything you could always text her. It was nice to know you already knew someone at school and wouldn’t be going in with a completely clean slate. You went into the office and said good-bye to Alana and your new principal. You walked out of that building feeling oddly calm. You and your mom went out to breakfast and you got one of your favorite diner foods. Your mom dropped you off at home after breakfast because she had to go to her first day at her new job.

 You decided to walk down to that little park you saw on your drive around the town. You put in your earbuds and started walking. It took a little while for you to find it but you did eventually. When you arrived you saw that there was another person there. They were sitting on the swingset. You decided to walk around the block to try and avoid human contact at all costs. When you looped back around to the park you saw the tall figure still sitting on a swing. You were tempted to take another lap around the block but there was a feeling in your gut telling you not to. So you didn’t. You decided to just sit on the farthest swing from the person. You decided to sneak a peek. They had wavy brown hair that reached their shoulders and were wearing all black, just like you. You chuckled to yourself, maybe a little too loudly cause the person turned and looked at you. FUCK! FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! Why did I have to fucking do that! It wasn’t even that funny!” you thought to yourself. They continued to look at you. “Wow, they’re pretty. WAIT, not the time you idiot! Holy shit what do I do? Should I say something?! I should say something. Right?” before you could even contemplate what to do you felt yourself opening your mouth and saying “Sorry, I just noticed we’re both wearing black and thought it was kinda funny. Anyways, I’m Y/N. Nice to meet you.”, you awkwardly stuck your hand out for them to shake. 

They hesitantly took it and said, “Uh, I’m Connor, nice to meet you too.” You swore you died right then and there, you could not believe your ears. The two of you just realized what happened and said “Holy shit” in perfect unison. 

“HOLY SHIT!” you squealed. You ran over to Connor and gave him a gigantic hug, you could tell you scared him with this sudden physical contact but eventually hugged back just as tight as you. At some point, you had started crying out of pure happiness because OH MY GOSH you just met your soulmate! The two of you eventually pulled apart and you just looked at him and soaked in his beauty. You noticed that half of his left eye was a rich dark brown while the other half and eye were a light blue. You noticed how angular his face was and how nice his lips were. 

“Soooooo,” he said in a very dragged out manner. “What do we do now?” 

“I don’t know I’ve never met my soulmate before,” you say, hoping to lighten the tension. “I guess get to know each other if that’s cool with you.” 

“Yeah sounds good. What do you want to know?”

“Why have I never seen you before?”

“I just moved here a couple of days ago with my parents. My dad got a good job opportunity at some law firm around here so we moved.”

“Wait is your last name L/N?”

“Yeah? How’d you know?” you asked, suddenly growing very aware of the fact you and Connor were alone in the park.

“Holy Shit, calm the fuck down. I’m not a creep I swear,” he said getting kind of angry with you, you guessed your internal freakout was showing on the outside. “My dad works at that law firm and mentioned something about a new hire.” 

“Oh okay. Sorry for freaking out dude. It was just kinda weird that someone I just met knew my last name regardless if we were soulmates or not.” you said in a very sincere manner, you really didn’t want to mess up your relationship in the very beginning.

“It's all good, don't worry about it,” he says, tension leaving his body. “My last name is Murphy if you were wondering.”

“Well nice to finally meet you, Connor Murphy.”

“Nice to finally meet you too Y/N L/N.”

You and Connor sat in the park until dusk just talking about anything and everything. He told you about his family and how school was hell for him and you told him how anxious you felt moving here. Maybe it was because you were soulmates but the two of you just felt so comfortable around each other already. Before you left he gave you his phone number and you gave him a promise to text him. On the walk home, you felt as if you were walking on air. You quickly whipped out your phone and texted Quinn telling them all about Connor. They let you rant over text about him for most of your walk home, they were so happy for you. You decided to text Connor before you went into your house. As you were walking in the front door he texted you back and you had a gigantic dopey grin on your face. Your parents stopped talking as you walked into the living room, your mom asked, “What’s got you so happy?”

