Client: And Who Is This Exactly?? Holmes: My Friend And Colleague Dr Watson, You May Say Before Him Anything

it's not what you think.....

One day they’ll understand how it’s done…

i just think venti clings like a monkey 🐵

ROUND 1: RIGHT SIDE

Trying 🍃 (This isn't me, just a story I thought of!! My parent isnt supportive LOL)

Earlier...

Extra 1— food

Extra 2— Handsome

Final extra and happy pride 🏳️‍⚧️

His parents outdid him...

i had a dream i got everything i wanted

different media anon here, thank you so much for your answer! It really pushed me to try watching the stageplays someday in my own time... somehow... haha qq if you dont mind me asking again (sorry if theres like a limit on ask per week or something), yknow how theres rivalries between divisions? Had the DRBs not been a thing, which divisions/groups do you think would actually be pretty friendly with each other, and which ones would still be pretty tense despite the lack of hypnosis mics lmao

What a super interesting idea. I tried to consider each team's dynamic with the other team, and it got a little long, so sticking this under a cut.

First, I want to properly define how this thought experiment will work, as removing tension/the Hypmics altogether makes the plot collapse entirely and raises a few questions about how several groups got together and what certain team members are up to, if not orchestrating tension. If Rei isn’t slinking around in the background looking shady and cooking up some DRB-related shenanigans, is he really still Rei? And so on.

Therefore, I am going to stick to the letter of the question. What if there were no DRBs? The DRBs seemed to have come about because Otome had the bright idea of pitting two rap boys against each other for sport in a bloodless, more marketable version of a gladiator match, so what if she just... didn’t do that? When Ramuda called Ichijiku and went, “Yo, what up, homie G, did you know the boys are planning a revolution?” what if Otome didn’t have anything lined up and kind of had to be like, “Well, shit”? So then she sent out Ramuda to break the crew up but in a totally lame, Ramude-esque way.

You know in FP/M+ chapter 11 when Hifumi tries to guess the reason TDD broke up and guesses that someone ate someone else’s pudding? Yeah. That’s what we’re going with here. Ramuda went around, ate everyone else’s pudding, and blamed it all on someone else. (We can assume Jakurai caught him in the act or something.) The mild anger on the Ichirou-Samatoki end and the sheer “wtf, Ramuda?” factor on the Ramuda-Jakurai end was enough for TDD to take a temporary hiatus, and when all tempers cooled down, they decided to go their separate ways but remain friends.

And while this may not be necessary for the letter of this prompt, let’s throw Sasara and Kuukou a bone and say that their tiffs with Samatoki and Ichirou happened in a similar fashion. Would Samatoki blow up and send Sasara’s ass packing back to Osaka (temporarily) if he thought Sasara touched his shit and Sasara, sensing an opportunity to clown on Samatoki for it, did what he does best? Absolutely! Would Ichirou and Kuukou butt heads in a he-said, she-said argument over who drank Ichirou’s last Coke? You know it. But as in TDD’s split, these arguments wouldn’t last long, and everyone would be pretty admicable before long.

Now our stage is set. Welcome... to the pudding AU. 

BB/MTC: Samatoki and Ichirou are still homies to some extent, and this means that Ichirou still looks up to him as an older brother figure. By the sort of transitive property of older brothers, Jirou and Saburou would probably likewise respect him and at the very least would play nice with the rest of MTC. Samatoki likes kids, so he’d have no issue with the younger BBs, and Riou enjoys company as well. The group would probably have a lot of fun camping and having cook-outs at Riou’s place in the woods. However, there is an issue, and it is the one person I haven’t mentioned yet. I do not think Juuto “Mature Adult” Iruma would enjoy spending his free time with a middle schooler, especially if that middle schooler is as liable to sass back as Saburou is. Thus, the cook-outs would likely devolve into a very different sort of roasting over a campfire and would end with both Juuto and Saburou in time out.

BB/FP: After Ichirou cools off in regards to the Coke and pudding incidents (which may take a while), I figure he and Ramuda would fall back into a similar dynamic that they have in canon, wherein Ichirou thinks Ramuda’s a little weird but not enough to really do anything about it. FP and BB have fairly dissimilar interests, so I don’t think they would hang out a ton. Additionally, I think Ichirou would be a bit concerned about Dice and Gentarou’s bad behaviors (gambling and lying) rubbing off on the little BBs. Still, they might all get food or something every once in a while. The TDD manga suggests that Ramuda will, when he’s not pestering Ichirou, be occasionally struck with the desire to feed him, so I could see him popping up ever so often to treat the BBs to a nice dinner in some cozy little family restaurant. FP is like the weird uncle and the weird uncle’s irresponsible friends who give baller presents at Christmas and teaches you all the cool swear words you’re too young to know.

