I SUppose The Concept Of Fandometrics As A Whole Is Rather Interesting! AlthoUgh I MUst Admit, The Majority

omg i was at starbucks and there was this girl and she had her hair in a bun and had a crop top with flowers on it and i hissed “hipster blog” and she turned around and snarled “fandom blog” and then we shook hands and exchanged urls her tumblr is pretty nice i dont see why there’s a rivalry we’re all wasting our lives on the same goddamn website

This is a view of Uranus taken by Voyager 2. 

Credit: NASA 

A FILM REVIEW ON “IN WHICH A LEGISLACERATOR INVESTIGATES THE UNTIMELY DEATH OF A ROBOTICS ENGINHILATOR UNDER THE ASSUMPTION THAT HIS INVENTION IS THE MURDERER BUT IS SLOWLY CONVINCED OF HIS INNOCENCE IN TIME TO SAVE THE PLANET FROM A ROBOTIC TAKEOVER” OR WHAT HAS COME TO BE MORE COMMONLY KNOWN AS “I, ROBOT,” STARRING WILL SMITH

WELL, TO GET THINGS STARTED, I’VE FINALLY GOTTEN TO THE ACTUAL PURPOSE OF WHY I CREATED THIS BLOG IN THE FIRST PLACE: MOVIE REVIEWS, NOT SHIT-FUCKING IDIOT NONSENSORY VOMIT POSTS ABOUT MINIONS AND THE VALIDITY OF WILL SMITH’S DEATH (WHICH, AGAIN, HE’S NOT DEAD, I DON’T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE TO SAY THIS, BUT I GUESS MORE THAN FUCKING ONCE BECAUSE IT DOESN’T SEEM TO PENETRATE FAR ENOUGH INTO ANYONE’S THICK PANS FOR THEM TO GET THE PICTURE!). SORRY ABOUT ALL OF THAT BULLSHIT TO WHOEVER WAS HOPING FOR QUALITY CONTENT; IT WON’T HAPPEN AGAIN AND I’LL STICK TO THE BASICS ON THE PRIME SHIT WITHIN THE REALM OF FILM, JUST AS PROMISED.

MY FIRST CHOICE FOR A MOVIE REVIEW, OF COURSE, IS AS THE TITLE CLEARLY STATES, IN WHICH A LEGISLACERATOR INVESTIGATES THE UNTIMELY DEATH OF A ROBOTICS ENGINHILATOR UNDER THE ASSUMPTION THAT HIS INVENTION IS THE MURDERER BUT IS SLOWLY CONVINCED OF HIS INNOCENCE IN TIME TO SAVE THE PLANET FROM A ROBOTIC TAKEOVER. UNFORTUNATELY, THE ELEGANCE OF THIS TITLE IS PRETTY MUCH LOST TO THE CURRENT GENERATION OF THIS WORLD, AND IT’S COME TO BE REFERRED TO BY THE MOST INSULTINGLY CRUDE TITLE OF I, ROBOT. THE TITLE ALL ABOUT TAKES A KNIFE TO MY SPONGE CLOTS, BUT THE FILM ITSELF STILL HOLDS AS A CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE, ESPECIALLY DUE TO THE UNIVERSAL CONSTANT OF WILL SMITH, WHO HAPPENS TO STAR IN IT. WHAT COULD WE REALLY EXPECT FROM THE STAR OF THRESH PRINCE, THOUGH? I DON’T THINK THERE’S TRULY EVER BEEN A MOVIE WITH WILL SMITH IN IT THAT I’VE FELT THE NEED TO SAY WAS WORTH AS MUCH AS A PILE OF BARFBAGS. CAN WE EVER REALLY, TRULY BE LET DOWN BY THE KING OF CINEMA, WILL SMITH? THE ANSWER IS NO, MY DEAR READERS, NO WE ABSOLUTELY CAN NOT.

