goldenboyrichards

Latest Posts by goldenboyrichards

adam jacob richards & walden cole montgomery

“he was my north, my south, my east and west, my working week and my sunday rest, my noon, my midnight, my talk, my song; i thought that love would last for ever: i was wrong.”

― w.h. auden, stop all the clocks

“come then, put away your sword in its sheath, and let us two go up into my bed so that, lying together in the bed of love, we may then have faith and trust in each other.”

― homer, the odyssey

“so excuse me forgetting, but these things i do. you see, i've forgotten if they're green or they're blue. anyway, the thing is, what i really mean, yours are the sweetest eyes i've ever seen.”

― elton john, your song

“whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” 

― emily bronte, wurthing heights

“he said, "let's get out of this town, drive out of the city, away from the crowds." i thought, heaven can't help me now. nothing lasts forever, but this is gonna take me down. he's so tall and handsome as hell. he's so bad, but he does it so well. i can see the end as it begins, my one condition is: say you'll remember me standing in a nice dress staring at the sunset, babe. red lips and rosy cheeks, say you'll see me again. even if it's just in your wildest dreams.”

― taylor swift, wildest dreams

"he smiled understandingly — much more than understandingly. it was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you might come across four or five times in your life. it faced — or seemed to face — the whole external world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. it understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself, and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you hoped to convey."

― f. scott fitzgerald, the great gatsby

“you do not have to be good. you do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. you only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. tell me about despair, yours, and i will tell you mine. meanwhile the world goes on.”

― mary oliver, wild geese

loverboymontgomery​:

Cole never could’ve imagined this– any of this– when Adam Richards had approached him to be his English tutor freshman year. He’d known who Adam was, of course, because everyone did. It was normal to have a crush on the hot and funny and sweet quarterback, as evidenced by the conversations he had with the cheerleaders, except for the fact that Cole was a boy, too. He’d made peace with it, figured it would pass when Adam graduated and Cole would hear about his engagement to Chrissy Cunningham one day from some nosy mom in the Melvald’s checkout line. That was how things were supposed to be. But then, one night in February after a few hours of studying for an English test, Adam had kissed Cole.

Everything changed that day, and Adam quickly became the subject of all of Cole’s thoughts. They were inseparable for three years, and those were easily the best three years of Cole’s life. In every way, Adam was Cole’s balance: where Cole was shut off and withdrawn, Adam was open and giving, where Cole was book smart, Adam was emotionally intelligent, where Cole was cautious, Adam was trusting. Cole wasn’t religious at all, but he truly believed they were meant to find each other, and he never hesitated to tell Adam as much. So when Adam died in the ‘freak accident’ just before they were going to run away together, Cole’s life halted. Since then, he’d felt like he was a ghost, moving through the motions of life despite being completely detached. He didn’t really care what happened to him, not if it was without Adam. And when Adam came back? It was supposed to be good, and easy, and they were supposed to move on. It was still good, Adam was still Adam, but it was impossible to ignore the reality of the situation: that Adam had died and come back, and there were side effects.

Still, it was worth it to try– to push it to the side for a few hours at least. When Adam offered to plan a date, Cole was elated. When he showed up at Cole’s door with their usual from Benny’s, Cole had wanted to cry. He had longed for this for so long. He’d gathered a few things in a bag of his own– his dusty copy of The Odyssey, a chapstick, his house key, a few rogue pens and highlighters, and at the very bottom of the bag, his flask. Just in case things went South, not that they would, he just didn’t really go anywhere without it these days. Cole left the bag on the floorboards of the passenger seat and climbed into the truck bed with Adam. Like it was the most natural thing in the world, Cole scooted closer to him and nestled into his chest, angling his face to the sky to look at the stars like they’d done dozens of times before. “Mhmm,” he hummed contentedly, smiling at the memory. “We were so worried someone would find us,” he chuckled. “Worth the risk.” All of it was worth the risk– Cole would always choose Adam, always. Cole shoved Adam away jokingly, “In my defense, what the fuck are jumper cables?” He laughed, though, unable to resist Adam with that grin. As they shifted and Adam leaned against Cole, he ran his fingers through the other’s hair gently. Everything about this felt so right, and Cole felt completely at peace. As Adam kissed his cheek, Cole caught his chin and lifted it so their lips met. “I love you,” he responded, feeling pressure building behind his eyelids. Not tonight, surely he could go one night without crying. “Thank you for this,” he said, kissing Adam’s forehead with a smile. 

Adam hadn’t known how much his life would change when he asked Cole Montgomery to be his English tutor. He thought they’d become friends maybe, if everything went well. He’d never imagined that they might end up here, together, after so many years. Dating Cole had been a wonderful, amazing surprise that had completely changed the entire trajectory of his life. Without that one kiss in February his sophomore year of high school, Adam would have never become the person he was today. Walden Cole Montgomery had never been part of his plan. But in the end, Adam was so fucking happy and grateful for the years they had had together. 

Dying had thrown a massive wrench into the life plans they had made together. Before whatever had happened to Adam during the summer of 1985, he was going to run away with Cole. They’d planned it all out - wait until Cole left for college in California, and then Adam would go with him. He’d turned down offers to play football at three different colleges, something his parents had thought he was insane for, in order to wait an extra year on Cole. And at the time, it had all seemed so worth it. They would get to be happy and themselves together in San Francisco, and that mattered more than being Mr. Quarterback at Purdue or Ball State. The fights with his dad didn’t matter - not if it meant getting to be who he really was. And everything had been going according to plan that summer; everything had been perfect. Until... until whatever had happened to him. Adam wished he could just remember, that he knew why he’d done all of those things and why he had died.

But he probably never would get that closure. And maybe he would just have to learn to live with that. 

Right now, he was more concerned about whatever was going on with Cole. There was so much that Adam just didn’t know how to ask or how to talk about. How could he bring up his own death and it’s affect on Cole? How could he ask about the extra drinks he’d seen him having lately and why he felt like he needed them? Adam wanted to understand, he wanted to be there for Cole. But he also wished that things could just be simple, like they used to be. That for five minutes, he could forget about dying and the way it had hurt everyone around him. So, he wrapped an arm around Cole, laughing into his curls at the mention of being scared of getting caught. “I know, I drove down the road with the headlights completely turned off. We’re lucky I didn’t hit a tree,” He murmured. Back then, their biggest fear had been the wrong people finding out. It was almost laughable now. “Spending time with you was always worth the risk,” Adam agreed immediately. “Being alone with you was always the best part of my day.” He had needed that alone time away from the prying eyes of their classmates or families. Chrissy and Beth had known, of course, but they’d needed to hide from everyone else. Getting to drop the act of being straight and just be himself with Cole had always been such a relief. 

As Cole shoved him, Adam chuckled, grabbing his wrists and tugging him closer to kiss him once. “You’re hopeless,” He teased, laughing against Cole’s lips, pressing his own more firmly against them again. “How would you jump start your car without me around? What happens if I can’t come help you out? You need to learn some basic mechanics, baby.” As Cole began to play with his hair, Adam sighed, feeling more relaxed than he had the entire time he’d been back. This was perfect. Tonight was perfect. His relationship with Cole Montgomery was perfect, even if there were cracks in it. Nothing was broken that couldn’t be repaired with some glue, some love and attention. As Cole pulled him back in for a gentle kiss, Adam felt his face warm at the softness of him kissing his forehead. “Any time.” Adam replied, pulling Cole closer to him so that Cole was laying back on his chest again. “Are you okay?” He asked him softly, not wanting to break the wordless agreement of keeping things lighter between them, but also needing to know. “You know I’m here for you, right? I always will be.” 

Maybe that wasn’t true. Maybe that was a promise Adam couldn’t make Cole, but he wanted it to be true, and that had to count for something, right?

sinclairss​:

basketball had been an opportunity for lucas in high school, aa doorway into the popular crowd he so envied in middle school. he’d tried out for the team after his freshman year peer mentor, one of a handful of black boys in the entire school, took him under his wing and asked him to join the team. lucas probably only made the team because he had some natural athleticism…and because he was one of a handful of black boys in the entire school, too, and everyone assumed kids like him were just going to be automatically good at basketball. it had taken a lot of time and practice, but with the help of jay, patrick, and steve, lucas had become a pretty decent point guard.

more importantly, though? lucas found something he loved doing. he felt the same rush making the game-winning shot as he did when he and the rest of the party teamed up to take down eddie’s latest final monster or when he beat dustin or max’s high scores at the arcade. after freshman year, it went from something he did because it helped him gain popularity to something he did because he had fun doing it. sure, the teammates, friends, and attention from cheerleaders helped, but it was nothing compared to seeking out his friends in the crowd after a big win and seeing all of them screaming their heads off for him. 

but even without the crowds and the team, lucas had fun playing. he spent many a free afternoon at the neighborhood court, practicing his layups and free throws, sometimes trying trick shots just for the hell of it. occasionally, he could drag one of his friends along and it was fun, too, but in a different sort of way than it was with one of the guys from the team. now that he’d graduated, lucas didn’t get to practice with the guys anymore, so when adam asked if he’d like to play, he’d leaped at the chance. adam was athletic even if he’d never played on the school’s basketball team, so he figured he’d put up a little bit more of a fight than max, dustin, or mike would in a pickup match.

he stood at the free throw line dribbling the ball between his legs and behind his back, testing his weight on his bad knee every now and then. “can’t make any promises, man,” he replied with a smile as he pulled up to take a fadeaway shot from the line. it sailed through, rattling the chain in the basket. lucas went to retrieve the ball and tossed it to adam once he was on his feet. “you know HORSE, right?” lucas said, folding his hand behind his head. “you take a shot from anywhere and if you make it, i have to make the same shot or i get a letter. if you miss, i get to pick where to shoot and if i make it, you have to duplicate it. first person to spell HORSE loses.” he bit the inside of his cheek to bite back a smirk. “unless you’re chicken?” 

Adam had never tried out for a sport besides football in high school, though he often thought about it now. Back then, it just seemed like he was The Quarterback. That was his brand, what he was known for - trying something new had seemed a little scary. What if he wasn’t good at it? What if he showed up and everyone expected him to be the star of that sport too, and he’d let them down? It had been easier sticking to what he was sure he was good at, and spending the rest of his time with Cole. Now a days, it seemed like a good idea to branch out and try all of the things he’d been too scared of before. Life wasn’t guaranteed - that was a lesson he’d obviously learned the hard way. Now that he had a second change? Well, Adam was starting to think that maybe it was time to stop giving as many fucks about what people expected of him. 

Lucas seemed nice, and a lot less stressful to be around than some of the other jocks Adam knew. He wasn’t sure if that was just who Lucas was, or if it was because they didn’t have any sort of history with one another. As much as Adam loved Chance and Jack, there were complicated feelings now attached with both of them. Lucas was a blank slate - someone who seemed kind, and who hadn’t been upset with him or blamed him for what had happened at the carnival. That already made him an appealing person to goof off and practice shooting hoops with. 

Adam laughed at Lucas’ words, rolling his eyes at the lack of a promise. Alright, fair enough. Adam could handle some friendly joking on the court; it wasn’t anything he wasn’t used to after four years of being part of the Tigers’ football team. “I think I can handle that, yeah,” Adam replied, snorting at the idea of being too chicken for a game of HORSE. “So I have a fighting chance, mind if I go first?” He asked, grabbing the ball from Lucas and picking a spot towards the left side of the court, near the three point line, Adam dribbled a few times. He picked up the ball, tucked his elbows in and shot it at the hoop, pleased to see it go in. Not the greatest shot in the world, but he’d take it. “Alright, dude. Show me how it’s done.” He wasn’t kidding himself - he knew Lucas could make it easily. 

WHO: Adam Richards & @loverboymontgomery​

WHAT: What were Richgomery doing during town hall????

WHERE: A backroad of Hawkins, somewhere near Lover’s Lake

Adam had met Cole during his sophomore year, not long after being named starting quarterback. Cole was in his English class - a year ahead of others in his grade, and far better at understanding literature than Adam could ever hope to be. The second he’d seen the snarky brunette who always had something to say in class, Adam had been hooked. For a long time he thought that maybe he just saw the other guy as someone he really, really wanted to be friends with, but eventually, it clicked why he was so obsessed with Cole. And once Adam’s grade began to drop in English because he just didn’t understand why people used metaphors or similes or whatever ( why couldn’t everyone just say exactly what they meant all the time ? ), asking Cole to help him seemed like it would solve two problems for him. Suddenly, he could spend all the time he wanted alone with Cole, getting to know him and liking him more each day, and he could bring up his grade. 

It hadn’t taken long before something had shifted between them, and Adam had made the first move. Kissing Cole without knowing how the other felt about him was scary - historically speaking, kissing another boy without asking typically didn’t end well for guys. But, Cole had kissed him back. He had been so kind and sweet and patient while Adam figured out how to tell Chrissy about it all, which had thankfully gone well. Then, Adam and Cole had gotten three beautiful years together in high school, full of them slipping love notes into the other’s locker, hanging out in Adam’s car together after football games, saying I love you for the first time, riding together on the bus to away games, studying together, and even slow dancing together at Prom in one of the empty classrooms. It had been perfect. Every single thing about their relationship in high school had been beautiful, untainted by any of the complicated feelings that existed there now because of Adam’s death and the grief it had caused. So Adam hadn’t been surprised when Cole had sadly admitted to wanting to go back to that - to get to experience how happy they’d been. How simple it had felt. And Adam had decided to rise to the challenge and do his best to plan a night for them where they could feel like that again. 

