Latest Posts by hi-imkaiya - Page 3

BEFORE AN EXPEDITION — ATTACK ON TITAN.

• includes eren jaeger, armin arlert, and jean kirstein.

eren plops himself down at your feet, resting his arms on the tops of his knees as he silently offers his hair tie over his shoulder. well you do it better—that’s what he insists every time you tell him to tame that own damn mane of his—but you still fall victim every time. your fingers rake through his locks, gathering them at the back of his head.

“if i see a black flare, i’m coming straight to you. i’ll kill those abnormal bastards,” he blurts out. you loop his hair through one last time, letting the elastic smack against his head as you let go. he ignores your futile pleas of don’t do that and you can’t break the formation, rising to his feet and looming over you with hands on his hips.

he reaches for the hood of your cape, pulling it down over your face and playfully pushing your head back. he wants to tell you that you’re being stupid—wants to scream at the top of his lungs that he doesn’t care about that damn formation, he only cares about you.

you pull the fabric off with a huff, turning to face eren who now sits right beside you. he’s staring, an intense gaze that makes the heat rise to your cheeks. he runs a gentle hand along your jawline, taking in your features as if it’s the last time he’ll ever have the chance to do so.

“do you realize how important you are to me?”

armin shuffles through the crowd of scouts with little sorries and excuse me’s falling from his lips. his eyes scan through the sea of black uniforms—locking onto the familiar figure that is you—and suddenly he’s shoving the rest of his way over.

“hey, don’t forget this,” he urges, holding up a ball of green fabric in his left hand. it’s his cape—yes, his. he was the one who suggested switching them, even if they are the exact same. the way he sees it—if by some god forbidden chance he were to not make it back alive—this was the closest he could get to dying in your arms. so with one swift movement, he wraps the garment around your shoulders and fastens the button in front.

“perfect,” he says, running his hands down your arms and grabbing onto one of your hands. he gestures towards the stables with his other, a sweet little after you falling from his lips as he follows closely behind. he rests a gentle hand on your lower back as you clamber onto your horse, straining to lace his fingers with yours once you settle into the saddle.

he’s so incredibly bothered by the fact that he has a different objective than you. he hopes that one of these days you’ll hop down from your horse and say screw humanity, i’m not leaving you—but that only happens inside his selfish fantasies. so armin just holds on, for as long as he can before he’s forced to say goodbye.

“be careful out there, i need you to come back.”

jean kneels before you, angrily fiddling with one of the straps that wrap around your thighs. he’s mumbling to himself—something along the lines of come on, work with me dammit! yeah, he’s a little on edge, at no fault of your own of course.

“how does it feel? tight enough?” he tugs gently on the fabric, looking up at you for confirmation. a simple nod of your head lures him to his feet, and his features soften almost instantaneously as he grabs your hand. he brings it high above your head, forcing you onto your tiptoes as he twirls you around—a little tradition he’s adopted ever since becoming so hellbent on making sure all your gear is up to his standard.

“looks good to me,” he says, smile growing wider as you mimic his movements by holding his own hand as high as you can reach. he never thought he’d be doing this—especially with that pair of turquoise eyes searing into the back of his skull, but that look on your face, it was pure happiness—and god was it ever beautiful. so now, he spins for you every time, not an ounce of grace in his movements—but charming nonetheless.

you’re brought back to earth by the sound of the commander’s voice, a familiar heaviness greeting you both. he pulls you in for one last hug, holding onto you a little tighter than the previous time.

“hey, promise me that wasn’t the last time we get to do that.”