“Oh nothing,” you said over dramatically. “Just met my soulmate that’s all. No biggie,” you said shrugging your shoulders and biting your lip in an attempt to hold back your smile. 

“Oh my gosh honey!” your mother said practically jumping over the couch to reach you. “When? How? Where? What does he look like?” she asked, barely breathing while doing so. You wanted to keep them in suspense for a little bit but decided against it as you didn’t want your mother bursting a blood vessel.

“Earlier today. After you dropped me off and went to work I decided to walk to that little park not that far from here and that's where I met him,” you said suddenly feeling shy about the whole thing, you weren't a fan of being bombarded with all these questions from your mother. Once you satisfied your mom with adequate answers you went up to your room and continued to text Connor. The two of you were planning your first date, well more like Connor was planning your first date because you didn’t know anything to do. Connor suggested getting dinner and seeing a movie in the town next to yours and you thought that was a lovely idea. The date was set for Saturday which was still a few days away from now lucky for you because it meant you had a couple of days to figure out your outfit and get advice from Quinn. You and Connor were texting for hours before you looked at the clock on your nightstand and realized that it was four in the morning, you bid Connor goodnight and went to bed with a stupid grin on your face.

When you woke up you immediately texted Quinn to tell them about your plans for this weekend. They were so happy for you and they agreed to help you pick out an outfit. You were on facetime for hours modeling different outfit choices before you picked one, it was casual but still looked like you were making an effort. Once the outfit situation was figured out you started talking about the actual date, you started freaking out a little bit because ‘oh my god’ what if he didn’t like you but Quinn was quick to reassure you that he was literally your soulmate and you two were meant to be together. You spent the next few days texting Connor and waiting for Saturday.

Finally, after much anticipation, Saturday arrived! You could barely sleep the previous night you were so excited. It was like the night before going on a big field trip in elementary school, you had your clothes laid out and made sure literally everything was perfect. You woke up early to get ready, you showered, did a face mask and painted your nails to kill time while waiting for Connor to pick you up. Once the time that was decided upon rolled around you saw a black truck pull up in front of your house. You didn’t even need the text saying he was here to know that it was Connor’s. You said goodbye to your parents and practically ran out to Connor’s truck. Once you reached it Connor told you to wait while he got out and opened the door for you with a blush on his face. He quickly went around to the driver's side and got in, he reached into the back seat and pulled out flowers which you found very sweet. “Ah so chivalry isn’t dead,” you said while laughing lightly.

“No it isn’t,” he said while smiling. The drive over was filled with the sound of a playlist Connor made, conversation was scarce as both of you were scared to mess this up. You pulled up to the restaurant and Connor quickly got out and opened the door for you again. You thanked him and fixed your disheveled outfit. The restaurant was a nice little diner with an ice cream place attached to it when you walked in Connor got the two of you a booth. The booth was in the back corner of the restaurant, the seats were a little worn down but still comfortable. Once the two of you got settled in, a nice middle-aged woman came over and got your drink orders, you guys looked over your menus and silently decided what you were going to get to eat. You decided you had enough of this awkward silence and started a conversation. 

“Soooo, how was your day Connor?” 