They had each planned plenty of dates for the other in high school, but there was always a trick to it. It had to still feel like a date - not just two friends hanging out - without drawing too much attention to themselves. They weren’t like Chrissy and Jason or Chance and Bev; they couldn’t share a kiss or hold hands across the table. Being openly affectionate in public wouldn’t end well for them, so they’d always had to get creative. Tonight, Adam had ordered them takeout from Benny’s, getting their usual order as well as a milkshake to split. He’d loaded his truck with blankets and pillows, and driven them out to a field on the edge of town. The farmer who owned the land was older, he wouldn’t even notice them parked back here off the main road. After they’d eaten and gotten everything set up, Adam sat back against the pillows, looking up at the stars. “Remember when we did this for the first time?” He asked Cole, leaning closer to him. “The summer after we’d gotten together.” Adam had gotten his truck around then, and had taken Cole out on drives all the time. “Oh, or that time you freaked out and swore a snake had gotten back here, but it was just my jumper cables?” Adam laughed, grinning at Cole. Shuffling closer to Cole, Adam laid down, resting his head on Cole’s shoulder. There had been so much weird tension between them lately, and Adam had felt like he had no idea how to even address it, let alone fix it. But right now, he wasn’t worried about it. He just wanted to enjoy a date with Cole, not caring about bomb or the Doppelganger or the Mindflayer or anything else. Just the two of them, here, together. “I love you,” He said softly, leaning up to kiss Cole’s cheek. 

WHO: Adam & @sinclairss​

WHAT: What’s up Jock

WHERE: The park

After his trip to the hunting store with Chance, Max and Cole, life had finally slowed down a bit for Adam. There were still problems he’d have to deal with - whatever was going on with him and Cole, the fact that his best friend was looking for a way to restrain him, the fact that he’d killed his other best friend - but for now, Adam was trying to work on processing it. He’d been going to therapy twice a week now for a while now, and he really did think talking to Gabe about things was helping. Obviously he couldn’t talk about most of that shit, but he was learning how to cope properly. Adam had a long way to go, but he was starting to feel a little less lost.

Gabe had talked to him about hobbies - about finding things that he liked and doing them just for himself. Adam obviously loved sports, but he’d always stuck to football because it was what he was best at. He’d focused on it - trained during the off season still, making sure his arm was perfect and that he was still conditioning. He hadn’t considered basketball seriously in high school, but lately, he’d thought it might be fun to just play some pick up games. After his conversation in the hospital with Lucas, Adam had decided to ask him if he wanted to meet up. 

The park was mostly empty for an afternoon, which was nice. No one was on the basketball court when they got there, so they didn’t have to worry about being careful around kids or anything. “I haven’t played in forever, so don’t make fun of me too much,” Adam admitted, shooting Lucas a small smile as Adam retied his sneakers. “What are we playing?” He thought he’d leave it up to the actual basketball player to decide. Lucas would beat him either way, but that wasn’t what this was about. It was just for fun, something Adam had been missing lately. 

scribblcs​:

in most instances, gabe preferred to show his hand, and adam was no exception. he smiled, clearly amused with his apprehension. he didn’t think it unwarranted, or strange, but it was mildly entertaining to see him twist himself in knots over something as simple as his name. while it was endearing in a way, it was also sad. they hadn’t even dug that deep and gabe already had an inkling that adam was in for a brutal awakening once he learned words like self awareness and setting boundaries. so, sure, it was somewhat funny to watch him squirm, but more than anything, gabe knew a warm smile could do wonders, and he hoped if anything it would help adam feel at ease. “dr.gabe is fine.” he said finally, “whatever makes you most comfortable, adam.” he said it in a way where he hoped adam knew that went for anything that went down in his office. 

“gardening is the grooviest.” gabe agreed with adam, watching the wheels turn behind his eyes. he was thinking. he knew that sharing didn’t come naturally to some people, most people, actually, so he bluntly prompted adam to share with the class, “what are you thinking about?” he asked, then followed it up with, “i saw you go somewhere.” he drew a line from his own eyes, straight up to the clouds. he couldn’t be clear enough and reminded adam, “that’s not a demand or an order, just if you feel like it.” if all of his hunches about adam were correct, it would probably be very easy to pressure him into sharing information and that wouldn’t make this process effective at all. it had to come organically. 

he set his pen down, nodding as adam explained that this was his standard day. this cole being up in the ranks with adam’s mother and sisters had gabe raising a brow as he proceeded to prompt him, “oh? tell me about cole.” he picked up his pen again, curiously, but didn’t bring it to paper quite yet. when adam finished disclosing his morning routine, gabe let that hang in the air for a minute before he looked at him very seriously and asked, “so what do you do for yourself? in your day to day?” 

Adam tried to relax as he sat on the couch stiffly. Adults usually weren’t a problem for him - Adam had always been charming. With a sweet smile, good manners, and genuine kindness, adults tended to love him. Adam didn’t need Gabe to love him - or like him even; he just needed to get through this hour without feeling too judged. Right now, he didn’t feel too bad about the experience, but it was early. “Okay,” Adam nodded, biting his lip as he stuffed his hands into the front pocket of his hoodie. Whatever made him the most comfortable. In most situations, Adam didn’t know what that was, but at least this was a good baby step. As they went throughout the session, Adam could figure out what else he was comfortable with. 

Wrinkling his nose at the word grooviest, Adam laughed before he could stop himself. Yeah, this guy was old. Younger than Adam’s dad, but still middle aged. Still someone who used words like groovy. As he was called out for not sharing, Adam turned to look at Gabe guiltily. He relaxed slightly when Gabe assured him he didn’t have to tell him where he’d gone, though. “Just thinking about flowers.” He shrugged, since it wasn’t a lie. Specifically, he’d been thinking about Cole and flowers, but Adam wasn’t sure he could trust Gabe with the fact that he had a boyfriend. Adam didn’t know him, but he did know that men of his generation - hell, even men of Adam’s generation - could handle the news that someone was gay poorly. “And about your writing,” He nodded towards the notebook in Gabe’s hand. “Did I say something wrong?” Dr. Gabe probably wouldn’t tell him, since it was about him, but Adam just didn’t understand what about his day was so interesting that it deserved a note. 

When Dr. Gabe asked to hear more about Cole, Adam fidgeted in his seat. It wasn’t that Adam didn’t want to talk about Cole - he would love to. He just didn’t want Dr. Gabe to tell his parents about it, or someone in town or something. “We’ve been really close since high school,” Adam said honestly, not defining the nature of their relationship. “Uh, he’s really smart. He used to be my tutor, actually. We’ve always hung out a lot, especially since I got back.” If Adam were being honest, they’d been sort of attached at the hip since Adam’s sophomore year. He couldn’t imagine life without Cole - he’d changed every single thing about Adam’s life in the best possible way. At Gabe’s question about what Adam did for himself, Adam paused. It...felt like a trick question. What did he do for himself? He sat in silence for a minute, thinking about the answer before glancing back up at Dr. Gabe. “I don’t... I don’t know. Hang out with friends?” He offered, wondering if that was a good enough answer. 

chancecunningham​:

when adam snapped, chance held up his hands like a white flag. “don’t come at me, man,” he urged him, shaking his head, “i’m just trying to understand what the fuck is going on.” chance knew he wasn’t wrong to be questioning everyone around him, particularly the people who had been part of this forest commune thing who seemed to be involved. but at the same time…this was adam. chance knew him. he knew he wasn’t capable of being bad or evil. “okay,” chance finally said after a pause, exasperated, “i believe you. you weren’t drunk or on anything or whatever. okay.” 

up until this point, chance had been trying to come up with a logical explanation for everything that had happened. maybe these people were being blackmailed. maybe they were on drugs. maybe that was why they were acting out so violently. but the more adam explained what he knew, the more chance was convinced that this defied logic. “something was controlling you?” he asked as he furrowed his brows in frustration, “what like…something…not human?” now his tone was hushed. he expected this type of talk from someone like jo, but for adam to be suggesting it? someone who grew up with all the same values and ideas as him? well…it was a trip. 

everything adam was saying corroborated chrissy’s story too—about blacking out, about not remembering anything. his heart sank. what had happened to them? what was happening now? chance tuned adam back in just as he was reaching the end of his explanation. apparently that’s how I was acting three years ago when…”right before you died,” chance stated, overlapping with whatever adam was about to say. “i know,” he explained, figuring that warranted an explanation, “i mean…i remember. no one else seems to remember it but i do and i know cole does and it wasn’t just you…” this part chance was telling him in confidence, “i remember chrissy too. dying, i mean. she died, man. she…” his voice trailed off as a lump formed in his throat. he swallowed it down and took a second to regroup. “what do you think this is, adam? like…for real…level with me…what the fuck is this?” adam had always been the one chance went to for advice, for answers. surely he wouldn’t fail him now. 

“I’m not coming at you!” Adam snapped back, not used to being angry with Chance. They’d been best friends since they were little, inseparable until they’d reached high school and suddenly most of Adam’s time had gone to Cole. Adam usually was able to keep a level-head around Chance, but being accused of doing all of that just because he’d been drunk rubbed Adam the wrong way. There was no way Adam was capable of that, even intoxicated.  “I don’t know what the fuck is going on either, Chance,” He said more evenly, running a hand through his hair as he leaned back against the wall. 

He was worried Chance wasn’t going to believe him. After all, they’d both gone to mass growing up. They’d both been raised by parents with specific values and morals. The idea of something controlling him like that? It didn’t make sense, unless they were talking about a demon. Adam was positive if he’d told either of his parents about anything like that, they’d be calling their priest immediately to get him to come see Adam. So for Chance to be somewhat hearing Adam out meant a lot. “Something not human.” Adam confirmed, biting his lip. “I don’t know anything else, really. Just something possessed me, or us, I guess. And it happened to me three years ago too.” 

When Chance mentioned Adam’s death, he was floored. He had known Cole remembered it, and Beth too, but Chance? Fucking hell. Adam had died and it seemed like only three people remembered it happening. That was so difficult to wrap his mind around. “...you remember me dying?” Adam asked, studying Chance’s face as he explained that Chrissy had died too. Oh fuck. Adam hadn’t known that - he hadn’t realized. “Oh my god...” He blinked, trying to understand what all of this meant. “I don’t remember dying. Cole, Beth and you do, I guess. Does Chrissy? She said...she didn’t seem like it. Does she know?” He asked, rambling through the question as he tried to process it all and think back to his conversations with Chrissy since he’d gotten back. “We’re in way over our heads.” Adam admitted to Chance when the other asked him what this all was. “I really don’t know much. I just know whatever possessed me three years ago is dead, according to Max Mayfield. But this new thing seems to be able to control us too.” 

jofcreman​:

now, on the short walk to adam’s house ( two blocks, jo walked fast ) , she’d gone through almost every possible scenario, every way this conversation could possibly go. most of the time it had ended with either jo punching him in the face or adam angrily shutting the door, calling the cops, maybe. either way, she’d been angry in every scenario, ready to haul him over the coals, ready to end him for what he’d done to jack. however - this hadn’t happene in any of the scenarios. this being adam richards hauling ass into the kitchen emptying his guts into the rubbish.

jo had followed him into the house, only because she thought he might try and make a run for it. but quite obviously he… hadn’t. and her angry features softened, made way for a dumbfounded yet slightly concerned expression, she opened her mouth, stumbling over what to say. fuck. this had - this had not gone to plan, like, at all. this wasn’t how it was supposed to go! adam was supposed to confess and - “no!” she voiced her running thoughts, dropped her bag to the ground with an exasperated sigh, threw her hands in the air, stopped herself short of stomping her foot like a defiant child. “you’re not - ugh! you’re supposed to say how you did it and why and then - then i punch you for what you did and instead youre - ugh!” she groaned and did stomp her foot like a defiant child. “you’re not suppsoed to make me feel bad for you, asshole.”

but she did, and she felt guilt as hell, too, as she slid down next to him, brows drawn together in worry. jo sighed, a weary, heavy sound. “i don’t know, richards.”, she muttered after a moment, despite knowing it wasn’t a question asked for her to answer. she gave a little shrug, looked down at her hands. “i just - after what happened at the carnival, i don’t know what to believe anymore.” why was it always this fucking difficult? “can you just - can you tell me what you remember? about that night? promise i won’t hit you, i just - i’m just trying to figure out what happened. what really happened.”

It felt too terrifying to wrap his mind around fully. Adam knew he was capable of horrible things when he had blacked out - he’d tried to help with the fireworks, and though he hadn’t lit the match that killed five people, he had still helped. But to find out that he’d done that to his best friend? Jack? One of the kindest guys he knew, who had never done anything to Adam? It felt unthinkable. As he sat in the floor, head in his hands, he couldn’t stop the tears from falling as he tried his hardest to remember doing that. 