Possible Snk Manga Spoilers

___________________

the gabi and eren parallels, except eren in the end was enslaved to his future self's actions, and the attack titans drive.

the key fault that divides eren and gabi is that gabi in the end is determined to reunite with those she holds close (falco), while eren is determined to move forward. eren stays stagnant in character, unwilling to give up on the idea of "freedom", a trait which could be argued is a possession of the attack titan. the attack titan has always been known to strive for freedom no matter what, unable to grasp at the freedom which is right there in front of their eyes.

gabi gives up on vengeance and freedom so that she can make mends, she sees freedom with those she loves.

i have more to say on eren and the attack titan but thats a whole other post for another time.

misguided preservation | f.o

finnick odair x reader

requested by anonymous with mutual pining and “i thought you hated me” — “nah just playing around”

warnings; talks of death, no pronouns used for the reader, fluff. FINNICK DOES NOT DIE AFTER THIS FIC I REFUSE. SO THEY GET THEIR HAPPY ENDING TYVM.

word count; 1100+

a/n; first finnick fic :)

Finnick had found himself more infuriated than usual. He seemed to have anger built within him, though he did not blame himself for this. Born to a district instead of the Capitol was his only shortcoming as a child, now he made claim thousands.

But, he’d done everything he knew how to find some form of happiness, or some sense of relief. Most of his efforts were in pursuit of you. He knew you only briefly in the second games, due to the unfortunate fact that most of his attention was on Katniss. They needed her out—that was his only reason for existing in the Quarter Quell.

Now in District 13, he began to see a pleasing twinkle in your eye, a charming twitch of the lip, an enchanting beauty he’d beheld only in art. Even with their dull uniforms and strict rules, the light he found in you had not faded, and therefore his own had rekindled. He felt warmth spread over his body when he was near you, wished to tell you a secret of his own rather than someone else’s sinful secret that would tarnish your smile.

“You’re not hungry?” Finnick asked, sitting opposite you and blocking the TV behind him.

“I was distracted,” you said, looking down at your food, “But now you’re in the way so I suppose I’ll go back to eating,” you added dejectedly.

“I’m not a good enough distraction?” He asked with a sly smile.

“Not even close,” you retorted, picking up your tray and dropping it in the trash on your way out.

Visiting Katniss has become a daily routine for you, even after she left her bed and explored District 13. You found it even more important to check in with her then, for it felt as if there were many secrets in the fortress they’d built here.

Katniss fiddled with her pearl as she listened to you complain about the food, and how dull everyone in 13 was. She was not one for idle chit chat, but she appreciated your visits and enjoyed the sound of your voice even if she didn’t know what you were saying. But when she heard Finnick’s name, the pearl in her hand stopped spinning and her ears perked up.

“What was that?” She asked.

“Oh, just Finnick being his annoying self,” you rolled your eyes.

“Don’t be like that,” she said, “You like him,” she stated, having little time for flourished sentences or hearing around the bush—she preferred getting straight to the point.

“I don’t,” you shook your head, “I- I can’t.”

“There’s a difference. Which one is it?”

“I can’t like him, Katniss. We’re both as good as dead, sacrificed for the capitol or martyred for the revolution.”

“It’s not certain. Why do you think I’m trying so hard to get Peeta back?”

It felt impossible. It was by mere chance that the two of you had survived your own Games, and against the odds that you had both survived the vicious Quarter Quell. Not all of you had been so lucky, so fortunate to have been in the right place at the right time. Letting yourself love Finnick was too much of a risk for an already broken heart.

“The fact that we might not make it through this should be more reason to spend as much time with him as you can. Because if he does die, you’ll regret this for the rest of your life,” Katniss said with a shrug, returning to the black pearl in her hand.

Such a small token, yet it meant to much to her. Perhaps it was fortuitous that Peeta had discovered a black pearl, the rarest pearl on Earth. Perhaps it was not by chance at all. Either way, Katniss had a symbol for her everlasting love, and you had not even a memory.

A warning.

There were so many flights of stairs, you really had no idea just how deep they had dug into the ground. It was incredible, and you wished you were taking it all in under more favourable circumstances. The rain beat against your face, each sharp droplet stinging your skin with fear. Your feet began to ache as they stomped against the metal stairs, deeper and deeper underground, desperately searching for the bunker.

As your mind began swirl with frightening possibilities, you lost your footing on the slippery surface, and your grip on the way railing. But someone’s hands gripped you tightly and steadied you again. The hand remained on your back until you reached the bottom, ensuring your protection. And finally, when you could catch your breath and take a moment to appreciate that your life had not been taken as of yet, you turned face your protector.

“Finnick,” you breathed heavily.