BB/MTR: This is a dynamic that I don’t think would work super well, not because of any sort of animosity, but simply that these two groups have such big differences in maturity and interests. The Buster Bros certainly wouldn’t mind fishing or dinner/drinking parties after work, but they wouldn’t have much to contribute to the adult conversation. Likewise, I’m sure that MTR would listen politely (Hifumi maybe not so much) to conversations about anime and school, but they wouldn’t be personally invested in it. I’m sure they all think well of each other but are probably casual acquaintances at best. They might have more luck mixing in a bigger, blended group, such as in TDD.

BB/DH: Despite how surprisingly easy it is to remove the DRBs from Hypmic and replace them with pudding without losing a significant chunk of the story and its character dynamics, I do not think we can conceivably make whatever the hell is going on between the Buster Bros and Rei be about pudding. Therefore, this group does not get along. Sasara and Ichirou probably keep in touch in a vague, acquaintances way. In canon, Ichirou doesn’t really reach out to him after he splits from Samatoki (even though there’s nothing really preventing him from doing so), so I imagine something similar would happen here.

BB/BAT: Oh they would kick so much ass. You know Kuukou and Ichirou would be making monthly trips to hang out with the bestie and try to beat each other’s ass in a parking lot somewhere. Jirou and Juushi would bond over music, and if anyone tried to bully Juushi again, Jirou, Kuukou, and Ichirou would show up to whoop their asses. (Saburou’s on standby waiting with a phone ready to call their lawyer (Hitoya)). I think Saburou and Hitoya would annoy the absolute hell out of one another, so they would end up very close friends too. Somewhere, there’s a group picture of all 6 smiling and hugging, and Hitoya texts it to Jakurai with the caption, “Look at this! Five kids, you bitch. And no child support, no less. You wish. You wish you were me.”

MTC/FP: It surprises me that Chuuouku had to make a reason for Samatoki to hate Ramuda, because the grasshopper arc shows that FP manages to piss off MTC plenty just by virtue of being themselves. I do sort of think that the only reason TDD works as well as it does is because Jakurai is a buffer absorbing the worst of Ramuda’s obnoxious energy, thus stopping him from trying to speedrun becoming a Ramupancake by annoying the absolute shit out of Samatoki until Samatoki beats the absolute shit out of him. And I mean... I do get it. I love the character Samatoki to death, but if he were a real person, by god there is something about him that would make it physically impossible for me to not fuck with him. His bravado is purely a bastard magnet. (I think that’s part of why he and Juuto get along so well.) Also, Gentarou appears to be allergic to cops and would be unable to resist making Juuto’s life hell (there’s a bastard magnet on Juuto too). So I have a feeling this would devolve into an absolute shitfit for four members of this little gang while Dice and Riou are just chillin’ on the side. So long as Dice and Riou can keep chillin’, everything’s all good. To be honest, I think Dice could get along well with MTC provided he left Gentarou and Ramuda at home - hell, I think Dice could get along with virtually anyone in the cast provided he left Gentarou and Ramuda at home. He’s as chill as could be while Gen+Ramu are chill in the same way that the surface of the sun is chill.