After that, the ice was broken and conversation between you two came naturally. You talked about things such as your favorite TV shows, movies, and books. The service was fast and soon after placing your order the food came and it was pretty good. Once your waitress dropped off the check at your booth Connor insisted on paying much to your dismay, after that two of you got some ice cream before heading to the movie theatre. This time Connor let you have the AUX Cord and you played some stuff from your favorite artist, he had only heard a couple of their songs so he asked you about them which resulted in you rambling about them for almost the entire 15-minute car ride to the movie theatre. Once you were done you had realized how long you’d been talking and started apologizing and blushing immensely. Connor only laughed and told you it was fine with a huge smile on his face, what he didn’t tell you is that he found it extremely cute. Once you arrived at the theatre you bought your tickets and headed in. Although you two just ate dinner you decide to get some stuff from the snack bar. After getting your snacks you found your theatre and settled into the somewhat uncomfy seats just in time for the previews to start. Neither of you were particularly interested in the movie but you still watched it nonetheless. About halfway through the movie Connor “smoothly” put his arm around your shoulders and you leaned your head into him. Now neither of you wanted the movie to end now but alas it had to, on your way out you grabbed Connor’s hand and didn’t let go until you had to to be able to get in the car but once you clicked your seat belts Connor reached across the center console and put his hand out for you to hold if you wanted to, and you wanted to. On the way home you talked about the movie then somehow you got on the topic of soulmate tattoos. 

“Do you know how insane I went going out of my way to introduce myself to every single person named Connor?” you say while laughing. “I literally introduced myself to every single one of them in my old town and even the surrounding counties!” 

“I’m sorry my parents named me something so basic I’ll be sure to scold them for it,” he says while pretending to be serious. 

“I think I’ll have to fight them when I meet them!” you say still laughing. This is what cracks him and he begins to laugh with you. 

“Oh my god please do!” he says with a gigantic smile on his face.

After that, the two of you calm down but still have dumb grins on your faces.

“How did you feel walking around with the stupid thing I said to you on your wrist for seventeen years?” 

“It was comforting knowing my soulmate was an emo piece of shit like me,” he says with a grin.

“Hey! I’m not emo! I just happen to like the color black,” you say pouting.

“Okay whatever helps you sleep at night sunshine,” he says with an overdramatic eye roll. After that, the two of you fell into a comfortable silence which was nothing like the one on the ride over. Sooner than you would’ve liked Connor pulled up in front of your house.

 “Here we are”

“Yup,” you say, not wanting to get out just yet. “Thank you for tonight I had a really amazing time.”

“Of course,” he says, turning to look at you. Once he does so a small smile appears on his pretty face. You decided this would be a good note to leave on, you reluctantly let go of his hand and began to collect your things. You look at Connor and don’t know what possesses you but you give him a kiss on the cheek.

“I’ll text you tomorrow, okay?” you ask, your cheeks on fire from what you had just done.

“Mhm, sounds good,” he says, barely above a whisper. Face beat red, he puts his hand up to the place you had just kissed. “Good night Y/N.”

“Good night Connor,” you say while opening the door of his truck. You shut the door and smile at him and walk up to your front door. You wave at him to let him know you got in okay and as a final goodbye for the night. Your parents were out for the night so you didn’t have to deal with your mom’s bombardment of questions about the date until breakfast the following morning. You went upstairs and changed into your pajamas, still smiling. You texted Quinn and let them know how perfect the date went, making sure to let them know every single detail. That night you dreamed of Connor, your future together and how happy you were to meet him. 

Just By Looking- Connor Murphy X Reader

Word Count: 4,325

A/N: Hi! This is the first fanfiction I’ve ever written or posted. so it most likely sucks but whatever. I just want to say thank you to anyone who reads this I appreciate it!                

Connor Murphy was your best friend. You trusted him more than anybody else on the planet and told him everything, the feeling was mutual. You helped him when things were tough at home with his parents and sister and he helped you when you were stressed about school and the future. You spent lots of late nights texting and on video chat helping each other with homework or simply just talking. Anyone could see you were best friends just by looking at you two.

