Latest Posts by noazhere - Page 2
From another Tumblr post that has been lost to me
Bruce is the most “over” his parents deaths, in the sense that he’s the one who’s lived with it the longest therefore also the one that makes the most jokes about it
Like how Jason in fanfics makes jokes about his death, Bruce makes jokes about his parent’s deaths and it makes everyone slightly uncomfortable.
——
Alfred: Master Bruce, as per the new chore schedule that we have all agreed upon, it is now your day to wash the family dishes.
Bruce: 😬 Ooo, I actually can’t, you see I gotta visit my parents, ya know, be a good son and all that. *Bruce is actively shuffling toward the back door of the manor where the graveyard is*
Alfred: *stunned silence*
——
Bruce: You need to visit more chum
Dick: *sighing* Bruce, I’ve got my own city to run. I can’t just drop everything to visit Gotham.
Bruce: *shaking his head* You’re grandparents want to see you more. What’s so wrong with that?
Dick: W-what?
Bruce: Are you gonna make me go out there to my parent’s grave and tell them that you don’t want to visit anymore? Cause you’re ‘busy’? Do you not care anymore?
Dick: Are you seriously doing this again? You know I’m going to say yes if you put it like that!
Bruce: *still stoic but has a very pleased energy* Oh, how generous. Your grandparents will be very happy.
Dick: Please stop doing this.
Bruce: Ha, no.
——
Jason: What the fuck?! Get this shit off me!
Bruce: *holding a very expensive scarf with the tag still on for some foreign brand* Jason, don’t be so rude. Your grandmother made this for you!
Jason: Bruce, you and I both know-
Bruce: Fine, fine… go outside and freeze. *starts walking to the graveyard in the backyard* I’ll just have to tell your grandmother that you hate her guts
Jason: *snatches the scarf and angrily puts it on, almost strangling himself* Here! You motherfucker… *grumbling*
Bruce: See? You look cute! Let me go get a camera and take a picture to show your grandma, stay here.
——
Bruce: *dramatically, hand on his chest* Ah! You’re gonna make me and your grandfather faint!
Tim: Bruce-
Bruce: Don’t you remember that he’s a doctor? What you think he thinks about all these sleepless nights???
Tim: *exasperatedly* Hypocrite. Bruce-
Bruce: Oh woe is me! My own son! His ailing health! *turns to the empty air beside him* Dad what should we do? Was I ever this difficult?!
Tim: Fine! Fuck man, this is weird and sad! *stomps away to his bedroom*
——
Damian: *struggling to get out of Bruce’s grasp* Baba, please. This is highly inappropriate! I am basically a grown man!
Bruce: *hugging Damian tighter* I’m sorry Damian, it’s just… you have so much of my mother’s and father’s traits… seeing you brings me such joy I can’t help but hug you…
Damian: *stops struggling, blushing in embarrassment* … Well, I suppose I can allow this… hugging ritual
Bruce: *hiding a grin* Thank you Damian, you’re so kind
CW: mental health issues, unreliable narrator, breakup, bodyhorror
"Better"
comics masterpost
Yknow when you meet someone who has the same accent/speech patterns as you in a place where you weren’t expecting them to, and you both start just repeating eachother and getting gradually more excited?
Yeah, I need that with Steph, Jason and Duke, kids who grew up in lower class Gotham where there is very distinctive accents between upper class people and people who grew up in the Narrows or Park row. Just, imagine:
Jason, walking into the Batcave: Ayup.
Dick: Hiya!
Tim: hi
Bruce: Hm
Damian: Hello.
Steph: Ayup!
Jason:
Steph: *not paying attention*
Jason: 😧
Jason: Ayup?
Steph: *snapping head up* Ayup?????
Jason: *excitement* Ayup Stephanie!
Steph: AYUP JASON!
Jason: AYYYYYYYYYUP
Duke: *entering the cave* Ayup gang
Steph: 😮🫣
Jason: 😧🥳
Steph: AYUP DUKE
Jason: AYUP LAD AYUP
Duke: *confusion, surprise, joy* …Ayup?
S + J: AYUP
Duke: AYUP
just repeating till their all stood in a circle muttering.
Everyone else is just staring in concern
It makes me laugh a lot that whenever references are made to certain qualities of Dick that his other brothers also have, there is no shortage of people who say that "they are giving him qualities of *insert random sibling* to praise Dick".