But nothing came

He couldn’t remember any of that last week - Adam couldn’t even remember how he’d been possessed. If it weren’t for the nightmarish flash of the memory of threatening Cole, Adam wouldn’t even have any inkling of what he’d done leading up to his death. That summer had been fun. Full of bonfires by the lake, working as a lifeguard, sneaking off with Cole and making plans on their escape to California. Adam remembered being happy before it had all gone black. He remembered sharing beers with Jack at a party, dancing to Summer of ‘69 in his kitchen to make Cole laugh, watching The Price is Right with Beth, taking Cindy to see The Goonies. And then everything went black and apparently, he’d killed Jack. 

He worried for a moment that he might be sick again before Jo followed him inside. “...I don’t know how I did it,” Adam told her weakly, looking up at her as she threw her bag down. “Or why. God, I have no fucking idea why.” He was horrifyingly, blissfully glad for a moment that he didn’t know. That he might never know. Because living with the memory of killing Jack sounded like absolute torture, and maybe this was kinder for him to not. But he didn’t really deserve kindness, did he? “...you can still punch me if you want,” Adam choked out, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand pathetically. 

Jo sat down, though she seemed like she was still disappointed with the lack of an answer on why Adam had suddenly gone insane and killed his best friend. “The night of the carnival?” He repeated, looking over at her as he took a deep breath to try to calm down a little bit. “I don’t... I remember getting there. Jack and I played some game for a bit, then there was the mayor’s speech and stuff. We got on the Tunnel of Love, and when we got off...it all just goes black,” He admitted, running a hand through his long hair. “I don’t remember anything else until I woke up and everyone was hurt. I didn’t even have a scratch on me. Nothing.” 

mmuscles​:

at first, thad was satisfied. he had so clearly gotten under adam’s skin with the first comment, and that was his goal. he continued looking smug, coolly propped against the vending machine. nothing adam could say or do would bother him. he had the high ground so to speak, and he was basking in it. 

in truth, it wasn’t like adam had ever done anything to him other than beat him in a game of beer pong and be overall annoying, but at his core, thad knew about adam and cole, which was enough to put a target on their backs. it was a true moment of weakness when thad kissed cole, the guy had pissed him off so bad, he didn’t know what to do other than that. it was frustrating, it was scary. even though cole had no intentions of sharing what had happened with the class, it was abundantly apparent adam knew, and that had to be why they had this weird rivalry. at least, that was what made sense in thad’s head. to him, all of the pointed comments and agitating behavior on his own end were warranted, adam knew something, something that nobody else could ever know. and if thad fucked with him enough? maybe he’d keep it to himself, too. but beyond that, beneath layers and layers thad had yet to pull back he was jealous. not necessarily because adam was with cole, or cole was with adam, but because they were together, so disgustingly in love, and it didn’t feel fair that something he struggled with so deeply came so apparently natural to others, to them. 

right when thad became comfortable with the notion he might be sitting pretty for the rest of this conversation, adam snapped. with fear, his eyes widened and he immediately stood up off the vending machine, hands helplessly flailing into the air, “shut up, man!” it was thad’s turn to say. between bringing up the kiss and telling him to get lost, thad had it. he panicked, but this time he wasn’t going to kiss some guy in the middle of a hospital hallway. instead, he lunged for adam, “don’t say shit like that!” he tried to sound tough, intimidating, but if anything it came out as a plea as he tried to slap his hand over adam’s mouth while he hurled one last insult, “if you could pull your head out of your ass dude, you’d realize you’re the one acting jealous and crazy right now! maybe if you didn’t have this…this…freak side to you, that would’ve never happened with your boyfriend and i!” 

Adam wasn’t used to hating people. In his life, the list of people he’d truly disliked had only really included Tommy Hagan and Carol Perkins, and that felt well-deserved considering the cruelty they’d leveled at the kids at their school deemed unpopular. He preferred neutrality to distaste, but there were just some people he couldn’t feel neutral about. And Thad Bradshaw was one of them.

This animosity between them had been growing since their very first interaction in Hawkins. It had been building, the tension between them growing stronger and stronger each time Thad called Cole ‘Pretty Boy,’ or each time Adam had felt the need to beat him at something. They were just such opposites at their core; two people who likely could never have gotten along, even if Thad hadn’t kissed Cole weeks ago. They were too different to ever see eye to eye - and not just because Thad was a good seven inches shorter than him. 

He gritted his teeth when Thad went on the defensive, Adam’s comment about him kissing Cole evidently being a sensitive subject. In another situation, Adam would have apologized. Even if he had never really felt the effects of internalized homophobia before, he knew it was a sensitive subject, especially for guys like Thad who always felt like that had something to prove. But Adam wouldn’t apologize. No, he opened his mouth to continue when suddenly, Thad was smacking at it. Adam’s eyes widened, his hands tensing as Thad lunged at him. “What the fuck, Thad?” He snapped, slapping Thad’s hand away. 

Although his blood was boiling over the entire interaction, he was still ready to walk away. He was better than this; Adam didn’t fight people unless they threatened someone he cared about. But then Thad landed the final blow and Adam felt all of his composure snap. 

If you didn’t have this…this…freak side to you, that would’ve never happened with your boyfriend and I!

He felt like he could throw up. White hot rage coursed through his body, his hands coming up before he could stop them. But the thing was...Adam didn’t want to stop himself. He didn’t want to walk away. Thad had crossed a line, and all of their interactions had been leading to this anyway, right? Implying that it was Adam’s fault that Cole and Thad had kissed - that Adam had had any control over any of this shit that he’d been going through - made him see red. 

And so he shoved Thad as hard as he could into the vending machine, not even flinching when he heard the other’s body hit it. 

Adam wasn’t an angry person; he didn’t like violence. But Thad had it coming, and Adam could make his peace with that. 

jackforeman​:

Though Adam was right, that he hadn’t killed anyone, either, that didn’t absolve him of the guilt from hurting Steve. In truth, he probably could have killed him, if what he’d heard was true and that he’d kicked the living daylights out of someone who was supposed to be one of his best friends. For what, though? Jack had no idea. Maybe to set off explosive fireworks, but those hadn’t even been his, and he and Adam would never intentionally do something to hurt people like that. They just wouldn’t.

Jack watched Adam’s face grow colorless, as though he’d seen the ghost of himself in Jack’s own eyes as he recounted what had happened. Adam had died, too? His mind raced like the red string on Jo’s board. Adam had known for weeks that he’d been dead, even from the first day that they’d come back from the commune. The forest community that they’d apparently been sent to, but in reality, they’d both come out of the forest rising from the dead. It made absolutely no sense. 

“Hold on,” he said slowly, pulling away from Adam to place his hands on his friend’s shoulders. “You’re telling me that we came out of the commune,” he lifted a hand, flexing his fingers in air quotes, “right, but we’d both been actually dead the entire time. So, the commune … it couldn’t have existed, did it?” It sounded insane, but it was the only thing that made sense, at least right now. “Because … you were there, and I was there, but we actually weren’t. Did it not actually exist at all, or were there just some people there, and they grouped us in with them?” The questions he had were all rhetorical, all ones that neither Jack nor Adam could answer right now, but he at least knew someone who could attempt to tackle the unanswerable. “Jo has this board, this … it’s a murder board, but she doesn’t call it that. But, whatever. Not the point. There has to be something on there that would help us figure this shit out.”

Jack pulled his hands from Adam’s shoulders, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. “I know. I’m sorry, too. I had no idea … I didn’t know that you, you know, died, too. I’m just glad that we have each other.” He paused, turning toward him. “Do you remember anything, at all? Like, about the afterlife? Because I can’t remember shit. It’s like it never happened.”

Neither of them had chosen to commit the actions that they had, Adam understood that. But he was struggling with forgiving himself, even now. He might not have made the decisions, but it had been him doing it regardless. While he could understand logically that he wasn’t responsible, it would take him some time to process the fact that he wasn’t guilty. That he hadn’t killed anyone - the Mindflayer had. The...Doppelganger had, if Max was right. But it was hard to believe that when those things sounded so insane. He had never heard of anything like that before, and Adam tried to be a pretty level-headed guy. Believing in outlandish stuff just wasn’t something that worked for him, usually. But he knew now that he needed to try to believe in it if he wanted a shot at forgiving himself for the things his body had done. 

As Jack put his hands on Adam’s shoulders, Adam looked at him in confusion. He could tell Jack was putting something together, realizing some truth about their situation. “...I don’t know,” He admitted, shaking his head. “I think it had to, right? Why else would Peter be around? Why would they want us to be going to therapy?” How could all of that just... be a coverup? And what were they covering up, if that was what it was? It made Adam’s head hurt to think about, and he just wasn’t sure he could believe all of that. “Not everyone could have died! How would...how could that many people just... come back?” None of this made any sense. Why them? What had Adam ever done to deserve being resurrected? “We just... maybe we came back, and it was around the time they found everyone else, and so they lumped us together?” He shook his head again, not being able to rationalize all of this. “We should talk to Peter. He would know. Right?” 

At the mention of Jo’s murder board, Adam bit his lip. He wasn’t exactly excited by the idea of going over to Jack’s house and seeing his sisters, if he was being honest. Jo hadn’t kicked his ass last time, but what if she’d changed her mind since? Or what if Julie did? 

Jack sat down, and Adam hesitantly followed. Perching on the bed beside him, he kept some distance between the two even now. “Jack, you have nothing to be sorry about.” Adam told him seriously. He was glad to have Jack too, in a way, but that seemed horrifying to admit considering Adam had been the one to kill him. He let out a shaky breath at the mention of an afterlife, hand subconsciously coming up to touch the crucifix that still hung around his neck even after all this time. “...no.” Adam admitted quietly. “There wasn’t anything. Just nothing, and then us waking up in the woods.” 

bethkrichards​:

Beth had never wanted to think about how her brother had acted in the week or so before he died. She and Cole had discussed what they thought had gone wrong, what could possibly be the reason why Adam had taken such a turn from himself to the exact opposite plenty of times. It was at rest, until now. She had come to accept that there was something, someone, controlling him, however that came to be. Beth didn’t want to think too much into it; she knew herself, and knew that she would wind up going down a rabbit hole of investigation if she kept thinking about it. There was already enough on her plate with trying to make up for being the only Richards child in college.

It was only a matter of time, though, before Adam remembered the way he was back then. It must have been Cole who had brought it up, after hearing that Adam had nearly choked him. Beth let out a sigh, taking ahold of her brother’s hand. “No, you didn’t hurt us,” she assured him. Biting her lip, she contemplated if she should keep going. “You were just … a little harsh. I don’t really know how to describe it. You were extra angry, and I’d assumed that there was something going on with Cole, but it wasn’t, and then you were just gone.” She stared down at the comforter, tracing the small blue squares with her fingers. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why. I should’ve tried to figure it out, but with school, and mom and dad, I just … couldn’t.”

With how the conversation had taken a turn, Beth figured she probably shouldn’t be seen in public about to burst into tears thinking about Adam’s death. “Let’s take the basement,” she decided, giving Adam’s hand a light squeeze and flashing a small smile. “I think it’s the time for The Price is Right.” Before he passed, she and Adam had made it a summer ritual to watch the show nearly every day, seeing if they could guess the prices better than the contestants. Beth hadn’t watched it much since, but now that Adam was back, she supposed their traditions could be, too.

Adam didn’t keep secrets from Beth - not really. The closest he’d come was Cole, and even then she’d found out pretty soon after they’d gotten together. She was one of the people he was closest to in the world. So it felt odd to not talk to her about his death, about whatever the Mindflayer was. Beth deserved to know. While Adam liked protecting her from things thanks to their two year age gap, when he’d come back, he’d had to face the fact that she was an adult now. She had grown up, and she could handle news like this. 

She didn’t seemed too surprised by the question, which worried him. Beth must have noticed he was different that week, or maybe Cole had let it slip that Adam had tried to hurt him? The thought made Adam’s chest tight. What had he done to his sisters? “Thank God,” He choked out, relief flooding through him immediately. If he had done anything to Beth, or God forbid, Cindy, then Adam would have never forgiven himself. “Lizzie, I’m so sorry,” He apologized immediately, squeezing her hand tightly. “I know you couldn’t have solved it. That wasn’t your job, Beth. You don’t always have to try to fix things,” Adam told her gently, not even slightly blaming her for not realizing he had been controlled that last week. His death had forced her to take on all of the responsibility he’d left behind - he could see that now. And that thought made him want to cry; Beth didn’t deserve that. 