  You weren't always close though, you had gone to the same elementary school and you were in the class when the whole printer incident happened but had no particular opinion about the boy but still thought he was cute. It wasn’t until middle school when you both shared three out of nine classes with one another that you two became friends. Neither of you had friends so it was a perfect opportunity for a friendship to form. You originally weren’t going to talk to Connor or anyone for that matter, but when you went to go eat lunch in the library out of fear for the lunchroom and the eighth-graders it contained you found him at one of the tables, he was the only other person in the library besides the two librarians. You don’t know what possessed you but you decided to go sit with him. His head jerked up when you pulled the chair out across from him, he eyed you with suspicion as you sat down before returning to the book he was reading. You sat in silence occasionally taking a bite from the sandwich your mother had packed for a few minutes before gaining the courage to ask him about his book. At first, he gave you short blunt responses out of fear you were actually mocking him for his book choice but once he saw you listening intently he began to talk with passion. The conversation lasted the rest of the 30 minute lunch period you were both disappointed because you did not want the conversation to end. After all,  this was the first real human interaction you had besides the corny icebreakers you had been forced to do in previous classes but soon realized that you were going to the same place the conversation resumed shortly after that. You sat next to one another in that and every other class you had with one another, you bid each other goodbye before going to the final bell of the day, you were a little anxious walking to your ninth bell because in the short goodbye exchanged there was no promise of talking to one another tomorrow. 

The next day’s lunch came slower than you wished. Your stomach had been twisting anxiously all-day,  you arrived at the library to find him sitting at the same table as yesterday with the same anxious expression that you wore on your face. It soon became a tradition to meet in the library for lunch and walk to the next two classes with one another, it took only a few days for an unbreakable bond to form. In the second week of school, the two of you exchanged social media handles and started texting outside of school. About a month into the school year the two of you started to hang out outside of school occasionally which typically meant going to see a movie or something along those lines. 

In December auditions for the school’s annual musical were held, you decided to go out on a limb and try out for it, you got a lead! At first, Connor was a little upset because it meant you wouldn’t be able to see one another as much but after much convincing you got him to sign up for stage crew to solve this problem. The two of you had a fantastic time doing the show and have done it ever since it made your relationship so much stronger.  Connor seeing you up on that stage performing your little heart out made him realize he might like you a little more than a friend. The fact that Connor agreed to do stage crew and got you a flower the night of the final performance made your little theatre kid heart flutter and you realized you might have feelings for the lanky boy. Both of you acknowledged these feelings for about two seconds before repressing them for about two years.  The bond shared between you and the boy rivaled the bonds between the preppy people who had known each other since practically birth.

 The summer between eighth and ninth grade was very eventful for the two of you, you shared your first kiss so you wouldn’t have to go into high school as “losers who hadn’t had their first kiss” as Connor had so gracefully put it, it wasn’t anything special it was a quick peck and Connor had almost missed your lips. The rest of the night was filled with blushes and a kind of awkward silence. The two of you also smoked weed for the first time which was quick to become one of Connor’s favorite past times. Connor had become a full-on stoner by the time school started. That summer was filled with lots of deep conversations about the future and what was going to happen these next four years and then after that. 

Freshman year came around much too quickly for either of your likings, highschool started out rough for both of you. Fortunately, the two of you shared four classes. Connor had been having more outbursts as a result of the new large workload which caused Larry and Cynthia to be tougher on Connor about things such as his grades, which truly weren’t that bad as he had at least a B in all of his classes some of which were advanced, which always made things worse. You were kinda smart and were also taking some advanced classes which stressed you out and caused you to have anxiety attacks. You still met in the library for lunch but this year the conversations were often filled with quiet reassurances in an attempt to calm the other down instead of the lighthearted conversation about your favorite books. You two became so close and confided in each other for everything.  That year you were partnered up on lots of projects and worked over at the Murphy’s home which resulted in Cynthia and Larry growing very fond of you as well as Zoe. When finals season rolled around you helped one another study and passed all your finals with flying colors getting 80-90 on all of them.