Dude, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but actually, a lot of those abilities were first Dick's and then they were given to other batkids, shit, even his friends and partners were passed on to his siblings-
In one fic does it say that Dick writes or something related to his stories about Batman and Robin? "That was Jason, not Dick."
Someone makes a HC of Dick drawing? "That's not Dick, the artist is Damian."
Eh... Dick was literally a writer and (if I'm not wrong) even a comic book illustrator in a canonical way, using his adventures with Batman as a reference-
Same when they say that only Jason was the star student... No, Dick was ALWAYS a star student, outstanding and quite dedicated too. The only thing they were not alike in was that Dick was not a total lover of literature, but that does not mean that he did not read, he did, he even read things that were advanced for his age, and he also makes references to readings, showing that, in fact, he also read... He's just more about movement than staying still and reading.
"In YJ they gave Tim's skills to Dick".
The suit maybe, but the abilities? First they were Dick's, then they were given to Tim.
Dick was always an excellent detective, only more intuitive than methodical, but he was always the best behind Batman, at times even on par.
And he's always been a very competent hacker, too. Yes, not on Barbara's level, but he was always pretty good with technology.
"Him not getting crushed by Cass is so ooc".
No? Dick was always an excellent fighter. Again, he uses a very different style than other members of his family, but he was always excellent in fights.
I will never tire of discussing these things. I understand that many things nowadays are not shown much anymore, since the writers focus more on his leadership ability than detective skills, and it is also obvious that not everyone will want to read all the comics, there are too many- I haven't even read them all and I don't plan to, it's a hobby, not my life- lol
But yes, I'm still going to always say this, that his "brothers' abilities" are actually Dick's, and that does NOT mean that his siblings don't have them too, they just aren't the only ones.
Why are you crying? They ask. “no reason.” I reply. Thinking very intently about Jason showing up to watch his graduating class walk the stage and get their diplomas or recognizing one of the girls he barely knew from Freshman year surrounded by friends, carrying milkshakes with a a prom dress slung over her arm at the mall. And it hits him suddenly, ‘that’s my senior prom. I’m supposed to graduate in a month.’ (this will have no physiological impact on him whatsoever; he promises himself. (This leads to a very sharp decline in his mental health))
“I’m fine.” I say “totally okay.”
Headcanon that bludhaven hates heroes with a flaming passion bc theyre just cops in tights but love Nightwing and therefore vehemently deny his hero status to anyone and everyone.
Like there is no official Nightwing merch bc he’s a criminal he’s committing a crime okay vigilante justice is in fact not legal and he’s not TECHNICALLY on the justice league and he’s NOT TECHNICALLY the leader of the titans anymore. But there are about 400 different Etsy stores that make hoodies, crop tops, joggers, sweats, sunglasses, bracelets, t shirts with nightwings logo or some art of him on them.
Like they love this guy and will get into beef with any Gotham national who tries to claim Nightwing is THEIR hero.
1) hes not a hero he’s a criminal fuck you
2) you have a hero and just bc he’s shit at his job and needs our guy (who is NOT a hero) to help him sometimes doesn’t MEAN SHIT
people are walking around with tiny v shaped blue tattoos or embroidered on clothing but again NOT A HERO BLUDHAVEN DOESNT DO HEROS
There are coffee shops with bad nightwing pun names nightbird, beanwing, nightwinging it and so on
Every third piece of graffiti is this man’s logo
Every sandwich place or fast food chain has a ‘secret menu item’ that’s not actually secret bc everyone orders it and it’s just one of their normal items dyed blue (sodas, desserts, burger buns, condiments so on) some places will sell wings fried in blue panko bread crumbs and call them them ‘nightwings’ ofc these are ALL off the menu you can’t see these items and if you try to order them out of the city you get weird looks.
Superman goes on tv and says Nightwing is one of his favorite hero’s and bludhaven riots. wtf nightwing is your favorite hero you fuckin poser
1) nightwing isn’t a hero he’s a criminal so back off
2) he’s ours you and your frou frou fancy city that hasn’t been nuked by a sentient pile of radiation can fuck RIGHT off
Naturally the only person in bludhaven who is unaware of this is Dick Grayson bc tbh this man is too busy to give a fuck about what his city thinks of him. They trust him to get shit done. Good that’s all he needs okay he has 22 reports he needs to log he’s busy.