He said nothing, only huffed as he fought for breath. But his eyes met yours tenderly, almost desperately, as his hands fell to his knees and rain dripped from his hair and nose.

You could hardly contain yourself.

“Finnick,” you whispered, marching towards his hunched figure, which alarmed him enough to try to stand full height.

You caught his face and pressed your lips eagerly to his, forcing every piece of you that doubted this out of your heart. Faced with your own mortality, you began to crumble and withdraw, but Katniss was right—you needed Finnick. And no matter the time you had left, you weren’t wasting another moment.

“I thought you hated me,” Finnick laughed, pulling away slowly.

“Nah, just playing around,” you said sarcastically.

He cocked an eyebrow. You wouldn’t have believed yourself either.

“I was just- I didn’t want to get too attached in case-”

“I faced an untimely death?” He grinned.

“In case I got my heart broken. But essentially, yes,” you shook your head with a disapproving laugh.

“What made you change your mind?”

“Realising I’d be heartbroken either way. And it might cushion the pain knowing I’d made the most of the time we had, if that were to happen,” you confessed, “But I don’t want to think about that.”

“No, I don’t either,” he said, leaning down towards your lips again with a little smirk.

They tasted sweeter than you could have imagined. He was more gentle than you had anticipated, more thoughtful. But his kiss was simply a dream, were you floated above the world of pain you knew and settled amongst the clouds.

“Let’s go find somewhere to rest,” he said, offering you his hand.

“Okay,” you replied, touching your skin with his, which was surprisingly warm, and following him into the bunker.

tag list | library account; @mirclesjournal

seeing the neighborhood grandpa's at the market playing chess warms my heart in indescribable ways

you can view eremika as best friend's, protectors, or possible partners... just don't mistake them as sibling-like.

anyone that has a sibling should see that mikasa nor eren treat eachother as siblings. yes they are found-family but that does not mean they are siblings, simply that they are eachothers family.

one thing you can't deny is that they are family.

also in ch. 123 mikasa's answer wouldn't have changed anything in the long run, just because eren has always been that way, he wouldn't abandon the people of paradis nor armin. of course eren would've loved to have actually heard a real confession from mikasa... but the answer "you are family..." is still an honest answer, because eren is family. eren understands and knows that they are each others family, but he wants mikasa to define what they have, to come to the full realization of her feelings. its more of a consenting from mikasa for eren to be outward with his feelings. unfortunately mikasa stumbles and gives eren only half the truth.

ah, tragic lovers...

you can be compassionate and forgiving, and still hold those who caused you harm accountable.

"So I pray to hands

And I pray to needs

And I pray to blades of grass

To find forgiveness in the weeds

But as for health

I just never did believe

And so I never prayed myself

Except to those that prayed for me"

Whuh oh, the Kataangers have arrived.

I don't know how I'll ever go on knowing I hurt the feelings of strangers who expect me to kowtow to a male fantasy, anti-feminist canon ship that chewed up and spit out my favorite character's entire personality just to make her into a trophy for a child.

musicians who passed away young and depressed 🤝 me

the saddest part is my mom suffered a toxic, lonely, and dehumanizing upbringing... but she doesn't understand that her trauma doesn't invalidate my trauma, it doesn't make the emotional and physical abuse she puts us through valid or okay.

i confronted her about all the arguments we've had over the years... she excused it by her injuries, and when i pointed out that this was happening prior to her injuries she said stress... it was stress, she was stressed out and that it was okay since she was stressed. she always calls it a breaking point.

i love her so much, but she scares me, and hurts me and herself.

i am afraid that ill turn into her when im older... i never want to reach a "breaking point". i never want to be like her... i understand she is a single mother, but still.

Hello! I’m sending this to various accounts: At ch132, it seems that Hange wasn’t planning to say goodbye to Levi, why do you think Hange would do that and how do you think Levi would react if Hange actually would’ve gone without saying goodbye? Do you think Hange underestimate their bond or was a way to protect both of them? Also, do you think the final plane was a wink to Hange or was a way to portrait their fallen comrades? If you took the time to answer this question, thank you very much <3

Hello!!