That summer the two of you were forced to spend lots of time apart as a result of the Murphy’s disapproval of Connor’s angry outbursts and smoking habit which resulted in him being grounded and having his phone taken away for most of the summer. Your only form of communication was emails that Connor sent off of an old broken laptop. These emails were very rare though because Connor didn’t want to be caught by Cynthia or Larry and then have the laptop taken away leaving him with absolutely no communication with you. He struggled a lot with being forced to spend all of his time with his family and the fact that they were now forcing him to see a counselor once a week. You tried to help him as much as you could by letting him vent to you, he constantly told you how angry his family made him and how much he misses you. The limited conversation with Connor allowed you to have a lot of time alone with your thoughts, you came to the realization that you were in love with your best friend. Little did you know a few streets away Connor came to the same realization.

He was finally released from “house arrest” the last three weeks of summer, you two spent almost every second together to make up for the one and a half months of lost time. It was nice to see each other again, Connor hadn’t gotten a haircut all summer and his hair now reached just below his ears, it was a good look on him. Unable to drive yet the two of you spent most of your time at the local park within walking distance from both of your houses talking and/or smoking or on Connor’s roof stargazing once it got dark out. 

Once again school had to come around unfortunately but you two were more sure of yourselves and ready for this year. The two of you once again had a good majority of your classes together so you were able to help each other study and things like that. The feeling you held for one another grew steadily and was getting harder to contain. Lunch was filled with longing gazes when you thought the other wasn’t paying attention and harmless “flirting” which actually meant playfully hitting one another just so you could touch or being rude to the other person in a non-serious way. Everyone at school could see how hopelessly in love you two were and assumed you were dating which then led to snarky remarks to be made at you two, which temporarily caused a rift in your friendship for about two weeks in September. The reason being Connor felt bad for causing you to get bullied again which is something that hadn’t happened to you since middle school, the bullying never ceased for him, he figured if he left you alone it would get better but it only caused the comments to worsen. Once you walked out of class after someone said something under their breath he went out to calm you down and saw the error of his ways, everything went back to normal, mostly. The two of you were still a blushing mess around each other. 

You began to spend every moment together that you possibly could and when you couldn’t be together you were texting or Snapchatting. You did the musical and once again got a small supporting role. You were over the moon and Connor was so proud of you. He once again decided to do the stage crew and that show ended up being one of your favorites productions you’ve ever done. After the musical was done finals season came very quickly. You and Connor stopped talking outside of school because you both were studying a lot but still found time to chat and help one another go through the material for the class you shared. During this time Connor also celebrated his 16th birthday and passed his permit test on the first try. Driving had been something he had looked forward to since he was a little boy so he took this process very seriously. He got so excited when Larry would take him out to drive in an empty parking lot somewhere. When you went over to the Murphy’s house for dinner one evening Larry actually complimented his son’s driving abilities. You got to see these skills first hand when Larry allowed Connor to drive when you had to go home. You’d never say it to his face but Connor was actually a fantastic driver.  All the studying paid off when you and Connor got all A’s and B’s on your finals. Larry and Cynthia were shocked when they received Connor’s report card and decided to buy him a car as a reward for his recent good behavior streak. It was a beat-up black pickup truck that perfectly fit Connor’s aesthetic. Although he couldn’t drive yet the two of you enjoy just sitting in the front of the truck most days of the summer and talk but sometimes you would just sit without talking a just listen to music off of a playlist you made of your’s and Connor’s favorite songs and imagine where you two would go if Connor was able to legally drive. The fact that he couldn’t drive legally didn’t stop him completely though, because this is Connor Murphy we’re talking about here why would he pass up the chance to break the law. On some nights he would drive you out to the apple orchard and you two would sometimes smoke but you would always stargaze and talk for hours until the sun was about to come up. Connor still smoked occasionally but not nearly as much as he did during freshman year and you only smoked when you were with him. Those were your favorite kind of night and you knew they were Connor’s as well.  Junior year was approaching rapidly and neither you or Connor was excited. Both of your mental states had started to improve for the better but knew that was going to change as soon as the school year started. 