Tim Drake professional nightwing fanboy however is fucking furious about this because.
A) dick was a GOTHAM hero FIRST and bludhaven can suck it
B) fuck you nightwing isn’t just a a hero he’s THE HERO and the BEST hero and don’t be rude bc you have a complex
C) all of the cool nightwing merch only ships around bludhaven so has to get it ordered there and it’s just a hassle and he’d pay double he swears just let him get it delivered to where he is please Everytime he stops by bludhaven he leaves with 10 new pieces of nightwing merch and bc he has so much. Damian doesn’t think he notices when some of his doubles mysteriously go missing. He does.
D) since they are anti hero they are firmly unhelpful whenever he or Steph show up bc a case has lead them to the city
The one plus side was watching Jason Todd having a mental breakdown bc apparently in bludhaven redhood counts as a hero and is therefore hated.
“Yous worked with the bat yous a hero thems the rules”
“I KILL PEOPLE”
“Yeah so do cops and people always call them heroes”
“Okay but I kill people to protect the general public I put down scum”
“Cops say they do that too”
“I- okay you know what I’m a hero fine okay. Why isn’t nightwing a hero”
“Vigilante justice is a crime”
“I’m documentably worse than a vigilante”
“But you have worked with the bat”
“For money yeah”
“See you even get paid, face it you’re a hero which means you suck”
“You realize Nightwing has worked with the bat right like way more than I have”
“Listen that ain’t his fault okay, the bats incompetent and so are the rest to you idiots. He’s a nice guy and a good neighbor don’t mean he’s a hero”
“I- what the fuck is in this cities water”
“I don’t fuckin know but it’s prolly better than whatever gothams got in its harbor”
“I- yeah you’re probably right”
i know its been 5 plus years and enough people have talked about this enough but i cannot physically refrain from clawing my eyes out every time i come across this panel. Truly one of the most ridiculous things tom king has ever written (and the list is huge). Like why is this character who is almost in his thirties comparing himself to his brothers who are atleast 5 to 12 years younger than him? Of all the things he could have an identity crisis about they actually made him lose his mind over what type of robin am I? Not parents dying in front of a whole ass audience or withstanding the demands of being the perfect soldier in batman's crusade or having to put up with the pressure of being a leader other heroes look up to or his friends and family dying all the time, and man i could go on and on. I assure you he is not losing any sleep over where he stands with a bunch of people he cares for very deeply and ultimately thinks of as kids.
I love Jason and dick being drinking buddies who love shit talking the rest of family but also
Sometimes
When I’m craving peak
I remember that their relationship is low key messyyyy
I mean from Jason’s side Dick is the ideal son who Bruce loves, Jason saw Bruce’s absolute grief when bludhaven was nuked as red hood. As Robin he was constantly and unfairly compared to Dick Grayson bc while Jason was great. He had a normal but sad ass life while being naturally gifted and brilliant, dick was training before he could crawl, Dick had never learned to stay still while also being naturally grifted and brilliant. Jason couldn’t do the things Dick could do at 12 bc dick had been training for 11 years by that point but neither he nor Bruce really gave himself that grace. Dick is proof of the concept of child heroes, while he is kinda like proof that children really shouldn’t be on the field. Dick became this well respected, important person. He got to grow from Robin whereas Jason is still burdened by his time in the pixie boots.
And from Dicks side? Dick got out, he LEFT Bruce’s shadow and when Bruce gave his mantle to some kid? He was nice about it! I mean he was too busy with his amazing girlfriend and his team to really become hung up on it! He gave the kid his number and his OG Robin suit and goes maybe we can form a relationship. And then the kid dies and Dick is destroyed, not only did his kid brother die, his kid brother DIED in HIS legacy. And the Jason comes back. Steals his suit, and begins killing people. Nearly gets Dick killed by the cops and spends so long trying to ruin Dicks solid reputation. Not only that? But in the suit father preformed in? With the name Clark Kent gave him??? One of the men he respects most in the world? WHICH he proceeds to do again?? With their Dead Dads costume? After all the SHIT he spewed about no one giving a damn about his death. About how Bruce and his crusade killed a child. And he goes and not only hurts Tim, the brother Dick worked SO hard to build a relationship with bc the last time he got out a Kid died. But also Damian, a literal 10 year old. Dick sends him to Arkham bc when he got sent to regular prison he killed hundreds of people? And sure now?? Jason’s working with the family sometimes? But if it was just a difference in morals Dick wouldn’t have that much of an issue? He’s friends with people who have differing moral codes! Hell he’s DATED people with different moral codes. But? Jason made their beef personal and now Dicks stuck with the knowledge that his younger brother DID a lot of that to HURT him specifically. Bruce was dead for a portion of this? Did that stop Jason from trying to ruin everything dicks ever believed in? Nope.
