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having a personality disorder is so ridiculous. like girl the abandonment hasn’t happened just yet, CHILL OUT !!!

it’s this pink haired girl, her pink vape, and her Gods against the world i think.

general appreciation post to my gods below:

Ares- i will never be able to repay you for all of the fight that you’ve instilled within me this semester. i made it through a shitload of work and some really god awful days without going to the psych ward yet this year. you deserve more appreciation than i could ever give and i cannot wait for the day that i will be able to properly worship and have an altar in your name.

Hermes- you were the one who started this all for me. without you i would have never discovered the light of the gods. i thank you every single day for this reason, and i will continue to thank you until the day that this life is over for always being my north star.

Hestia- i thank you for blessing my room (home) and my worship, and also the ability to subtlety pray when i can. Thank you Lady Hestia for all that you have given me.

Zeus- i thank you all father for the blessings you have given me, for the blessings i have been too blind to outright recognize, and for always being there. thank you.

May i stay pious, may i be a good person, may the light of the Gods continue to sine on me for eternity.

being aware that your behavior is shaped by childhood experiences is so cringe every time i notice it im like ooo look at her can't even get over what someone told him when she was 7. grow up

feeling lots of feelings this morning. been running as fast as possible away from them through stupid literature and escapist fantasies. i miss the people i used to have. idk why they all left after i became a better person. why like me back when i was cruel and mean?

it doesn’t make sense. my life doesn’t make sense. it never does and it’s so fucking frustrating.

it just keeps coming in waves. this soul-crushing feeling that i never can describe right. it hurts, it aches, it longs, it rolls but it’s sharp and stings. the great ambiguous birthday blues are settling into my bones for tonight.

i wish the gods could fix me. i hate being this way.

I know I don't talk much about my practice or worship much here as this blog is mostly just mental illness venting in a prettier format, but today I feel connected to my gods and that is a wonderful thing. To be able to hear the existentialism lectures in my philosophy class and know that I no longer can buy into such a way of thinking is lovely. I sit there like "this is interesting n all but my gods are here! I am not some abandoned spec of dust in this big universe!!"

So here is a digital thank you to my gods, for many things that I will never be able to adequately explain and express.