MTC/MTR: Hmm.. a mixed bag. Riou and Jakurai would become best friends overnight, partially because they’re on eye level with one another for a change, partially because they can commiserate about war, and partially because Riou would suggest, “Would you care to come into the woods with me to cook absolute batshit ingredients, fish in mountain streams with your bare hands, and wrestle the local wildlife into submisson?” and Jakurai would be like, “Oh! :) Would I!” A match made in heaven. As for the rest, I’m not sure. I think Hifumi and Riou would actually be able to get along in an odd sort of way - they’d swap recipes, and Riou would share some of his plants in exchange for spices he can’t get in the woods - since Riou’s absolutely patient enough to handle Hifumi’s high energy. Doppo and Riou would also work. Like Dice, I think Riou’s chill enough that you can send him to virtually everyone (barring Saburou, who is fourteen - apologies to the fourteen-year-olds reading this, but someday you will understand what I mean) and expect him to come home with a new best friend. Honestly, I think this whole dynamic would actually shake out pretty nicely. They seem like they could be trusted to have a chill time drinking/eating together someday. MTR are like MTC’s square cousins, and MTC’s like MTR’s slightly sketchy friend you know from high school who’s cool but definitely runs with the wrong crowd. (I would say they’re the weed dealer if not for Juuto’s obvious hatred of the topic.) The only reason why I called this a mixed bag in the first place is because I was a bit concerned about leaving Juuto and/or Samatoki and Hifumi in a room together - see the bastard magnet comment above - but knowing that Juuto is Doppo’s acquaintance would probably mitigate that a bit. (Although, knowing that Juuto is a potential Doppal may inspire Hifumi to do something embarassing like share Doppo’s baby pictures.) So hey, why not? Friends.

MTC/DH: God, what an interesting concept. Assuming that Samatoki and Sasara make up, I think Samatoki’d treat him in a “Haha, you knucklehead :) *beats his ass*” kind of way, which is all well and good. Running from an angry Samatoki gives Sasara good exercise. So Sasara would introduce him to Dotsuhonsters like, “Hey haha this is the yakuza leader who tries to beat me up all the time :)” and Roshou would go, “GOOD for him.” Samatoki and Roshou are, of course, instant best friends. The only awkwardness is when one day Roshou and Samatoki both share some pics of themselves a few years back, and Rei doesn’t say anything, but he does lean over and give poor Sasara (who is sweating bullets) a Look. There is not anything this man does not know. (Roshou and Samatoki, of course, are fucking oblivious, god bless their dumb asses.) Introducing Riou to the crew would go well, although I think Riou would be a bit baffled at their high-speed sense of humor. Introducing Juuto would go less well - and here I would like to pause and apologize to all the Juuto fans, since I feel like I’ve been making him out to be a cantankerous bitch, but he really is canonically closed off and prickly. That’s a big part of his character and what makes Juuto opening up to MTC so special and wonderful. At any rate, none of what I said above about Juuto was meant to be insulting, and I am now going to immediately fly in the face of that and lay into him - because I am 100% certain Rei has lured Juuto into an NFT scam, catfished him online, or both. The meetup quickly devolves into a game of tag as Juuto scrambles to get Rei into handcuffs.

MTC/BAT: Like FP, I think BAT’s obnoxious energy is a bit much for Samatoki. However, I think Juuto and Hitoya could be absolutely amazing friends, as they have pretty similar approaches to how they treat the justice system and how it plays into their respective missions. They also seem to have similar-enough tastes that they’d probably hang out in their free time. Hitoya would cry with relief that Juuto actually knows how to spell “charcuterie” after three days holed up in the mountains with Kuukou. Riou and Kuukou would likely respect one another for their strong conviction to their beliefs. I could see Riou being interested in training with Kuukou. Survival rhythm, survival monk. Survival rhymes and survival funk. Get sprayed in the woods by a survival skunk.

FP/MTR: There are two ways I can see this going, and one ends in the apocalypse, which is why I think King Records saw it vital to pry Jakurai and Ramuda apart before their respective groups mixed. On the one hand, I can see this having the same dynamic as a couple who have wildly different friend groups so you know the other dudes in a very second-hand, say “hey” when you pass on the street way. I don’t mean that in the sense that Jakurai and Ramuda would be a couple in this AU, but considering Jakurai’s willingness to forgive Ramuda for much more egregious shit, I think it’s fair to assume they’d make up after maybe four days tops for something as insignificant as “trying to break up the friend group” and “secretly being a government spy”. At any rate, assuming they each go on to build their own friend groups on their own time while still remaining close friends, I don’t think they would try to make one supergroup of pals because Jakurai and Ramuda’s one-on-one dynamic is very different than their group dynamic. Jakurai tends to... maybe babysit isn’t the right word, but mitigate, perhaps, Ramuda in group scenarios like TDD, and that wouldn’t work well with either MTR or FP. Both groups rely on them treating and being treated as equals while being able to express their true selves. Therefore, Jakurai-Doppo-Hifumi would be good friends, and Jakurai-Ramuda would be good friends, and Ramuda-Gentarou-Dice would be good friends, but there’d be no Jakurai-Doppo-Hifumi-Ramuda-Gentarou-Dice supercluster. On the other hand, if that did exist, the results would be disastrous. Yes, I think Jakurai would love this because he’d Hayami Show the hell out of Dice (Jakurai and Dice’s voice actors are very good friends), but if you allowed Dice and Doppo to meet on good terms, their mutual hatred of the systems they live in would spark a revolution overnight. As for Hifumi and Gentarou... Jesus Christ... it might be a good thing that they dislike one another in canon, because I cannot imagine a more chaotic pair of good friends. Together, they have the collective energy of those posts which show someone swerving through incoming traffic at roughly the speed of sound with the caption “Can’t help being a Gemini! <3 Live, Laugh, Love”.