Thanks for the ask! Let's dig into your heartbreaking questions... And sorry not sorry it sort of became a whole meta (why I am like this haha)

1. It seems Hange wasn't planning to say goodbye to Levi, why do you think Hange would do that?

Goodbyes of beloved ones are always heartbreaking in AOT. But some are just too much of a wreck to face them without feeling like nearly falling apart...

We know Hanji almost always wore their feelings on their sleeves, revealed much through their eye(s). I think Hanji was feeling too much at that moment already, while at the same time having to shut their emotions down so they could keep their resolution to walk to their death unwavering. Thus, having to say farewell forever to Levi - the one who became almost a despite-this-hell-surely-you-will-be-there-tomorrow presence at her side throughout those long 10 years, and that they had risked their life to save as well as to whom she had "secretly" asked to run away with just 03 nights ago - damn... This certainly leaves someone shaking.

However, I don't think Hanji was planning on leaving without saying goodbye to Levi. Like, I surely can't imagine the words and intonation of the "See you" that Hanji used with the kids coming out of their mouth when they were dealing with Levi - that wouldn't work with them both because their relationship was very different! And also, rather than giving any comfort or feeling of proper closure, even the "See you guys later" left the kids at a loss...

More painful than this, though, is that (imo) the group were caught off guard seeing Hanji leaving, but they also saw that Levi was on their path. And then they seem to look even more shocked when Levi lets Hanji go because it's like they all expected that Levi would somehow produce some kind of miracle that would hold Hanji back...

Back to Levihan, tho, while Hanji couldn't bring themself up to say See ya to Levi, just the fact that while they were parting, Hanji asked Armin to take care of Levi shows that he was already in their mind. And, knowing each other for so long, I think Hanji knew there was no escape from facing Levi during her last moments alive...

Then, it's only in the wisp of seconds between the kids and the point where Levi stops and waits for them that Hanji figures what they both need to hear in order for them to keep her determination, and they both be somehow somewhat spared of further pain. (Unfortunately, Yams only drew Hanji's back when they turned around and saw Levi waiting for them. I wanted to see their reaction too...)

It will forever break me that Hanji cuts Levi's unspoken protests so sharp and so ready using "You understand" as their first words to stop him. Whenever I read these words, it's like time stops, and I can't help but remember Hanji's discourse in chapter 84. Mixing them up, it's like Hanji is saying, "You understand, don't you? Everyone you meet will be parted from you one day. [And now] It's my turn." But as if this wasn't heartbreaking enough already, Yams goes and adds, "I want to look as cool as I possibly can right now. So just let me go."

This just doesn't only disarm all the confrontation and arguments Hanji knows Levi was preparing to put up, but it also makes it clear that this goodbye, this parting, has such a power to hurt Hanji that they had better not even try anything anymore. And.God.This.Hurts.

Yams, why were you like this?!

2. How would Levi react if they hadn't said goodbye?

You see, imo, one of the worst things in life is losing someone without the chance of saying goodbye to them. Death is an occurrence so abrupt already! Can you imagine the immense amount of pain, hurt, and regret of you simply losing the person you've trusted with your own life for 10 years, and who knows you deeper and longer than anyone else and reciprocates the feelings, without you at least saying or expressing anything for this person in their last minutes alive??

There would be such heavy regrets in the survivor's heart...

So it's actually bittersweet to think Hanji wasn't planning on approaching Levi to say goodbye: I tried to imagine Levi just watching Hanji just waving at him from afar (like Annie to Armin) or maybe pretending he wasn't there, and I swear I can't help but laugh with a pain in my heart because no matter the situation, in my head, Levi would have never accepted that arrangement - neither from his part nor Hanji's!

Levi's pretty terrible at accepting things (especially death and defeat) passively. Which, thank Ymir, I think Yams thought as well. He made Levi - who during most of the chapter could hardly walk or stand up straight without help - muster the strength to walk those painful meters and "ambush" Hanji. Levi saw Hanji had walked from the hangar to where everyone was at the pier, and he nearly walked all the way up there too...