Like Dick has to exist knowing that he loves his brother and his brother very well could and would do what he did to him again.
I love how they simply can’t fathom their father doing that. “What the HELL did you just say?!” The shocked face Duke has. Jason and Dick looking disgusted. Love this page
Comic: Batman #33 (2016-current)
I actually need some fanfic, where Bruce and Jason are in the middle of some argument, and a casual (and a well-practiced with Dick before) sentence leaves his mouth, something along the lines "How old do you think you are?!", meaning that he is acting childishly. And because Jason is irritated, and his tongue runs loose in his anger, he screams back that he is nineteen, and Bruce just freezes, because... Oh. Jason is nineteen. He is a fucking kid - his kid - that lost years of his teenhood, and was forced back without anyone giving him a space to catch up, with everyone else already treating him like an adult... When he isn't.
Some people are pointing out how out-of-touch Waid seems to be about social media in the new World's Finest: Teen Titans, but I would argue he’s not going far enough. This comic should be the spiritual successor to Bob "Leaping Lumpfish/Cool it Cats" Haney but for gen Z.
Here are some corrections I made to the first issue to make it more faithful to the original.
One of the things which really annoys me about Dick Grayson’s characterisation by both DC and the fandom is how they treat his being Romani (I say this as a gypsy from the circus myself) also before people cancel me for saying gypsy - I am not American and it’s not a slur where I am from. I am a gypsy myself so please don’t freak out about my using this term which feels comfortable and accurate to me
I know this is a common complaint, but being a gypsy or Romani is such a niche ethnic identity, and so often I see people treat it almost like a nationality. For example, the idea that Dick Grayson grew up not knowing English is so bizarre to me… of course he knew English, he may be Romani and speak it, but he is also American. The shopkeeper who he is buying food from doesn’t speak Romani, nor do the local authorities whose permission we need to even put on a circus/fair, so it makes sense that he’d speak English to them. He works in the circus: his family’s livelihood depended on his being able to draw a crowd - if he can’t interact with the people he’s taking the money from, how does he expect to make it in what is essentially a customer service job (I speak from experience here). Also, historically, by the late 18th century, the vast majority of Romani-speaking gypsies also spoke another language as a first language, and by the 20th century, I could argue that this is about 99.99999% of us, if not all.
The other thing I often see is how Dick Grayson is portrayed as being the Bristol-raised kid who doesn’t understand Jason’s Crime Alley upbringing. And yeah, whilst Dick lived with Bruce from a young age, and might (even based on his personality) have a better chance of mixing with the rich kids, let’s not act like Dick didn’t know struggle as a kid. Even if his parents were fairly comfortable economically, he spent at least half the year living in a trailer/vardo, which people associate with being working class. All gypsy kids are taught to fight from a very young age because whenever we pull on somewhere to open (aka put on the show), we expect a hell of a lot of racism from the locals, which often included getting jumped, often by multiple older gadja/gorja/non-gypsy children - and hell, even adults! As well as knowing how to defend ourselves, this also leads to a lot us developing a bit of a defence mechanism wherein we can talk ourselves out of a situation, or endear ourselves to people quickly in the first place so we don’t get fighting (keeping us safe, and keeping us in the good graces of the locals so we can continue earning a living there) - perhaps this could be explored as part of the reasoning behind the famous Dick Grayson charm? Anyway, all this to say, Dick would fully understand what it’s like to be the poor outsider who has to fight at every corner just to exist, and justifying his existence to others who view themselves as his ‘superiors’.
My final complaint is a small one: every single gypsy I know grows up absolutely BELTING Cher’s ‘Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves’ and the fact that I’ve not seen Dick pouring his heart into that song, screaming the words ‘I was born in the wagon of a travelling show’ is honestly a hate crime which must be fixed immediately.