FP/DH: Putting Gentarou and Sasara together is likewise a recipe for disaster. I think they’d try to one up one another, resulting in horrible casualties. I don’t think Ramuda would voluntarily want to hang out with Rei either - he doesn’t seem to be that fond of Rei in canon - so I don’t think these groups would ever naturally mix.

FP/BAT: Honestly, if left to their own devices, I think FP would try to adopt Juushi. Ramuda and Gentarou would, I think, find him very charming, even if Dice might be put off a bit by the crying. I don’t know how things would work with the rest of the crew, though. Kuukou might hold some resentment for Ramuda causing a fight between him and Ichirou, and Gentarou+Dice would be too protective of Ramuda to let this go easily. It’s probably best that these two groups don’t mix, apart from FP trying to arrange custody for Juushi on weekends.

MTR/DH: In theory, this could work pretty well, especially because Hifumi would kill to host a house party for his friends. They’re all mature enough to be able to connect well, if they ever had a reason to connect (I’m not sure what this would be, though - probably a friend of a friend recommendation via Samatoki). In practice, this would be a terrible disaster, because Sasara would goad Jakurai into drinking and then immediately regret it, if he lived to tell the tale afterwards. Still, talk about an interesting experience, huh? Oh, on that note, Jakurai and Sasara may actually get along by virtue of being into interesting people/things, although for somewhat different reasons.

MTR/BAT: Unfortunately, the Jakurai-Hitoya split is another relationship break we can’t pudding our way out of, boys. Hifumi and Juushi seem like they have the potential to connect due to their similar ways of coping with traumatic situations, but god... Poor Doppo... Imagine trying to sleep while the two of them are going, “HA HA HA HA!!!!” in the other room. Kuukou seems a bit too rough and wild to fit in with most of the group, although he and Jakurai might enjoy meditating together.

DH/BAT: Honestly? I could see it. Kuukou and Sasara have a strong dynamic back in MCD, so I could see them staying casual pals and eventually bringing the rest of their crew around to hang out. Both groups also have similar dynamics of younger, energetic dudes roughhousing while an older man looks on and gives timely advice, so I think they wouldn’t clash too much, even in terms of Kuukou and Juushi’s relative immaturity. Sasara enjoys that kind of commotion, and Roshou, while despairing about the state they leave his apartment in, enjoys encouraging kids and younger people. The one point of contention I’m foreseeing is Hitoya being alarmed by Rei’s flagrant law violating.

Super fun thing to think about! Thanks for sending this in.

I made a uQuiz account just so i could make this quiz. please, come on a journey with me

Which Hypmic character do you think is most likely to commit tax fraud? (for some reason i genuinely wanna see your answer to this question NDBWKJDHWKFLWFNBW)

When I mentioned this as an offhand comment elsewhere, I was definitely thinking Rei, but you know what? That's too easy. We can do better. Let's take a deep dive into Hypmic characters and their potential to commit tax fraud.

Ichirou - Ichirou would never knowingly commit tax fraud because he is a good boy at heart, but would he know to pay enterprise tax? Is Ichirou receiving cash under the table from the ol' grannies of Ikebukuro and not reporting it to the government? Does Yamada Odd Jobs even have a business license? This is doubtful, considering that Ichirou is breaking child labor laws by employing Saburou. (Children under the age of 15 cannot be employed for the kind of work the BBs do.) Unless Saburou is not listed as an employee, which means that Ichirou is either paying him off the record (tax fraud!) or not paying him at all (also illegal!). There's also some questionableness about him employing Jirou, as children under the age of 18 cannot be employed for anything that is dangerous or harmful, and any jobs involving rapping with the country's weapon of choice would certainly qualify as dangerous. This whole operation is a lawyer's nightmare. Like father, like son.

