Latest Posts by ifelllikeashootingstar - Page 2

HOLY S*IT

You remember me? Gosh it has been so long...

I...I must have fucked up.

I really did.

You remember when I say I would try to open a portal because I couldn’t take reality anymore? 

Yeah

I never thought I was so close from reality.

I haven’t been here for the past two years or less, I don’t understand what happened because apparently I have been living my life normally here. But you need to understand, I HAVENT SEEN MY PARENTS DURING THIS WHOLE TIME.it took me two days to recompose myself. I HAVE BEEN EVERYWHERE ELSE DURING THIS WHOLE TIME AND NO ONE NOTICED!!!!

I recall those days through a haze, a blurry screen, almost like when you try to remember a dream.

So now I will mostly recall every single places I have seen, before I forget. Because I don’t want to forget, I don’t want to forget those people I met and those skies I saw...

Pilot part 5

Hey, long time no see, it's like the hundreds time I try to post this, and I was so close twenty seconds before but it disappeared, I don't have the strength to write down everything again. I was talking about the places I wanted to be instead of my current location : the ocean, on a hill and in space watching a supernova. A friend of mine confess his feelings to me and it feels so wrong and weird. I feel sick and I want to cry ! Everybody keeps telling me I should be happy but I am NOT HAPPY! I feel bad, I don't like it,I am scared and I don't know what to say! I don't understand, I don't like it, I want to run away from my life! Be anyone else! Nobody will ever find this account, I know those things I post are supposed to be part of the pilot of the story I planned to write but I use them essentially as a diary. Goodbye

Pilot part 4

Today was a rough day, I’m starting to think I’m just not meant to success. I had a test in italian and d*** ! I think I will have a 9/40 and I still believe I’m generous. There’s a thing with the teacher… I can’t stand her, her voice and how she act it’s like she was screaming “I’M AN HYPOCRITICAL !!!”, she sound fake and selfish, she just don’t care about teaching us anything and if you don’t understand it’s limit if she don’t insult you. I’m still trying my best but I feel like I’m unconsciously giving up a little more every times I go to her class.

Apart of that the day was really boring, like if I haven’t left for two weeks and only came back, the teachers, the lesson, the rythme, everything was so natural and yet so strange… 

I thought coming back would help me to quit this feeling of emptiness and loneliness but it didn’t work for long. I think I need a HUG from a friend, or at least an entire day to speak with them without being interrupted ! 

I need an exit door, I feel like starting a Kickstarter to raise enough money to be sure I have anything I need to open a portal to an other dimension. Maybe I will throw myself inside or maybe I will just watch things come from it and ruining everything. No I love you too much Earth to destroy you ! I will only open it and then close it as soon as I’m on the other side.

Should I try ? Ridiculous it wont work… unless ? No, I don’t think it will ever work so it don’t hurt to try, no ? I’ll try to find information about that, just for the joke and the science of course !

I want to draw space related stuff but I have to draw real things for my art class, raaaah ! I am never free ! 

I will stop complaining here, this one is shorter than the others but I don’t think I have anything else to say for today. Have a good day !

Pilot part 3

With my friends we had a really philosophical discussion about : “would you like to live in outer space” . them and I tried to think on it and I came with this : 

“The only thing I know is Earth, yeah I love looking at the stars, looking at the night sky wondering if we are alone, I love watching NASA documentaries about space and all that have a link with it, listening to people speaking about the Univers Mysteries, I think I would love to go to space but I know myself, I will be quickly homesick. Earth is a pretty good planet trying it’s best, as I do, to stay alive, it’s a beautiful place, I love all it’s features such as cloud, rain or trees, the animals and the seas… 

“I don’t think I will be able to live in space, first for this reason, but it’s not the only one, then it’s also because I’m claustrophobic, living in a spaceship/station or in a base on an other planet with no easy ways to go home quickly would be a nightmare to me unless the planet have a breathable atmosphere, because that would mean we can be outside “safely” and whenever we want so, yeah, it would be easier. Finally because I would panic if a thing a little bit unexpected would happen. Oh and I almost forgot, if it’s on Mars we wont see Earth, home, anymore, it will just be a tiny shinning dot in the night sky and I think it will be complicated for everyone.

“Now let’s imagine Earth is pretty destroy, there’s no longer forest and wild animals, the pollution is everywhere and cause horrible new illness. The Earth we know no longer exist and you are choosed to go on a mission in space. Then I think it wont be this difficult anymore because Earth is no longer a peaceful place, it’s not a Home you want to go back to, I think that if it was me I would have remorse, maybe will I feel homesick to but it will quickly fade as I look at the infinite space and it’s promise about a better futur.

