Something I Just Want To Note, Because I'm Fucking Nuts, Is That The Dark Urge Has Had To Fight Their

Something I just want to note, because I'm fucking nuts, is that the dark urge has had to fight their urge for most of their life.

They have always had to be strong, never show weakness, never show vulnerability, never love or even care about anyone at all, because bhaal is watching.

They have always had to demonstrate enormous self control, over their emotional state as well as their urge.

And what is it exactly that they have to apologize to their father for?

Having. Feelings. They. Could. Not. Control.

How sick is that????

I know they're evil, but my heart still breaks for them.

They would've rather died than disappoint their father. They call themselves a wretched thing. They are cruel to themselves, both with memories and without.

They were beating themselves up, agonizing over having an uncontrollable emotion, and what's worse is that, they've been dealing with that their entire life.

But at least their father approved of the dark urge, and murdering things for fun.

Their father would never approve of them loving, or even just liking, someone.

And the shame of disappointing him, of drawing his ire and his abuse, that must've been terrifying for the dark urge.

It would've made it even harder for them to hold themselves together.

I am driven to madness by this character, I really am.