And man, just like Hanji had this wisp of a moment to think of a way to halt Levi's attempt of stopping her, Levi as well has just this wisps of a moment to find something to halt Hanji's deadly walk. It hurts deeply that Levi is probably aware there is nothing he can offer or do that Hanji would accept (because the only other option available would be him going in Hanji's place to fight the Colossals) but still, he attempts to try to stop Hanji.

I can't wait to see this whole sequence in the anime...!

3. Was it underestimating their bond or a way to protect them both?

By now, with this and all the other metas also answering this question, I think it's the second in our opinions! But to whoever has doubts about Hanji and Levi's bond, just reference tell them to reread chapter 132 without bias.

To sincere readers, it's impossible to look at all these panels and conclude that what they had together (romantic or not) was something ordinary...

4. Also, do you think the final plane was a wink to Hange or was a way to portrait their fallen comrades?

To me, the plane is Hange Zoë all the way to the depths of AOT angst! Especially because Onyankopon my hero is precisely looking at Levi, and Levi is making sure to have changed his hairstyle so evidently in a way that his bangs are completely out of the way of his scarred forehead and blind eye - the proofs that the fact he (and the others) could be there alive now was because Hans saved his (and their) life first...

By fulfilling his vow and helping to save humanity as his life mission, Levi was able to face all his dead comrades with heart at ease - like, letting them go because they would finally find some kind of peace. However, toward the personal 2nd chance in life he was given by Hanji when she saved him in the forest, and the 3rd chance at the plane's departure, there was nothing Levi could do about that now that Hanji was dead. Not that they would see it as "I need to pay you back", tho - but like, I wish I hadn't lost you at all, and that you were here with me.

Hence, there is nothing to do but acknowledge that despite "Everyone you meet will be parted from you one day" and that you still have to "keep moving forward", our personal responses to tragedy should be marked because "only after these events are memorialized can we move forward". And while our lives will never be the same after this, marking this occurrence with a memorial frees us to embrace the future...

...because only the living can remember the dead.

And like Mika said in chapter 07, "If I die now I won't even be able to remember you".

A rant about Eren in the last chapter.

❗️Obviously there’s going to be spoilers.

Since I only have one friend that keeps up with aot manga who didn’t like the ending, I rant here.

Personally I loved the ending.

I think the peaceful nature of it was perfect. The chapter felt like a sigh of relief after a whole series about fighting and stress and worrying for their lives.

People are confused or angry about the fact that Eren turned “weak” and “his character completely changed” during the part he broke down over Mikasa and I just want to express how I viewed it.

First of all Eren’s “tough/cool/badass” version that we see after the time skip isn’t truly Eren. That’s not his personality that we all know. You can even see in the people making “what would the aot cast do if...” jokes on tiktok when they make two Eren’s, S1-3 Eren and S4 Eren. We know exactly what the real Eren is like from right up until season 4. He was impulsive, loud, angry, at times whiny and he never hid any of his emotions. But he was also passionate and we saw how much he cared for his friends and his goals.

Season 4 Eren was a complete personality flip, not because he grew in that direction but because he knew his future and what he had to do to carry out his goal. He had to push everyone away and shut off all of his emotions or else he wouldn’t have been able to do it. Because of this, this version of Eren didn’t even feel human, let alone like the Eren we knew.

Then Eren had to say his goodbyes and explain his plan to all his friends. This is where we start at the beginning of 139. For the first time in ages it feels like Eren is back, and he is heartbroken and exhausted. We even see Armin realising the extreme burden Eren had to carry “all alone.”

Eren is a 19 year old who’s childhood was stolen from him by the cruel world he lived in. He immediately became a soldier and never even got the chance to properly mature in his teenage years because he had so much responsibilities that were so much bigger than him. He had to deal with so much pain anyway even before he unlocked all the memories, and he even says himself that his thoughts became “incoherent.”

He is literally on the verge of a mental breakdown and when Armin brings up Mikasa, the person he loves most in the whole world and possibly would’ve ran away with if she told him she loved him, he finally snaps and shows what he’s really thinking.

Eren doesn’t want to die. Eren doesn’t want Mikasa to move on because all he wants is to live on with her. He hasn’t been able to live any sort of life his own way because he had responsibilities put on him since the day he was born.