And unfortunately, that ended up being true. You ended up crying to Connor almost every night because of how stressed you were and he had a lot more outbursts than he had had in years. The only thing keeping him from completely breaking down was the fact he could drive in a couple of months, this was also keeping you going. Connor being able to drive you to school would mean no more taking the bus filled with people you hated or having to wake up an hour earlier than usual and have your mom drop you off a half-hour early before she went to work. The first few months dragged on but Connor finally got his license! This meant you two got to spend even more time together when Connor would bring you to school in the morning and drop you off in the afternoon. If you both got up on time you would get coffee and afterschool if your guy’s homework load wasn’t too bad he would just drive around town for a little while before dropping you off.  Zoe was trying to build up her popularity so she just carpooled with one of her friend’s moms instead of risking being seen with her brother, Connor had no issue with this it meant he didn’t have to worry about his little shit of a sister and all her after school activities.  Auditions for the school musical were swiftly approaching and to say you were nervous would be an understatement. When the day finally came Connor came to support you and the director forced him to audition as well because of the notable lack of boys in the theatre department. The two of you got decent parts and were cast as one another’s romantic interest. At first, Connor wasn’t going to accept whatever part he got but once he looked up the synopsis of the show and figured this out he emailed your director and accepted the part immediately. Since your characters were supporting the two of you had a few lines but not an unmanageable amount, you two were in every single scene together so you could study your lines with one another which was very helpful. You had been doing theatre outside of school your entire life and had always dreamed of having a showmance and you were hoping that the childish dream would finally come true. Connor sometimes got frustrated at rehearsals but you were always there to calm him down and get him back on track. The two of you were to have a stage kiss, both of you avoided that topic of conversation at all costs out of embarrassment. The first few times you ran the scene at rehearsal your director allowed for the two of you to not do the kiss and simply move on with the scene but as the show was approaching he made you perform the kiss, fortunately (but also, unfortunately) he allowed for you to do a stage kiss. Every time you two broke away from the “kiss” your cheeks were as red as roses. You thoroughly enjoyed the feeling of his lips on your thumb and imagined how they would feel on your lips, you kept these feelings to yourself out of fear of losing your best friend if he were to find out.  A few of your castmates picked up on your rosy cheeks and idiotic grin each time you would come off stage from doing the stage kiss but you consistently denied having feelings for your scene partner. As the show approached you began to run the scene more and more and spend more time with each other at rehearsals and outside of rehearsals. Your feelings only grew for each other and you both found yourself almost confessing your feelings, the tension between you two grew greatly. You also found yourself touching Connor more and more whether it was just grabbing his arm when he said a joke or laying your head on his shoulder when you two were watching a movie at his house. Little did you know these little things would drive Connor insane and his face would grow hot every time you would do something along those lines.  On the closing night of the show, Connor got payback for you driving him insane. He took control of the kiss and made sure it wasn’t a stage kiss. You almost passed out when he did this His lips were slightly chapped when they touched yours, just like they were that night the summer before freshman year, and your stomach did loads of backflips. Neither of you wanted the kiss to end but your castmates would have noticed something was up so sadly you pulled away. When you had broken away from each other you had to grab onto his arm make sure you didn’t fall because of how shocked you were,  luckily you were able to play it off quite easily so it seemed like an acting choice and no one noticed besides you two. When you got off stage after what seemed like an eternity Connor had the biggest smirk on his face and seemed quite pleased with himself. You wanted to smack that cocky smirk rights off that stupid pretty face of his but you didn’t instead you kissed it off. You heard the surprised squeak of one of your castmates but didn’t pull away for at least 30 more seconds. When finally did pull away Connor just stared at you with his mouth hanging open and he was still like that when you walked away with a gigantic grin on your face to touch up your makeup. When you walked out of the girl's dressing room you found Connor outside the door waiting for you. You avoided eye contact with the boy out of embarrassment of your actions and tried to walk past him like you didn't see him but he grabbed your arm and dragged you into a more private part of the hallway. ”What the fuck was that?!” he asked whisper yelling.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you said while fluttering your eyelashes playing innocent hoping he’d get the hint to just let it go. 