Jason Todd doesn't say "I love you" because he finds it hard to make these words leave his mouth. But that doesn't mean he is not showing it anyhow else.
Jason doesn't say that he loves Bruce, but he spends some extra time preparing rubber bullets when they are on the mission together, and tugs him away when they accidentally stumble across the dead family in the Alley of Crime.
Jason doesn't say that he loves Dick, but he knows when his brother is close to the meltdown, so he musters some courage to appear in his doorway, pretending that he needs some company, because Dick would never admit that he himself needs someone to have his back.
Jason doesn't say that he loves Tim, but knowing how overworked he can be, and how little he cares about his nutrition or the mess in the house, he sneaks out in his apartments to clean it up and prepare food in various lunch boxes, for the week.
Jason doesn't say that he loves Damian, but he drags him around the "unbecoming, childish and immature" places, because Damian is still a child, who needs to have fun, but he is too shy and too unexperienced to admit it.
Jason doesn't say that he loves his parents — all of them, Catherine, Sheila, Willis — but he makes sure to visit their graves and speak with all of them a little.
Jason doesn't say that he loves Gotham, but he makes sure to use money he has on anonymous donations here and there.
Jason doesn't say that he loves the Alley of Crime, but he does his best to protect it as the Red Hood and often volunteers to teach kids some basic educational stuff as Jason, earning being called "Big Brother" on the streets.
Jason doesn't say that he loves himself... Because, honestly, he doesn't.
But when a little ghost of second Robin sometimes visits him in his sleep, Jason teaches himself not to be mean and spends time with the boy, reassuring him that it was never his fault.
Jason Todd doesn't know how to say "I love you" to people, but when someone finally tells it to him, he breaks down crying.
He can't remember the last time someone said it to him.
to reintroduce Jason to the world Bruce decides to just mysteriously announce that he’s adopted a new son and will introduce him at the next Wayne gala. all of Gotham is buzzing about the new child Bruce is gonna appear with. Jason cries from laughing.
Gothamite: what the. what
Bruce, grinning ear to ear, hand on Jason’s shoulder: this is my new son!
Gothamite: he’s not new.
Dick: well, repurposed.
Bruce: i don’t know what you’re all talking about! son, introduce yourself!
Gothamite: he’s not- you already- i thought this one was dead?!?
Jason, completely straight faced: hello, my name is Todd, Todd Jason.
Gothamite:
Tim, tiredly to Damian: and this is why we don’t let B and Jay make important decisions after they’ve shared 3 bottles of wine.
Ghost Jay and Bruce - Ghost Jay witnessing how fucked up Bruce got after his death. And accepting how people move on (or as they seem to).
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 of Ghost Jason series
Imagine if some Gothamites actually has this some sort of small fandoms within the internet where they actually argue who bruce/batman's lover actually is or who's ship seems to be more canon.(But with a twist cuz batkids would literally get in to this type of stuff)
Dick with a username "@ nightwingluvr6000": NO NO LISTEN LISTEN. CATWOMAN?? AND BATMAN?? DEF A PERFECT COMBO. I WAS LITERALLY THERE AND SAW IT WITH MY OWN EYES.
Jason "@ ykredhood69": OGs will know that Hal Jordan actually casually flirts with the batman from that one clip..outdid all of your faves smh.
Steph "@ thatpurplegirl": Screw all your ships, have you seen the chemistry between two face and batman? THE TENSION WAS THERE. IT WAS SO VISIBLE I COULD SEE IT IN THE AIR.
Cass "@ pitchpancake": Pussies, have you seen the way he and that one guy interviewer flirts with each other?they literally take the whole damn cake out of all of this.
Damian "@damiedraws" : imagine arguing the dumbest sh1t on the internet like unemployed fools with nothing better to do with their lives than argue like 7 year olds. Real ones know that SuperBat is the realest out there, much more real and clear than your 20/20 vision.
Duke, reading the entire beef on twitter: Wow, i expected you to side with Dick or even ship Bruce to your own mother but never expected you to be a superbat fan.
Damian: He treats me ice cream.