NOW, THE PURPOSE OF THIS REVIEW IS MORE OF A COMPARE/CONTRAST TO THE FILM THAT ALTERNIA GRACED US WITH, AND THE EQUALLY TASTEFULLY ALBEIT RADICALLY DIFFERENT FILM THAT HAS BEEN PRODUCED HERE ON EARTH C. THEY ARE BOTH FILMS WORTHY OF MULTIPLE AWARDS, BUT THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE TWO RENDITIONS ARE IMPORTANT TO NOTE, ESPECIALLY IN THE MANNER THAT THEY HAPPEN TO AFFECT THE STORYLINE AND THE DEVELOPMENT OF OUR TWO PROTAGONISTS, SPOONER AND DR. CALVIN.

I’LL BEGIN WITH WILL’S RELATIONSHIP WITH THE PSYCHOTERRORIST DR. CALVIN (PSYCHOLOGIST FOR YOU HUMAN READERS), PLAYED BY BRIDGET MOYNAHAN. THEIR RELATIONSHIP IN IN WHICH A LEGISLACERATOR INVESTIGATES THE UNTIMELY DEATH OF A ROBOTICS ENGINHILATOR UNDER THE ASSUMPTION THAT HIS INVENTION IS THE MURDERER BUT IS SLOWLY CONVINCED OF HIS INNOCENCE IN TIME TO SAVE THE PLANET FROM A ROBOTIC TAKEOVER IS A STORY OF VACILLATION, WHICH IS ONE OF MY PERSONAL FAVORITE METHODS OF ROMANCE FOR NO REASON OTHER THAN IT IS A COMPLEX CONCEPT THAT IS LOST ON MANY, AND UNDERSTOOD BY FEW. REALLY, IT’S ESSENTIALLY IRRESISTABLE ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING THE WELL KNOWN TROPE OF TENSIONS BETWEEN THE LAW AND ANY PRESENT MEDICAL SPECIALIST. A TROPE LIKE THAT CAN ONLY ADD TO THE RICHNESS OF THIS PLOT! IT’S ALMOST BLATANTLY OBVIOUS THAT A KISMESITUDE IS ABOUT TO BLOOM IN THE MOST INSPIRINGLY HATEFUL OF WAYS, AND ITS FRUITION BACK AT WILL SMITH’S APARTMENT MIGHT JUST BE THE SINGLE GREATEST MOMENT IN FILM HISTORY (PLEASE RECOGNIZE THIS AS A HYPERBOLE, BUT THE MOMENT IS JUST REALLY FUCKING GREAT!). SUCH A ROMANCE CLEARLY BUILT UP A SENSE OF STABILITY BETWEEN THE TWO CHARACTERS THAT THEY HAD PREVIOUSLY LACKED! THEIR HATRED FOR EACH OTHER WAS CAUSED BY THIS VARY INSTABILITY! NEITHER COULD FEASIBLY GO ABOUT WORKING WITH EACH OTHER, LET ALONE HAVING THE ABILITY TO STAY IN THE SAME ROOM AS EACH OTHER WITHOUT HAVING THEIR NUTRITION SACKS MAKE A QUICK EXIT THROUGH THEIR CHUTES, HAD THEY NOT EVENTUALLY COME TO RECOGNIZE THEIR HATRED AS WHAT TRUE KISMESITUDE IS. THIS ALSO MAKES THEIR VACILLATION ALL THE MORE TOUCHING; THEY HAVE COME TO UNDERSTAND THE INSTABILITY OF EACH OTHER, AND FIND THEIR BLOOD PUMPERS BEATING ALL THE FASTER AND MORE PASSIONATELY FOR IT!

