Probably Missing Something, But I've Just Always Wondered If Since Xaden And Violet's Parents Were All

the fact that i'm no longer the same age as the protagonists of novels and films i once connected to is so heartbreaking. there was a time when I looked forward to turning their age. i did. and i also outgrew them. i continue to age, but they don't; never will. the immortality of fiction is beautiful, but cruel.

Shipping fictional characters isn’t representative of your moral values. It’s representative of your particular psychic damage and the themes and motifs that haunt you. Hope this helps.

love love loved cody "bean" winter in tgr!! i loved seeing more of their personality and perspectives, and seeing their friendships with jeremy and jean and everyone else, and how they add significantly to jean's growth. however, i was a tad sad we didn't get to see more of them with pat and ananya. i know that it's their journey playing out of accepting the possibility of a future with the two of them, which is very interesting and understandable for the timeframe, but i missed seeing the trio interact. i for sure enjoyed the exploration of other side characters this book, but it kinda set aside the floozy grouping from tsc that i loved. hopefully the trio will find their way together next book🤞

i don't think in general it is concerning lol, but given Jean's mentality at the time... it just makes me wonder what he was imagining could be done to skin, his skin, with a peeler, by him or others. and that his instinct is to visualize that possibility by testing it on his finger...

dunno maybe i need to touch grass but it made me shiver reading it.

"Jean tested the edge of the peeler with his finger"

Jean's entire perspective in tsc is hard to get through, but this one line from Jeremy's pov just... *scream*

i'll leave it to your unwilling imagination

AHHHHHHH

>>> the perfect court the foxhole court the raven king the king's men the sunshine court the golden raven the broken cage >>> the queen's game

there's just something about fantasy/sci fi romance that no other ships can compare to. the desperation to stay together, to stay alive. the stakes and trials they get put through. the depth the relationships get to to survive and to hold on to life and sanity, and to each other. the connection they get from going through so much individually and together. incomparable. often depressing, but absolutely incomparable.

andreil :

if you want you can bite me and i won't move

you won't lose me to thunder or lightning, but you could to crowded rooms

if you love me, keep it to yourself

*screams*

me and my homies support real artists who put their passion into their pieces instead of a machine who rips off the hard work of talented peeps

i personally think that even more significant than andrew letting neil touch him, is andrew touching neil.

we're in neil's pov so we obviously mostly see how andrew interacts with him, but andrew is very straightforward with his boundaries and very touch averse with everyone. most if not all instances of andrew touching other people are done out of violence or necessity, but from the beginning he touches neil voluntarily. bringing him down to his level, pulling him into his space, inspecting him, directing his attention, forcing neil back to himself, and eventually, out of affection and lust.

it's the touch before the first kiss that stands out the most to me though. maybe initially he's mostly scouting neil out for potential problems, but still. a man who trusts almost no one, who keeps everyone even his family at an arms length physically and emotionally, who portrays himself as completely apathetic even while drugged, who claims to want nothing, who has had touch used abusively against him for much of his life, purposefully initiates touching neil.

to me it shows even more his intentions and emotions, and attraction/interest, towards neil because he consistently chooses it himself, when he has chosen almost nothing solely for himself his entire life.

"this is nothing" pshh, right.

makes me heart wrenchingly giggly every time.

i know i'm a bit of a purist when it comes to books in that i don't want to mark or write in them, but flip i really should get into annotating books cause i don't remember half of what i read anymore. like i remember the vibes, and if there are certain moments that i've re read a bunch i'll remember those, but lots of the events and lines that end up being important or that people bring up i'm like "that happened??? that occurred?? i don't remember that lol." even if i just read the book.

seriously i should just start annotating cause i don't remember nothin. ug. what to do.