“You know exactly what I’m talking about l/n don’t play stupid.” 

”Okay…” you said while still staring down at the floor “maybe I do know what you're talking about but I don't want to talk about it”  

“Well, I want to talk about it. Right now.”

“I really don’t know what you want me to say right now Con,” you said hoping the conversation would end soon for a couple of reasons. Before you could even finish that thought one of the upperclassmen girls came running down the hallway searching for you guys. You two had almost missed your cue but luckily she noticed otherwise you would’ve been killed by your director. 

“We’ll continue this conversation later,” he said before walking down to the stage door. You stood shocked for a couple of seconds before coming to your senses and following behind him. That was the final scene after the curtain calls you hugged Connor quickly before practically running to greet your family to delay the conversation you were bound to have sooner or later. When you got done taking pictures with your friends and family you avoided Connor at all cost possible and sought refuge in the girl's dressing room. You took as long as humanly possible hanging up your costumes and whole doing so a few people told you that Connor was looking for you but you told them to tell him that you were busy and couldn't talk. When you finished cleaning your space in the dressing room and walked out to go help with strike on the stage you found Connor sitting outside the door presumably waiting for you to finally come out. When you did you tried to speed walk past and pretend you didn't see him but he called your name so you had to turn around and look at him. ”Y/N can we talk for a minute?” he says, voice filled with anxiety.

”I'm sorry Con but I really get out there and help strike.” you said looking at the ground 

”Well then can we talk at the cast party?” 

”Yeah. We can talk after.” Strike lasted for about an hour. During that time you and Connor had to help each other with things such as putting costumes away or helping fold a backdrop. Finally, the time for the cast party came and you couldn't wait cause you were starving. 

Usually, you and Connor would sit in the corner of the lunchroom and talk about the paper plate awards people were receiving and how bad some of them were but this time after you got your food there was no talk about paper plate awards, Connor immediately asked, ”So what was that L/N?”

”I don't know Connor, what was it?” you answered in a very snarky manner. ”You were the one who kissed me first so it's only fair that you answer first.”

”Look. First of all, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable that was never my intention. I guess… I guess  I just misread the situation a thought there was a slight chance you could like me back. Second of all before you decide you never want to talk to me again I just want you to know that you are one of the greatest people I've ever met and I love you so much. Sorry again. I guess I'll just leave you alone now for the rest of eternity.” he says avoiding eye contact like it's his job. 

You stared at him for a couple of seconds dumbfounded that Connor thought you didn't like him when for years you thought he didn’t romantically like you. Just as you fully processed what Connor said he began to stand up you suddenly grabbed his wrist and pulled him to sit back down. ”Wait, wait, wait let me get this straight you Connor Murphy like me Y/N L/N in a romantic way?”, you said almost laughing out of pure joy because finally the boy who you’ve liked since middle school likes you back. 

“Yeah, go-ahead laugh it up. Isn't it just hilarious that a freak like me thought he had some sort of chance that he had a chance with someone as talented and beautiful as you?” he said almost yelling. You stopped smiling and slightly cringed into yourself, Connor had gotten angry around you before but the anger was never directed at you. It was always at Larry, Cynthia, Zoe or just the world in general but never ever at you. When he finally stopped talking he saw that you were scared and regained his composure but was still shaking with anger. Luckily the cafeteria was loud enough where it seemed like you and Connor were just having a conversation. 

”Con will you just let me say something before you start jumping to conclusions?” you said quietly. ”I'm just surprised that someone as great as you would like someone like me, don't get me wrong I'm grateful but wow. I just still can't process that Connor Murphy, the boy I've liked for years, actually likes me back!”