NOW, WHILE I ENJOY THE LEVELS OF COMPLEXITY THAT COME WITH VACILLATING RELATIONSHIPS, THE VERSION THAT EXISTS PRESENTLY HERE ON EARTH C ERASES THAT ENTIRELY! AT FIRST, I ADMIT TO BEING ABSOLUTELY INFURIATED; WHO COULD, IN THEIR RIGHT MIND, CUT OUT SOMETHING SO QUINTESSENTIAL TO THE DEVELOPMENT OF BOTH WILL SMITH’S SPOONER AND MOYNAHAN’S DR. CALVIN? TO CHANGE SUCH A TENDERLY WRITTEN ROMANCE HAD ME TEARING OUT MY HAIR FOLLICLES FOR A GOOD FEW **HOURS** BEFORE I REALIZED THAT MAYBE THIS CHANGE WASN’T SO BAD AFTER ALL. WHILE IT **COMPLETELY** REWORKED THE DYNAMIC OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP TO THE POINT OF THEIR ABILITY TO WORK WITH EACH OTHER WAS JUST ABOUT NEAR NONEXISTENT, LET ALONE ALLOWING FOR THE FEASIBILITY OF A ROMANCE!!! AND THEN IT DAWNED ON ME THAT I WAS COMPLETELY OVERLOOKING THE SUBTLETIES THAT COME WITH SLOW-BURN FLUSHED ROMANCES, ESPECIALLY THOSE THAT ARE PRESENT WITHIN HUMAN FILMS (THIS IS NOTHING AGAINST FILMS DIRECTED BY HUMANS, AND WHILE TROLL ACTORS WERE DEFINITELY PRESENT WITHIN I, ROBOT, I THINK IT SHOULD BE NOTED THAT FLUSHED ROMANCES ARE FAR MORE FAVORED!). SOMETHING I’VE COME TO APPRECIATE ABOUT THE PRESENTATION OF ROMANCE IN HUMAN CINEMA, IS THAT THERE ARE SUBTLETIES TO DEVELOPMENT THAT MIGHT HAVE OTHERWISE BEEN OVERLOOKED IN THE TROPES OF TROLL HOLLYWOOD. I, ROBOT SKIPS THE KISMESITUDE ENTIRELY AND ACKNOWLEDGES THAT, LOGICALLY, THERE WERE FLUSHED EMOTIONS PRESENT THE ENTIRE TIME, BUT SIMPLY BY HAVING SPOONER ACKNOWLEDGE THIS AT REPEATED POINTS, THEY ARE ABLE TO OVERCOME ANY POSSIBILITY OF KISMESITUDE AND REACH WHAT I THINK IS BEST TO CALL THE PINNACLE OF RED ROMANCE! IT’S A MOVE ONLY A FUCKING GENIUS, WELL-VERSED IN THE WAYS OF HOW RED ROMANCE, WORKS, COULD UNDERSTAND, BUT EVEN THE SLIGHTEST CHANGE IN DEMEANOR CAN CHANGE HOW A COUPLE APPROACHES ROMANCE, AND SEITZ KNEW THIS FROM THE MINUTE SHE PUT HER PEN TO PAPER.

I’LL LEAVE MY THOUGHTS AT THAT FOR NOW. THIS REVIEW HAS BECOME EXPONENTIALLY LONGER THAN ORIGINALLY INTENDED (I’M A SHIT SUCKING IDIOT TO EXPECT ANYTHING ELSE OF A FILM STARRING WILL SMITH THOUGH), SO I’LL POST MY OTHER THOUGHTS ON OTHER ASPECTS OF THE FILM AT SOME OTHER TIME THAT ISN’T RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

IF YOU HAVE ANY COMMENTS OR QUESTIONS THAT ARE **DIRECTLY RELATED TO THE MATERIAL** FEEL FREE TO MESSAGE ME. IF IT’S ANY PAN-MELTING BULLFUCKERY, THEN CONSIDER YOURSELF PREEMPTIVELY BLOCKED.