Of course he was going to start whining about her. He’s human. Humans have selfish wants and he just wants this one thing he can never get. He sounds immature when he says it because he is immature. That whole part of their conversation honestly brings a smile to my face because of the childish nature of it.

He literally gave up his life and people are complaining because he whined a little bit to his best friend because he couldn’t be with the girl he loved. He is not “weak”, a “simp”, an “incel” or a “pussy” for this. He’s normal.

Eren Jaeger is still the best written character in AOT, and the fact we see his emotions just furthers that point for me.

Ending note: My apologies I’m not good at writing and this was not written to attack people who disliked the ending, everyone is entitled to their opinion. The only thing I will not accept is either side attacking people who don’t have the same opinions as them or attacking Hajime Isayama for how he ended his own story when he knows the characters the best.

This....this breaks my heart. He just...really doesnt get it does he? How absolutely fucked everyone would've been if Armin HAD died. About how hes given EVERYTHING to those around him. He fucking threw away his life for this cause and still he thinks it's not enough? He didn't become the commander because of his pretty eyes, it's because people believe and value him but he just wont accept it because it his deeply ingrained insecurities and self hatred.

Armin is one of the most relatable, flawed and human characters in this franchise and I'm reminded that this is why hes my favourite character and HAS been since 2013. And I just keep thinking back to the beginning when people called his character useless or made him nothing other than the butt of jokes and never taking him seriously when his character offers a perspective into the person who isnt "special" like Eren or physically strong like Reiner or talented like Mikasa. He wasnt even in the top 10 during cadets, yet has proved to be the most important character in this fucking story.

Hes was a normal person thrusted into this hell of a situation between humans vs titans and humans vs humans. Hes not academically exceptional, that's Hange. But what he does have is a good head, a mind for strategy. His observant nature allows him to see things from different perspectives and his out of the box thinking has been the saving grace of this narrative. The thing he used to be bullied for, the thing that would get him beaten up, HIS MIND, is his greatest asset besides his hopeful, kind and genuine personality and ambition.

His character handled depression, insecurities and dissociation. It handled suicide and survivors guilt. And people just... just didnt care, and I was made fun of for adoring him because I saw myself in him.

I dont even know why people were so prone to shitting on him. cuz he wasnt attractive? (Even tho he really is) because hes voiced by a woman? Probably something stupid. Probably because he leans more towards feminine traits than masculine and that belittles him?

I remeber when an ex-friend of mine had the audacity to get annoyed that Armin was crying and wanting to die after Eren was eaten during the invasion of Trost. As if....as if it was a babies reaction. "He should be fighting not wallowing, it's so annoying," like THIS MAN JUST WATCHED HIS BEST FRIEND GET EATEN and you think hes just gonna shrug it off? Fucking hell, he's human. It's a human reaction! "Mikasa was fine," no, no SHE WASNT. she tried to kill herself too! Because that's a human reaction to your loved ones getting brutally slaughtered.

Jokes on you lot. Because this useless character? Hes stepped into the protagonist role left behind when Eren became the Anti hero/antagonist and I couldnt be happier. Hes such a well written character and while I did not always agree, I love that Yams has clearly put so much thought into his character despite him not being a fan favourite.

To You, 2,000 Years From Now

To the Boy who sought Freedom

— Attack on Titan, chapter 139

Sums up their dynamic, Eren always looking forward and being unable to stay in one place. While It’s enough for Mikasa to settle down wherever he is.

Armin finding out that Mikasa and Eren would’ve ran away together and left him alone to fend for himself

Wish you were here ❤️

To the boy who sought freedom….Goodbye. 

All in all, I’ll say that I’m satisfied with the way SNK ended.

What brought me to this fandom was the fact that all the characters seemed so human to me— There was no “I’m gonna die here like a hero for the sake of my comrades”; they died with fear, with thoughts of “why me?” and even when Carla was about to die and was glad that Hannes took her children away, she still muttered to herself “don’t go...” because who on earth really, REALLY wants to die alone and away from those who you love? I can say for a fact that I would have been heartbroken and would wish to have them with me at the very end.

Because that’s how we are, people. We are humans, and we are selfish and we cry and sometimes wish for things that we shouldn’t.