Jirou - Do you seriously think Jirou knows how to calculate and file taxes? Hoo baby. This is, of course, assuming that Ichirou (as his employer) doesn't do it for him and also assuming, of course, that Ichirou pays Jirou and pays taxes, both of which I'm not sure we can comfortably decide on our own.

Saburou - Saburou is one of the very few people in this list capable of filing taxes and simultaneously one of the even fewer people in this list capable of creating an offshore account in the Cayman Islands in which to hide his ill-gotten wealth.

Samatoki - Samatoki works for the Katen-gumi yakuza, an organized crime syndicate, but yet he doesn't smuggle weapons, doesn't deal drugs, doesn't extort the locals for money, doesn't act as a pimp for sex workers, doesn't own any casinos, and doesn't loanshark. In fact, he's made clear his disdain for almost all of the things on this list and beats up those who do happen to do the activities on this list. So what exactly does this gang do that's actually criminal? By process of elimination, it's probably tax fraud. They probably own a bunch of restaurants and other small businesses as fronts and just, like, pay half taxes on everything. Scandalous.

Juuto - I cannot look at Juuto and say with a straight face that he doesn't commit some kind of tax fraud.

Riou - He doesn't pay property tax on the land he camps on. I doubt he owns it, so this is less tax fraud and more being a squatter. Either way, illegal.

Ramuda - I don't think Ramuda has a legal government identity - or rather, he probably does, but it's shared with all the clones. This means that while another clone is owning his shop and business (and thus paying property tax, personal income tax, and enterprise tax), he and the other clones are still, presumably, eating food and thus all paying consumption tax. Ramuda's legal identity is therefore paying MORE taxes than anyone else. Does this count as negative fraud?

Gentarou - Assuming that Gentarou is not his legal name, Gentarou is apparently filing taxes under someone else's name which definitely counts.

Dice - Dice is a freeter, and so the matter of his income tax is left up to his various employers. I am positive that the Tobaris did not pay income tax for that smuggling operation he ran in FP/M+ chapters 1 - 4, meaning that Dice has once again unknowingly committed a crime.

Jakurai - Jakurai seems like the one person who would sincerely do all his taxes and, moreover, do them correctly.

Hifumi - Prior to the H Age, Hifumi was a good boy who filed all his taxes properly. Now that the local government office is overrun by women, Hifumi is too terrified to go file for a tax return, which can be necessary if an employee makes over 20,000,000 yen a year. I don't know how much Hifumi makes, but this isn't outside of the realm of possibility. Tax fraud! (Or he just makes Doppo do it. Or there's electronic filing. But shh.)

Doppo - I think his employers would just handle all his income tax by withholding it from his salary, as is standard. There might be some screwy-dewyness from the amount of overtime he works, but this is really on his employer, not him.

Sasara - He would do it only once, and never again, just to say "Tax fraud? More like I'm tax flawed, am I right?"

Roshou - Roshou might run into trouble as an employee of Rei, who is most certainly not filing taxes. This is kind of fraud by proxy.

Rei - Yeah.

Kuukou - As a priest, Kuukou may be exempt from paying income tax for activities that are "related to the purpose of the organization [of the Buddhist temple]" (page 167), but this necessitates that Kuukou has an income. Certainly, we've seen him buy things before, but... where does the money come from? Presumably, he has an allowance from his father or is actually paid by his father for whatever priestly duties he does (cleaning the temple...?), and so the question then becomes whether or not those activities count as religious (I'm going to hazard a guess that cleaning does not count) and whether or not his father handles the bookkeeping correctly, as I don't trust Kuukou to handle his own taxes.

Juushi - I bet he has Hitoya help him with his income taxes. He's a good kid who wouldn't mess it up on purpose.

Hitoya - Hitoya writes off both Kuukou and Juushi as dependents, which probably isn't legal as Juushi almost certainly makes more than 480,000 a year. It also isn't legal in the sense that they're not financially dependent on Hitoya, but his argument is that they're emotionally dependent on him, which should qualify him for an even larger deduction.

Final takeaway:

[Image description: Griffin McElroy holding up a sign that has been edited to read, "I don't understand taxes and at this point I'm too afraid to ask." End description.]