He smiled at the mention of their old favorite show, remembering how competitive they’d gotten about guessing the prices. Any time Adam had gone to Melvald’s with his mom after that, he’s scoped out all the usual items to make sure he would be able to beat her in the future. “Yeah, let’s do it.” Adam nodded, standing up and heading down to the basement. Claiming his usual spot at the end of the couch, he reached for the remote and turned the TV on. Once they were settled in and Bob Barker’s voice was filling the room, he turned back to Beth. “Cole explained what happened to me, kind of.” He told her, unsure what she had been told about it all. “He said it was called the Mindflayer. He didn’t really know much about it, just some stuff he’d heard from Max. Apparently it possessed me.” Adam told her quietly, eyes avoiding her as he repeated what he’d learned from Cole. The thought of being possessed still freaked him out, but he thought Beth should know in case anything ever happened again. 

scribblcs​:

as adam tossed out gabe’s name like a question, he nodded, smiling encouragingly. it usually fell from people’s lips uncomfortably, like they were breaking some sort of rule by using his first name, but he was a therapist, not a teacher or a mayor. he didn’t see the purpose for formalities, he made that known by adding, “you can just call me gabe if that’s easier, too.” he already had a strong feeling that wouldn’t be the case. maybe he was jumping too many stones ahead, and gabe supposed he would figure out here shortly just who adam richards was, but at first glance, he already reminded gabe of his teenage self. he recalled the days when he did his best to be the perfect son, an upstanding citizen of his small town in illinois, to be kind, to put himself last, to follow rules and do the right thing. he’d come to shed some of it with age, but there were other traits that were immovable qualities of his personality, ones that he had learned to nurture and respect and understand. he was feeling very hopeful he could do the same for adam, but first, gabe had to take about five steps back and confirm his suspicions. like he hadn’t just gone on an entire contemplative hike mid-session, gabe nodded, “let me know if you change your mind at any time. the water isn’t going anywhere.” he assured, flashing another warm grin. 

when adam started talking about his day, gabe began furiously scratching words onto his notepad. by now, he’d mastered the art of taking notes and maintaining eye contact. so as he wrote with his pen, he simultaneously nodded at adam as he spoke. his thoughts came out onto the page, stiff. uncomfortable. family important to him? his scribbling stopped when adam asked him something. initially, he looked pleasantly surprised, but one could never be too cautious. on his paper he wrote, deflecting? then set his pen down and answered, “sure, if you want.” even if the sessions weren’t about gabe, he wanted to do what he could to ease adam this first go around, “it was pretty tame. i woke up, tended to my garden, did the crossword, ran errands, came here.” he intentionally matched adam’s tone, then flipped it back around on the other, “so if that was what you did today, is it fair to say that’s your everyday? or is your normal routine a little different?” he picked up his pen again. 

Being raised in a white, Catholic upper middle class family left Adam physically unable to call an adult by their first name, and at the suggestion, Adam couldn’t help but shoot Dr. Gabe a look of concern. He’d be keeping the title out of respect and he hoped Dr. Gabe understood that. “Oh, um, thank you. But is Dr. Gabe okay?” Adam asked hesitantly, stuffing his hands anxiously in his pockets. He was worried they’d start shaking if he didn’t get over these nerves soon. There wasn’t even a reason to be nervous - if this didn’t go well, Adam would just leave and make some excuse if he was asked about why he wouldn’t be coming back. He could get through one hour long session. After all, Adam had done a lot more difficult stuff than sitting on a couch and talking about himself for awhile. With that in mind, he squared his shoulders a bit, ready to at least try. 

Dr. Gabe’s writing was a bit distracting - Adam couldn’t help but wonder what about his day was that interesting. Spending time with his family was normal, right? Helping his mom with his siblings had always been something Adam had done, and no one had ever questioned it before. Maybe it had made him give up hanging out with Cole or Chrissy in the past, but it wasn’t like he couldn’t reschedule. He was the oldest, and his mother had always counted on him to be the responsible one. Adam hadn’t minded that duty before. “Gardening seems cool,” He nodded, glancing around the room at the plants again. Plants always seemed to brighten a room, in Adam’s opinion. He’d loved it growing up when his mother had had fresh flowers around, especially when his dad had bought them for her. Adam had done that for Cole a few times in high school too - not because he felt like he was supposed to, but because he’d liked picking out a bouquet that he knew Cole would like. 

“Oh, um,” Adam blinked as he was questioned again, not used to someone wanting to hear from him this much. “I guess it’s pretty normal?” Adam said, crossing his legs to keep his knee from bouncing with nerves. “Most days I hang out with my mom and sisters or with Cole.” He shrugged. “He’s my best friend,” The lie rolled off his tongue with ease now from years of pretending like they were just really close friends. It never felt better though, or made Adam happy. “I run or workout some too.” An old habit from his football days that Adam had never dropped. Honestly, he didn’t really want to, though - he liked the endorphins he got from it, and it felt good having a routine like that. It provided him structure, a reason to get out of bed now that he was back. 

zccming​:

max watched as adam danced around her and maybe it was untimely, but she laughed. it was a dry, hollow laugh, one that indicated that she didn’t find him funny, but his behavior ridiculous. from what she had heard about adam, she quickly made an assumption about what this was, and boldly told him, “i’m not afraid of you.” she said it casually, then was sure to let him know, “you don’t have to act like such a freak.” he probably felt guilty, which made sense. max didn’t think he had any reason to and truthfully she hoped her dismissiveness of his precaution would help him believe that. at least a little bit. 

inducting people in the hawkins shit show of supernatural nonsense weren’t exactly max’s favorite conversations, but she calmly, cooly answered any questions adam might have. she might know cole, but she didn’t know him, so even in the wake of tragedy, her walls were firmly up. “it’s probably something new. we’re calling it the doppelganger.” the name rolled of her tongue and left a bad taste in her mouth. if max wasn’t careful, she probably would’ve frowned at adam’s next question. he was so scared. max wished that nobody had to be scared about this shit anymore. “we’ve done it before…” she confirmed, then counted out on her fingers and held up four of them, “four times, but, i wasn’t here the first time. it’ll get taken care of.” it felt kind of wrong to say, she was making it sound too easy, but max was trying to mask her own fears and convince someone else it would be fine. how else was she supposed to do that without a little bit of dishonesty?

apparently i did stuff like this before. adam’s expression fell so far max bit back the urge to say i know. his request was a heavy one, but as her eyes flicked to cole in the hospital bed, max wasn’t sure how she could say no. and more importantly, she didn’t want to. if she had it her way, she’d be in cole’s spot right now. but like life had shown her time and time again, she wasn’t a person who got her way. not over the things that really mattered anyway. max looked back up to adam and nodded, “yeah…” she took a deep breath, “yeah, i got you, totally. you won’t.” the energy in the room was so tense at the possibility of push coming to shove, max tried to cut through it the best she knew how in the presence of a stranger and she made a joke, “i’ll kick your ass, richards. don’t have to ask me twice.” knowing that wasn’t exactly what he asked, max dropped her wall for a split second and offered a more sincere, “i’ll make sure he’s safe. won’t even tell him you asked me either.” she mimed a zipping over her lips, “our secret, if you want.”

Adam blinked in surprise when Max openly pointed out that she wasn’t afraid of him. He wasn’t used to people being so blunt - even Cole had been known to sugarcoat things for Adam from time to time. No one had ever looked Adam in the eyes and called him out on something like that before, and he wasn’t entirely sure how to respond. “Oh, um,” He nodded, brow furrowing in confusion slightly. “Good to know.” Adam didn’t know what Max had experienced before that made her not scared of him, considering how he’d acted at the carnival, and he was kind of worried to find out. Cole had mentioned she’d told him about the Mindflayer, so she had to know that that was what had turned him into this in the first place. At her calling him a freak, he frowned but said nothing. He’d been feeling a lot like one lately. 

Before Adam had found himself at the center of the fucked up stuff in Hawkins with the rest of the tree commune, he hadn’t paid much attention to it. Back when Cole’s previously unknown brother had gone missing, Adam had been concerned and had done his best to support Cole. It had been a scary time, but not too weird from an outside perspective. Not enough for Hawkins to really seem cursed or that fucked up. But now, Adam was wondering how deep all of this truly went. What had he missed out on over the years? “The Doppelganger?” Adam repeated, nose scrunching up at the name. What did that even mean? Where were they getting these names from? “It’s what controlled us at the carnival?” He asked Max, unsure of how much she knew about this thing. She seemed collected, confident - but he wasn’t sure if that was a façade or not. Four times made him feel better, honestly. That was a pretty decent track record. “Have you all ever lost before?” It was a fair question, all things considered. He wasn’t sure if it would piss Max off or not though. 

She didn’t seem shocked by his admittance; Cole must have told her either before he came back or after. He was just so scared of hurting Cole again, of not being able to stop himself like he had the last time. Adam didn’t even know how he had stopped himself, just that he hadn’t squeezed the life out of Cole despite the dark, twisted voice in his head telling him to. Maybe the next time that voice took control again, he wouldn’t be as strong or as lucky. “...thank you,” Adam told her quietly, looking sadly at Cole lying still in the hospital bed. His heart monitor was beating steadily, and that calmed Adam down a bit. “Yeah, good,” He laughed in surprise at Max threatening to kick his ass. “Just make sure he’s alright. And yeah, please don’t tell him I asked.” Adam glanced back over at the younger girl, glad she was offering not to tell Cole. Maybe they should - but Adam didn’t want him to be upset with either of them over the request. 

loverboymontgomery​:

Of course Cole wasn’t okay. How could he be? His broken rib was nothing compared to the way his heart was splintering and cracking with every tear Adam shed. Losing him had been the worst pain Cole had ever felt, but sitting next to him and watching him break was a close second. The confusion and fear in Adam’s eyes, while expected and completely understandable, made Cole want to take it all back– say it was just a joke– beg for forgiveness. 

But now, Cole couldn’t avoid it. He couldn’t avoid the truth, and Adam wasn’t going to let him avoid his feelings. Since Adam came back, Cole felt like he was walking around with a bomb strapped to his chest– like it was only a matter of time before he’d be destroyed again. As if he hadn’t cried enough, Cole’s eyes welled up in response to Adam’s urgent tone, the way he was peering into his soul.

“No,” he choked out, wrapping Adam’s hand into both of his. “I thought I was going to lose you again.” Cole’s voice was barely above a whisper, and his hot tears fell onto their hands. Saying it out loud took Cole back to that place– the moment at the carnival when Adam started acting different. The terror in his chest at the thought of attending another funeral for the love of his life. Cole didn’t realize he was having trouble breathing until he felt Adam’s hands on his shoulders, willing Cole’s chest to stop constricting. “I’ve never been more afraid of anything in my life. I can’t do this– life– without you… that’s the truth,” he lifted his gaze to Adam’s face and squeezed Adam’s hand tight, as if a tight enough grip would save him.

They shared a contemplative silence, and Adam finally moved closer to Cole. Relieved, he shifted his legs over to give Adam space to occupy, a way to feel his closeness. Cole’s chest felt heavy in an entirely different way than his head; he knew loving someone this completely was the greatest risk he could take. He always knew it would hurt somehow, but never anticipated this– the way his entire life lost meaning when Adam died. The way he didn’t feel like himself, much less like a person, without Adam Richards to look at him with a knowing smile or wrap him up in a hug or laugh at jokes that went over his head. 

As Adam wiped away Cole’s tears, Cole leaned his head against the other’s hand, held him there for a second. He knew with more certainty than he knew anything else that if, when he met Adam Richards for the first time, he could see the future– all the love and all the pain– he would choose him again. 

When Adam started crying, processing the information Cole had dumped on him, Cole instinctively pulled him closer and rubbed circles in his back. He hated that there was nothing he could say to make this better; he hated feeling powerless to help. At Adam’s question, Cole met his eyes and nodded once, confirming Adam’s fears. Cole carded his fingers through Adam’s hair as the other cried into his shoulder. “You won’t. I won’t let anything bad happen,” Cole whispered into his boyfriend’s hair. 

Cole’s stomach dropped; the one thing he wanted to keep from Adam, the moment he wanted to take to the grave, had somehow resurfaced in his memory. For a beat, he considered denying it, but he’d never been able to lie to Adam. Adam always knew. Cole’s hold on Adam tensed and he pressed his lips to Adam’s temple a few times. “I know, baby,” he murmured, “That was before. Right before you died… I know it wasn’t you.” Cole’s eyes welled up at what Adam was saying. “You stopped it from hurting me. You stopped it.”

Gently, Cole cupped Adam’s face and angled him up, so Cole could see him. He couldn’t stop the smile pushing up his lips when Adam called him Walden. In Adam’s eyes, all of Cole’s fear melted into tenderness and he felt his body relax. It was going to be okay. They would get through it together. “I know you do. And I love you more than anything, Adam Richards. I’ll love you forever.” 

Adam had spent his entire life trying to be good and kind and helpful. He tried to be the perfect son, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect Catholic, the perfect teammates - just perfect. He had made starting quarterback as a sophomore, and that came with expectations and pressure from the town, from his coaches, from his teammates, from everyone. Adam had always done his best to live up to the image that had been created of him after his picture had been in the paper after the first football game he’d helped the Tigers win years ago. 

But somewhere along the way, he must have done something wrong, something worth damning him to being a weapon for someone else. Adam wasn’t allowed to feel sorry for himself, though, not when he was the one doing the hurting. Those who were guilty didn’t deserve pity - the lives they had destroyed did. Five people were dead and countless were hurt, and the forest commune were the cause even if they hadn’t meant to be. Adam shouldered the guilt of what they had done, adding it to all the weight he carried there already. He was a modern day Atlas, it was so deep in his DNA that Adam was afraid he couldn’t stop if he tried. 