I have read a lot of people who said that Eren is toxic for not wanting Mikasa to move on—But I really needed to see him being human and just wanting the girl he loves to remind him.

(Disclaimer—I’m not a shipper of EM or whatever; I’m here for the story).

He did all of those things, terrible things, so that his friends could truly be free and happy while giving up the opportunity of himself being with the woman he loved; and you all are calling him a complete and utterly selfish person for thinking “I don’t want her to forget me and move on—I want her to keep loving me” ?

Of course that’s a thought that hurts; he gave up all of those things: happiness, love, friendship, honor, loyalty... And there was absolutely no recompense to him at all. (Yes, his friends are alive and free but I’m talking about his life directly).

I’m not excusing him. All those things were horrible and everyone can see that. None of it changes the fact that he ended up being the “evil” that ultimately brought them all together—But that’s the thing, isn’t it? He willingly took it upon himself just so he could grant them the “freedom” he desperately wanted.

The idea of Mikasa moving on with someone else, forgetting about him and just—leaving him (in a sense) all alone must have been really painful.

Just because someone wants to be “the bigger person” or “a good person” *Armin laughed in the background* doesn’t magically turns you into one and, in the end, what really matters is that when being for the last time with her, Eren said he wanted her to forget about him and move on. To live a long life and be happy.

He didn’t told her “please don’t forget about me, please keep loving me” ‘cause that would’ve been just wrong and Mikasa deserves to move on and be happy in the end; we all know that she would’ve been devoted to him (as always) had he said the word— He didn’t.

Let the poor guy have some selfish thoughts for once in the company and intimacy of his best friend, for gods sake.

There’s so much to say about this ending that doesn’t entirely revolves around Eren, but I just wanted to be somehow a defender of the principal reason I liked SNK in the first place.

We are selfish—even while we want to be all altruistic and “good”.

We are human.

Learn to live with it.

It’s interesting how Isayama doesn’t allow 104th to talk about Eren. Every time they start to talk about him, something more urgent happens that cuts off their conversation from going any further.

In chapter 116, right after Jean and Connie start to question Eren’s motives, Yelena cut them off:

Then in chapter 118, they only briefly came to a conclusion that Eren wouldn’t be for euthenization plan, and agreed that they need to protect him for now, but there wasn’t any more time to talk about Eren, cause the battle already started.

Then in chapter 124, Jean started to analyse Eren’s motives, but their conversation about Eren was once more cut off, this time by the mindless titans who were fighting their comrades:

And finally, in chapter 125, Mikasa brings up the topic of Eren to Armin, but Armin quickly shuts it down by saying that there’s no time to think about Eren right now.

Isayama doesn’t want 104th to really analyse Eren…yet. It’s always the same pattern. The topic of Eren comes into play, so the readers would get the feeling that 104th did talk about Eren, but in reality their conversation is always quickly cut off, and the focus is put on something else.

Chapter 1 of the Attack on titan manga

Very upset that this wasn’t animated. Chapter 138 foreshadowed in chapter 1. Isayama was only 19. Genius

Why did Ymir choose Mikasa?

"Okay, maybe im just dumb and didnt get something but couldn't ymir see the end result of EM's suffering via paths, so she already knew the lesson mikasa learnt anyway?? bc it means that this all was just completely unnecessary and eren could live... is it really a plot hole or did i not understand something?"

I've received a question and would like to answer it in a separate post rather than an ask. I have been keeping this draft since ch.137, but never really could post it, because I didn't think that my points will be concrete enough. But thanks to ch.138 and 139, I finally can touch this topic again!

So...starting with Ymir. We all know that she was a slave in king Fritz’s tribe. Someday she freed pigs and the king “freed” her, but hunters ended up chasing her in the forest. She was hurt and somehow fell into a pound inside of the tree then our infamous hallucigenia attached to her spine, and she became the first titan shifter. After king discovered her power, he used her to enlarger his tribe and eventually, the tribe became an empire. King Fritz let her have his kids and continued to exploit her.

At the very end she died in pain, because she wanted to protect the king. This moment for some people was confusing, but we all supposed that it was out of plain obedience. Nothing more and nothing less.