"Batman is so unrealistic, why does he have shark repellent spray haha--" maybe he just has a canister of a substance on his belt that's so strong, it's banned in several countries and as it turns out, sharks don't like getting face-blasted with the marine equivalent of bear spray on steroids any more than humans do. you're telling me Batman is carrying a single-use item like that on his belt? Heck no. He's using that shit on sharks, on people, on random aliens who try to grab him during JL negotiations, and anyone else he thinks it'll work on. He even used it on himself once to get Joker gas out of his eyes and respiratory system. Superman is never 100% sure if he should say something about it to him or not. The Robins/Ex-Robins like to play Russian Roulette with Bruce's used-up canisters when they're bored. But yes -- it does work on sharks. He modified the nozzle so it can be used underwater.
Since we all agree that people of the Alley of Crime adore Red Hood and believe in him, I think it is time to imagine Jason in a scene similar to the one from OG Spiderman, where his identity is accidentally outted in front of crowd of people, and they all are just choose to protect him and help him out.
So maybe Gotham is facing especially nasty trouble, and vigilantes are on the receiving end this time. So maybe Jason is thrown at the dirty Alley in his part of town, wounded, with helmet flying off, and there is just a crowd of people staring as bleeds out, astonished. And Jason thinks, oh, that's the end — he can go and shoot himself, honestly, because he just failed the man rule every vigilante have: never show your face, never reveal your identity.
But people are... helping him? His eyes are half-open, breath laboured and pained, but all he hears is gentle murmuring:
'God, he is just a kid...'
'He must be younger than my son.'
'Poor child...'
He feels soft elderly hand against his cheek as someone from the crowd, an ex nurse, comes closer to bandage his injuries, while a kid, barely with the size of his helmet, brings it back, sticking out their tongue as they try to place it back on his head, to hide his face.
'It is okay,' the old woman reassures him. 'You are safe with us, son. We hadn't seen anything.'
Jason's eyes sting, because, oh.
It is his people. He loves them. He will die for them.
And they love him just as much.
He still waits for someone to out him, though. But the week ends, the villain is out of the picture, and no one says a thing. The only proof that it ever happened is civilians, who keep waving at Jason — not Red Hood, just Jason — when their paths cross somewhere in the shops or streets.
And that's how he knows that it is them; it is them, and they keep him safe as much as he keeps safe them.
I like to think that thanks to Jason's death, Dick's hair became straighter and let it grew bacause he couldn't care less. He was trying to be a good brother to Tim tho, and Timmy was trying to also be a good brother but you know, he was doing the best a little kid could know.
Pissed-off Batkid: “I’m not Batman.”
[authority figure] who’s about to ruin their entire year: “Yeah, that much is pretty obvious. Because Batman would’ve already figured a way out of this shit.”
Tim Drake🔄Mask OFF • Work Illust
LMFAOOOOO DUKE'S ONE 😭😭😭😭 not lying when i say I literally burst out laughing
people don't talk enough about how fucking funny it is that bruce can sub in his kids as batman when he's too busy. like can you imagine it from the league's perspective? imagine you have this really mysterious, geniusly scary guy that you know next to nothing about, never cracks a smile and yet always comes out on top, and one day he shows up to a league meeting and there's just something... off. about him.
you can't pin it down because he's literally acting exactly the same as usual and there's no reason to think there's anything wrong, but maybe he shifted in his seat one to many times, or he looked just a tad bit too bored during green lantern's case review, but something's just... odd. so you quietly ask superman after the meeting if anything's up with the bat bcs you know those two are closer and also clark can hear heartbeats so if something's wrong surely he'll pick it up? and without hesitation he leans over to you and mumbles 'yeah batman was busy, that's his 17 yr old son. he's a crime lord and kills people sometimes though so we're not allowed to let him into the weapons department.' and then walks away like it's normal.
like the whiplash the league must go through every time they realise that no, this is not their fearless dark and brooding leader, this is in fact one of his dipshit kids being forced to sub in bcs the real batman broke an ankle, is incredible.
wonder woman: so that's my proposed plan, what are your thoughts batman?
batman: hn. i think that- *voice raising two octaves* oh shit hold on my phones buzzing
the league:
batman, answering the phone and immediately dropping the Bat Posture™: what do you mean- aw come on little wing that's not fair! but- no, NO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ALFRED I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU- IM SORRY OK I'LL BUY YOU MORE- *catches sight of the league watching him, baffled* *stiffens* ok listen i promise to replace them but i gotta go, please show me mercy iloveyoubye *hangs up*
the league:
batman:
batman: *coughs awkwardly*
superman: *sighs*
batman, to superman: ...red hood found out i ate his chocolate pretzels-
superman, shaking his head: just... just stop.
the flash: so this isn't batman either, is it?
wonder woman: if this one's also a criminal im losing my mind.
superman, tiredly: no no, this one isn't a criminal. this one's actually a cop.
batman: *sinks down in his seat* b's gonna kill me
green lantern, mystified: where does he keep GETTING you all from!?