But hearing Cole admit he wasn’t okay? That was the hardest thing he had ever listened to. If Adam hadn’t already been crying, that would have made him start. He had always cried when Cole cried, devastated by seeing the scars Cole still bared from losing Adam three years ago. “Baby, I’m so sorry,” He told him. The moment Cole’s breathing starting getting uneven, Adam immediately squeezed his hand to try to reassure him. He felt powerless watching Cole right now; seeing how deeply affected he was by the thought of Adam dying again. “I know,” Adam cried, wiping his tears with the back of his free hand. His heart broke for Cole, because Adam couldn’t promise that he would be okay. He couldn’t swear to still be here with the dust settled. Because if he had learned anything from the last few hours, it was that he had no control over his own life anymore. 

As Adam shifted closer to Cole, he sat in stiff silence. His death had shaped Cole so much more than Adam even realized before now. Of course he knew Cole had missed him - obviously, he did. But the fact that Cole couldn’t live without him? It felt like someone had taken Adam’s heart in their hands, wrapping it tightly in their fists and squeezed it until it stopped beating all together. Cole had to be okay without him; not because Adam planned on dying or leaving any time soon, but because it would kill Adam to know that if something did happen to him, Cole wouldn’t be able to keep going. Adam needed him to, because if anyone deserved a happy, loving life, it was Cole Montgomery. Adam wanted him to find a job he loved, buy a house somewhere pretty and warm, just like they had always talked about. He wanted him to find someone who could make Cole just as happy as Adam did. If Adam couldn’t grow old with Cole, he wanted someone else who would treat him perfectly to get that experience, because Cole deserved a happy ending.

 And as much as Adam wanted it to be him beside Cole, holding Cole’s hand on a porch while they talked to their grandkids, he couldn’t promise him that. Not right now. 

As Cole leaned into Adam’s touch, the grip on Adam’s heart gave one final squeeze. No one in the world deserved the love Cole Montgomery gave to him, that he’d given him since they were in high school. Tears fell from Adam’s eyes as he thought about how much good Cole had done for Adam over the years. If they had never met, Adam didn’t know who he would have even become. Every part of his life had been shaped by Cole Montgomery, and he knew Cole felt the same. 

He cried harder at the love he felt from Cole rubbing his back, thinking about how much he didn’t want to lose this. If he had to, he didn’t want Cole to be alone and broken without him, but... at the end of the day, Adam was still so young. There were so many things he’d never gotten to do. Dying at nineteen meant that he’d lost so much, and maybe coming back now was a blessing. Adam just wished it didn’t come with the condition that he might black out at any time and become a monster hellbent on hurting others. “You can’t control this,” Adam said tearfully, shaking his head at Cole insisting he wouldn’t let anything happen to Adam. 

Adam cried as Cole confirmed that it had happened, that Adam had been horrible to Cole right before he died. He had nearly killed him - he might have, if he hadn’t momentarily been able to stop himself. He pulled Cole closer, tucking his face into the space between Cole’s neck and shoulder. “But what if I can’t again? What if I’m not strong enough? Cole, I don’t want this,” Adam gasped, shoulders shaking from the sobs racking his body. “I don’t want to do this, be this. I don’t want to hurt anyone, especially you.”

Adam couldn’t control this any more than Cole could. Neither of them could guarantee that this wouldn’t end in tears, with one or both of them dead. But for a moment, Adam let himself believe that maybe they could face anything as long as they were together. Maybe they could figure this out, stop whatever was controlling Adam. Maybe it would be alright in the end. “I’ll love you forever too, Cole Montgomery,” Adam whispered, kissing Cole’s cheek feather light, so gently he couldn’t possibly hurt any bruising there. 

stevehharringtcns​:

it was hard falling asleep now, something that had always been so easy for steve. he mostly blamed the pain he was going through it, whether it was his ribs or his wrist or whatever it was that was aching at this point, but he couldn’t seem to be able to fall asleep. he was sure that he could just ask the nurses for some sleeping pills, but he decided not to as he stared up at the ceiling, letting out a sigh in another failed attempt of trying to fall asleep. he knew that cole was right next to him falling asleep and he would have thought adam was too if he didn’t see him standing up and stretching, his eyes drifting towards the other with a small smile on his face as he looked at him.

“yeah, it’s kind of hard to sleep when you’re in an hospital bed… especially when i’ve been here all day.” he said, shrugging his shoulders as he shook his head at adam’s suggestion for him to call the nurse. he appreciated it. “nah, thanks, i’ll be fine. i just… i’ll fall asleep soon enough.” he said with a small nod, looking over at cole for a couple of moments and then back at adam. steve had finally convinced eddie to go back to his trailer for the night at least. the other needed to rest too and steve wasn’t going to let him stay there and not sleep. but he did miss the company now, although adam wasn’t bad company at all. but he understood that the other was very much focused on cole right now. “he’ll be fine, it’s… cole. he always is fine.” he said with a small shrug of his shoulders.

as they started talking about what had happened during the carnival, steve let out a small sigh. he remembered adam acting weird, he still wasn’t sure what had happened, but he wasn’t himself in that moment. “it’s… fine. you guys clearly didn’t know what you were doing. there was just something strange going on.” he said as he bit his lower lip, looking away from adam for a couple of moments. “me? oh, i’m just fine. nothing i can’t handle.” he said - he thought it couldn’t get worse than this, but then again, he thought that every time he had been injured in the past. “are you okay?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

No one had ever said hospital beds were comfortable. But the chairs they kept in there for visitors? Absolute torture. Adam was stiff just from sitting there and then laying down with Cole, he couldn’t imagine how much pain Cole and Steve were in from their injuries on top of that. It was amazing to him that Cole was able to sleep at all, but Adam was grateful for it. To get better, all of them would have to rest up, but that would probably be easier once they were allowed to go home. Adam shot Steve a cautious, sympathetic smile after asking him about whether or not he needed a nurse. 

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Adam nodded, frowning slightly. “I can get more pillows or something, if you want that?” He had always been the type to want to help people, and that was even more true now that he’d been part of the group who’s put Steve and Cole in here in the first place. He felt guilty about the part he’d played, and he wanted to try to help Steve as much as he could. “Okay,” Adam agreed, dropping the idea of going to ask for sleeping pills. He’d do it if Steve changed his mind, but he wasn’t going to push him. 

Adam wanted to argue that Cole was not always fine - not even close. While they didn’t really talk about it, he knew Cole had struggled a lot during the three years Adam hadn’t been around. Cole was great at hiding his pain behind sarcastic comments, but if you were looking closely, you could see the cracks in his façade. And Adam was always paying that much attention to Cole. “....um, how’s Eddie handling stuff?” Adam asked awkwardly after a moment, unsure if Steve knew that Adam knew about them. Cole had mentioned it at Skull Rock, when he’d also told Adam that he’d kissed Thad. Adam didn’t want to make Steve talk about it all if he didn’t want to, but he got what it was like having to hide a relationship. 

“It’s not fine,” Adam shook his head. “But yeah, I wasn’t... in control, really. I don’t know what happened.” He wished he had a better explanation for it all, but he only knew what Cole had told him about whatever the Mindflayer was. Adam didn’t know if Steve knew about that stuff or not, and it didn’t seem like the time to ask. He nodded at Steve saying he could handle it. Hopefully he could. “Good. I mean, this entire situation is fucked, dude.” That felt like an understatement, but Adam really didn’t know what else to say about it all. It was such a messed up situation, and Adam wished he could help to fix it. “Um, yeah,” Adam nodded, shrugging. No, he really wasn’t okay, but he wasn’t going to unload all of that on Steve and make it his problem. Not when he’d helped put Steve in the hospital in the first place. 

sinclairss​:

you were there, right?

it was like some kind of secret club only instead of keg parties or secret handshakes, it was a group of people who’d witnessed (or…taken part in? lucas wasn’t sure) the horrors of the carnival. he could merely nod before dropping into the seat opposite adam. suddenly he wasn’t very hungry at all, focused instead on tearing the crust of his pizza off and then into tinier and tinier pieces. “no. not unless you can impersonate tommy hagan.” it was only once the words had fallen so easily from his tongue that lucas thought about them. it was a joke. just a joke. but it was also a little too close to home.

he had a couple of bruises from the impact of the attack, some scrapes from the harsh ground, but nothing that would leave lasting damage. at least not physically. he poked at his food with a fork and thought about the goo that had disintegrated dustin’s before simply dropping the fork and leaning his chair back on two legs, hands propped upon his head as he watched adam carefully. lucas didn’t know how to broach the subject, but he was curious. “what about you? are you…feeling more yourself now?” the quirk of his eyebrows asked half a dozen other questions, including but not limited to do you even remember doing that? do you know what happened? is this a tree commune thing? but he didn’t ask any of those. he just waited, wondering if adam would answer the question he’d asked out loud or something in between.

Adam didn’t get how the kid seemed to be processing this all so well. Maybe he was a naturally level-headed kind of guy, like Adam used to be. Or still was? He didn’t know. Adam was used to being the supportive one, the emotionally mature one who lived to help those around him with their problems. But right now, he was reeling and feeling guilty and like he just wanted to go back to 1985 and run away with Cole a lot sooner. He gave Lucas a small smile when the other joined him, wordlessly offering him the saran wrapped cookie he’d gotten with his lunch. “Wait, what about Tommy?” Adam asked, confused by the mention of the guy he’d hated in high school. Adam vaguely remembered him from the games they’d played before the Tunnel of Love, but he hadn’t heard about him doing anything else yet.

The weirdest thing about it all, though, were the lack of injuries on Adam. He knew that they’d had superhuman strength while they’d been like that, but it seemed weird that none of them had ended up with so much as a scratch. He didn’t know what that meant for them, honestly. As Lucas leaned back, Adam rested his head in his hands, exhaustion weighing on him. “Yeah, I am,” Adam assured Lucas, wondering how much the kid knew or didn’t know about any of it. But frankly, Adam didn’t have anything to hide; any help he could get right now would be great. “It’s like I blacked out or something,” Adam explained, biting his lip. “The last thing I remember is the Tunnel of Love, and then waking up to find out what we did. I don’t understand it.” He sighed, shaking his head and taking a sip from the glass bottle of Tropical Punch Gatorade he’d bought. 

mmuscles​:

thad had a couple of harmless run ins with adam, he was pretty easy to mess around with, make tick. but the unfortunate side to that was as thad learned how to push adam’s buttons, adam learned how to push his. “you’re being such a girl, richards.” he taunted adam with a sly smirk. his anger was admittedly not the most welcome sight, but from what he’d seen, this dude couldn’t hurt a fly, so thad would keep it up. at emerson, thad didn’t have to try so hard to maintain power. he’d established that with his flashy car and fancy last name on the first day of freshman year, but in hawkins, nobody seemed to have respect for that sort of things, especially not adam. that’s what thad convinced himself this all came down to, power, not cole or anything like that. never. 

still looking smug, he continued, “he’s like, definition of a pretty boy, dude. look in the dictionary? there’s his picture.” he shrugged, leaning his back against the glass of the vending machine and folding his arms across his chest. he’d gone through enough emotional turmoil with nancy laying in a bed just a few rooms up the hall, he was due for some stress relief. adam, unfortunately, had walked up first. “would you prefer to be the pretty boy richards?” thad asked, unrelenting, “because you definitely fit the bill, pretty boy.”

Adam was so fucking sick of Thad Bradshaw. Every run in that they had had, Thad had been such a dick to him. Had Adam been rude back? Sometimes, sure. But Thad had started it. All the way back to the fucking grocery store, Thad had treated Adam like he was better than him. Like being from somewhere besides Hawkins, coming from money, going to a fancy college, all meant that he was worth more than Adam. It was so stupid.

After their beer pong showdown at the Wheeler’s barbeque, Adam had thought that Thad much actually leave him alone for awhile. Clearly, though, Thad wasn’t over whatever weird beef he had with Adam. And honestly? Adam wasn’t really over it all either. He just wanted Thad to fucking leave him alone already, especially right now while Cole was in the hospital and Adam was partially at fault. It was a sensitive subject, and Thad calling Cole that nickname wasn’t helping. Adam wasn’t upset that they’d hooked up while he was dead, but he was furious that Thad just wasn’t letting it go. “I’m being a girl?” Adam repeated, scoffing at Thad’s insult. It landed, as much as Adam hated to admit it. He’d heard that so many times on the football field - when he got hurt, when he hurt someone else, when he was bummed about a pass not landing. And every time, it embarrassed him. It made him angry. It made him feel like he was being dramatic, like his feelings weren’t valid. And coming from Thad, it made him feel white hot rage.