Before, in ch.137 Zeke said that Ymir has been obeying Karl Fritz for 2000 years, but what was the reason? Zeke said that Ymir wanted to feel connected, because she was attached to the world she left behind. But...Zeke couldn't understand her. He spent a lot of time in paths trying to find the reason why she is so obedient, but still couldn't find the exact reason besides the attachment. He also mentioned that Eren could understand her, while he didn't.

As Eren said in ch.139 during his talk with Armin...Ymir was in "love" with the king. He'd burned her hometown, killed her parents, cut off her tongue, let her wander in the forest, exploited her powers, let her breed children and at the end let her daughters eat their mother's flesh...But she still "loved" him and that's why paths were created. Ymir didn't want to die nor live. She wanted to feel and see love, and be a part of it, but she couldn't get it when she was alive.

Then...how did Ymir still love him? It was the Stockholm syndrome. She simply felt attached to Karl Fritz, because he gave her a relatively better life. Yes, the king still saw her as a slave. She wasn't his wife or at least a person he cared about. He didn't see her as someone equal to him. She was just a weapon, breeding machine and slave, but definitely not his love.

Ymir knew that her "love" was wrong, but she couldn't escape it, because she trapped herself in the endless cycle of hatred and agony that didn't even start because of her, but because of the person she "loved". Eventually, her titan powers were passed down from generation to generation and she got nothing to do, but to obey the king's blood. She wanted to escape. She wanted someone to free her.

So...Why did he choose Mikasa for that role? As many people pointed out, Mikasa and Ymir have some similarities. Both had powers, they stayed loyal and were selfless, but...Mikasa had what Ymir didn't. Free will, freedom and love.

Mikasa stayed loyal to Eren not because she obeyed him and he forced her to do so, but simply because she loved him and it was her choice. Ymir chose Mikasa, because she is the freest person. Mikasa is an Ackerman, the bloodline that rebelled against king's ideology, and the descendant of Hizuru's shogun's clan, which had nothing to do with Ymir herself. Everything Mikasa did was purely out of her conscience and the right to choose. In this case, Eren was the one who has served as the pathway for Mikasa to free Ymir.

Ymir could see Eren and Mikasa, and I think she and Eren himself were the ones who told child Eren where Mikasa is back when she got kidnapped. Because, otherwise, Ymir wouldn't be freed and the cycle would continue to exist. But she couldn't fully free herself, because hallucigenia still existed and as we saw in ch.138, it has had mind on its own and probably needed a "host" to exist, which was Ymir and her subjects. It desperately wanted to live, but of course, since Ymir was its main "host" and got freed, it also stopped to exist.

Aside from this, Ymir wanted to witness the most unconditional love that could exist. Both Eren and Mikasa did a very noble act of sacrificing their love for the sake of change and I think this is what Ymir wanted to see.

Yes, from Ymir's side, it was very selfish and to be honest, I was also a bit disappointed to see her vanishing like this, but I guess, that was the fault from my side, because Ymir has never actively participated in the whole process of rumbling. All what she did was observing and guiding Armin and Mikasa to her. After all...everything she wanted was a selfish wish to be free and see love. It was never about repaying the debt or helping someone. Probably...that's why she needed these three selfless people to free her.

there's something about abandoned paradis and eren that's so sad. it's like reading the story of those who had lived there before, but now all the oddments of their lives—that had once been part of every day—were gone, forgotten along with eren.

living with an undiagnosed bipolar is truly traumatizing and exhausting...

it’s the part where i have to let my older brother leave this house... like ive never been away from him in an environment like this... it becomes scary ya know... knowing that ill become the center of attention that she can nitpick on... in the end i know it’s for the best, so that he can start a life away from her, i just have to hold on three more years...

this family makes me want to murder people

the worst part is i can’t even cry without being ridiculed by my mother...

i hate that im not allowed my own feelings...

i hate how she makes me feel guilty for protecting my brother

i hate how she’s cold and hot...

somebody kill me now...

hah, my mom just turned herself into the victim once she heard and remembered that she’d told me to kill myself...