–KARKAT VANTAS, AUTHOR OF LOVE AND LOSS IN THE DEPTHS OF SPACE

green tree pythons are a slender and elegant species © Fiona Hsieh

Musical Acts

Week Ending June 4th, 2018

BTS

Gorillaz +26

Harry Styles

SHINee

Hayley Kiyoko +32

Taylor Swift −3

EXO −2

Kehlani

Shawn Mendes −3

SEVENTEEN −3

Stray Kids −3

Ariana Grande −3

Taemin −2

Monsta X −4

GOT7 −2

Loona +8

NCT U +6

NCT 127 −6

NCT Dream

5 Seconds of Summer −3

Twice −6

Camila Cabello −4

Drake +15

Rihanna −4

The 1975

Red Velvet −10

Demi Lovato +8

BLACKPINK −7

Niall Horan −15

VIXX −8

Kanye West

Jonghyun −7

Pristin

Lana Del Rey −3

iKon −6

Selena Gomez −10

NCT 2018 −5

Janelle Monàe

DAY6 −9

Beyoncé

The number in italics indicates how many spots a name moved up or down from the previous week. Bolded names weren’t on the list last week.

Had a Moment at Ihop

So I was at Ihop paying my bill for my meal when the following conversation happened once the cashier saw my Doctor who shirt.

Cashier: So I have to ask, Matt Smith or David Tennant?

Me: David Tennant of course.

Cashier *high fives me*: Yes, he is the best.

Me: I met him, got to shake his hand and everything.

Cashier *beaming*: No way! Nuh uh!

Me: I can prove it. *pulls out my pic with me and him on my phone*

Cashier: Oh gawd, he has his stubble. I love his stubble. He was my first celebrity crush by the way.

Me: He is still mine.

Cashier: Yeah, don't blame you. He is amazing.

Me: He's hard not to love.

We ended up talking more about David Tennant and Doctor Who. He was a nice person made my trip to Ihop worth it besides being hungry.

karkarbinks whatdya think of 13 goin on 30

OKAY, FIRST OFF, YOU’RE LUCKY THAT I THINK THAT 13 GOING ON THIRTY IS A BRILLIANT WORK OF ART, BUT IF YOU EVER CALL ME THAT AGAIN CONSIDER YOURSELF EXPUNGED FROM MY PAN SO I DON’T HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE AGONY OF BEING REFERRED TO THAT QUACKBEAST-FACED TOOL.

ON POINT THOUGH: THIS MOVIE WAS GREAT, BUT I THINK IT’S LACKING JUST A BIT IN TERMS OF THE COUPLES SHARED EXPERIENCES. SURE, THE ROMANCE SEEMS GREAT WHEN JENNA’S AN ADULT IN 2004, BUT THEY COMPLETELY ERASE THAT CANON THE MINUTE SHE WISHES HERSELF BACK IN 1987, AND THEY HAVE TO START THE ROMANCE ALL OVER AGAIN. MATT DOESN’T GET ANY OF THE STRUGGLE THAT IT TAKES TO BUILD A RELATIONSHIP WHATSOEVER! IT’S STILL A SOUND RELATIONSHIP, OF COURSE, BUT IT DOESN’T HAVE THE STRONG FOUNDATION THAT COUPLES NEED TO WORK TOWARDS HAVING A TRUE SENSE OF STABILITY AND WORKABLE INTIMACY! ONLY JENNA REMEMBERS, AND THAT’S NOTHING TO WORK OFF OF.

HER PITCH RELATIONSHIP WITH LUCY WAS DEFINITELY THE BETTER PART OF THE MOVIE, EVEN IF IT WAS MORE OF A FLING THAN ANYTHING ELSE. NO MATTER HOW YOU LOOK AT IT, THE TWO OF THEM WERE ALWAYS IN THE PITCH QUADRANT TOGETHER, AND THE EXPERIENCES THEY SHARED BETWEEN THEM WOULD PROBABLY END UP BEING THE SAME NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES JENNA SPRINKLED HER WEIRD FUCKING FAIRY DUST AND CLICKED HER HEELS THREE TIMES, OR WHATEVER. THAT WAS THE TRULY COMPELLING ROMANCE OF THE FILM.

Making a magic wand

This is an image of the planet Uranus taken by the spacecraft Voyager 2 in 1986.

Credit: NASA/JPL-Caltech

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