“Stop calling him that! Just because you two kissed doesn’t mean you can keep saying shit like that!” Adam snapped, trying to keep his voice down. He would never understand what Cole had seen in someone like Thad. Steve and Eddie made sense, but Bradshaw? He was such an asshole. “Shut up,” Adam repeated, momentarily confused by Thad’s insult. No one had ever called him a pretty boy before. What the fuck was Thad playing at? “You’re such a fucking asshole, Thad. No wonder no one even fucking wants you around! Just go back to whatever lame ass school you go to, and leave me alone.” 

scribblcs​:

from the moment a client walked in the room, gabe was on, eyes fixed, watching, and scribbling on his notepad without tearing his gentle gaze away from whoever he was seeing. today? it was adam richards, star football player, golden boy, and recently returned from a forest commune he disappeared into three years ago. he looked antsy, which was expected from small town folk like these. where adam smiled tightly, gabe grinned back warm and open. “good afternoon.” he met him, “i’m dr.gabe, as i’m sure you were told.” he dropped his pen and folded his hands over the notepad. he chuckled softly, “do you want to lay down?” he asked adam, looking around his office. “help yourself to any spot or trinkets around here, you’re welcome to smoke if that’s your sort of thing, i have waters in the other room. don’t hesitate to let me know if you need anything, okay?”

he had spent two days sprucing up the place to make it look comfortable, more like a home than an office. there were bean bags and pillows on the floor, a chair, and a large cushioned couch. scattered around the room were plants, quirky incense holders, bookshelves, and a motown record played softly from somewhere in the corner. the floor was covered up with a couple of rugs layered over one another and the blinds were low so to keep the lights from the scattered lamps soft and inviting. gabe took adam’s hand and made a mental note of just how the kid greeted him, “nice to meet you.” he smiled again, then waited for the other to sit down. when he finally looked comfortable, gabe started, “so, adam, how was your day? what did you get up to?” he’d start it off easy, like always.

Mandated therapy to help those who’d been in the ‘forest commune’ adjust felt like a good idea in theory, but bad in practice. After all, who liked being forced to talk about their feelings? Not Adam, at least not with strangers. There was just so much that he knew by now he was supposed to keep to himself. His sexuality, for one thing. But beyond just that, Adam knew that men weren’t supposed to talk about their feelings. He had struggled with that a lot growing up considering how much he wore his heart on his sleeve, but sports had reinforced the idea a lot. Talking about emotions was reserved for Cole, Chrissy or Beth, not a stranger in a doctor’s office in downtown Hawkins. 

“Dr. Gabe?” He repeated, mentally making a note that that must be his first name. Got it. “Oh, um... I guess not?” Adam shrugged. The list of things Gabe was fine with him doing was a little overwhelming at first, but Adam appreciated it. Smoking appealed to him briefly, but he didn’t have any with him. And besides, being an athlete, it wasn’t a good habit anyway. “I think I’m okay. Thank you.” 

The room felt very comfortable, which did ease some of Adam’s concerns. It wasn’t sterile and white like the doctor’s offices he was used to, and there were plants everywhere. His eyes lingered on one near him for a minute - it wasn’t something he was familiar with, but then again, he’d never been a gardener. His mom took care of the flowers at their house. After shaking Gabe’s hand, Adam awkwardly sat down on the couch. He stuck close to the edge, ready to stand back up and make his way back to the door if things got overwhelming. “Um, my day was okay,” He started, glancing at Gabe briefly. “I ran some errands with my mom and took my little sister Cindy to the mall for a bit. Then I came here.” Adam didn’t mind helping his parents out. They were busy, and he liked spending time with Cindy. It meant getting up early, though, and Adam was still tired from spending several days sleeping at the hospital. “How was your day? Am I allowed to ask that?” Adam asked after a second, not wanting to overstep a boundary if it wasn’t okay to ask about Gabe’s life too. 

zccming​:

adam richards. it was a name she’d been hearing for years from cole. max was no therapist, but when it came to grief, her and cole had gotten pretty good at sitting down, dumping all of their feelings together, then doing absolutely nothing about them. cole, adam, robin, all of them were older than her, but with adam specifically, max hadn’t known of him while he was in school and other than a few pictures and glances from a distance this past summer, didn’t really even know what adam looked like. that was until she clocked him curled up in cole’s hospital bed. this was adam, without a doubt in her mind. 

she had been weaving in and out of rooms for so long she felt like her legs might collapse from underneath her and she just needed to sit. not wanting to overstay her welcome in any of the other rooms, she chose cole’s to rest for a minute. she hadn’t been expecting him – or adam to wake up. she jumped a bit when adam did, watching him like a frightened animal. it wasn’t his fault, more the impact of all the unexpected events that had transpired in the past twelve hours. for a while, she said nothing, and neither did he. when adam finally spoke, max noted how kind his voice sounded. in a way, that quality reminded her of lucas. she shrugged off the question, “it’s cool.” don’t apologize. when adam grasped at answers, max sighed. there was no hiding the truth from him, he already knew at least to some extent. “i’ve only seen something like this once before.” she admitted, rubbing her tired eyes. so much for rest. “but the thing that did it is gone.” with surprising conviction, max assured him, “but from what i can gather, that wasn’t you acting at the carnival. we just…need to find the weakspot of this new guy and take him down.” 

she made it sound so easy, even though she knew well how difficult the journey ahead could get.

Adam hadn’t known Max before. She’d been a kid then, someone he had maybe seen at the pool a few times or heard about from Billy. Coming back and finding out she’d became Cole’s best friend had been unexpected, but he knew from how often Cole spoke about her that she meant a lot to him. Adam was grateful for her supporting him during his grief these last few years. 

He moved closer to Cole’s bed, unwilling to be far from him after everything that he’d been through since the carnival. He kept space between him and Max, not wanting to freak Max out, in case she had seen what he’d done while he was blacked out. Sitting down in the chair closest to Cole, Adam reached subconsciously for his hand, lacing their fingers together while Cole continued to sleep. “If it’s gone... how are we still doing this?” Adam asked her, frowning at the information. There was just so much he didn’t know, so much he couldn’t even begin to process. And it fucking sucked. “Have you done that before?” Adam asked curiously, worried that they wouldn’t figure this all out. He knew he certainly didn’t know enough to solve shit. 

“Apparently, I did stuff like that before,” He admitted, despite not knowing Max at all. He trusted her with this, though, considering how much she already knew. “And...well, if it happens again,” Adam felt guilty asking this. She could say no - he wouldn’t blame her. She didn’t owe him anything. “If it happens again, can you just... make sure Cole isn’t near me? I can’t hurt him.” Not again. Adam wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if he did. 

jofcreman​:

what happened? the way he opened the door, so non-chalantly, the way his brows drew together in worry, surely feigned concern for her brother, made jo’s blood boil. she flexed her hands, stopping herself short of letting her palm meet his cheek. no, the neighbourhood thought she was insane enough as is. truly, it was only her position at the post that spared her from their neighbour’s open ridicule. because a girl scoring a job like that, she had to have at least an ounce of sanity in her, right? even if she dressed like that and talked like that and behaved like that.  but god, adam richards’ face did look extremely punchable right about then.

her judgement was clouded heavily by red hot rage, jo exhaled deeply through her mouth a couple of times to ground herself. countine one, two, three in her head. as much as she wanted to end him right then and there, she needed to get to the bottom of this. if not for her sake then for jack’s. “jack’s okay. considering.” brows still drawn together, jo scrunched up her nose in disgust. considering she was standing in front of his best friend and presumed murderer. considering he had died at the hands of who he’d trusted most. this wasn’t right. “we need to talk, richards. alone.” and, with her voice lowered and leaning in, she added:  “about the summer of ‘85. remember? when you killed my brother?”

Jo seemed.... angry. With him. And Adam wasn’t sure why. What had he done to Jack? The last time they’d talked had been at the carnival, when Adam had beaten him at Down a Clown, but this was definitely unrelated to that. Before that, it had been when Adam had come out to Jack and told him about dating Cole - but Jack had seemed fine with it! So Adam couldn’t understand what he had done to piss Jo off in the last few days. 

“Considering?” Adam repeated, raising an eyebrow in confusion. Consider the carnival? He hadn’t thought Jack got hurt - he hadn’t seen him in the hospital. But maybe he had been? Maybe Jack and Jo were made that Adam hadn’t come to see him? “Did he get hurt or something?” He asked. And then he got his answer on why Jo was upset with him. 

“I...killed Jack?” Adam repeated, freezing where he stood on the front porch. “No, I didn’t. No,” He shook his head, taking a step back and running into the door. “No, because I wouldn’t...” No, Adam wouldn’t do that. He would never, ever lay a finger on his best friend. But Adam wasn’t Adam when he blacked out, was he? And there was a whole week of his life in 1985 that Adam had no memory of, except for the time he’d nearly strangled Cole. If he had almost done that to the love of his life, what was he capable of doing to his best friend? “Oh my god...” Adam slumped backwards into the house, leaving the door open for Jo to follow. Without being able to stop himself, Adam doubled over the trashcan, throwing up the contents of his stomach at the thought of killing his best friend. His teammate. The guy he’d spent countless nights hanging out with in high school, the boy who’d come over and watch movies with him or join him at parties. The man he trusted more than almost anyone else, and who should have been able to trust Adam too. 

“I don’t remember doing that,” Adam sunk to the floor in his kitchen, tone almost a whisper despite them being alone now. Head in his hands, Adam pulled at his own hair. “I love Jack. He’s my best friend. How could I... how could I do that?” He asked, knowing Jo wouldn’t have an answer. 

chancecunningham​:

chance had undoubtedly come in hot with his questions, but he was at a loss. he’d been raised christian, which meant that to him, there had always been a clear line between good and evil. god and devil. it all used to be so black and white. but now…good people were doing terrible things. good people that he knew. people like adam. as his friend began to explain himself, chance clenched his jaw and did his best to listen.

“yo what do you mean?” chance asked as he rubbed the back of his neck and stared at adam, “like…you don’t remember anything? don’t remember yelling at cole to leave you alone and shit?” at the word ‘black out,’ he let out a scoff, “fucking christ, richards. you were drunk?” when adam shifted the focus to chance, he waved off his injury nonchalantly. “i’m fine,” the cut above his eyebrow had thankfully been the worst of it. 

chance wasn’t sure what he believed in anymore. he knew good and evil weren’t as black and white as he’d been raised to believe they, but he’d never considered that there was anything more powerful than god or the devil. but now…looking at adam…chance could see that he wasn’t lying. and this thing that had been possessing him…it felt more evil than the devil. “who put you guys up to this, adam? like…cause it wasn’t just you…i mean…heather halloway fucking lifted steve off the ground with her bare hands.” chance lifted both of his hands up like he was choking an invisible steve, “like…by the neck.” a beat. “it was like she wasn’t even human, man…like…” chance didn’t know what to think beyond that, so he just asked questions in circles. “you don’t know anything?”

Adam had distanced himself from the church a bit after he started dating Cole, but that didn’t mean that he’d stopped believing entirely. He had just worried about being part of a group that thought that what he felt for Cole was a sin. But Cole had known how much it mattered to Adam; he had shown him the research that he’d done on whether you could be both part of the church and gay. Not because Cole believed in any of it himself - he didn’t - but he knew that it mattered to Adam. And now, things were even more complicated than before. Because... how could someone who had strived their whole life to be good and do the right thing suddenly be capable of evil? What had Adam done to deserve this, or Jack for that matter? Was there even a Heaven or a Hell, and did Adam coming back mean that he didn’t deserve either? 

At the mention of what he’d done at the carnival, Adam flinched. Chance was upset, and he had a right to be. From the outside, Adam’s behavior made no sense and the things he had done were terrible. “No, I don’t,” He shook his head, distressed at the thought of yelling at Cole “I didn’t mean to.” Adam’s gaze snapped back up to Chance, eyes hardening at the implication that he’d been drunk that night. “I didn’t take or drink anything! I don’t know what happened, Chance! But I wasn’t drunk!” 

He wished he knew what had possessed them. Cole had called it the Mindflayer, but that meant nothing to Adam. He had never heard of anything like it, and he didn’t even know where to start looking into it. Research was more Cole’s area of expertise anyway. “I don’t know, Chance. Something... was controlling us, apparently.” Adam didn’t know how much it was okay to share with his best friend - did he tell him the whole truth or not? It wasn’t exactly something someone could just unknow once they’d heard it. Adam stared in shock at the image of Heather choking Steve and picking him up by the neck - he hadn’t heard that graphic detail yet. Jesus Christ. “I don’t know how we were suddenly super strong, or why she did that, man. I just know that I can’t remember it and apparently that’s how I was acting three years ago when... right before the forest commune thing happened.” Adam covered, not sure how Chance might take the news that he’d died. 

bethkrichards​:

Beth couldn’t even accept the apology if she tried. She knew that getting to be with Cole was something Cole had been begging for for years, saying if he’d had one last moment with Adam, then maybe, just maybe, everything would be different. Beth had felt the same: they both thought that being with him might have stopped the strange behavior he’d exhibited a week or so before he’d died. Now, when he was back and not weird, or so she’d thought, until people mentioned at the hospital that Adam wasn’t himself at the carnival, she couldn’t really blame either of them for wanting to spend every waking moment together. Especially not when Cole was in the hospital, and Beth was just grateful that Adam got to be by his side instead of reminiscing about missing him.

She nearly winced at the name coming from her brother’s mouth instead of Cole’s: Lizzie was reserved for Adam only, until Cole had said it once after he’d died and Beth hadn’t corrected him. It was an unspoken thing they’d kept between them to keep Adam a little bit alive. “Don’t be sorry,” she assured him with a shake of her head. “I’m sorry I couldn’t have been there more, but, you know, someone has to hold down the fort around here.” Beth tilted her head to each side, pondering his question. There already wasn’t much to do in Hawkins to begin with, much less after spending a few days straight in a hospital. “We could … hit the diner for some not-hospital food, bug Steve for Family Video’s latest releases, or, hear me out, we steal mom’s pool passes.” She paused, letting him take in the options. “Or, if you’re too tired for any of that, I’m perfectly fine with taking the couch in the basement and watching cable.”