It was his turn to stare at you with a dumb look. “You actually like me back?” he says in a state of shock.  You shake your head and he looks like he’s going to start crying and you do too. You both just stared at each other with stupid grins on your faces for about 30 seconds before you hugged one another and cried out of relief. When you pulled away Connor asked, “So N/N will you be my girlfriend?” You shook your head wildly and pulled his face to yours and gave him the biggest smooch. It was far from perfect but it was good enough for the both of you. You spent the rest of the cast party hand in hand with big smiles on your faces. No one was surprised when you two announced that you were a couple but everyone was happy they didn’t have to deal with the awkward pinning anymore. Larry and Cynthia were more excited than you and Connor were when you told them you two were dating, they saw how happy you made their son and they already loved you so it was perfect, Zoe would never admit it but she was happy that her brother had got you. 

Those late-night conversations were now filled with I Love yous and loads of compliments. When you guys hung out you were constantly touching one another in some way. Connor still had his outbursts every once in a while but you were always there to help him pick his piece up and put them back together. You and Connor loved each other more than anything. Anyone could see that you two were soulmates just by looking at you.

My Thoughts On Evan’s Actions In Dear Evan Hansen

Spoiler Warning For Dear Evan Hansen

I’m personally sympathizer for Evan Hansen. I understand why he acted the way he did and lied, even though I don’t agree with actions.

I know most people are mad at Evan for lying about Connor. What Evan did was wrong, it’s wrong to give a family false hope about their son who they had just lost to suicide. It’s wrong to lie about someone who passed away.

You can say “I would never do that, ever.” but remember Evan Hansen isn’t you.

Evan’s a neurodivergent, anxious, depressed, suicidal, lonely kid, he’s also scared of public speeches and talking to others in general.

He didn’t have any friends either. Even Jared only thought of Evan as a “family friend”.

So when he talked to Connor, even though it was very brief, and Connor shouted at him, when Connor signed his cast he might’ve thought they were friends. So losing one of the only people who somewhat treated him as a friend, hurt him so much.

He didn’t want to lie about Connor. When he was first given the letter by Connor’s parents, he wanted to tell them the truth.

But he couldn’t. He was anxious and nervous so he panicked, as a result he lied out of panic.

He didn’t want to hurt Connor’s parents by lying to them, he didn’t mean to or want to lie to them, but he lied out of panic.

He didn’t want to hurt them even more by telling them the truth, that their son didn’t write anyone a letter or any note before committing suicide.

When Connor’s family asked him about Connor and Evan’s friendship, he didn’t want to lie but he didn’t want to upset them any further. That’s why he lied.

Also, having a fake, imaginary, overly romanticized friendship with someone, even if that person had passed away, made him feel less lonely and alone. Evan never had a close friend and neither did Connor, he didn’t want to tell Connor’s parents, Connor didn’t have any true friends and him and Connor weren’t really friends. He didn’t want Connor’s parents to become even more sad by telling them Connor wasn’t really friends with anyone and was all alone.

Evan didn’t want to lie while giving his speech about Connor either. But he was once again anxious and nervous so he panicked and lied out of panic. This time he had so many people in front of him and cameras surrounding him, he didn’t want to upset so many people by telling the truth so he lied, hoping that would make things better.

The situation was like a double ended sword for Evan. Lying to people would be wrong, and he knew that, but it wouldn’t hurt them as much if he told them the truth, and if they didn’t found out the truth they wouldn’t be as devastated.

I’m not defending Evan’s actions, what he did was wrong. I’m not saying being a neurodivergent, anxious, depressed, suicidal, lonely kid is an excuse for his actions.

But when you think about all this from Evan’s perspective there are explanations for his lies.

I’m just saying, Evan didn’t want to hurt people, but he didn’t really know how to help them so he thought lying would work, and it worked until it didn’t.

In the end, Evan realized his mistakes and owned up for them, he didn’t make excuses for them, he apologized and tried to make things better even though the damage had already been done, he tried his best to make things better.

No one deserves to dissapear 🖤

They are going to annoy you to death!