'batman' dick, who made a pact with jason to Always Fuck With Bruce Whenever The Opportunity Arises: batman is a whore.
they think they've finally sussed out all 2 of batman's kids and then one day during a meeting 'batman' ends up on a 30 minute rant about different hacking methods this tech villain could be using that results in him half way through a sentence breaking off to say '-oh uncle clark could you pass me that pen- thanks, anyway so-' and then five minutes after that when the league have all been exchanging incredulous looks he finally freezes and is like. SHIT.
wonder woman: you're different from the other two, aren't you?
batman: maybe i am maybe i'm not, you can't prove it.
wonder woman:
green lantern: so like, are you new or have you just managed to avoid sub duty up until now?
superman, coughing: actually, this is this ones ninth occasion of replacing batman. you've just never realised before.
the league:
batman: yeah actually the other two are kinda mad i lasted longer than them...
the flash: how the fuck does he keep getting kids with the exact same build as him!??!?
'batman' tim, spent 20 minutes padding the suit out so he would look the part, still mad that bruce keeps palming WE work off on him: oh he forces us to take steroids for it.
the league, concerned:
superman, pinching the bridge of his nose: now come on red robin-
batman, fully tearing up and looking distraught: PLEASE uncle clark, it HURTS, you can't keep COVERING FOR HIM!
superman, frantically to the league: this one lies.
bonus
the league, squinting at batman:
the league: ...
superman: *head in his hands, too disappointed to do anything*
the league: *silently exchanging looks, wondering if anybody's brave enough to say anything*
duke as batman, fully aware this is fucking stupid but jason and tim fell on the floor laughing when dick came up with the idea and frankly, he wanted to see if anybody would have to guts to call him out: so, are we all ready to start the meeting?
DC PAY FOR MY FUCKING Therspy bill istg
You have no idea how funny I found the "@RH_DeathTreats" "449" lmaoo
Shoutout Damian Wayne - no one is doing it like him <3
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Masterpost
I have several more of these that are almost done-- but I'm struggling to cinch them together :[[ so please have a weird little collection of Damian tweets.
Taglist under the cut + first reblog
@desicanary // @thegayseance // @soaring-through-the-stars // @thebat-musicman // @percyyeuss // @pathofglory // @andreaissy // @themiraculousec // @gnomewithalaptop // @viola-cola // @milotic109 // @kamala-msmarvel-khan // @suffer-my-beloved-mutuals // @arcadianico // @your-dead-european-ancestor // @asmodeusmustdiexo // @max-volume // @itsmeevie01 // @leagueofbats // @catostrofiqu // @amillionandonefandoms // @shykitten28 // @atlasaurelius // @ihavenohotcocoa // @kai-antreas // @living-on-borrowed-time // @o-i-have-too // @aroaceass // @silverwolf1249 // @cannimochi //
@1n0sss // @craptastico // @lovethewitchofendor // @insomniacweebqueen16 // @fashionstatement-deathwish // @brieftimetravelwhispers // @crabs-brencil // @universal-travel-er // @royal-illusion-loves-his-fandoms // @blankliferain // @p1xel-1mp // @kades-stuff // @theweevilofsweetreef //
// @fablehaven-rulez // @kalifornialove // @justahoomanbeing // @frosty--giants // @you-are-valid-and-deserve-love @slitherynchiken // @kazbrekkersfedoraaintgotshitonme //
I love Alfred and Tim’s reaction to Dick and Bruce about to fight.
Comic: “Batman: Gotham Knights #1”
My man has issues ...anyway, christmas pic
I love how in fanon Dick is all uwu jaybird has done nothing wrong I will do anything to bring him home and Jason is all fuck off you don’t love me, whereas in the comics it’s Jason who keeps trying to get DIck to join him and Dick keeps being like no, fuck off? You’re a murderous criminal why would I do that?