“And finally, if I never knew anything else than space, hearing people talking about Earth will just make me curious nothing more.”

They agreed on that but I know everyone is different, they wont have the same reaction as me, and this is why I love talking about such subjects. they makes you wonders how you would react in a totally differents situations as you are right now but the best are when we know the subjects will never be real because it force you to speculate about yourself. 

Sometimes I think about the rovers and the deep-space probes we send in  space, I imagine them drifting away further every day that pass. 

Maybe I’m over-thinking but think it’s sad and sometimes a single tear run down my face I think of that, and it’s the same for stars dying and exploding into Supernovas, planet floating alone in deep space because they lose their solar systèmes, cold ans in the dark. 

Yes I’m very sensitives, I hope you understand what I’m saying because It usually don’t make sense for the others.

Pilote part 2

I didn’t wanted to go back to school naturally but i knew I couldn’t runaway so packed my stuff and leave the house. It’s not like I dislike school in general but the only reason why I’m still going in class is that I don’t want to leave my friends and disappoint my parents. My friends are awesome, I missed them during break, they are so cool ! 

Léandre is the horror film fan, Lise is the pansexual meme lord with Ladia her best friend (she is strange but we love her equally as the others), Johan is the punk, sweet psycho that just look like a fan of Kurt Cobain, Katerina is the quiet girl that come from a other country but she’s great and have the same passion as Jo, Cassandre is the friend that seems to be quiet but is not and Nora is the mom friend. 

I, on the other hand is the conflicting child : pansexual, asexual genderfluid disaster with oblivious parents, with social anxiety but who is loud and make friends easily ( I’m sure I was supposed to be an extrovert but they messed up at last second), scared of what could hide in the shadows but loves being in the dark cuz find it calm and “safe”, I’m the cliché of a disaster teen.

I’m sure you wonder why I’m telling you that, well I don’t know I’ll find out why eventually, but for the moment let’s just continue to tell you my stupid story.

I miss the old blessed time were I was young and had no worries, when we didn’t care about gender, colors or sexual orientation, because we didn’t knew those were things. I remember friends that I make when I was abroad when I was young, I wont see them again but I cherish all the good memories I have. May you to have memories such a these to keep in your heart for the bad days who comes to everyone at one point or an other.

Now all that they care about is popularity, the physical appearance and the rumors. I tried to live like that but damn! it’s so much more complicated than I was expected ! Living like you are really is easier and for ounce I chose the easiest option. I wasn’t able to keep on lying because as an empath that made me feel sick. I know I sound like an arsehole but please don’t hate me for that… 

Pilote part 1

Sadly I didn’t knew how to escape my life. all I wanted was to have time for me to take care of myself, be able to go on a long walk on the sea coast, in the park… my life wasn’t complicated, it was the opposite, my life was boring af. Get up, go to school, don’t stop working, stay awake late you have Homework, stay concentrate on your lessons, don’t complain… Welcome in high school !

i was to young to just go outside when I was feeling like going swimming or just ride away on my bike. For me everything felt boring : school ? boring, weekend ? boring, summer ? boring, automne, winter, spring ? BoRIng ! LIFE ? BORING !!!

I couldn’t stay enough concentrate to read or draw, even music and video games were on the edge ! I felt like I was going to explode into tears and cry, scream and punch the wall or my italian teacher’s face, break my phone with my bare hands, running away from my house and my family, climb on the rooftop and live there all at the same time.

On the halloween break I realise that I will never have time for me because life those days is about earning as much as you can and if I had to explain life quickly I would say : when you are 3 and until you are 18 you have to go to school to learn the basics then you can go for more years of school to obtain one or more degrees on speciality. now you have to find a job and work as hard as you can because you need money to live, you will work until you are to old to continu and now you have to survive with the money you have left until the day you die. when I will die on the “game over” screen i will see “congratulation you are dead and you waste your time ! Yay !”.

I know I sound so cynical but, hey, that’s sadly true.

Pilot

Since nobody will ever find my blog I’m just gonna start writing a story

Reason

Hum I’m not very present here…

I should find a reason to stay…

Well, well, well

If someone have an idea please let me know, I’m very open minded don’t be scared to tell me ! 

( I’m weird … XD)

Every time I log in.

If someone know the artist please let me know