Back in high school, Cole and Beth had been pretty close. Once she’d figured out that the two of them had a deeper connection than friendship, she’d hung out with them a lot, becoming someone the pair of them could depend on to help keep their secret. After he had died, though, it seemed that she and Cole had gotten even closer. Adam loved that. He was glad that they’d each had the other to depend on to help them get through their grief. Beth was his best friend, and he was thankful every day that he’d gotten a sister as wonderful as her. 

“No, you needed to be here,” Adam agreed, knowing their parents would have been concerned if they both started spending all of their time at the hospital together with Cole. And honestly, Adam had needed some time with just his boyfriend to process everything. Finding out that he had uncontrollable blackouts where he was full of rage wasn’t easy to hear, and he didn’t want to go through that in front of his little sister. “Beth,” He started, looking at her with concern. “Did I... before, three years ago, the week before I died,” Adam took a deep breath, still not used to saying the word. “Back then, did I do anything to hurt you or Cindy?” He asked, dreading the answer but needing to know it just the same. Adam was so thankful that he hadn’t hurt Cole, but he was worried he could have hurt someone else instead. “If I did, I’m so sorry.”

Those were some good options, but Adam wasn’t hungry enough to hit up the diner right now. He had talked to Steve a bit when he was still sharing the hospital room with Cole, but he wasn’t sure he was ready to go and act like everything was totally normal by bugging him at his job. The pool sounded nice. Whatever had happened to him and Cole at Lovers’ Lake had happened awhile ago, and Adam was sure it was tied more to the lake than to water itself. He also wouldn’t mind a night at home, though. “Pool or basement, you pick,” Adam told his sister with a small smile. 

jackforeman​:

As the door closed behind them, Jack felt himself suck in an anxious breath, as though all of the air in Adam’s room filled his lungs. It hung still between them for a moment until Adam spoke, letting out the first apology of what was bound to be many. Jack felt sorry, too, even though he was the one who had died at the hands of his best friend, the same ones that were shoved in the pockets of the familiar sweatshirt. In a flash, they could have been coming toward him again, locking his wrists behind his back, leading him toward whatever that thing was in the warehouse. 

But that wasn’t the Adam he knew. It wasn’t the same person that stood before him in his childhood bedroom, where they used to play cards and talk about the girls Jack now knew Adam was never into. It was another secret, piled onto the heap that people had been keeping from him. Like the others, it wasn’t one he could blame Adam for. If he had shown up at his own doorstep, he would’ve lied to himself, too, like Steve and Julie had when they’d omitted the part where he had come back from the dead. He didn’t blame Jo, either, for claiming that the board in the basement wasn’t hers until they needed it. The culmination of being kept in such darkness after losing years of his life, though? Jack was coming close to breaking.

If his memory was correct, it was Adam who had been the one who took those years away from him. Maybe it wasn’t Adam at the wheel of his own free will, but deep down, there was a piece of his friend in there, in the dream. He wanted to be mad, to blame everything on Adam: it would’ve been easier that way. After the carnival, though, and recognizing the feeling of having no autonomy over his own body, Jack simply couldn’t. It looked like Adam was ready for him to kick the shit out of him, like he’d done to Steve, but this was his Adam, his best friend, and there was nothing inside of him that would let him willingly hurt him.

“I have a feeling I’m not safe to be around, either,” he said finally, his teeth digging into his bottom lip. “That’s what you were going to tell me, before the carnival, wasn’t it? That you–that I died.” The word still stung on his tongue; he couldn’t come to say it without wincing. “I know, it couldn’t have been you, if that wasn’t us at the carnival, either.” Jack paused, taking a small step forward, slow, so as to not scare Adam. “I don’t hate you. I could never.” Another step, before his arm was wrapped around Adam’s, the other coming around his shoulder, bringing Adam into his embrace. “I promise.” 

Adam was trying to keep his distance from Jack, not for his own safety, but in case it was true. In case he had killed his best friend. After what Jo had said, and what Adam knew from talking to Cole, it made sense. As much as Adam didn’t want to believe that he could be capable of that - even in the worst circumstances - he knew he wasn’t in control of his own body when he blacked out. Whatever he had done, he hadn’t decided to do it.

That didn’t fully absolve him of guilt, though. Adam knew he hadn’t chosen to hurt Jack, but that didn’t mean his body hadn’t been used as a weapon to kill. And no matter how much Adam wished he could, he couldn’t fix the damage he’d done three years ago. The worst part was, Adam didn’t even remember it. He didn’t remember doing whatever he had done to Jack - but Jack did. Jack had to live with that visual now, and all of the pain and terror that came with it. 

No part of Adam would have blamed Jack for showing up to kick his ass. He wouldn’t fight back at all, afraid of hurting Jack again in the process. Adam frowned at Jack’s confession, wanting to argue but he couldn’t. If what he’d heard about the carnival was true, maybe none of them ever would be safe to be around. Not while they were having the blackouts. “You didn’t kill anyone, though,” Adam said, pausing on the word kill. It still felt wrong to say, like the action itself. 

“...yes,” Adam admitted quietly, thinking back to that day in the Foreman’s basement. It felt like a lifetime ago - back when his biggest issue was whether or not he had really died. Adam knew the truth now; he knew that he had. He knew that Jack had. “Cole told me I’d died the first time I saw him after we got back. I didn’t... I didn’t believe him, at first. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want you to have to know that either, unless you wanted to.” Adam hadn’t wanted to force that truth on Jack. It had been impossible for Adam to process himself at first. “Not because of what I did to you. I wasn’t trying to hide that, because I don’t remember it. I just didn’t want to fuck up your life with news like that.” Because while Adam didn’t blame Cole for telling him... it had caused so much grief. So many nights lying awake, wondering why he hadn’t gone to Heaven or Hell. Wondering what he had done to deserve dying at nineteen years old, right in the prime of his life. Wondering how he had died, if he had died. Jack didn’t deserve to have those same thoughts. 

As Jack approached him, Adam wanted to take a step back. The more distance, the less likely it was that something bad could happen to either of them. But he stood his ground, taking in the words of forgiveness he didn’t feel he deserved. Not entirely, at least. I don’t hate you. I could never. The words made Adam’s eyes tear up, and he returned Jack’s embrace tightly. “I’m so sorry, Jack. I’m sorry.”

loverboymontgomery​:

The rush of tears made Cole feel lightheaded and, despite his frantic blinking, they spilled down his cheeks. It was him. Adam was okay. He knew it was his him when he heard the layers of guilt in his voice, when his boyfriend angled his head to the floor. Cole hated seeing him like this, maybe just as much as he hated seeing out-of-body Adam. “Sweetheart,” Cole cooed, attempting to make his brittle voice sound comforting.

“Of course… Of course I want you here. Will you come sit by me?” he asked gently, though internally he felt like he was twelve years old, begging his mother not to leave him at bedtime. He was afraid of what happened, of course. But more than he was afraid for his own safety, he was terrified of what all of this meant for Adam. A pang of guilt swirled amidst the fear; Cole should’ve told Adam everything he knew, right away.

As Adam sat next to him, still cautious, afraid of something, Cole reached out his arm, offered his hand. “I’m okay,” he promised. “I’ll be fine. Are you okay? Did you get hurt?” He searched Adam’s body for any sign of injury and met his eyes. Cole desperately wished that this was all they had to talk about, that Adam could climb into bed with him and things could be simple. But he knew better, and he wouldn’t leave Adam in the dark, not again.

Painfully, Cole twisted and picked up his water, needing some relief for his throat before he dared dive into this. “You don’t remember anything?” he asked, eyes lingering on the crease in Adam’s brow. He desperately wanted to shield Adam from this, to never tell him what horrible things had been done and said through his body.

Cole was crying again, in anticipation for how much this was going to hurt Adam. Adam, who couldn’t fathom hurting another person or letting someone down. Adam, who was always so good, who happily took on the burden of being the strong one, the shoulder to cry on. Adam, who deserved better than all of this. Cole bit down on his trembling lower lip, willing himself to keep it together, if only for Adam’s sake.

“Before you died,” he began cautiously, knowing that even saying that much was still shocking, “You were different. It wasn’t you. I didn’t know until later, but you were… possessed, I guess. By this thing they call the Mindflayer. It made you act different and then… it killed you. Or, it died and you died with it.” The whole thing still hurt his head, honestly, and there weren’t nearly enough answers. “I don’t know how or who or why but… you came back. And I think it’s happening again… it controlling you. I thought you were going to die again,” he choked back another influx of tears, remembering that horrifying moment at the carnival.

Cole had immediately recognized the similarities between Adam at the carnival and Adam the last day he saw him– the stiffness of his body, the coldness of his tone, the cruelty of his words. He hoped Adam never found out about that moment. Swiping at his cheek with the back of his hand, Cole met Adam’s eyes again and tried for an encouraging smile. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, and I’m sorry I don’t have more answers. But we’ll figure it out. Together, like you said.” He lifted Adam’s hand to his lips, ignoring the shooting pain from his ribcage. “I promise, love, we’ll figure it out.” He didn’t know what figuring it out meant, not even remotely, but he knew he wasn’t going anywhere until they did.

Adam wouldn’t have blamed him if Cole had told him to leave. Because Adam didn’t know what he had or hadn’t done - especially to Cole - but he knew it couldn’t be pretty. He was just so fucking worried that his nightmare really was a memory, that he’d said those things and shoved Cole up against a wall and nearly choked him. He wouldn’t be mad at Cole if he was scared of him, because until Adam got some answers, he was pretty scared of himself.

But his chest ached when Cole called him Sweetheart, voice rough but so Cole. That alone made him want to cry and hold him and tell him that he’d never ever ever want to do something to upset Cole again. And when Cole asked him to sit with him? Adam had no choice but to walk closer, sitting down gently on the edge of the bed, farther away from Cole than he would normally. As much as Adam wanted to seek comfort from his boyfriend, he didn’t want to jostle any of his injuries.

“Are you sure?” Adam asked urgently, blue eyes studying Cole closely. He knew he wasn’t physically okay - he had broken a rib. But how was he handling all of this emotionally? Cole had a tendency to be in denial of things, to want them to be perfect even when everything was falling apart around them. And Adam needed to know that he wasn’t doing that right now. “Baby, you have to tell me if you’re not okay. Please. I can’t,” He took a deep breath, pressing his lips into a thin line. “I can’t handle it if you’re not honest.”

He reflexively tried to reach for the water for Cole, to take care of him without even being asked. But Cole could do it himself. He didn’t need Adam to smother him right now, no matter how much Adam wanted to. He slowly lowered his hands back to his lap, clasping his knees tightly. “Not from the carnival,” Adam admitted sadly, biting his lip. “Just riding the Tunnel of Love, and then I woke up to you being put into an ambulance.” He finally let himself lean a little closer, needing physical contact to ground himself. His hand slipped into Cole’s, squeezing it gently.

Adam hated seeing Cole cry. If he could do something to make it better, to shield him from whatever pain he was facing, he would. Adam would shoulder any burden if it meant keeping Cole happy and healthy and safe. He would do anything in the world that Cole Montgomery asked him to do - something that had been true since they met in early high school. Gently, he leaned forward and wiped away Cole’s tears with his free hand, touch feather light against his skin.

And then Adam’s world collapsed.

“I…what?” He asked, confusion lacing his voice. That didn’t make any sense. He had been possessed? By…by a demon, or something like that? For one gut wrenching moment, Adam worried that maybe this was God’s way of punishing him for being who he was. For who he loved. But Cole called it the Mindflayer, and that didn’t sound like any demon he’d ever heard about in church on Sunday. “So I really died?” Adam begged Cole to lie, to tell him that he was kidding. But something in his eyes said that this was true. He didn’t even try to stop the tears that were flowing down his cheeks now, letting them hit the starched sheets of Cole’s hospital bed.

“What if I am?” He asked, lip trembling at the thought. Adam didn’t want to die. He was still so young - there was so much of the world he wanted to see. He wanted to live with and love Cole for as many years as possible, not die before he’d even turned 25. Right now, he needed to comfort Cole though, and he leaned forward to sob on his shoulder, free hand wrapping around his neck as gently as possible. In the nightmare he’d wanted to do that out of anger, but now the only thing Adam felt for Cole was love. Love and guilt for putting him through this.

“I do remember… something from before. Or maybe it isn’t a memory, maybe it was a - a nightmare, or something,” He rambled, tears continuing to fall as his thumb rubbed over the back of Cole’s neck from the uncomfortable position he was committing to. “I…or, it wasn’t me but it was me. It was my body. I was so mean to you, and I shoved you against a wall and told you to leave me alone. I thought I was going to kill you, Cole. But I…I stopped it. I don’t know what I did, but I stopped it.” Adam told him, sobbing into the space between Cole’s neck and shoulder. Maybe this wasn’t fair - maybe he shouldn’t be acting like this when it was Cole in the hospital, not him. But fuck, Adam needed comfort. Adam needed to know Cole was alive and that they could get through it together. That Cole didn’t hate him or blame him. “I love you.” He whispered when his tears felt like they might begin to subside. “I love you more than anything, Walden.”

bethkrichards​:

WHO: beth & @goldenboyrichards​ WHERE: adam’s room

When he was still dead, Beth would go into Adam’s room sometimes just to feel his presence. She would raid his closet, find things that she didn’t even know he owned to keep for herself or give to Cole. Their mother had no idea that she did this, or else she would have thrown a fit that she was ransacking Adam’s things, but Beth couldn’t stand the thought of letting his things just sit there when she and Cole could carry a piece of him around with them when he wasn’t there any longer. Before she was thrust into the path toward dentistry, she painted in there, too, sometimes talked to Adam like he was still there. Now that he was back, it was still a bit of an adjustment to see her brother sitting on his bed like nothing had ever happened, but she and Cole had agreed: they weren’t going to question it. Adam was back, and they’d do everything they could to get it to stay that way.

“I thought I heard you come in,” she greeted, leaning against the doorframe. The two had been by Cole’s side for the past few days; Beth had only left the hospital when Adam needed something from home or when their parents needed someone to watch Cindy (even though they argued that she was perfectly fine to take care of herself). Now that Cole was home, though, she had to admit that it was nice to have her bed, shower, and non-hospital food back. “I have to admit, I like you a lot better when you don’t smell like …” death, she wanted to say, but the joke wasn’t that funny yet, not when she’d heard that something had happened to Adam at the carnival. “Like hospital, I guess. When are you going back over Cole’s house? I was hoping I could get, like, five minutes of you to myself before you left,” she teased, sitting beside him on the edge of his bed.

Coming home to find all of his hoodies missing had been a shock, but Adam understood once he’d heard who had them. Beth and Cole, the two people he loved the most in the world ( although Chrissy was a close third ). Even when he was alive, he found that a fair amount of his hoodies and shirts would go missing, with the pair of them usually to blame. He found it sweet, even if he did want them back - he appreciated that each of them just wanted a little piece of him to feel close to. Adam loved his little sister and his boyfriend so much, and he felt beyond lucky to have them. The fact that they’d had each other to lean on after whatever had happened to him three years ago made him feel a bit better about it in general.

“Oh, yeah,” Adam said, flushing slightly at getting caught sneaking back into his own room. Adam and Cole had done this countless times before, though. It was easier than explaining things to Rebecca or Jim Richards. And thankfully, Adam lived on the first floor and getting in and out of the window was easy. At her comment about his smell, Adam nodded, glad he didn’t smell like hospital either. The alcohol and antiseptic had been overwhelming, but at least it had helped to mask the smoke until he’d been able to shower. “Sorry,” Adam apologized, frowning as he sat down on his bed. “I’m just worried about him. And I...” felt guilty. Cole assured him that it wasn’t his fault, but Adam just couldn’t believe that. “I want to be there for him. “ He rubbed his eyes, unable to cry again if he tried. But they were dry and puffy and irritated from everything that had happened. “I won’t go back for a bit. He was sleeping anyway, and I left a note so he wouldn’t worry if I wasn’t there when I got back,” Adam knew Cole probably would anyway, but he did want to spend some time with his little sister. “What do you want to do, Lizzie?”

chancecunningham​:

WHO: @goldenboyrichards​ & chance cunningham WHERE: the hospital, specifically outside cole’s room WHEN: a day or two after the carnival tragedy

making the decision to come to the hospital after everything that went down at the carnival wasn’t easy. the last thing chance wanted to do was be faced with more trauma that he didn’t know how to process…but what choice did he have? he’d heard that steve was in intensive care because of the injuries he’d sustained, so obviously chance had to go see his friend…plus a few others. 

the first person chance visited was cole. it was no secret that the two boys had never gotten along much. but still. cole had offered chance his flask on the tunnel of love like an olive branch, so when chance found that same flask abandoned in the middle of the carnival after the explosives went off, something possessed him to grab it and return it to its rightful owner. 

chance’s meeting with cole had left him with a lot on his mind. were the two friends? far from it, but maybe they were on their way to something less tense. especially because they had a shared connection with— “adam,” chance said as he exited cole’s room and spotted his friend in a chair right outside the door, “he’s asleep.” chance shut the door gently and let out an exhausted sigh before he plopped down in a seat next to his best friend. 

where did he even begin? “what the fuck were you thinking back at the carnival, man?” he whispered, effectively forgetting half of what he’d just talked about with cole, “are you brainwashed?” chance had never been tactful when his emotions were heightened like this, “or…i mean…yeah, i don’t know, just…what the fuck?” it was high time chance and adam had a talk, and since he wasn’t sure when he’d have him alone again (save for a few nurses walking by), he seized the opportunity.

With how stressed out Adam had been about Cole and about what he’d done at the carnival, he had barely even thought about his other friends. The ones who’d been hurt the worst were in here anyway, and he could check on them and apologize for his fucked up part in everything. But people like Chance, Jack, and Chrissy had slipped his mind a bit. That made him feel like a sort of shitty friend, but he also had some pretty massive concerns here. Like...what if he blacked out again? What could he do to stop it?

After getting back from the cafeteria, he’d taken a break from Cole’s room for a bit, sitting out in the hallway while Cole had a visitor. He didn’t want to bother them. But when Chance exited the room, Adam perked up a bit. It was really nice of Chance to visit his friend while he was in here, in his opinion. “Chance,” Adam greeted back, nodding at the news that Cole had fallen asleep. Good, he needed the extra rest. After being so injured, it would be nice for him to be able to recover a bit while he slept.

Chance’s questions were valid, but Adam didn’t have any idea on how to answer them. What the fuck had he been thinking at the carnival? The truth was nothing. He couldn’t control himself at all. “I don’t know,” Adam admitted quietly, staring at the floor. “It wasn’t...I blacked out, Chance,” He told his best friend, worried he wouldn’t believe him. “I don’t know how, but I swear to God, I wasn’t in control back there.” Maybe he was brainwashed - how else could he explain the blackouts? Adam didn’t know. “I just remember getting off the Tunnel of Love and then waking up to Cole being put in the ambulance. Were you hurt at all?” Adam really hoped not.

WHO: Adam & @scribblcs

WHAT: Please talk about your feelings <333

WHERE: Dr. Gabe’s Office

Therapy wasn’t something Adam had any experience with. Neither of his parents had ever seen a therapist that he knew of, at least not while he was growing up. It just didn’t seem necessary, and even now Adam wasn’t sure it was going to be a good fit for him. As much as he was in touch with his emotions, he wasn’t used to sitting around and talking about them with anyone except Cole, Chrissy, Beth or Jack sometimes. Talking to a stranger about his life just felt weird. 

But after everything that had happened with the carnival, Adam knew he probably should visit Dr. Diaz. It had been mandated when they had all begun emerging from the forest commune, but Adam had been successfully avoiding his appointment for awhile now. But with the blackouts? Adam needed someone to help him figure out what was happening, and help him process the idea that he’d done horrifying things whether he meant to or not. 

When he entered Dr. Diaz’s office, he offered the man a tight smile, avoiding his eyes. He wasn’t sure how comfortable he felt opening up to him at this point, honestly. With a glance at the couch in the room, Adam frowned for a minute. “Am I supposed to lay down?” He asked, basing this entirely off of every movie he’d seen with a character laying down and baring their heart to the guy with a notepad. “Um, I’m Adam, by the way.” Adam introduced, although he was sure Dr. Diaz had already been briefed about him or something, just like Peter had been. He stuck his hand out to shake, waiting to follow Dr. Diaz’s lead. 

WHO: Adam & @zccming​

WHAT: How tf haven’t we met yet

WHERE: Cole’s Room

If there was someone who’d been hanging around Cole and Steve’s hospital room as much as himself ( and Eddie, of course ), it was Max Mayfield. Unfortunately for Adam, most of the time, she’d been around while he’d been asleep. The events of the carnival had exhausted him, and any chance he got to sleep either curled up around Cole or sitting in the chair, holding his hand, Adam took. But this time, he seemed to have woken up before Cole and found her in one of the chairs in the room. “Oh, hey,” He greeted quietly, being very careful not to wake Cole as he got out of the small hospital bed. 

He wasn’t sure how she felt about him after everything that had happened at the carnival. Adam couldn’t blame her if she hated him or blamed him for what had happened because honestly, he blamed himself too. He didn’t understand any of it, even the things that Cole had shared with him confused him. Adam just knew that the blackouts were dangerous and had happened before. Giving her her space, Adam kept to the edges of the room after he’d stood up and stretched. “I’m sorry about the carnival,” He finally said, studying her. “I don’t get this. I don’t know what’s happening to me or why we did that.” The lack of answers terrified him, honestly. 

WHO: Adam Richards & @stevehharringtcns​

WHAT: Stadam After Dark ( in a platonic way ) Stadam Kiss While their Boyfs are Busy

WHERE: Cole and Steve’s Hospital Room

When Cole had finally fallen back asleep, Adam had taken the opportunity to get up and stretch. He’d been rotating between sitting in the uncomfortable chair next to Cole during visiting hours to laying beside him in the hospital bed once everyone had gone home. Cole was sharing the room with Steve Harrington, but considering he’d hooked up with Cole once himself, Adam doubted he’d say anything about Adam being gay. 

As he stretched, he glanced over to Steve’s side of the room to see him still up. “...Can’t sleep?” Adam asked quietly, careful not to cross over to Steve’s side without him being okay with it. “I could call a nurse or something. They might have sleeping pills or something you could take.” Frankly, after the shit Steve had lived through over the last few days, Adam didn’t blame him for not going to bed. Adam was sure he wouldn’t sleep well right now if it weren’t for being able to cuddle with his boyfriend. But even then, he was still so worried something would happen, like he’d wake up to find he’d hurt Cole again some how. Thankfully, that hadn’t happened yet. 

“Cole...told me. About what happened,” Adam admitted quietly, looking at the floor. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know why we did that.” He really didn’t - all he knew was that they’d thrown up black liquid than gone crazy. Apparently Adam had done that before. Apparently Jack had hit Steve, which Adam just couldn’t imagine. “Are you okay?” 

jackforeman​:

WHO: jack foreman & @goldenboyrichards​ </33 WHERE: the richards’ residence

All that Jack could think about on his drive over to Adam’s house was that he had killed him. Probably with his bare hands, too, or whatever that black thing was that he saw in his head. He didn’t know what to think, or how to feel except betrayal and confusion. This was his best friend, someone he’d gone through hell and back with, and it was Adam’s fault that he had missed three years of his life. Three years of not being with his sisters, of being beside them while they mourned him, no matter where they thought he went. He gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles were as white as the hood of his car, his breathing heavy but shaky as he made his way the few blocks to Adam’s house.

He’d waited to do this until Cole was out of the hospital, now knowing what he knew about the two. The past few days had been spent locked in his room with the occasional visit from Jo or Julie until he’d gotten the call from Adam’s sister that he was back at home. There were more important things than demanding answers about something that had happened years ago, especially when it concerned someone who Adam loved.

Jack’s heart was in his throat as he got out of the car, needing a moment to catch his breath before he rang the doorbell to see Adam’s face. It was a sight he hadn’t seen in the flesh since being in the Tunnel of Love despite replaying in his mind, plaguing his dreams since then. The look of determination before Adam had taken him into the warehouse was etched into his memory now, forever. As Adam opened the door, Jack took a step back, forcing a pained smile as he greeted him. “Hey, I heard you were home. Could I, uh … do you have a second? Can I come in?”

Some people were scared of spiders, some were scared of heights. Adam Richards was scared of letting down the people he loved the most. He always had been. Being a people pleaser was in his DNA, constructed out of the burden of being the only son and eldest child in the family. A duty to protect others, keep them safe, had long since been ingrained in him. Hurting someone? Hurting someone went against everything that Adam stood for. In his core, his very being, Adam was destroyed by the thought of hurting another person. It was unthinkable.

Killing Jack? He couldn’t fathom it.

After Jo had gone home a few days ago, Adam had barely left his room. He had known that the blackouts were bad, that they were something he should be scared of. His body wasn’t his when they happened - because Adam would never, ever hurt someone he cared about. But did that really matter? Because Adam had done it. It didn’t matter that it hadn’t been his decision; he had still killed his best friend. His body was more than capable of murder, even if it wasn’t Adam calling the shots. 

When his mom told him that Jack was here to see him, Adam felt nauseous, like he truly might throw up. How could Adam even look at Jack right now? But... how could he not? Jack had every fucking right to hate him - Adam hated himself for what he’d done while blacked out. And if Jack wanted to confront him, then Adam couldn’t and wouldn’t stop it. He shakily walked to the door, opening it and peering at Jack sadly. 

“Yeah, man. Of course,” Adam said, opening it wider and leading the way towards his bedroom. He didn’t want his parents to overhear what he had done. “Jack, I - I’m so sorry. I don’t remember... doing that. And you can say or do whatever you want to me,” He told him after he closed the door behind Jack, nervously stuffing his hands into the pocket of one of the few hoodies Cole and Beth hadn’t stolen from him. “I get it. I’m not really safe to be around right now.”